hello, please read this short introduction and boundaries list before requesting!!
reblogging this will be much appreciated!! :)
firstly hello, I'm Star ☆ and I enjoy reading and writing about Enstar characters so I made a separate blog for them;
I am an adult writing NSFW so please if you're under 18, do not interact with those posts; this blog will be mostly NSFW and some SFW, so be cautious when scrolling, Thank you.
OKAY
Multiple characters x Reader
Characters x Anzu
Reader x Anzu
Characters x each other
Male reader
Fem!Stars
NSFW up to mao-anzu (basically grads of 2023)
Platonic sibling writing (Please Req I'm weak for siblings)
Dub-Con, CNC, multiple characters, Free use
blood is okay, crying is okay, cum is okay
NO
NO scat, piss kinks, etc
NO incest
NO pedophilia
NO student x teacher or anything along those lines
NO big age gaps
NO violence
NO broken bones or anything for nsfw purposes
NO NSFW for Tsukasa, Tetora, Midori, Shinobu, Sora, Hajime, Mitsuri, Tomoya, Tori, Hiiro, Aira, Kohaku, 2wink.
if unsure of a certain kink then just send me an ask and I'll let you know how comfortable or uncomfortable I am with said kink!
Other than that please request or ramble whenever you'd like!
sakuma rei but uhh in this one position i do not know names but its just standing and he holds your arms back whilst pounding you actually this reminds me maybe I should look up position and do one of those request things like your breeding kink one but I just put positions? we shall see!
dw I dont know position names either. it’s better for the imagination to describe it anyways
oooh talking abt different positions sound interesting, but idk how you’d be able to do it in like a written format w/o it getting repetitive after a while. like personally I would simply tell my anons that everyone likes mating presses and not elaborate
me trying to force a breeding kink down every es ch.. like yes the sakumas don't want kids but they DO want you pregnant.. leo is literally an overly energetic puppy but he wants kids too!!! I swear!!!! (doesn't explain why or how it'd work)
Good evening it is the weekend so I must say something.
been OBSESSED with kanata lately. need to push him on a chair and cockwarm him with no questions asked whilst leaving soft kisses and bites all over his neck. wish he was into games or something so I could do that as he plays games but whatever.. I'll imagine it instead it's Canon in my head..
- 🫧
don’t worry, just cockwarm him in the bathtub! or if you wanna throw in a bit of exhibitionism, do it while he puka pukas in the sky garden pond or in a small pool. will admit it will get boring just sitting on his cock though, maybe you could watch fish videos on your phones?
giggling cause I've been obsessed with jellyfishes so I'm just gna keep asking him questions about fishes and jellyfish whilst he's inches deep inside me, just another normal day normal conversation I don't even think he'd mind it
GOOD EVENING FRIEND I AM BACK. (just this weekend tho) HOW R U? I hope you're no longer sick!! please drink golden milk and boost your immune system (if you wish to do so)
- fem!tsumugi ramble?!?
since its tsumugi day I was thinking about all the fem tsumugi fanart that is out there and how she always has big titties, I think she'd absolute love to have them bitten and licked, I also whole heartedly believed she's someone who unknowingly arches her back during it pushing them in your face further but nobody complaining, I think her inner thighs would be very sensitive so she'd enjoy her thighs being slapped as she sits on her knees like a good girl... I also want to talk about how she would love having fingers in her mouth as you use your strap or cock whichever, in her, its a super pretty sight i have in mind like just her sucking and gently biting on your fingers as you ram into her? I still love her titties can't live without them..
