Hitman Reborn Reviews

As you may or may not be able to guess, this page is dedicated to helping review Reborn OCs. Additionally, I will put up helpful tidbits that may help with understanding characters, attributes, or any other requested things. If you are looking for someone to coddle you and tell you what a great job you did on your OC, you probably want to look elsewhere. I will be honest, even if it's cruelly so. You have been warned.

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i just found your blog by accident and i instantly fell in love wow i hope you are still activr brcause i am on my phone and cant check i am so happy to have found you just woW

Then I'm sorry for suddenly dropping off the face of the planet...

I hate disappearing off the internet. I miss out on all this positivity and just general awesomeness!

~Mo

[hitmanrebornreviews]

I would love to have your opinion on something. If I may ask that is ^^

If you are still there, waiting for an answer, I would love you to ask away!

~Mo

[hitmanrebornreviews]

Hi there, darlings!

I have honestly been putting this off for way too long now and for that, I want to apologize to all of you lovely people who have been so supportive and amazing. 

Have we gotten the formalities out of the way? Awesome!

So, I said I was going to be closing down the blog after finishing the manga and because I expected to have much bigger things on my plate and didn't think that I would be able to continue reviewing. My personal situation changed much more drastically than I expected and I've had too much free time. And...I didn't reopen the blog. And I have regretted doing this so much. I miss doing the critiques so much, and, above all, I missed you guys and just laughing over silly Sues, getting your feedback about headcanons, and many other things.

That being said, it does sort of stink that I've limited myself to KHR, as the canon story ended a while back. So, I've decided to start working on a simultaneous other critique blog to expand my fandom resume and to get a bigger platter of OCs to review. I hope to get started on this within the next week or so. 

Again, I'm so sorry for leaving you darlings. But I intend to stay here for the long-run now.

~Mo

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Hello, Mo. When do you intend to finish up and close-up shop? I will miss this blog, but I'm definitely going to look forward to your new one! Just a question - as a kind of finale review, would you like to take a look at one of my OCs, Usomine Sei?

I'll be answering the remainder of the asks in my inbox and possibly a few more a little later on, but ideally I'll be moving blogs by the end of the month.

And yeah, I'd be fine with doing a finale review. I have a couple fic critiques I'm doing before closing up, so I can fit in a couple shorter reviews in the meanwhile.

~Mo

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Good luck Mo! I'd like to see your reactions someday to the fics that I suggested :DD - C-anon

Haha, thank you! 

Since I'm leaning toward making a new blog that works with more than just one fandom, there's a good chance I would still read those fics and respond to them

~Mo

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My Friend's OC (Not made up)

Well, not telling her name...

She has a family, named "Farabuto", and if my Italian is correct, that means "Bastard".

She isn't the Boss, but basically, she runs the family.

She has the storm and a mist ring.

When she was little, she killed her family, so the vindice locked her up, her famiglia rescued her, but in the future, she will be locked again, but she escaped, killing some Vindices too.

Reborn wanted her family to become an ally, since Farabuto famiglia was getting stronger than Vongola.

When she went to the reunion about the alliance, she saw Enma, and he felled in love with her, and declared to her in the same day (In that week, I think they made sex already '-')

Her personality is cold, ruthless, and sarcastic, and the same time, she looks like Bel, Fran and Mammon together, but according to everyone, she is super cute desu.

She has a dog with three heads, needles as weapons, she is best friend with Bel and Fran, and Bel usually calls her Princess.

She has long, blond hair, blue eyes, big big breasts, she has a cap which has a face that changes his expression according to her.

Did I mention that she almost killed Xanxus? And Levi too...

I think I'm not forgetting anything, If so, I'll send it, my english isn't the best, so... ;-;

Don't worry about any mistakes in English. I only bash grammar of people whose first language is English. =)

That being said, I think bastard is a cognate in all romance languages (Spanish, Italian, French, etc.), so that just means that it sounds exactly like bastard. I'm pretty sure in all of these languages have "bastardo" as the official translation to bastard. 

Farabutto, however, means something along the line of "scoundrel" or "rogue", which still makes me roll my eyes a little. But in the grand scheme of what you've sent to me, that's nothing.

Let's start with the small stuff: if the OC isn't the boss of a particular famiglia, they have no reason to act as the boss unless they are second-in-command and the boss is dead or incapacitated. The mafia is a very rule-oriented organization and any sort of betrayal of the leadership hierarchy is going to be frowned upon by literally every active member of the mafia. It's a basic sign of respect and the mafia is really huge on respect and public image if they deal directly with the rest of the world. Assassins tend to be a little different in terms of public image, but even then they still understand how to respect others or feign it at least. Otherwise, they'd be deemed unreliable and probably cast out of the mafia. 

