[chuck has some concerns before becoming a father ♡ rated t ♡ warnings: mentions of neglectful parenting and references to sex]
a/n: happy day 2 of @fluffbruary !! this one's a little short but hopefully still fluffy enough so enjoy 🤍🤍
The ticking clock reverberates through Chuck's head, reminding him that time's still moving forwards even if he feels stuck. He turns slowly onto his back, careful not to disturb Blair who, at eight months pregnant, claims she's allowed to use him as a pillow whenever she wants, which isn't helping in the heat of the Hamptons.
Luckily she doesn't stir, not even as he moves his hand up to rake it through his hair. Although he's no stranger to sleepless nights, and he should get used to having more to come, he can't shake the thoughts that keep running through his mind. Ever since they found out Blair was pregnant he's been happier than he thought was possible. He's helped her through every bout of morning sickness, assured her that she's not hideously huge when her ankles almost imperceptibly started to swell, tried to satiate her apparently never ending libido, and marvelled at every sonogram showing their growing son.
Their son. The word still excites and terrifies him.
As Blair's pregnancy's progressed so have the fears that lurk in the back of his mind. The once silenced voice that told him he wasn't good enough for her, for a family, starts to creep back to the forefront of his mind, keeping him awake over something he thought he'd put to bed a long time ago. One last gift from his father, it seems.
"I can hear you thinking" Blair murmurs into his chest, blindly reaching her hand out to find his.
He takes her fingers in his easily, "I thought you were asleep. Sorry"
Blair yawns, lifting her head up, "it's ok, our son's kicking my bladder again so I needed to get up anyway"
Chuck smiles softly, moving their joined hands to her bump, "I thought I told him to behave in there"
"Apparently he's already disrespecting authority figures, although I can't possibly think where's he's getting it from" she teases, stopping once she sees the look on his face in the moonlight, "what's wrong?"
Chuck takes a moment before speaking, turning her hand over in his.
"What if I end up like him?" he doesn't need to say which of the many 'hims' he means, not after this long.
"You won't" Blair says firmly, sitting up against the headboard.
"But what if it's just-" he sits up next to her, "part of me. What if I'm not... meant for this"
Blair rests a palm on his cheek, "you, Chuck Bass, are meant to be a father. I know it, our son-" she brings his hand back to her bump, "knows it. He's more reactive when you talk to him, I can literally feel it. He loves you already"
"My father" he says the words simply, no bitterness, no resentment in his tone, "told me that when I was a baby he knew I couldn't love him, so he didn't try to love me. That he shouldn't waste his time trying to know me until I was older. Of course he didn't try then either"
Blair nods, letting him talk as much as he needs. Knowing he needs to get this out.
"He said that Bass men weren't servants to emotions, that we were better than that and shouldn't let love or feelings be a priority. That every time he left me alone without a word, every time I saw or heard him with a woman was good for me-" he half laughs, the bitterness seeping in now, "that it was building me into a better man"
"But you were only a child" Blair says softly.
"I know. I just don't want to be unworthy of this chance. Of our son. I don't want to succumb to what my father expected of me. Not again"
Blair wipes the tear she didn't notice had fallen away, shifting as best as she can to take his face in her hands. Chuck's misty eyes gaze into hers.
"Do you remember telling me why I was going to be an amazing mother once? Do you still believe that?"
"Of course" he runs his hand up and down her arm.
"So believe me when I tell you that your father is why you're more than worthy of being one. You don't even go to another floor of our home without telling our son where you are, and although I can't promise he'll never hear us having sex-"
Chuck laughs, properly this time, before kissing her hand.
"I can promise that he'll know how crazily, deeply, and truly his parents love each other. How he should be thankful he doesn't end up with a house full of siblings because his parents are so devoted"
"Don't tempt fate, now"
Blair laughs, her whole body glowing, "you're not going to run away this time, Chuck. Our son-" she takes a breath, shakily saying the name they're still keeping a secret into the air like a promise, "our Henry is going to be a great man, because he has you. Your father was unworthy of you, but you're nothing like him. And you never will be, we both believe in you"
Chuck absorbs her words, reaching across to kiss her softly, then deeply, her hands coming to hold his jaw.
"I love you. Both of you" he murmurs as they break apart, "even if someone won't stop kicking"
"You're lucky I didn't pee on you, you know. I thought I was going to when I laughed"
"Am I not worthy of that?" he teases.
"I think you're going to be covered in someone else's soon enough"
Chuck leans down to address her bump, "try not to ruin all my suits" he kisses her abdomen through her slip, feeling Henry's kicks against his lips.
"See I told you, you get the communication kicks and I get why don't you go pee again or you just got comfortable why don't I become a one baby soccer team at two am"
Chuck kisses her again briefly before she stands, watching her waddle to the bathroom, which he would, of course, deny she even does. His head feels a little quieter, Blair's reassurance pushing the dark thoughts back into their freshly sealed cages. He can do this, he thinks as he finally drifts off. Fatherhood is no match for Chuck Bass.
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