Wit makes the world go 'round

Where there's a wit there's a way.

[helpfulwit-blog]

Roast Ciara

Ciara is just a hot mess, and we all know this. High, drunk, strutting around puffing up and spewing their shit in Irish or whatever. They honestly just need to take a step back, examine themself, and get the fuck over themself. 

[helpfulwit-blog]

Roast Clint

I think Clint is slowly but surely walking into the land of the crazy. Honestly, dude’s been jumping down everyone’s throat, lately, and attacking without prejudice. Man, if you’re trying to alienate everyone in the castle, you’re on the right path for sure. Have a drink, take a chill pill, maybe stop hanging out with the Haddon kid. 

[helpfulwit-blog]

Roast Sam

Is there more than one way to say lame? I seem to be blanking right now. Sam just... bores me to tears. Little miss sunshine seems to have lost her spark lately, and I’m kinda over it. Maybe someone can give her a good screw and cheer her up. 

[helpfulwit-blog]

Roast Ryan

Lets examine the word ‘crazy’ for a second, shall we? That boy is ten pounds of crazy in a five pound bag. I feel really sorry for anyone who gets close to him, they’re probably gonna end up baked into a pie or as mermaid food. 

[helpfulwit-blog]

Melody and Emma go

As a couple? Good for them. I’m ready to see some solid lesbian action other than with Lan’s harem. Hasn’t really happened since Sam’s girlfriend gave her the boot. And it’s nice for the littlest Hensley to get some love now that both her brothers are in what they think of as an endgame relationship.

[helpfulwit-blog]

Since all the kids are doing it, I figured I would too.

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since 2 of your 4 previous opinions on endgame couples have long been broken up, what are your new opinions on the matter?

Honestly? I don’t believe in this whole ‘endgame’ concept at all. Its a bunch of hormonal teenagers who have no idea what they want now and will want something different next week. Relationships are fickle. Only count on yourself, friends, cause you can’t always count on other people.

[helpfulwit-blog]

Roast the ugly, and quite frankly annoying, best friends, Hensley and Wannabe Hensley.

They’re not that bad, but they’re really not right for each other. I mean, wheels has the social charm of a rotting apple and puff over there is way too happy all the time. It’s gonna crash and burn eventually.

[helpfulwit-blog]

Any predictions for the dance and what kind of drama might go down?

Dances are all the same:

the people standing off to the side waiting for someone to ask them to dance that won’t ever come

the gross couples

the people going “as friends” but really one or more of them want to bang the other person

the people spiking the drinks

the people shamelessly dancing by themselves but secretly having an existential crisis

[helpfulwit-blog]

Make a list of the five hottest students in each house for us. We love your opinions, after all.

That’s a lot guys. You guys don’t want long lists. I’ll do top 2 in each house as a compromise.

Gryffindor:

Ash

Juliette

Hufflepuff:

Jolene

Augustus

Ravenclaw:

Robbie

a tie between Leah and that Cedar/Alise/whatever the fuck her name is chick

Slytherin:

Lorcan

Isabella

[helpfulwit-blog]

What current relationship do you think is going to crash and burn?

Ash / Ryan

[helpfulwit-blog]

So we know what hookups you /do/ want to see, but top five hookups you /never/ want to see?

- Jay/Ciara (Though I would pay ten galleons to see that fight)- Ben/anyone (Boy’s had enough action to last him a lifetime)- Marzia/anyone (She’ll probably eat the heart of whoever’s unlucky enough to fall into that trap)- Phoenix/anyone (same reason as above)- Dom/Shae (that’s another fight I would pay to see, though)

[helpfulwit-blog]

You seem to be in a better mood than usual, do /you/ have some hot gossip for /us/ Wit?

Am I in a good mood? I’ll try to tone it down. 

[helpfulwit-blog]

It looks like I’ve got some empty spaces. Why don’t you write your name in them? Or, even better, some gossip.

[helpfulwit-blog]

So what do you think of all that shouting in the Slytherin Boy's dorm the other day? it sounded like it was coming from that Ryan kid's room. It all of a sudden got quiet, pretty weird right?

Huh, he must have finally raised his kill counter above zero. Good for him.

[helpfulwit-blog]

You know what house I'm in, and I usually go to bed around midnight every night. *kanye shrug* Still pretty sure you're gonna wimp out though.

Challenge fucking accepted.

[helpfulwit-blog]

'Name a time and place' indeed. I hear 'I'm totally gonna wimp out because I'm all talk and no action'. You want me, come and find me, baby boy. ;)

Just because I am ethereal being doesn’t mean I know where everyone is at all times. You’re gonna have to give me more to go on than that.