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@hickory-breen
neel
GIFTOBER 2022 âż DAY 21: HAIRSTYLES
i know a lot of people think that neil isn't a huge fan of touching or cuddling because his mom never showed him a lot of affection. but i think in the books he mentions how his mom never really showed affection towards him, but he knew how much she cared about him because of how tightly she held him at night while they slept--he knew, at least subconsciously, that he was her baby, and she'd do anything to keep him safe. so in my mind, one of the most important pieces of neil's love language is being held.
i think after a tiring day of class, a rough game, a sleepless night, or just a long day, neil goes to andrew and holds out his arms, question on his face. andrew will allow a couple seconds of fronted apathy, then carefully bundle neil into his arms and hold him tight. neil curls into himself, making himself and small as he can, and buries his face in andrews neck, curls his fingers in andrews shirt or locks his arms around andrew's neck. sometimes neil will wordlessly tug andrew to the couch or bed and andrew will let him curl up against andrews chest. andrew pretends to be exasperated, berates neil for being so needy; but it's obvious he enjoys it by how tender his touches become, how he breathes in neil's smell and kisses his hair. neil will make little contented sounds and andrew will kiss his head in reply.
this is how andrew starts re-associating touch with love and safety rather than danger: andrew is a protector, a caretaker, at heart, so holding neil when he needs it is easier than a lot of other kinds of touch. to andrew, this is just another part of looking after his boy. their love language is protecting/being protected; this act--not just cuddling, but holding and being held--is, in my mind, a big part of their relationship.
ugh. really i am just touch starved and andreil cuddling gives me lots of extra HP, so. yeah. here.
Several attempts to show how I saw it for the first time. I'm still dying for the tactile details đ
Morning Andrew sketch đŹ What about bitten lip and marks on the neck? đ
Sketch of hugs we wanted so much to see Neil in đ„șâ€ïž
One of my favourite scenes đ Any moment Andrew touches Neil Iâm just like:đ±đ€«đ±
«Another bit of unexpected honesty» đ
«Neil tensed as Andrew's fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, but Andrew only wanted to pull Neil's head down. Neil focused on Andrew's cheekbone so as not to go cross-eyed and let Andrew study his eyes» đ§
imagine being andrew minyard during/after baltimore
your boyfriends just been fucking kidnapped
your boyfriends been kidnapped and you missed the goodbye he gave you and he left his fucking bag behind so that youâd know he didnât want to leave willingly
youâve got a sort of ok idea of what his past is like
you fucking choke out your best friend sort of and you find out the shit is so so much worse than you thought
and you cant do shit
like youâre literally screwed you canât do anything about this even if you really fucking want to
(because lets be real- andrew wouldâve gone after neil, the foxes probably had to lock him into a room after he figured out what happened)
and then he comes back??
heâs fucking torn to shreds and burned to shit and youâre handcuffed to your fucking coach so youâve got one hand to figure out what youâre working with
and like? all you can see when you take the bandages off and see the fucking shit that happened, is that you couldnât keep him safe
you donât feel regret because itâs useless but you do feel angry as all hell
you wonât let the godsdamned nurse near your boyfriend because heâs yours and the idea of letting whats yours get worse?
absolute hell
like dude
absolute fucking hell you canât let fucking anyone near him
and the fbi guys ?? just try to take him from you even though heâs yours to protect even if that deals been broken
you get to go with because neil wonât talk without you but honestly that might be even worse because damn
you have to sit through him describing in painful fucking detail the shit that happened to him
all the people that hurt him
all the pain heâs dealt with
and you have to sit there and listen to him describe how he knew what was going to happen when he went with them
he knew he was going to fucking die and was willing to do it without any fucking deals to anyone
he was going to die and he just left without asking for any help
to keep you safe
how do you even recover from that man
First scene with them by me đđ» Happy to post it here â€ïž
âSunrise, Abram, death. These are truths.â
Mr Minyard, his bed hair, and his disgusting boyfriendÂ
I embarked the aftg pain train again and wow, knowing what happens doesnât make it hurt less, but this time Iâm coping with fanarts I guess
I want to give him a cup of hot tea đ„ș
/or Andrew's hug/
I hope you know what this scene is đ