"Hey, when I'm in town, can I try some of your toys?" —my friend Dusty
📸 (links to my reviews):
njoy Eleven dildo
Zumio vibes
Sliquid lube
I took this request EXTRA SERIOUSLY and have made staying in my guest room a luxury VIP experience ✨ Just ask for the "naughty special" and choose your toys from my extensive menu. They will be laid out for you upon arrival, freshly washed, with waterproof blanket, lube, and white noise machine. 💦 You won't be disappointed! (Unless the toys are disappointing; I cannot be held responsible for them.)
My favorite sex toy company, Fun Factory, was purchased by Satisfyer.
I unfortunately don't know much. But I do know Satisfyer promptly shuttered Fun Factory's longstanding affiliate program, cutting off a significant source of income for me (and other bloggers). I don't want to fear monger, but considering Fun Factory's site is now "under reconstruction," I'm not hopeful they will continue the product line as it exists today. 😞
So if you're interested in a Fun Factory toy (and you should be — they're some of the best), please use my links to shop with SheVibe or Spectrum Boutique. You can get the toys for 20-25% off right now. 💖
It's snowing dildos, HALLELUJAH! ❄ 🌨 Now is the perfect time to shower yourself in pleasure products! 🙌 Enjoy unparalleled sales from my favorite retailers. See all the best Black Friday sex toy deals, including my top choices. 😘
An epic list of the very best sex toy sales and deals this Black Friday and Cyber Monday! Unparalleled deals, plus tons of exclusive freebie
My guide to sex toy deals is here!
Baby let the games begin 🍆😱 My massive guide to the best sex toy deals is out NOW. Tell your family, tell your friends (word of mouth is 😍), and get yourself something nice. Take a stroll through my list of amazing retailers and recommended toys, complete with best prices. Because you deserve pleasure.
💞 Shopping from my links helps support me in a major way!
A spine-tingling installment of my "queer sex party chronicles" series: PUMPKIN SPICE ORGY. It's the raunchiest yet, featuring first-time fisting, an impeccably-timed orgasm, and the hottest deep throat action of my life. Don't miss it!
A night of Halloween-inspired dildos, first-time fisting, an impeccably-timed orgasm, and and the hottest deep throat action of my life.
Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective
Every April Fool's Day since 2010, something weird has happened on my blog. Today: a delightful, hysterical, and in-depth look back at all my jokes, from whimsical and cute to bizarre and off-putting, with tons of behind-the-scenes details and multimedia flourishes.
🎉 Plus: comment on the blog post and my 5 favorite comments will win a Little Goo Suck-a-Saurus from Velvet Thruster! Not a joke!
Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!
An epic list of the very best sex toy sales and deals this Black Friday and Cyber Monday! Unparalleled deals, plus tons of exclusive freebie
The majesty of the dildo pile cannot be overstated. 👑 I tried to count them but couldn't keep track as I was busy baby-wiping hair off every. single. dildo. Worth it though? Today is the LAST DAY for many Black Friday sales — if you haven't scored yourself something orgasmic, do it!
Things going buh bye after today:
⚜️ Peepshow Toys: exclusive deals on my favorites, such as the Pure Wand for $88 and the Pillow Talk Sassy for $36
⚜️ Fun Factory: 30% off + money back + FREE bottle of nice lube
⚜️ Early to Bed: 15% off everything + FREE mug
⚜️ Crystal Delights: 25% off + FREE mystery glass toy
How can you find the sex toy of your dreams? With my help! This Black Friday, avoid analysis paralysis by consulting my list of tried and true faves — the rare sex toys that have risen above the rest in my collection of nearly 1,000. 🏆
An epic list of the very best sex toy sales and deals this Black Friday and Cyber Monday! Unparalleled deals, plus tons of exclusive freebie
Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!
It's hereeee: my freakishly in-depth guide to Black Friday sex toy deals!! 🪐 Enjoy unparalleled sales from my favorite retailers and Epiphora-exclusive deals you won't find anywhere else. 🌠 New this year: a detailed guide to my favorite toys, complete with photos, descriptions, and best prices. You'll love it!
🌌 If you've been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, now's the time — and shopping from my links helps support me in a big (bang) way!
