Sara Lance -- The White Canary

Former member of The League Of Assassins, former vigilante called The Canary, former member of Team Arrow. Independent Sara Lance roleplay blog from the hit CW shows Arrow and Legends of Tomorrow. Multiship and Multifandom. Crossovers and Original...

[madworldbaby-deactivated2011120]

Reblog if you wish cancer didn't exist.

[calumhoodfacts]

Only a sick bastard wouldn’t reblog this.

[kongerigetdanmark]

Send me a symbol and I’ll write a starter for it!

♔ Ghostly AU (Your muse or mine is a ghost and only the other can see them, based on that one gets haunted)

♕  War AU (Your muse or mine is a wounded soldier on the other side of the border.)

♖ Soulmate AU (Your or my muse doesn’t have a soulmark, but one still said the Thing branded onto the other.)

 ♗ Starbucks misery AU (Your or my muse works at Starbucks and hates it, yours or mine grumble over how bed the coffee at Starbucks is and yours/mine agree with it)

 ♘ Accidental Mail AU (My or your muse was piss drunk and ordered a big black dildo online, sadly the neighbour got it)

 ♙ In The Dark AU (Our muses are both in an experiment to kiss in the dark without even knowing each other)

 ♚ First Kiss AU (The first kiss binds to one person for a whole life. How about an accidental one?) 

 ♛ Babysitter AU (Your or my muse needs a babysitter, mine/yours arrive to save the day. Sadly it all goes downhill from there)

 ♜ Sex On Fire  AU (our muses had a one night stand and your or my muse is complaining that they’re on fire between their legs)  

 ♝ Porn From Class AU (Your muse or mine is watching porn in class. Your/my muse forgot to put the headphones in)

 ♞ Plane AU (Our muses are seated next to each other in an air plane, but don’t speak the same language.)

 ♟ Reboot AU (Your or my muse has a chronic condition, which makes them unable to remember things. It’s slow and one day your/my muse will forget the other.)

[shedeviloriginal-deactivated201]

Here are a few ways to get to role-playing with me:

Harass me for a starter - but give me ideas

Throw the plots you want to do at me - seriously throw them

make an open starter and tag me in it

do one of those symbol thingies

send me a message and be rude like; bitch let’s rp

send me smut - not kidding

Come on. Don’t be afraid, I most likely will love you if you take the initiative.

[crimsonxrage]

Reblog if you're ok with AU's

[rp-memes-atyourservice]

My muse is feeling touch-starved.

[forensicalchemist]

rp-memes-atyourservice:

Send one of the following touches for my muse’s reaction. Bonus points for a description/context of some kind to make it easier for your partner to respond!

❤ - gentle or loving touch (romantic or platonic!), such as face caressing, holding your muse, rubbing their back, petting their hair, hugging them tightly, etc

ღ - kisses of any kind (romantic or platonic) such as cheek kisses, hair kisses, mouth kisses, kiss to the hand/fingertips or eyelids, etc. feel free to specify a body part!

☕ - reassuring touch, such as holding their hand, gripping their shoulder, guiding them by the arm or by a hand on the small of their back, etc

❥ - rough, violent, or dominant touch, such as gripping the back of their neck, holding them down, shoving them into a wall, digging their nails into them, grabbing their jaw, etc

❣ - add this to any of the above to make it sexual. 

¿ - write your own touches!

[devotedecay]

❥      NON - SEXUAL   ACTS   OF   DOMINANCE . 

feel free to edit or elaborate as you please .   ( add  ‘ reverse ‘  to your message if you’d like to see how my muse would perform the action ) . otherwise , send in one of these for my muse’s reaction to   …

[ lit ]  your muse lighting a cigarette , spliff , etc. for mine . 

[ order ]  your muse ordering for mine at a restaurant or bar .

[ guide ]  your muse putting a hand on mine’s back to lead them .

[ pay ]  your muse paying for mine at a store , bar , restaurant , etc . ( you can specify where or for what . )

[ open ]  your muse opening a door for mine .

[ dry ]  your muse drying mine off with a towel after a shower , bath , swimming , etc . 

[ instruct ]  your muse giving mine instructions / telling them what to do . 