Secondly, does her killing her family mean her immediate family or members of the mafia (or both, if her parents were part of the same famiglia as she was)? If she killed her immediate family, why the fuck would the Vindice lock her up, as she isn't committing a crime against the mafia as a whole? And if her parents were a part of the same famiglia/she killed members of the same famiglia, why the fuck would her famiglia want a killer back?

Thirdly, the Vindice prison is a ridiculously protected place for the worst criminals in mafia. While famiglias can negotiate the release of one of the occupants, this is very rare and takes a great deal of persuasion/bribery. Otherwise, breaking someone out of the Vendicare Prison is insanely difficult and has only happened three times. Ever. And they were basically all orchestrated by Mukuro (and Daemon Spade while he had control over Mukuro). Escaping is so improbable that not even Byakuran risked it and fucking negotiated Ghost's release. 

Next, the Vindice are a very powerful group within the mafia. While they deal with an law-breakers within the mafia, they are very good at their job and, thus, are some of the most powerful members of any famiglia. Additionally, they are all former Arcobaleno, who are the strongest people in their generation. They are rarely ever defeated in combat, let alone killed like pansy bitches.

Next, I'm hesitant about multiple flames for a single character unless they're in the TYL arc or are a genius. My guess here is that she's supposed to be the latter, which is fairly cringe-worthy to me.

To add to this, the Vongola family is the strongest family in the mafia. No goddamn exceptions! The Farabutto family might be gaining notoriety or something, but they will NEVER exceed the Vongola in terms of strength of any kind. She needs to find something else for this family to excel in. 

Btw, relationships with a canonly shy character are going to take closer to months or years to flourish, not days. And Enma having sex? With someone who is described as cold (and implicitly cruel)? No fucking way! And there is no goddamn way in hell that she would be able to defeat Xanxus or Levi, let alone nearly kill them. This is not going to happen...like ever. And Bel calling any girl 'Princess'? No. And the reason I say so is that Bel has a very narcissistic view of himself; he believes he is a Prince and royal. No one else can match him in terms of nobility and, based off of the way he treats literally everyone except Xanxus as a slave, the best he would ever consider someone else is a servant or peasant. 

I'll keep my next portion brief because otherwise I'd be ranting for ages. Not everyone has the same taste in women/men. Even if she's what the author considers pretty, not everyone is going to believe she is. Not everyone likes blondes, nor do all guys like big breasts. Everyone has their own opinions on people's appearances, so not everyone would find her super cute.

Also, from a physical standpoint, having big breasts in the mafia is going to be a huge set-back. Any kind of physical activity when one has big breasts is very painful. Even with a sports bra, though something tells me that she would not be wearing one. Additionally, in a male-dominated environment such as the mafia (yes, the mafia is very male-dominated), she would probably be looked down upon as a vulgar-looking and many grunts would probably harass her for having big breasts. She would either get a reduction or wear a sports bra to prevent harassment or physical pain. 

Her box weapon as a mythological beast (Cerberus, I believe) is very Sue-ish and should definitely be changed to something that actually exists. Using needles as weapons don't necessarily make her a Sue, but the similarities to Bel's knives/the connection to senbon in general make it very cliche in my personal opinion.

And finally, no to hats with changing moods. That is fucking ridiculous. Please don't do this unless the object in question is imbued with magical qualities, which in this fandom doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Sorry for the lateness of this post and if anything was overly blunt/rude, but better to be honest.

Warm regards,

~Mo

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Hi! I'm Wally's creator, about the whip/cable weapon, it's an artificial intelligence that he developed not long after joining Varia. It's main purpose is to suck out electricity from any other devices and transfer it to other applicants; the other is to protect the user from any harm. Also, thanks for the review! I'll try to improve his traits and backstory!

Not bad. Actually, it sounds really cool and inventive, if a little difficult to visualize.

Hope everything was helpful!

~Mo

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You should read Match Made In Hell by Marce5500 on FanFiction. Most of the stories on there is usually about rebirth or something on the lines of that. This one is were the character is the student council president.

