☆u gotta: the musical☆

brainweird (hpd, anxiety, depression, ptsd) + vent blog. rape and abuse survivor. former addict. former anorexic. former alcoholic. former self harmer. formerly suicidal.sideblog

[histrionicole-blog]

anyway, i came back on here because i wanted to link this blog to my new main account and post more. ^^ thanks to ya’ll who’ve been sticking with me!

[histrionicole-blog]

Can you tell us about some of your best attention moments in life? Like if you ever preformed on a stage or got a random compliment from a stranger or any moment when you really felt like people noticed you as the sharpay Evans you are <3

i’ve always been an excellent actress, so whenever ive been in plays people are blown away by my performances. people will actively seek me out to be in their films and movies because of my talent. im not entirely convinced i dont have said talent in the first place because of hpd lol...

prom night last year was A. MAY. ZING. when i walked up to my friends at the restaurant we were eating at, jaws quite literally dropped, people wouldn’t stop telling me how beautiful, sexy, etc. i looked and several girls told me if they were single they would definitely go after me. that felt awesome--and then i won prom queen and i literally felt like i was floating.

i went to a party a few nights ago with a girl and the photographer paid special attention to us like always taking pictures of us and stuff. that was nice. 

this one time i was walking down the street just in like... a hoodie and baggy pants on my way home from babysitting and a woman in a truck called me over and said “excuse me, i just wanted to let you know that you are extremely beautiful. you might not see it, but it’s there, you’re so beautiful” and i was like GLOWING for the rest of the day.

every time i keep a secret but make a fuss about it and my friends get interested that also feels amazing!

thank you!  

[histrionicole-blog]

so yeah i probably have BPD as well 

[histrionicole-blog]

holy shit so i just found your blog and i?? never knew there was a name that i could put to the way I feel and i can seriously relate to every post on your blog and its so incredible im so happy i found you

i’m so glad i can help you out but im so sorry you might have HPD lol!! :( its not fun but im always here to support you <3 

[histrionicole-blog]

Hi I was wondering what the difference between HPD and BPD is, thanks ☺️

symptoms of hpd:* obsession with physical appearance* obsession with attention* often has a strong sexual component, i.e. hypersexuality* vagueness of speech* need for approval* tends to self-flagellate when displeased; may experience feelings of animosity or violence towards people who are “failing”/”disappointing”, but will often manifest as dramatics* can include a strong need for a “brand”--i.e. strong fixation on identity labels, you are very fixtated on having certain things associated with you (’that color is MY THING and i dont want anyone else to like it because i only want it associated with me’)

symptoms of bpd:* “angrier” * does have a risky behavior component often, but not necessarily hypersexuality* often includes a feeling of a lack of identity, depending on people around you to tell you who you are* splitting-- i.e. an inexplicable need to wreck relationships and lash out at people* extreme shifts of emotion, especially in between anger and affection 

shared symptoms:* identity crises* extreme need for approval, attention* possessiveness over people and a fear of being left or abandoned* feelings of emptiness 

[histrionicole-blog]

hey i?? show a lot of symptoms of bpd but my need for attention and problem with romantic crushes is very close to symptoms of hpd? can those be symptoms of bpd too do you think? <:( sorry im just very confused in myself and you seem understanding

hey!! you can definitely have both and it depends on how your symptoms are manifesting. i do need a little more detail to point you in one direction or the other... 

[histrionicole-blog]

You're the best my fave tbh

oh my god!!! no!!! YOURE my fave!!! what even the fuck! 

[histrionicole-blog]

Hi! Is it okay to reblog your posts if I don't had hpd, but have a different cluster b disorder (bpd)? Thank you! (OuO)/

yep! just tag it :)

[yahgs-blog]

Keep reading

[histrionicole-blog]

me: *asks for Attention*

me: *receives Attention*

me: this doesn't count bc i asked for it so OBViously i an being a Manipulative Piece of Trash

[histrionicole-blog]

me: *asks for Attention*

me: *receives Attention*

me: this doesn't count bc i asked for it so OBViously i an being a Manipulative Piece of Trash

[histrionicole-blog]

Wow this blog is really awesome I don't reblog your stuff because I don't have hpd but I'm learning so much I really respect what you're going through

thank you babe!!!!!!!! smooch x infinity im so glad to hear that my blog is interesting to non-hpd people and im glad to hear i have allies lmao ;v; 

[histrionicole-blog]

I think you're blog is really great and I'm really interested in reading about your life hope that isn't weird or anything just wanted to tell you

this is honestly ??? the best thing ive ever heard. if you ever want to know questions or stories about my life please always let me know i ve got plenty and i looooove sharing so ::::: ) 

thank you so mcuh hhh hh sweetheart ; u ; 

[histrionicole-blog]

hey i hope this is okay to ask, but what is it like to have a crush when u have hpd? i have it but im aromantic and was curious to what it was like. Thanks!

its bad

because it’s really difficult to know where your attraction to them and desire to be with them ends and your desire for Your Fave to pay attention to you starts

i was really in love with my best friend and still kind’ve am, and i got crazy jealous when she hooked up with other people. one time we went to a movie together with a few other people, and she was all over this boy who i knew liked her (she has HPD too, i thought she was just posturing/trying to get his attention/enthrall him) but i got so upset i ended up sobbing in the theatre and ended up in the bathroom crying on the floor lmao. 

and when i was in there i realized i couldn’t distinguish between “i want her to love me” and “i want her to pay attention to only me” 

[histrionicole-blog]

Wow!!!!! You're really cool!!!!

noooo im nottttttt

[histrionicole-blog]

Hi! So I'm displaying a bunch of symptoms of personality disorders cluster b but I have no idea which ones and I have no idea to what extent they have to trouble you in order to be disordered but yeah that post about people talking about you holy shit literally nothing makes me happier than the idea of that I used to do live shows where I'd play the guitar and stuff for no reason but to get viewers and attention and horoscope posts are my face because they talk about me

(2/2) I'm sending this a lot because like I go as far with my flirting and provocativeness that I have sex with the people literally whilst not being attracted to them but as long as they keep saying things like you're so sexy or whatever i still feel able to have sex/feel sexual. Like I literally can't have sex with my partner in the same way because I can't relax in his attention without feeling guilty about demanding it

You sound like you definitely have a lot of symptoms of HPD. A disordered view of sexuality and sex, as well as the crushing need for attention, both of which you seem to experience, are two of the four main categories of HPD. 

The other two are composed of dishonesty/disordered communication habits and the emotional histrionics. All four symptoms tie back to the core of HPD: Attention getting. If you experience some of the following in conjunction with what you described above, I think it’s fairly likely you’ve got HPD.

- lying; compulsive, needless, at any level, from what you ate for breakfast to what your name is, particularly to dazzle or enrapture. could be totally lies or just complete exaggerations of the truth.- vague communication: your stories are vague and your speech lacks detail, often because you are telling them excitably and care more about reactions than content.- easily shifting opinions: your friend says they hate your favorite book. Now you hate it too.- emotional histrionics: acting out, especially crying, pouting, throwing tantrums, threatening self harm, using drugs, alcohol, and others as a prolonged cry for help. when you’re happy, youre oppressively happy; loud, excited. when you’re sad, you’re no the verge of “suicide,” weeping in the hallways, skipping class--and not feeling any of these things nearly as intensely as you let on at ALL.

[histrionicole-blog]

Im really glad you're fine now!!!!!!!

thank you!