[ groom ]  your muse adjusting mine’s appearance , such as straightening a tie , fixing their hair , or buttoning their shirt for them , etc . 

[ direct ]  your muse taking mine by the chin and telling them to look yours in the eye .

[ disagree ]  your muse sternly telling mine  ‘ no ‘ .

[ rest ]  your muse resting their arm over mine’s shoulder / s .

[ clean ]  your muse cleaning a smudge of something off mine’s cheek , forehead , etc .   feel free to specify what and how . 

[ answer ]  your muse answering a question meant for mine . 

[ coat ]   your muse holds mine’s coat out for them while they put it on .

[ pilot ]  your muse taking mine by the arm , hand , shoulder , etc . to lead them . 

[ stare ]  your muse staring mine down . 

[ placement ]  your muse telling mine to sit down .

[ teach ]  your muse taking control of mine’s hand , arm , hips , etc . to make sure they do something correctly .  

[ patience ]  your muse telling mine to be patient .

[ tears ]  your muse wiping away mine’s tears .

[ swat ]  your muse swatting mine’s hand away from something they’re not supposed to touch .  

[ jewelry  ]  your muse clasping a piece of jewelry for mine , such as a necklace , or earrings . 

[ enough ]  your muse commanding mine to stop talking . 

[ retrieve ]  your muse requesting or ordering mine to retrieve them something .

[ invite ]  your muse inviting mine to sit on their lap .

[ lean ]  your muse inviting mine to lean into their side while they’re sitting or laying together . 

[ calm ]   your muse telling mine to  ‘ just breathe ‘ .

[ scold ]  your muse scolding mine for something .

[ comfort ]  your muse pulling mine into a reassuring hug .

[ approval ]  your muse complimenting mine on a choice they’ve made .

[ beckon ]  your muse beckoning mine to them without speaking . 

[ laces ]  your muse lacing , tying , or zipping something for mine , such as shoes , a dress , or a jacket , etc .

[ stay ]  your muse telling mine to stay in the car . 

[ defend ]  your muse defending mine’s reputation , dignity , or safety for them . 

[ feed ]  your muse feeding mine something , feel free to specify what .

[ volume ]  your muse demanding mine speak louder .

[ read ]  your muse reading something to mine .

[ refill ]  your muse refilling mine’s glass for them . 

[ possessive ]  your muse resting their hand on mine’s leg or the small of their back while they’re sitting beside each other . 

[musingmemes]

secret / adultery / cheating starters

“ shh you have to be quiet! ”

“ i think they’re getting suspicious. ”

“ the sneaking around kinda makes it more fun. ”

“ if they find out things will never be the same… ”

“ i like being in our super secret bubble. ”

“ stop it! someone might see! ”

“ meet me up stairs – five minutes. ”

“ you have to be gone before they wake up. ”

“ i want people to know that you’re mine. ”

“ she/he keeps hitting on you because according to them our relationship doesn’t exist. ”

“ what happens when they find out? ”

“ i wish things could be simpler. ”

“ i want to hold your hand in public.”

“ i don’t like not being able to kiss you whenever i want.”

“ if they find out, we’re both fired! ”

“ we can’t keep doing this… ”

“ i can’t keep this up… it’s too hard ”

“ i don’t like being your dirty little secret ”

“ i can’t do this anymore! ”

“ my wife/husband is going to be home any minute. ”

“ you can’t keep calling my house like that. ”

“ you’re cheating on her/him with me… how am i supposed to know you won’t turn around and do it to me? ”

“ we could get in serious trouble… ”

“ i think she/he knows about us… ”

“ it’s time for you to pick! me or her/him? ”

“ i want you to be mine… only mine. ”

“ everytime i’m with her/him… i’m thinking about you. ”

“ i can’t leave her/him… i’m sorry”

“ so all of this meant nothing to you? ”

“ he/she knows… ”

[herointhelight]

Cheating Sentence Starters

"I'm sick of being your little secret!"

"I can't do this anymore."

"You were supposed to be out tonight.."

"The way he/she looks at you.. I can't believe you're wiling to ruin that."

"I'm done being your booty call."

"It feels wrong, doing this with you."

"I didn't mean for you to find out this way."

"Don't tell me you're actually starting to grow a conscience?"

"He/She's going to be out all night. Come over?"