- fem!eichi tsumugi and keito ramble including breeding by the five eccentrics?!?!
also oh my goddddd I can't stop thinking about fem!eichi fem!keito fem!tsumugi and the five eccentrics just taking their stress out on them and breeding them whilst teasing their chests I'm so sorry this is stuck in my head please!!! they have so many reasons to make those 3 into their personal cumdumps especially rei??? rei and keito?? childhood friends??? rei and eichi?? roommates after all she put him through??? rei and tsumugi would probably be softer but he's not afraid to bend her over and force her to, talking about how she's too naive and innocent or whatever
I think wataru would probably stick to just fem eichi especially after finding out her little crush on him?? oh he'd breed her gently for HOURS, where as natsume and shu would use her like no fucking tomorrow, no way she's not coming out pregnant after those two?? especially knowing they'd put her in the most humiliating positions ever, and sooner or later in breeding presses.. oh god..
fem!keito probably doesn't really get used by anyone but rei I'm sure rei will keep her full and pretty, I'm sure just rei will be enough for her to not walk properly for a while, or maybe rei decides to share her with kanata just watching how much more gentle kanata is before slamming his own hips into her now, very sensitive, hole
and fem!tsumugi?? yeah... natsume dragging her to the secret room and making her scream her lungs out, no other way, but hey? five eccentrics they'll live up to their name and make the most of their school year right? everytime they get annoyed about one of their schemes they simply drag one of them to one of the rooms and force their cum in them, I think it's pretty cool i would not mind being any of the three girls!
also I don't know where I'd fit kanata to be honest? I think he's the kinda guy that would keep the girls bent over but he'd be very into keeping their wrists tightly held behind their back or the wrists on top of their head, though I'm not sure exactly who he'd prefer out of the three, I also believe he's more into forcing them to take him down their throat, and maybe he'll cum on their face or chests simply cause it'll be humiliating, especially having to clean themselves or how they can smell him for the rest of the day as they sit in class all prim and proper what not- but that doesn't match my breeding kink so. I dunno!!! maybe he just got a need to slam his hips into the ones who upset him and his friends! plz do give your opinion on kanata THANKS I HOPE UR DOING WELL FREN!!
- 🫧
(what is golden milk,,,) but yes I’m doing better now ty!
okay I’m thinking about this too much as well. something about eccentric group sex is soooo. mmmm. going under the cut
Okay first, big agree with just using Femmugi and playing with her tits. I ADORE the idea of cockwarming her while just. biting her chest, leaving lovebites all over them. she’d definitely arch her back instinctively, all the better for me.
Okay eccentric time. Rei is railing ALL of them. He doesn’t wanna get first dibs unless the others insist because he doesn’t mind getting sloppy seconds at all, might as well let his friends have fun first you know? Plus I think he has a bit of a voyuerism thing. He has such different dynamics with all 3, he treats Eichi like the whore she is and is rough with her, knowing she doesn’t enjoy being handled as fragile. Keito, he’s so teasing with, not too rough but takes his sweet time. Tsumugi honestly like you said he’s pretty sweet with her, he probably gets along with her the most so Rei’s really soft and just enjoys playing with her boobs.
Natsume obviously has a Tsumugi bias, even if he doesn’t hate her anymore he’s still VERY rough and mean with her, so most of the time he’s the one railing her over tables and desks whenever he feels like it. He does still have that Eichi grudge though so that’s where all the rest of his hate sex goes towards. He gets bored of breeding Mugi all the time you know?
Shu pretty much hates all 3 but as much as I’d love for him to fuck all 3 I think he’d concentrate on Eichi since it’s specifically about breeding. He prefers getting stress out in others ways but he can’t resist giving the Tenshouin heir a bastard, something about ruining her life in return.
Wataru’s definitely not in it for the hate he’s in it for the SEX. Of course he can’t keep his hands off Eichi, but the other Eccentrics know Eichi would enjoy that the most so they relegate him to Keito fucker. Rei WOULD fuck Keito a lot too, but consider Wataru a tap out for when Rei is fucking one of the other 2 instead. Eichi gets fucked by all the others so her holes are a bit busy, so Keito’s duty as right hand woman is to be another breeding hole for Wataru.
Kanata..yeah I agree wouldn’t really be into hate sex either. If I had to delegate a position to him it’d be to cockwarm them while they’re bathing so that they’re always comfortable and full. Him just watching them get fucked would be good too though, if they’re lacking the equipment to keep them restrained he can pin their wrists down or lift a leg up for easy access. If you really want him to fuck someone though, probably Keito since she was the one responsible for his execution.
