I donāt know where to begin.
I want to be here, I want to write these bastards of mine and rp with my friends. But the constant negativity and toxicity is incredibly triggering, and right now I am still in a very vulnerable place mentality.
I have to ask everyone to tag negativity, shipping drama, drama, discourse, politics, r*pe and irl mentions of self harm and death.
I already ask in my rules for people to tag stuff and have been pretty lenient when they donāt, so I think that needs to change.
If I see anyone giving me or my friends shit for having fun with sinday and embracing our sexualitites I will unfollow and soft or hard block. I will not be shamed for enjoying sex, kink and smut. As a fat queer woman, I already get enough of that thanks. I will tag what is appropriate and if you need something tagged, fucking talk to me or just unfollow.Ā One of the problems right now is instead of talking to me like a person or just taking control and responsibility and unfollowing me, people have resorted to vaguing about me.
If you donāt like what Iām writing, how I depict characters or ships, who I write with and I what I do on my own blog.Ā
Then be a fucking adult and unfollow and block me.
If my blog ever becomes harmful or triggering. Unfollow and softblock me.
I myself am going to try and start using the unfollow button more. If I unfollow and softblock you, please just let it go and donāt make it a bigger issue than it is. Iāll just hardblock at that point. One of the problems with the rpc is people treat unfollowing like a massive stab in the back, when itās not that deep. I know it hurts but we need to be adults and leave each other alone when one person decides the relationship has become more harmful than beneficial.
If I need to unfollow you but plan to refollow when Iām better/less at risk, I wonāt softblock and will give you a heads up that I just canāt see you on my dash because of my mental health. IF ANYONE EVER MAKES ME FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS AGAIN AND VAGUE POSTS ME, THEN WE ARE DONE AND YOU SHOW THAT YOU DONāT CARE ABOUT ME AS A PERSON. Never again. Will I be made into the bad guy for unfollowing someone due to my triggers.
Our mental health is more important than roleplaying fictionalĀ characters.
Iām in no place to demand anything from my mutuals. But I ask that you please stop and consider who you support, even if theyāre your friends.Ā
Please hold your friends accountable when they start drama, vague post a lot or are being incredibly petty/toxic. I try to hold my friends accountable and tell them when they need to stop or smarten up, and I hope they do the same with me. Enabling bad behaviors does not help your friends. It took me a long time to get out of an echochamber of misery and pettiness I had been sucked into, and an irl friend has helped me grow immensely by calling me out and correcting me when I say something ignorant or harmful. Thatās how we get better.
I donāt want to contribute to drama, but one of the things that set me off was the bottling up of a lot of things from over the past year where people would vague about me and I could do nothing but stand by. It is infuriating and extremely upsetting to see someone talk shit about you, and then for a mutual/friend to rush to their aid/support because they donāt know the whole story. So Iām caught between risking another similar situation of bottling shit up, or standing up for myself when it happens and being labeled as the one whose problematic.
You all know me. I am open to a fault. I bare my heart and wear it on my sleeve. I donāt start shit. Thatās not why Iām here. If I do stand up for myself, than thatās what it is. Standing up for myself. Giving my side of things. I donāt instigate but Iām tired of being a punching bag.
I kept silent about someone in the Villainous community, and they went on to abuse and harm others. And I was wrought with so much guilt because I could have warned people, instead I gave this abuser a platform and promotion and then when we had a fallout I kept my mouth shut to avoid drama. And I didnāt realize until too late that I should have said something. Anything. And because I was so caught up in my own bullshit mentality, I had to have people remind me that I was a victim as well.
It sucks because I just want to let shit go, I just want to write and draw my muses. Talk with my friends and gush about our fandom. But at this point it seems like if people arenāt called out on their behaviour, then they will repeat it. And Iām not talking about writing aĀ ācallout postā. Iām talking about turning to someone whose being a dickhead and telling them to stop, or that their behaviour is toxic. There has to be a middle ground right?
I donāt know what the answer is.
But like when I was being an over dramatic hypocrite when I had my breakdown, it would have been better for me to reach out to friends when I was trapping myself in that spiral of thoughts who could have told me to go and calm down. And in a manner of personal responsibility, I should have walked away and broken that spiral with self care. I should know better and thatās why Iām embarrassed by that public outburst. Itās not healthy, itās not productive and itās not fair to my friends to do that. It was very regressive and while I can blame my new medication, I need to learn how to cope better when I get like that. Part of that is Iām going to ask my doctor again about therapy when I see her.
If people ever need to unfollow me and block me, I encourage it. All I ask is that you softblock or hardblock me so I know it was intentional and thereās no awkwardness when I unknowingly think weāre still mutuals.
Again. I want to be here. I donāt want this to ever be a stressful place for any of us.
Iām going to unfollow people who are constantly negative or needlessly super aggressive, because itās just exhausting and gets to me. People can do whatever they want on their blogs, and I have my own moments of rage and depressive episodes. Itās just really hard to go to my safe space and be slammed in the face with shit that ruins my mood and drags me back into unhealthy mentalities.
Tag those things for me please. Unfollow and block me if thereās a problem, or reach out and talk to me in private rather than vague blogging me. Try to hold your friends and mutuals accountable ( including me ) when you see them behaving in ways that are harmful or causing needless drama within the community. Block people you donāt like and move on. Donāt come after me if I block you, let it go.Ā And that if Iām vagued, I will possibly respond to defend myself because Iām tired of being the bad guy and having people twist the truth to garnerĀ sympathyĀ from our shared friends.Ā And if I believe someone is genuinely a threat to peopleās safety, I will call them out to inform and protect others.
If you have a problem with any of that or just donāt want to interact with me anymore, I get it. Like Iāve said a dozen times now. Unfollow and block me.
This is supposed to be a safe space for creatives to write and share with each other.
Iām fucking tired of the drama, misery and aggression. So this is what Iām gonna try to do to be better and to make this a place I can be without threat of being triggered.
Personal responsibility, I need to start blocking people that are harmful and holding myself accountable and leaving when I begin to spiral. I need to practice what I preach.
This is super rambling and might have issues because Iām tired from not sleeping well these last couple days. But here ya go. Gonna try to make tumblr rp a safe experience again. But I might be slow and inactive with how stressful irl is and all my deadlines/appointments coming up.
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