"Shit! He/She's here! Hide!"

"That's all I am to you? Your side whore?"

"I hate seeing you two be all coupley in public when I'M the one you're fucking."

"Don't you feel guilty at all?"

"But you have a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband..."

"I want to leave him/her. I want to be with you. I just can't yet."

"You're my best friend's boyfriend/girlfriend--I can't do this to him/her."

"I told him/her I was going on a business trip."

"Do you have any idea how awkward it is to have him/her confide in me about how he/she thinks you're cheating--when I'M the one you're cheating with."

"You're the only person I'm with, why would I lie to you?"

"Alright, where is he/she?! Where are they hiding?!"

"We can't keep doing this.."

"Are you screwing him/her?"

"I don't know what to think, I just know what I saw!"

"Be honest with me. Are you cheating on me with him/her?"

"I can't believe you'd do something like this! Was I not good enough?!"

"He/She can't do it like I do. That's why you keep coming back."

"...Who is he/she?"

"I can't be responsible for ruining a relationship."

"Don't pretend I acted alone on this, it takes two to tango."

"He/She found out."

"Meet me in the locker room during free period? He/She had a test."

"Meet me at the hotel tonight?"

"I can't handle them anymore! They're practically driving me to cheat!"

"How do you sleep at night?"

"W-What's going on here?"

"It's not what you think!"

[littlelovelymemes]