BITES FIST... SO VERY REAL especially the whole eccentrics would push wataru towards keito rather than eichi
I giggled i love the whole full idea sooo much I'm gna have to write more I'm afraid.. the idea is just so... AND YEAH I really can't see kanata in it maybe he'd be in on aftercare but yes!
eccentrics would definitely spend a whole night breeding em also I'm absolutely OBSESSED with reis different dynamics like oh my goshhhhh you look over at rei and he's completely different with each of em? asking keito how much of a whore she is whilst he teases her just by using his tip constantly in and out till she begs him to fuck him? I think yes... and like said eichi would want to be bent over and fucked like a slut with no other thoughts but again shu and natsume also got that one down.. I believe at some point those 3 WOULD? share eichi, even if its for a round, I suppose it'd be good to have kanata there during that time for keito or tsumugi... but my goshhh... eichi would be so.. full.. once the night has ended, I mean sure the other two would be too, but I believe eichi would definitely have bruises on her hips and wrists, she can have fun trying to hide those
keito would just have tears of frustration, HANDPRINTS on her ass maybe thighs? and her throat would be sore with all the screaming due to the teasing from rei plus lets be honest.. wataru even if its not hate sex doesn't mean he'd go any slow or any soft.. he got that stamina he shall use it!! and oh my god oh my godd!!!&*@&#@ MIRROR!?! please please please rei using keito infront of a mirror, grabbing her up by her hair and forcing her to look into the mirror at herself as he finally cums very very deep in her just to continue fucking her?? or maybe he just holds her down and forces her to watch all the cum ooze out at the end of the night... going another round, a last one, maybe at this point she's far too sensitive so he puts on a gentle mask saying he'll be nice, and so he IS slow but definitely NOT soft, she'll be feeling him inside her for the rest of the week, and wataru?? dear lord.. he'd go at it, and if we go back to mirrors he'd force her on her feet and have her hands at a table as he goes at it, and if he sees she's not looking then I believe he'd be into spanking, he wouldn't even tell her to look up, she just has to figure out why he's going "bad girl, bad girl" whilst slapping her ass so harshly (HE DEFO HAS HUGE HANDS BTW!!)
natsume and tsumugi are also perfect.. he doesn't hate her but I'm sureee for a night he wouldn't really mind bringing back his hate for her mindset back then, one thing to another and he's rolling~ but imagine natsume and rei sharing her, one in each hole as she wraps her legs around reis hips? and natsume in the back good lord.. I'd go insane with how harsh natsume would be, I also think he'd pull her hair every now and then, where as rei would hold her up still being fairly gentle as he leaves soft kisses all over her neck and probably uses his mouth on his tits?! he would so praise her... its like rei praising her in one ear for taking them so well and natsume calling her a slut for how she takes them with such ease..
also I know this is breeding but I mentioned it earlier, at some point I hope they cum on their pretty titties too or ass or over the inside of their thighs, probably at the end since it'd get too messy for them elsewise (plus shu and natsume would start throwing tantrums) but yes.. just so... imagine lining all three of them at the end of the night on their knees and they're all so messy and red, some cum and tears here and there, sweat.. definitely!! and then just 4 guys coming all over their chests and mouths? forcing them to taste what's inside their holes... maybe even 5 I'm sure kanata would be fine joining here...
