Words I Dare Speak

The mind of a confused, determined and driven, ordinary girl with dreams, a voice and an opinion. Let's be real. Existential writings as a day in my life

[hibyewhy-ky]

I want to show my vulnerability.

So I have recently decided that I wanted to write and share my thoughts and feelings with the world. Well, I want people to see me for me. So I’ve decided to share more of my writings. I’ve decided to be honest and be okay with admitting that I’m in pain when I am, to admit when I’m clueless or confused or happy. My pain is apart of my wonderful story. And I’d like to share how I feel and process things. I’m gonna try to be clear and transparent, unfiltered and unedited. I want whoever reads this to feel what I felt when I wrote the words they’ll read.

[minuty]

“Self worth is so vital to your happiness. If you don’t feel good about you, it’s hard to feel good about anything else.”

— Mandy Hale (via minuty)

[hibyewhy-ky]

So I sit and think about what I want, what I’m looking for, what I’m interested in. But I always come down to when asked what do I want. Well, let me be honest, the things I know I want like I want to travel and I do and will, I want that, that maybe to me it’s inexplainable. But then I think about if that’s really want, maybe I just want a really good friend. But sometimes I just need something to help me but I met someone and when I met him I thought ‘oh he could be fun.” And he was and trusting... but so was I. But this wasn’t only it but he was... he drove fast. But it’s in that fear, that I grew attached it was exactly that he drove fast, not to mention pretty good in bed but I was cool just chilling with him, though. Then I was also hesitant because I wasn’t sure, still not very sure as I speak about him. Maybe he was the thrill, reminding me how I was, and then he would go on about cars, he built his own. He was possibly a perfect friend for me. But more not sure. It’s a terrible thing to admit to yourself, but you know well I know. Maybe, I had so much fun. No, I was so relaxed I met someone who wanted to listen to me who was maybe just a really good guy, I feel like a dick. But really it told me something, let’s chill first. Let’s decide what if, shit you might become my best friend whom we may fuck with sometimes. Like I know, I’m not ready if he walks in, then maybe but even then still, when you trust me I worry because I don’t see why. But then I do probably think worse of me than I should. As positive as I am, what if I’m not at least not with myself. Smiling all the time, because I am happy at least most times I feel it. And I do it for me, what I do is for me but what if I’m not ready to do it for us. But I just want to support you. Because I want and think I should be fine with each choice I make and I should do it for me. I know I only have my best interest in my wellbeing, even with as kind and caring I think and people have told me I am despite how I feel I am. I’m selfish. But I will own up to my fuckups and I hope you do too.

[hibyewhy-ky]

Photoshoot day was a success! Hair, makeup, jewelry! All check and mate! Check out the end results, and the wonderful photos I’ll be uploading later on my Instagram: ky.ky_leo23

[minuty]

[minuty]

[minuty]

[minuty]

“A secret to happiness is letting every situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be, and then making the best of it.”

— unknown (via amortizing)

[anxietyproblem]

I felt that

[just-shower-thoughts]

Never be ashamed of your kinks, unless your kink is humiliation, then shame on you.

[hibyewhy-ky]

Sometimes it’s just getting one foot in the door; putting one foot in front of the other as my favorite childhood Christmas movie reminds me every year.

Some people take a different path but it still takes one step at a time.

[hibyewhy-ky]

Trying to write

So trying to write on a daily basis, it’s hard. Like not so much the writing part all the time. Sometimes, actually most times it’s the actual time. Working in a job were it could be busy or it could be slow but you’re just putting all your ducks in a basket with it. A crap shoot. That’s what it’s like. It’s unpredictable and unsteady, it could be a giant mess or there could be so much time you’re not sure what to do with it. I work in a restaurant I was a bartender now I’m a manager. The restaurant life is a crap shoot. There have been days I made my rent in 2 days and weeks were I could barely afford to pay my bills. The life is hard and rarely rewarding but when it is. You live relaxed for a week.

But back to the topic at hand not sure if you’ve tried it but writing amongst people who want to talk to you doesn’t really work, so I usually end up staring at the words then giving up and putting it away. I’ve taken up longer smoke breaks to sit on the smoke dock in most weather from sun to snow to a light drizzle to at least write something down. To get away and let my thoughts run free. To get it off my chest. Yes, it’s true I may look back and not like it later but first I have to write it. And each time I write, each time I get the chance I take it. It makes me feel whole and happy and remember that the only person who can make my dreams come true is me. So to be diligent, to make time when there is none. Because what I enjoying more than trying to write is actually doing it.