✰ * º ❛   more popular text posts starters   ❜

‘  i’m what the kids call full of anxiety  ’ ‘  life has truly been meaningless without vine. nothing’s funny anymore. i haven’t laughed in months, not even a chuckle.  ’ ‘  no offense but….. release your inhibitions, feel the rain on you skin  ’ ‘  people are always like ‘are you a morning person or a night person’ and i’m just like buddy i’m barely even a person  ’ ‘  i’m such a fall bitch i wish it was october  ’ ‘  i might be a bit fucked up but i swear i have a good heart  ’ ‘  nothing will ruin your 20′s more than thinking you should have your life together  ’ ‘  not dating me? sad. tragic. for you at least  ’ ‘  nothing feels better than winning monopoly. not love. not sex. not free pizza. nothing  ’ ‘  it makes my whole day better to see you  ’ ‘  do u ever get those days where u actually look kinda ok and u take 400 selfies bc this day may never come again  ’ ‘  uhh!! i need a gif, a vacation, a bowl of fruit, and $40,000  ’ ‘  i just want my heart to stop hurting  ’ ‘  how do you get undepressed  ’ ‘  yeah i be sad sometimes, but don’t get it twisted i ain’t weak, bitch  ’ ‘  how do i become easier to love  ’ ‘  (not so) Breaking News: i’m sad again and everyone’s tired of hearing about it  ’ ‘  self care is rolling over and going back to sleep  ’ ‘  plot twist: you let someone in and they don’t fuck you over. now that sounds lit.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna hire someone to stand behind me and say swag whenever i pause between words  ’ ‘  i’m fluent in talking shit  ’ ‘  is ‘no’ an emotion because i feel it  ’ ‘  why doesn’t anyone appreciate my sarcasm and bitterness as much as i do  ’ ‘  who needs ghosts? haunt your own house. wander around your own living room wailing and crying  ’ ‘  i wanna be in love but also yikes  ’ ‘  i thought the stars were beautiful, but then i looked into your eyes  ’ ‘  i love people who get excited about stars  ’ ‘  i wonder if someone has ever thought of me so much at night that they couldn’t sleep  ’ ‘  i feel at home when i look at you  ’ ‘  i want to be kind and gentle and loving and i want people to see me and smile and i just want to make people happy  ’ ‘  grandad built this house with his bare hands, kids. most people use bricks but not grandad. he thought hands were bricks.  ’ ‘  the gorilla could have died and been done with in like a week but none of you know how to be normal  ’ ‘  i break my heart three times per day  ’ ‘  i’m tired, but i’m not sure what i’m tired of yet  ’ ‘  making me laugh is the key to my heart  ’ ‘  i stay alive for like 3 people lol  ’ ‘  sometimes u just wanna bash your fucking head in  ’ ‘  highest form of art: girls  ’ ‘  i don’t want to look ‘pretty’ i want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening  ’ ‘  the best kind of alcohol is a lot  ’ ‘  yoU THINK YOU’RE REAL CUTE, DON’T YOU???? REAL FUCKING CUTE, RIGHT???? i think so too  ’ ‘  and when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while, because you’re evil and you smiling like that generally doesn’t indicate anything good. i wouldn’t even call that smiling, it’s more like smirking.  ’ ‘  i love drunk me but i don’t trust her  ’ ‘  mood: i’ll wait in the car  ’ ‘  napping together is an important part of a relationship  ’ ‘  write ‘nothing is set in stone’ on my grave both as a witty joke and a subtle warning that i will be back  ’ ‘  if ur gonna date me u gotta be comfortable with a lot of casual silence bc i just never fucking talk  ’ ‘  current mood: angrily bisexual  ’ ‘  have you ever just stopped and realized if you haven’t met a certain person in your life, your life would be completely different  ’ ‘  are those feelings??? get them away from me  ’ ‘  i hope that i’m ok in a few years  ’ ‘  what a beautiful day to mind ya damn business  ’ ‘  i may seem like an angry person on the surface but deep inside i’m actually angrier  ’ ‘  my life is just a collection of poorly made decisions with alternative music playing in the background  ’ ‘  you can’t spell school without ‘i want to stab myself’  ’ ‘  i’m too cute for 90% of the shit i go through  ’ ‘  the first step to any murder is to have fun and be yourself  ’ ‘  do i like him or is he just tall  ’ ‘  i hate perfect people… which is why i hate myself  ’ ‘  becoming a cold hearted bitch wasn’t really what i planned to do with my life but here i am  ’ ‘  hi i’m here to ruin everything  ’ ‘  oh sorry i was thinking about myself. did you want something?  ’ ‘  how do you politely tell someone that you want them naked on top of you  ’ ‘  i’m not even sassy i’m just an asshole  ’ ‘  i use hun not hon because you are not my honey, you are my fierce warrior  ’ ‘  no mom i already have a job it’s called being hardcore  ’ ‘  the best revenge is to look good  ’ ‘  it’s raining but it’s not men so what’s the point  ’ ‘  there’s always that one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder  ’ ‘  sometimes being a person is very overwhelming  ’ ‘  i came out to attack people and i’m honestly having such a good time right now  ’ ‘  imagine a bag of trash with the words ‘handle with care’ and ‘fragile’ written on it. that would be me.  ’ ‘  the first step to murder is to have fun and be yourself  ’ ‘  i always wear black just to remind you that i’m always ready for your funeral  ’ ‘  i’m single by choice. it’s just not my choice.  ’ ‘  wanna know how punk i am?????? *punches a wall* drive me to the hospital  ’ ‘  idk what i’m doing w/ my life but i know i’m doing it wrong  ’ ‘  and on your left, you can see me, ruining everything  ’ ‘  i know i have friends but i feel like i have no one to talk to about the shit that goes on in my head  ’ ‘  do you ever just realize how lucky you are that you did the weird thing that led to you being friends with the people are friends with?  ’ ‘  holding hands is so nice and should be done more  ’ ‘  things i don’t have time for: this shit  ’ ‘  i swear if one more adult asks me what i’m going to do with the rest of my life i’m going to fly into the sun  ’ ‘  my whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the bitchy comment  ’ ‘  i live in a constant state of feminist rage  ’ ‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled, i have no idea what the hell i’m doing  ’ ‘  just straight things #16: not me  ’ ‘  why do ppl get so mad when girls like themselves  ’ ‘  girls get made of fun of for everything. might as well do what you want lol  ’ ‘  i wanna be hot enough to make people question their sexual orientation  ’ ‘  i stopped caring when i was like 3  ’ ‘  say no to kids, drugs  ’ ‘  i’m not crying there’s just overpriced college education in my eye  ’ ‘  i live in constant fear of being shit on by a bird  ’ ‘  if i go to hell i’m gonna torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or if it’s just me  ’ ‘  drug dealer? no man. hug dealer. come here  ’ ‘  i’ll kiss you so hard don’t fuck w me  ’ ‘  hi good morning touch me inappropriately  ’ ‘  are we gonna fuckin hold hands tonight or what bitch  ’ ‘  yeah i think u cute.. so what?? wanna kiss about it??  ’ ‘  i don’t know what i’m feeling but there’s a lot of it  ’ ‘  why can’t stuffing my face with pizza make me attractive?  ’ ‘  i wish i could download clothes  ’ ‘  i don’t like your clothes take them off  ’ ‘  my favorite flavor of cake is more  ’ ‘  is that dick gluten free  ’ ‘  lactose and no tolerance for yo bitch ass  ’ ‘  i want someone who will light a fire in me  ’ ‘  i want someone who will light me on fire  ’ ‘  napping together is an important part of a relationship  ’ ‘  pros and cons of being my friend – cons: i’m an asshole, pros: i’m your asshole  ’ ‘  do you have those people that you’d go anywhere with unconditionally, like they could say ‘let’s go check out that dumpster’ and you’d be like ‘i’m in’  ’ ‘  what, with all due respect, the absolute fuck  ’ ‘  if u listen closely u can hear me not caring  ’ ‘  no logical decisions. we die like horror movie protagonists  ’ ‘  whenever you’re feeling suddenly calm it’s because i took your voodoo doll out for a picnic on a grassy hill  ’ ‘  90% of my day is being nervous  ’ ‘  50% idk 50% idc  ’ ‘  who wants to roadtrip w me we’ll hit as many ufo and paranormal hotspots  ’ ‘  will u still snapchat me when i am no longer young and beautiful  ’ ‘  just rolled my eyes so hard they fell off my head and now they’re rolling down the street  ’ ‘  houston i have so many problems  ’ ‘  today i’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic  ’ ‘  imho = in my hoe opinion  ’