peak aftercare tho esp since wataru and eichi would work together , tsumugi and natsume also rei and keito have the whole company work together yeah, peak aftercare plus kanata got all that energy saved up to help out those three and shu would also help, guilt bone
The upcoming Hiyori and Arashi fics 👁👁👁👁👁 omg…. I’m so excited
Hehe they shall be up next week~ I start my finals tmrw so unfortunately... but yes those two are both half written in my drafts so they should be the first ones out!! the rest however... those will be out after mid June once I finish my finals </3
sits down. how does it feel to be the one answering anons now. -rei
brings you a cup of nice iced coffee. IM CRYING.. I FEEL BAD FOR ALL THE SPAM I SENT 😭😭 but it's also nice.. its FUN, I can't wait for finals to be over argh
just wondering if you could consider a part 2 of the angst rei fic? in which after some time, reader decides to go to Japan and watch undead's live without rei knowing qwq. im bad at stories but i think it'd be interesting if they met each other again, angst and stuff lol, maybe even a happy ending T_T
also, feel free ignore this if youre not interested! but anyways, thank you :)
anon.. I'm so sorry </3 I can't because the story was based around how Rei made reader stay in their country by leaving for Japan and breaking up with them, meaning reader was able to pursue their own career and happiness in the country they lived in rather than compromise and leave their dreams behind just to stay with rei, that was the main thing and main reason as to why rei broke it off (and the main reason for reader pushing him away and letting him go back was cause they saw the signs of his body breaking down due to all the back and forth he does)
I'm really sorry!! maybe I can write something along those similar lines of yours for rei in the future but it really can't be a part 2 🥹🥹
gn!dom!reader x sub!kaoru, (established relationship) kaoru cries and the reader comforts him, some degrading at the start, some fluff in the middle and it ends on a gentle note with lots of sweet and gentle sex!! it's what kaoru deserves hehe and aftercare of course!! (I love aftercare)
a/n: don't lie to your sexual partners!! (don't be like kaoru.)
a/n 2: kaoru speaking is in bold + italic
being a producer means taking care of your idols' needs right....? Well... Kaoru is a bit too needy for your liking...
"Rather eager aren't we?" you hear Kaoru chuckle, he sits on the bed, his back against the headboard, his white t-shirt somewhere on the floor, as your hands quickly undo his belt and pants
"not my fault that you've been acting like a needy whore" you speak harshly, spitting on your hand a few times and grabbing up his length, pumping it a few times, as you fail to notice that his whimper came from your degrading, not from a place of pleasure
you stop for a moment as you swiftly pull off your shorts and underwear, settling down on his lap as you look back at a red-faced Kaoru with slight tears forming in his eyes
"what's wrong?" you speak gently as your hands go back to his length between your legs, not quite stroking him, instead your thumb moving in a soft circular motion against his sensitive tip. He doesn't answer except mumbling a small "nothing" as he pulls his jacket on top his face... is he that embarrassed?
"..you good to go?" you ask back slightly worried
"mhm, green" he answers, his face still hidden under his jacket as you nod and start moving your hand up and down his length, yet, unlike earlier you stroke it at a gentle pace, almost testing the water as he lets out loud moans, letting his jacket slip off his face as he grabs the bedsheets instead,
"is the little slut enjoying the gentle treatment? tell me Kaoru, do you deserve such a treatment after how you acted today?" you speak at him coldly but keeping a gentle pace- after all.. you did believe that your rough pace was the reason for his reaction earlier, so why not switch it up to a gentle one?
but to your surprise he sobs out "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" a few times and a "please don't be so mean" with those loud cries as he lets tears stream down his face, immediately making you let go of his length as you pull him into a hug
"hey hey~ don't cry sweetheart.. what's wrong... speak to me hm?" you speak to him in a much more gentle and caring voice, sound barely above a whisper, not to scare or overwhelm him as you run your clean hand through his hair gently, his sobs weakening as a few sniffles are all that's left before he speaks
"s.. sorry.. I thought I could handle it.. you know.. you taking out your anger out on me and all- I mean I deserve it right so-" your own heart breaking at his words as you let out a distasteful chuckle, cutting him off
"no no, it's fine really, be more honest with me alright? you deserve to have fun, to feel good, regardless of what I want, having fun isn't worth it if you don't feel good 'kay?" you speak with a soft giggle kissing his forehead as you reach for your clothes before Kaoru grabs your wrist,
"mm? don't you want to take a break?" you look down at him on the bed as he shakes his head, a soft blush appearing on his face as he whispers out gently;
"..please? can you.. take care of me tonight?" he asks in a small and soft voice, showing you his most vulnerable side, whilst you reach down and push your lips against his in a gentle manner, the kiss sweet and comforting as he likes them, making him smile into the kiss as he practically melts in your hold,
you gently push him down, his back flat on the bed, head on the pillows as you grab up some lube and apply it accordingly before getting on his lap and kissing him again,
"you sure you want to bun?" you ask him tenderly before he nods happily, allowing you to carefully pull himself inside you, letting the feeling of him stretching you out linger through your whole body, hearing his gentle hisses and whines as your warm walls hug him, his soft whimpers being the cherry on top to your own pleasure
"you're so good for me~ always being a lovable boy" you whisper against his lips as you start moving your hips up and down his length at a gentle pace, watching him throw his head back and moan at the words, the sensations he's feeling overwhelming him with love and pleasure, seems like he likes being pampered huh?
