passiflora

just trying to chill my mind

[high-on-passiflora]

Why am I trying to talk to someone who is not willing to listen to me?

[high-on-passiflora]

- A literatura ainda serve?

- Sempre!

[high-on-passiflora]

As pessoas me notam! Isso sempre me surpreende, que eu sou uma pessoa memorável.

[high-on-passiflora]

I need to choose myself more often.

[high-on-passiflora]

errada e insuficiente

[high-on-passiflora]

A gente pode sair da repetição e ir para a criação.

[high-on-passiflora]

A intensidade desse amor não é sem consequência para mim.

[high-on-passiflora]

Servir ao outro, mas de uma posição inferior.

Inferior? Por que?

....

[high-on-passiflora]

Subserviência

[high-on-passiflora]

I think I can understand his point. How can I not desire a man, a good man, who is out there spending his week away from home, working hard to provide for me, to give me a good life?

It's a weight. I mean, thank you, but also, they are his terms, not mine.

[high-on-passiflora]

"Continue a acontecer..."

[high-on-passiflora]

Um caminho em que escapar não seja necessário, em que ser suficiente não seja a tônica, mas que o meu desejo sim, seja a tônica.

[high-on-passiflora]

Is it all in my mind? Did I understand the whole thing wrong?

[high-on-passiflora]

My desires? I don't know. I can't name them, I just know I feel lighter.

I was was feeling so bitter, so irritated by little things. That's not a way to live. Not one I'd like to live anyway... but also I was very busy with everyone else, wasn't standing up for myself.

My desires? I don't know. But I am more aware of myself, more aware that I matter. That's a big step!

[high-on-passiflora]

Dinheiro é libido.

[high-on-passiflora]

I don't think I care if the other one walks away. Maybe I'm the one who can't walk away, who can't let go.

[high-on-passiflora]

Why the hell is so hard for me to think I am worthy?

Why do I dismiss myself so easily?

I felt so bad after the last session, also because it involved my therapist positioning. I felt like she didn't aprove and more then that, not only I didn't give myself the worth I deserve I also didn't recognize her interest in me, her investment in me, on this therapeutic process.

I felt something else, I don't know how to name it, I don't know its name. It's just here, a weight on my chest.

I also fell guilty, called on.

She accepted my conditions, but I wasn't sure what were hers and I inadvertently didn't welcome it at the time. I think that if I have known her conditions previously I wouldn't even think of suggest having just the ine session this month. But also I wouldn't touch the money subject. So, whatever happens is part of the process and it's important therapy material.