[herointhelight]

Tourist & Holiday Starters

"Would you like me to take your photo?"

"Do you know how to get to ______ ?"

"Sorry, I think I'm lost"

"I hope you enjoy your visit"

"Let's go to the beach"

"Do you speak English?"

"Sit down. I'll show you all of our holiday photos"

"How long are you staying for?"

"Where's your hotel?"

"Don't forget your sunscreen"

"I can't find my passport"

"We're going to Disneyland"

"I don't want to go home"

"How was your trip?"

"Let's go to the beach"

[allthingsmusings]

autumn/halloween sentence starters! 🍂🍁🎃

masterlist of autumn and halloween themed sentence starters! some are original, but most are collected from other posts.

​❝ i made pumpkin cookies! want to try one? ❞

❝ did you cut yourself carving the pumpkin? let me see it. ❞

❝ stay still i’m almost done with your costume. ❞

​❝ let’s paint pumpkins. ❞

❝ hurry up! we’re going to be late for the costume party! ❞

❝ help me decorate! ❞

​❝ let’s open some windows, okay? ❞

​❝ it’s starting to rain… ❞

​❝ bring a jacket! ❞

​❝ do we really need to go to a pumpkin patch? can’t we just buy one at the store? ❞

​❝ let’s go pick pumpkins! ❞

​❝ it’s chilly out here, you need a coat. take mine. ❞

​❝ you sound sick. are you sick? ❞

*sneeze* ​❝ sorry, allergies. ❞

​❝ wanna go out for halloween? ❞

​❝ looks like it’s time to rake the leaves… ❞

​❝ let’s go get hot chocolate then go for a walk. ❞

​❝ let’s go trick-or-treating! ❞

❝ let’s go jump in the leaves! ❞

​❝ come in here where it’s dry! ❞

​❝ it’s dark?! already?! ❞

​❝ ooh it’s chilly out. ❞

​❝ please, enough with the pumpkin spice. ❞

​❝ good morning. no, don’t get up, it’s raining, let’s stay in bed a little longer… ❞

❝ did you hear about the werewolf/vampire/witch roaming around this town on halloween night? ❞

❝ let’s go to the haunted house! oh, please, please, please, please?! ❞

❝ i don’t get scared. i’m practically fearless. ❞

❝ did you hear that? ❞

❝ we have to get out of here! ❞

❝ are you going to hide in my shoulder the whole time? or actually watch the movie? ❞