keeping up a good pace, you let your hands run all over his chest, gently brushing over his nipples as he trembles just at the slightest touch, the pleasure becoming too much
"you look so pretty like this, so beautiful.. like the prettiest boy out there" you speak out breathlessly, both due to how pretty he looks as a few tears drip down his cheeks, with slight drool coating his lips due to the love he feels and breathless cause of how good you feel moving your hips against him
"fh.. feels so good... never felt it this good.." he moans under you as you continue to rock your hips against his for a few more minutes, one of his hands at your hips and the other on your cheek, pulling you in for another desperate kiss as more and more tears drip from his eyes, the soft blush darkening slightly as he feels you bite his lip gently and teasingly before letting out a high pitched moan
"you're such a good boy, doing so well for me" you whisper directly in his ear as you use your thumb to wipe away his tears, both of his hands coming up to your hips now and shakily holding them
"please.. can I please- ah~" you watch with a slight giggle as he shuts his eyes tightly, his grip on your hips becoming stronger as you continue with your movements
"go on~ I'm close too" you moan out, biting your lip at the feeling of his length twitching inside you as he cums deep inside, whining at the feeling as he lets out a few small moans and whimpers of your name as you continue on a little more reaching your own high with a few of your own high-pitched noises before laying on him as his hands wrap themselves around you almost immediately.
"I love you" you both end up giggling as you speak at the same time
"how was that? you were so lovely today" you speak gently to him, you own eyes shutting due to the work you put in, his hands being all over your waist and back, as you rest your head on his chest not helping your drowsiness at all as you let out a small yawn,
"it was good... like real good... I love you, thank you" he speaks, kissing your forehead but he's visibly exhausted as his eyes shut, drifting him to sleep quickly.. seems the emotional and physical exhaustion caught up to him too huh? you let out a small yawn before snuggling up closer to him, drifting off to sleep like him, with a sweet smile on your face, after all... cleaning up can be left for later right? what's better than to fall asleep holding each other as his length sits deep inside you.
okay unless I'm in and out of the hospital, here is the plan for the smuts (they'll all be late #finals first, either way everything will 100% be out by the end of june)
fem hiyori x fem reader
crybaby kaoru x gn reader
bottom/forceful submission natsume x gn reader
ritsu - sleep sex (dc) x fem reader
giggly sex w leo x ? reader - undecided
whiney bottom koga who refused to breed you x fem reader
sweet after date sex w adonis x gn!reader
virginity loss (fem!reader) x arashi
2 pieces up for rei~ one is ore!rei based specifically the other is something else and I'm excited to have that something else one out I love that piece and idea sooooooo much its crazy... (I think I'll make a third one or make one of those two a male reader whilst the other one stays fem reader)
Izumi sena x gn!reader - domestic fluff, light-hearted teasing.. just things I believe Sena would do around his partner ie put his hand on the corner of a table whenever you try to pick something up etc
dating Izumi Sena is an absolute dream, he has it all, from the pretty face to the golden heart, sure he loves to scold you! but that quality sits at the very top on your list, after all, how could anyone resist smiling when he scolds you for small things such as not cutting your nails properly? Especially when goes ahead and does it for you?
however Izumi Sena and his tsundereness is not an easy thing to understand at all, why does he call you stupid through the whole day but then kisses your forehead and make sure you’re all tucked in under the covers when he believes you’re asleep? why is it that he gets irritated at you for being clumsy and yet everytime u lean back, his hand flies behind you, just in case you fall? why does his hand fly to the corner of the table everytime you lean down to pick up something you dropped? and mostly, why does he only do these things only when he believes you won’t found out? what’s so bad about showing your love, to the person you love?