Sounds like I've got some reading to do *pulls out glasses because Mo is almost legally blind*

~Mo

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Mo IT'S C-ANON I MISSED YOU HI DID YOU READ THOSE STORIES AT ALL :o

I'm about ready to read them. But I need to get around to finishing up some older reviews. I started looking at one fic OC and I'm already cringing at the name of the family. *shudders*

~Mo

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Nimie-OC

First of all,i would like to thank you for helping me!You made me realize what was wrong in my OC and the points i needed to change.Finally i got the final form of my OC, thank you much for your help! :3

Name:Nimie Morioka(守丘ニミエ)  -The kanjis means “protect” and village”- Age: 15(Present)/25(TY) Birthday: October 22 Nationality: Japanese Blood Type: A Height/Weight: 5’4”/ 120 lbs

This is still believable, though it looks to be getting close to underweight, which would be a problem for someone who's active in the mafia. I don't think it's as bad as some of the other height-weight ratios, but it's definitely not an ideal weight for someone who's physically active.

School: Namimori  Grade: The same as Tsuna  Famiglia: Vongola Flame: Storm(PRESENT)/MIST (just on TYL) Personality:Nimie is easygoing, carefree, reckless, tomboyish, playful, stubborn, and sometimes hyperactive. She has shown to be very knowledgeable and studious. She jokes a lot, and sometimes annoys the crap out of people.Likes to fight and take care of her panda, her favorite food is chocolate and her favorite drink is orange juice.

Elaboration is the key here. Why does she make so many jokes? What sort of things does she do that annoys other people? How does this make her interact with others? What makes her want to fight? If you put down traits in this way (which isn't bad by any means), be prepared to explain how this effects others and the character herself.

-Her nickname in the mafia is Akumie(バクミエ)that mix her name "Nimie" with Akuma (悪魔)" that means Devil.

How/why did she get this nickname? It's a pretty bad-ass nickname for someone who's only 14.

Weapon:Nimie is very intelligent, especially in the technology area. She usually performs missions that invade the enemy’s base. Her principal weapon is hacking. She is used on missions to invade the enemy’s sistem with her special virus that she created. Once she has access to the data, she can access and control to all information, cameras, doors, everything on the enemy’s system. Her battle weapon is a Metal baseball bat.

Just so you're aware, her use as a hacker would mean she wouldn't be doing a lot of field work. She would most likely be in a remote area where someone could physically insert a disc that has her virus on it and she could access other parts of the mainframe from her own base. 

Also, why a baseball bat? Is there any real reason why this is her predominant weapon?

Box Weapon: Panda Past: Unknow

Careful about unknown pasts. If this is just because you haven't come up with anything concrete yet, that's fine. It starts becoming a trope when Nimie herself doesn't know about her past. Plus, a known past would give you a lot more to work with on her personality.

Crush:N/A

Relationships:

Tsunayoshi Sawada(Tsuna):Her relationship with tsuna is similar with dino's relationship with him,not thinking of Tsuna as a young brother like Dino do, but treating him kindly,they too get along well. She thinks that Tsuna is a little useless now but really believe that he can change the vongola family.

So if she thinks Tsuna's a little useless, what about him and her relationship with him makes her believe he'll change the Vongola family? Would she have had this kind of optimism for anyone who was chosen for this role or is it just because he's the main character?

Gokudera Hayato: They know each other since she was in Italy, they weren't exactly friends but they did some work together, now that they both are in namimori they became closer, he is someone that she can trust, she likes to tease him sometimes, but she always ends surrounded by bombs.

What was she doing in Italy? And why does she trust him so much when he has a fairly short-temper and uses dynamite? 

Yamamoto: She likes Yamamoto’s easy going ,because of this he is someone that she really like to talk and stay with,they are good friends.

This seems like one of those generic Yamamoto opinions from my perspective. I'd like to see what more she does or doesn't have in common with him to get a better feel on how they might interact.

Hibari:Nimie don't know much about him,she just know that he is the  strong  cloud guardian of the Decimo.She is happy that they could make such a strong person be on the vongola side.

This is certainly better than fangirling about him or saying she would like to challenge him/prove she's strong. That being said, it could use just a smidge more depth because (unlike Mukuro) he does interact with the Vongola family directly.

Ryohei: Nimie likes the way he is "extreme".She is very hyperactive too,so they make a lot of things together.

Would she really like all of the "extreme" things she does? And even though she's hyperactive, she is a tech girl at heart. Her physical capacity would probably not be close to Ryohei's.

Mukuro:She never talked to mukuro,she personally don't have much interest in him.

Vague, but it works because Mukuro very rarely interacts with the main Vongola family. This is fine.

Dino:They are really close,Dino and Nimie know each other for a while,he helped her when she was on Italy too.

Gonna ask this again: what was she doing in Italy if she's from Japan? Furthermore, why do Dino and Nimie know each other? 