❝ i’m not going in a graveyard. ❞

❝ what did you get? ❞

❝ want to trade candy? ❞

❝ i got a rock. ❞

❝ don’t blame me! it was your idea to come in here! ❞

❝ what are you going as for halloween this year? ❞

❝ i just can’t wait for halloween! ❞

❝ you should totally buy that costume! ❞

❝ trick or treat! ❞

❝ happy halloween! ❞

❝ happy fall! ❞

❝ i wanna make sure that my jack-o-lantern is the best! ❞

❝ i’ll race you through the corn maze! ❞

❝ that guy in the gorilla costume has been following us for the past ten blocks. ❞

❝ aww come on! it was a prank! ❞

❝ please, please, PLEASE no scary movie marathon! ❞

❝ that wasn’t funny! ❞

❝ i keep tripping over my costume. ❞

❝ i’m not sure we should go down that street. ❞

❝ no fair! your costume is getting you more candy. ❞

❝ faster! we need to get to all of the houses! ❞

❝ forget being ‘too old’ to trick or treat. i’m doing this forever! ❞

❝ i don’t like these woods. ❞

❝ i just saw something! ❞

❝ look at that intestine cake! ❞

❝ i’m a real vampire. ❞

❝ do you think stuff really happens on halloween? like..supernatural stuff. ❞

❝ i made us matching costumes! ❞

❝ i think i just saw something move outside your window…is someone watching us? ❞

❝ you’re not going to make me carve this pumpkin all by myself, are you? ❞

❝ did you hear there’s a masquerade ball this halloween? let’s go! ❞

❝ you shouldn’t go out there! ❞

❝ s-scared? me? i’m not..scared. ❞

[exorcist-on-paws-blog]

Reblog if I'm allowed to send you in character asks even if we have never talked before.

[herointhelight]

Rain-Related Sentence Starters!

"The one time I don't bring an umbrella!"

"Need an umbrella?"

"You'll catch your death in this cold."

"Did I ask for a shower!"

"Aw man, the weather man said it was going to be nice today!"

"Quick! Grab the cushions!"

"Well, at least I don't need to water the garden."

"Ack! I'm melting!"

"I hope there's no flooding this time around."

"Wow! Isn't this a beautiful storm?"

[anotherrpmemeblog]

Send 🏥 for your muse to visit mine in hospital.

Reverse here.

[vaememes]

kissy sentence starters.

“ is it bad i really want to kiss you right now? ” “ do me a favor, kiss my ass. ” “ they can all just kiss my ass. ” “ i kissed someone today. ” “ i kissed a girl/boy and i liked it. ” “ kissing burns calories you know. ” “ my lips really want to meet yours. ” “ so are we going to kiss or not? ” “ i sent you a bunch of kiss emojis. ” “ don’t talk, just kiss me. ” “ i really enjoyed our kiss last night. ” “ you make me want to kiss you. ” “ you owe me a kiss. ” “ pucker up. ” “ read my lips, no. ” “ your eyes say no but your lips say yes. ” “ i just want to kiss you. ” “ i miss your lips. ” “ give me a kiss. ” “ blow a kiss my way for good luck. ” “ ever kiss in the rain? ” “ ever kiss under water? ” “ it was just a kiss, that’s all. ” “ a kiss doesn’t mean anything. ” “ i love when our lips meet. ” “ where do you want me to kiss you? ” “ i want to either kiss you or kill you right now. ” “ did you really just kiss him/her? ” “ friends aren’t allowed to kiss one another. ” “ kiss me one more time. ” “ want to make out? ” “ you’re a terrible kisser. ” “ teach me how to kiss? ” “ i remember our first kiss. ” “ your lips are calling my name. ” “ let’s just kiss already. ”

[trcshymemes]

GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS. 

❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞

❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞

❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞

❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞

❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞

❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞

❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞

❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞

❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 

❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞

❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞

❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞

❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞

❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞

❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞

❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞

❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞

❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS. ❞

❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞

❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞

❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞

❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞

❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞

❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞

❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞

❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞

❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞

❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞

❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞

❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 

❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 

❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞

❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 

❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 

❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 

❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞

❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞

❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞

❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 

❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞

❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 

❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞

❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 

❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞

❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞

❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞

❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   

❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞

❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 

❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 

❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞

❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞

❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞

❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞

❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 

❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞

[camilleprevker]

Caity Lotz by Mik Luxon