something or other

it/its j ♡

[highvibrational]

I sure do love when someone laughs about my misfortune inches away from my face. it makes me feel so frustrated and small and Petulant for being upset about it in the first place.

[highvibrational]

this saturday it's the one year anniversary of ren overdosing and dying in front of me Lol

[highvibrational]

yes i am tired of myself. thank you for noticing

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having DID is like. every day i am plagued by visions of "past lives" and "ideal futures" in which my vision of "myself" is so visually distinct from my physical body that it is completely unrecognizable as "myself". these visions of desires are so egodystonic it feels like interfering radio signals of strangers' internal worlds in my head

[highvibrational]

my 22D gorillaz alter wants to front so he can write rapefic Ok buddy.

[highvibrational]

whichever anorexic bitch keeps buying all the drizzilicious at dollar tree I AM AIMING A BAZOOKA AT YOUR HEAD

[dominula]

BUY MY STUFF

https://www.depop.com/morbificmatter/

[unconventiononthelawofthesea]

drinking and smoking marijuana in public in front of children

[deadelated]

[badassdemonsword]

Literally me when i listen to rock music

[riyaaaaa1444]

just taking a look

[highvibrational]

anyways, im not upset, who said i was upset

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how could i possibly be related to these people and still come out a good person? i do not think i am capable of being honestly good. i have seen evil in many forms and i come from liars and thieves and histrionic women and narcissistic stranglers that kill animals for fun, i could not possibly be nearly as good in any way i learn as someone who had well adjusted parents! their starting line is on a different track entirely, mine feels excruciatingly hot and perilous and long, impossible to get through alive, all of my niceness is a learned behavior from my late twenties, my earliest imprints are traumatic physical wounds, i don't know how to not be what i am and i hate who made me and the context i was raised in, so where does anyone go from here

[highvibrational]

and the problem with the other half of my parentage is that my father strangled my mother and i, he beat me half-naked and took great perverse sadistic pleasure in torturing me, the punishments would violate the geneva convention and he would create a false neural path between money and a father's love, he claimed he tried to "save me" from her after disowning me and saying he didn't do it, didn't remember the phone call, then posts years later on facebook that if anyone has a problem with him that he promises it's not because of anything he did to them which is a guilty enough statement in its own right

[highvibrational]

like my mother was so awful and evil to my sister and i that i remember she would pin me down to the sofa when i had loose teeth and forcibly wrench them from my head, using all of her body weight against mine. she would force my sister to drown and cough from sputtering and crying while she poured medicine down her throat during meltdowns despite screaming and crying and begging to stop. she padlocked the fucking refrigerator with a very literal chain and heavy duty bolt. she laughed at me when i was in pain and would do things she knew would upset me despite my repeated pleas to stop. my mother deserved to suffer and die alone, i don't give a single martyring fuck that she chose to refuse treatment to die some kind of victim, i don't care that i wasn't there in her last moments to hear her insane prophecies, and i don't care that i left her there to die, she left herself to die first

[highvibrational]

self-harm is such a stupid function of the brain. help i dont feel like i have any control better starve and beat and cut myself over it. God Every parent has to die actually

[highvibrational]

just remembered my mom died OH FRABJOUS DAY! CALLOOH! CALLAY!

[highvibrational]

self-harm is such a stupid function of the brain. help i dont feel like i have any control better starve and beat and cut myself over it. God Every parent has to die actually

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i probably have untreated diabetes or something because my blood sugar crashes hard enough for me to sleepwalk and drink milk about it and i'm exceedingly hungry every two hours and my mood is absolutely ruined when i dont have enough sugar. Who knows. Nobody cares