Tada~

I just have one question,is it possible to pair her with someone?(I wanted to pair her with Xanxus)

To the pairing with Xanxus, I'm going to say no. She is WAY too young and her personality would frankly irritate Xanxus to no end. 

Depending on how you choose to proceed with her past, she could be a good pair with Yamamoto, but unless you're willing to do some major alterations to her age, personality, and affiliation with Tsuna and the gang, I'd ditch Xanxus as a love interest.

All in all, she's ok, but I'd need to know her past before I can make any definitive statements about her overall character. From there, her relationships and personality traits would need some revamping, but she's not bad in the slightest. 

Hope this helps!

-Mo

[hitmanrebornreviews]

I was wondering if you could review Royalty, by Royalty-Kyuubi on fanfiction, OC's. I personally like them and I was wondering your personal opinion on them.

Sure thing. I'll be one of the last things I do for this blog, but it'll be going off with a bang (or a blood-curdling scream depending on the OC).

-Mo

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was going to ask a question about oc characters that are family with canon characters , but when I saw your blog, and I read the posts, I depressed too x,DDD, so I decided to delete all the data on my ocI have to write it again, but not how to do it properly,as there are things (like CEDEF) that according to your words, is bad for a young ageso my oc is set to 0, no history again this basis, nothing to link him to the canon story I'd really like someone to help me T___T sorry my bad english

Don't worry about bad english. I can try to give some feed back/bounce off ideas either privately or through a possible new blog. Just let me know if you still have any questions, ok?

Hope this helps (and sorry for the hiatus)

-Mo

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Aye, hope you won't mind a question or two. Or three. What do you think of next generation stories revolving around a more mafia-ish setting? Secondly, do box animals compensate on a weakness of its owner, or is a sort-of-symbol or its owner's fighting style? Are endangered animals acceptable choices of box animals?

Next-gen stories are fine in my opinion, so long as the next-gen characters are their own beings and not simply clones based off the original cast. 

To me, box animals tend to focus on the properties of the user's flame, but whether you want them to compensate for a weakness or enhance a strength of a user is entirely up to the creator and can work either way from my perspective.

And I think endangered animals can be ok if they work with the properties of the flame type.

Hope this helps!

-Mo

[hitmanrebornreviews]

Good day. I usually start with pleasantry but I don't really know how to do it here, so I might just as well go to the point. I am sorry if this sound rude. I have a friend who keep annoying me about her OC, for KHR, of course. I keep telling her that her OC is acceptable. Not the best nor anything like that but at least not a major Mary Sue yet she don't believe me. I think she will take advice from objective source. Can you look over at her OC and give her some ad vices? Sincerely.

I'll be shutting down the blog pretty soon, but I can see about reviewing the OC privately or potentially through a new, more expansive critique blog. Let me know which would work best for you.

-Mo

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Mo I miss your posts where did you disappear to C-anon misses you omg ;A;

I'm so sorry C-anon! I'm going to be answering the rest of the questions I have, but then I'm shutting the blog down. But I'll rise back like a phoenix with another blog, possibly something that I can still answer KHR questions with.

I'm sorry for the hiatus and bad news!

-Mo

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Hi! Great blog btw, really uselful to read your advices for OC's :) Now my own question that might sound dumb (or repeated xD I didn't read them all): if you're creating your own OC family, it's an instant Sue trait to create different flames, even if you try to explain the origin of them? Thanks in advance!

People will have their own opinions on different flames. Some will consider it an insta-Sue trait. I don't follow that philosophy personally, but it is incredibly easy for original flames to become Sue traits. Essentially, each new flame needs to have its own unique quality/ability that can correspond with one of the Vongola flames. The Shimon earth flames can be a good way to base original flames off of, as they match the Vongola flames, but are representations of the earth instead of weather conditions in the sky. 

That being said, it's very difficult to make new flames, which is why I would generally advise against it. It takes time, thought, and research to hone all of the traits together in a cohesive manner.

Hope this delayed answer helps!

-Mo

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Hi! I need some advice for an OC of mine. I'm not sure what to give her for a weapon and I don't want to give her something cliche. I'm thinking about giving her an Omi Yari or Bagh nakh.

Both could be fine ideas. My main point would just be to make sure that there's a reason your character uses the weapon he/she uses (whether it's because of where he/she is from or something else) and not just because it seems cool or it's simply to not seem cliche. If there's some significance behind the weapon use, it makes the character much cooler. So if she's Japanese, I'd say the Omi Yari would be fine. If you wanted to use the Bagh nakh, it would be less cliche if she was born or raised in India.

Hope this helps!

-Mo