Welcome to my life

HiByeWhy-Ky

[hibyewhy-ky]

It’s been a year

Of firsts and seconds and thirds. Of late nights, early mornings, long trips and last calls. I’ve traveled and spent nights at home watching my favorite shows. Cried, laughed and threw up more times than I can count. Moved, made new friends, and reconnected with old ones. Made a complete fool of myself and apologized when I meant it. Partied hard and slept late, or some days didn’t sleep at all. I’ve been rejected and I’ve grown stronger and learned. I’ve taken steps forward and a few back. It was a year for the books. I wouldn’t have changed a minute of this year for anything. I’ve discovered so much about myself and now I just look back at the year in awe of how much I’ve really done.

It was an unexpected year from start to finish. At the end of the previous year, I remember toasting champagne with my coworkers to another night in the books for us, a new year, and a hopeful new beginning. 2017, had been a year of hurt and heartbreaks for me. But I was ready to take on 2018 with an open heart. Placing one foot in front of the other as I decided that staying in one spot wasn’t for me. I branched out and took chances, there was never a dull a moment. Progress and growth were the words for last year. Learning what I enjoyed, didn’t care for, and what I could do. Took new steps in different directions and came to terms with myself.

So to 2018, farewell, you taught me a lot and brought me out of my shell, you saw me through the roughs nights, and reminded me that as long as the sun rose every day, cloudy or rainy, that there would be another that I wasn’t done yet and that there was still time.

So to 2019, I ask that you teach me more, that the days are sweet even whe they’re not and that the nights stay warm even when it’s freezing.

I will take what I learned from the years past and apply them to what I do, I will love without fear and take chances without remorse because every step you take along the way, is better than the one you when you stood still. It’s a year of moving and growing and hope and love. It’s my year.

HiByeWhy-Ky

[hibyewhy-ky]

Maybe I’m dreaming but that doesn’t mean you should try to wake me up - - - - - - - - - #dreambig #model #beyou #befierce #naturalhair #embraceyourself https://www.instagram.com/p/BnPO8IzlrWw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=tx8u8ibx2fxf

[hibyewhy-ky]

Take a Quiz

Take a quiz, seriously. Just sit down grab a magazine, hop online, grab your phone, a book. You get my point, grab whatever your favorite way to take a quiz is and take one and I don’t mean an always educational quiz but if you want, sure why not. But to be honest, that’s not the type of quiz I’m referring to; I just mean take a quiz and take a load off, an enjoyable quiz, a meaningful quiz, but take a quiz that tells you something about yourself or maybe how the world would see you. Take it for the fun and the silliness and sometimes the awful misspellings, you know the ones where you downright cringe but know that sometimes typos aren’t always caught because nobody’s perfect.

Seriously though, take a quiz. It may seem childish and foolish, but just try it. Some quizzes ask you questions with answers you don’t relate to at all, some that are things you can see yourself doing every single one of them but in a quiz, you choose, you get an option and sometimes it’s interesting the option you end up choosing and then when you think about it once you’ve selected and moved on and want to change it but can’t and then you get the result and you wonder if it would’ve changed had you picked the option you thought of secondly.

I mean you don’t have to take it seriously, but I do think you should take it honestly. Some results you don’t agree with, some you do. But, I just think you should give it a try and everyone has different type of favorite quizzes. Some like clothing, tv, or video game character relations, mythological, religious, animals, etc. Well you see there’s just about a quiz for everything and everyone.

Personally, I like psychological, and personality but don’t get me wrong I like finding out the character I resemble in some of my favorite movies and books. Not to mention the island “they” think I should vacation on, how much of a boss I am, what’s my shoe type, etc., you get the picture. I enjoy a quiz and sometimes I learn something about myself that I hadn’t considered; sometimes I just laugh at how ridiculous the quiz is but I still love a quiz despite how frivolous it may be. They’re relaxing and there is such a variety, honestly, if you’re not understanding what I’m trying to say. I’m just trying to say take a quiz because they’re fun.

But really take a quiz, and take a load off. Be silly, be carefree and just relax.

-HiByeWhy-Ky

[michellepsychologist]

🗣 learn to question your perception.

[hibyewhy-ky]

Love yourself or nobody will - - - - #beyou #befierce #bebrave #takechances #model