"Hold on to your heart 'til you know they respect you." This lyric from Tegan & Sara has been a bit of a mantra for me. So when Crave offered me their Vesper 2 necklace to celebrate my 15-year blogging anniversary, I knew exactly what I wanted engraved on it. I love that they do this. The Vesper is a gorgeous piece of if-you-know-you-know jewelry 😉and Crave are such sweethearts!
I didn't know what to think when I received the email. It was so sweet, so sincere, yet nearly suspicious in its sincerity. At its core, thi
I imagine there aren't many people on earth who have a guestbook for their sex machine. But uh. I DO. 📖 If you don't know the story, the guestbook began one night in 2013 when I had some sex blogger friends over. I'd just inherited the Sybian, for free, from a reader.
That night, the $1,300 machine was christened by five different people, and I got to live my dream of controlling it, like Howard Stern but with actual consent.
...with a bag of peas for her crotch. Each of us reports our favorite setting on the Sybian — or as Kynan calls them, our “sleep numbers”: h
It only made sense to have my friends record their experiences, especially when one person ended up with a bag of frozen peas on their crotch afterward.
Now there are 19 entries in the guestbook and it's looking better than ever with this SWEET stock photo I added to the cover! 🤭
💬 Below, some notable quotes from guestbook entries.
➡ Read the full story of my Sybian's origin and my experience with it here.
"It's terribly uncomfortable, why would anyone sit like this?"
"I don't like how much it vibrates my butthole???"
"I came, but I did not have fun. I want to apologize to the lower half of my body."
"I think it could be good, but I live with people and have neighbors and live in a town, I don't need thousands of people to know I'm getting off."
"The Sybian is more fun if you eat pizza while you're on it, because pizza."
"Not bad. I could see myself enjoying it while alone, so I'm not so petrified of farting."
"These wide attachments are NOT fat cunt friendly imo. Also in pain: knees, back, dignity."
On this day 15 years ago, I hit "publish" on my very first blog post. Standards low and plans non-existent, I was oblivious to the weird and wild future that lay ahead of me. I mean, how could a person make a career out of a BLOG? Especially one about something so *gasp*? Well, I managed to do it, and that's because of you. 💖
The orgasms are great of course, but at its essence, having my blog means I'm able to make a living from my writing. I'm my own boss (for better or worse), with nobody to gatekeep, edit, or sanitize my work (for better or worse).
I'm endlessly grateful for every single one of you. Especially my long-haulers (please comment with how long you've been following me!). The internet is vast as fuck, our lives are existentially terrifying as fuck, and yet you spend some of your precious time reading what I have to say. You trust me, laugh at my jokes, validate my crusade.
I strive to teach you that you're not alone (in your desires, experiences, queerness, whatever), but you have shown ME that I'M not alone too. 🥰
My life underwent a seismic shift in 2023. I parted ways with my partner of 18 years. I'm living alone for the first time. I'm learning new shit, tackling new responsibilities, and adapting to the rhythm of this uncharted life. I'm tending to my mental health — doing that thing therapists call "giving [myself] grace" — and figuring out what my existence looks like now.
Since my blog's inception, I've run an annual blogiversary giveaway. It grew every year, because I couldn't resist the challenge, and last year it had over 80 prizes. I love to do it — it fills me with great joy to shower my readers in prizes — but it's a HUGE time and energy commitment. I've decided not to run a giveaway this year and instead focus on my massive comparison review of mini wand vibes. I hope you can understand. I think you will. You've sometimes understood me better than I understand myself.
🥂 Here's to 15 years of amazing orgasms, terrible orgasms, and all the words I've found to describe them 🥂
Buy our LAYA III lay-on vibrator online in the USA. Learn more about its shape and layering effect. Shop German-made toys from FUN FACTORY.
New LAYA III from Fun Factory
Psssssst I have a secret: there's a third generation LAYA coming out from Fun Factory! It won't be formally announced for a few days, but since you're special, you get early access! 🗝
This landmark external vibe (first released in 2003, when most vibrators were not ergonomic) always had a versatile and promising shape, but its motor was on the buzzy/weak side, enough for me not to recommend it.
Now, in its third gen, I'm SO happy with how rumbly and powerful it is! Holy crap! 🏆
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