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Choice

I finally understand the meaning of love. Growing up I never noticed how much I loved you and now I do. While going up and down this rollercoaster ride, I also am discovering how someone can be on that same path of resistance and choose to not want the same things as you, while also being with you forever. People make their choices powerfully, wether they know it or not. Knowing when it happens, makes the difference when you can declare and choose and create from nothing.

I'm paying for everything in silence. The smile that you see is only as strong as the person behind it.

Today I drove to work not knowing what it is we have together. In a sense we are still the married couple we show the world that we are. Deep down there's an unknown, wether or not we will end up together, or if we are finally going to call it quits.

There doesn't seem to be a sure road to what we are walking on. If you and I will have a future. You said to cherish everyday, and for what? If your intention is to leave after you've spent and realised this isn't what you desired. I am loving you with everything I am just for you to walk away in the end. There's no love while we make it, your feelings are undecided while mine continues to give in. In the end, I am sending you off with my love, with all that I am. Just to say goodbye another time and this time, it may end.

Feelin' myself @LikeWhoaDonna https://www.instagram.com/p/B8GB2jtnrCB/?igshid=1l7bu2n4fkkc

Holding back

I feel like I can't be myself around you, walking on eggshells and being careful about who I am being is not the way I want to live. Fear of being judged and being unexpressed is how I feel every time. Apologetic every moment because I am who I say I am. What if my words are true and it is you that chooses to avoid the truth in it.

We all need to laugh a little more or in other words, a whole lot more! #LiveALittle #laughingiscontagious #ItsAdvantageous #goodfortheheart #clearsthesoul #sharelaughter #bewithothers #beofservice #rippleeffect #influencer #sharethelove #connection https://www.instagram.com/p/B1IwjJqnufK/?igshid=1cn03fgvidivl

#livealittle #laughingiscontagious #itsadvantageous #goodfortheheart #clearsthesoul #sharelaughter #bewithothers #beofservice #rippleeffect #influencer #sharethelove #connection

Self-inflicted or selfish?

Ever tell yourself 'I hate when people reach out only because they need something?' That is what occurs to you because you make it the meaning of why you hate them, therefore that matters to you and now is affecting you in such a way. It is selfish to think that people only need us for something when they need something, when in fact that we tend to forget that we inadvertently opened the opportunity for them to reach out to us when they need help. The term 'let me know if you ever need anything' is so overrated and is probably the reason why they came to you in the first place. So now you feel in such a way because of something you offered someone in the past and are now holding them accountable for how you are feeling. So lesson learned; stop offering yourself to others and no one will ask you for help if you paved the way, in the beginning, to begin with.

Selfish?

I want to start off by saying that I am a pretty patient person, for the most part. I'm pretty down to earth and a very understanding individual; which also brings me to the conclusion of why people tend to throw all their problems and ideas on me. People also tend to expect a little more from me in the aspect of figuring things out when it has really nothing to do with what I am essentially there for. I've never felt so frustrated about my life and where I stand that I get to the point of giving up. Lately, I haven't been able to think clearly and most importantly be able to just focus on myself. I know this sounds very selfish, but at this point, I really just don't care. I feel that I'm losing touch with myself and given the fact that I try so hard to understand others, that I've just simply wanted it all to just stop for a moment. I never felt so confused about what I wanted in life and have lost sight of my goal to focus on what is truly important to me. Which is just to simply do things for the sole reason of finding my happiness. I know that in the end, it will all fall into place although just this time I wish life would just give me a break. Just venting my emotions so that I can hear myself rant about how things could be better than it all is. I guess this is just me trying to jot things down so I can see the bigger picture that I painted in my thoughts. I know everything will okay in the end. I just need to remember that life is a struggle and that if I truly want to make a change in my life that I really have to put things into perspective and take things slowly and just do what is best for me. So here it goes again, here's to trial and error, and in hopes that I can find my way around these problems so I can find what it is that I want in life.

A new beginning is nearing..

These past few weeks have really taken me for a turn. I loving this new feeling that has suddenly taken over. Have you ever felt the feeling of just being happy? Well, I am starting to feel like myself again. I have never thought that I could feel this way after always hitting a dead end. I'm finally going to make some changes in my life that will greatly impact everything; it only gets better from here and I can't wait to experience every moment. I know I have yet to reach the goal I am heading towards, but this journey I am on will be so worth it; because every day is worth living; every day with the ones I love; the one I love is a part of my beautiful story; my story; and it only gets better from here.