“AH Fuck!” something tells you trying to figure out Sena’s love language whist cooking was not the best idea, the something being a bleeding finger
“are you alright? oh god” Sena gasped out
“did you just .. jump off the last 3 stairs for this?” you spoke softly as he ran your hand under cold water
and all you could do whilst he fixed you up was just stare at him with a gentle smile, his bottom lip was held tightly between his teeth, and his eyes were squinting, making sure he’s disinfecting everything properly, and him leaning down slightly? gave him the cutest fluffed up bangs, so who could blame you when you decided to pat his head?
“y/n.” he spoke up, in a serious tone too, but why does he look so timid right now? is he perhaps shy? is this what all of this has been about so far?
“senasenaaa” u giggled at the nickname as he stood up straight
“you know this is all your fault right?” you continued on
“oh? how so? was my pretty face keeping your thoughts too occupied?” he leaned back against the wall smiling, almost smirking as he boasted about his pretty pretty face
“no actually, i was wondering why my boyfriend kisses my forehead every-night when he thinks i’m asleep but chooses to flick my forehead all the time during the day?” you deliberately chose on not mentioning him looking out for you since you knew he’d only flip it back on you by mentioning how clumsy you are
“.. you’ve gone so stupid that you’re hallucinating is all that i’m getting from this conversation” he spoke back, the tip of his ears going red
“oh is that so dear boyfriend?—” you interrogated whilst walking closer to him
“—or is it just that THE Izumi Sena might actually be shy when it comes to showing his love? or might be too shy to admit that the love of his life has him whipped?” you spoke teasingly, your hands on the sides of his face as you made him look at you, your noses almost touching now
“it’s not that.. see you’re already teasing me now!” he groaned and leaned back on the wall again
“aw is my baby shy? does he need a hug?” you laughed as you pulled him into a hug, his head on your shoulder as he continued groaning (whining)
“it’s not that i’m shy about being rejected by you, or that i don’t like admitting how in love i am with you, it’s just that scolding you and teasing you makes me feel closer to you, and it’s less scary to tease than be vulnerable, and not to ignore the fact that you look adorable when whining” he ranted on, mumbling the last part, his hands now placed on your waist, holding you tightly as his face warmed up at his own confessions
“ ‘zumi, you know you have my full attention at all times right? and besides, we already said we’re taking things slow, you don’t have to open up straight away andddd you don’t have to tease me to get my attention, although your teasing can be cute sometimes” you laughed softly whilst playing with his hair, his head still on your shoulder, face hidden away
“yeah yeah well! i hope you got your answer as to why your boyfriend is so hot and cold, can we eat now? and don’t go thinking you won’t be getting scolded for what you did to your finger today” he spoke up pushing himself off you, still refusing to make eye contact
“only if you to promise to cuddle me after dinner, with no teasing” you spoke looking back at the boy who was setting the table up
“hmm~ i’ll try my best klutz” he spoke back with a small and fairly timid smile on his face, erupting a giggle from both sides, maybe.. just maybe knowing that your boyfriend does all this to feel closer to you, just maybeee does something to your heart, he’s truly a dreamy boy huh..
rei sakuma x gn!reader - pov you are one of the students at the Yumenosaki sister schools abroad and well.. takes place around the time he decides to stay at Yumenosaki High.. whoopsies
"I see.. well your things will be ready to collect by the weekend" you spoke whilst standing up from your seat.
you slowly put your brown jacket on as you watched Rei go from looking down at his hands to looking out of the window.
and as your eyes followed his red ones you so badly wished that it would rain, that it would snow, that there would be a thunderstorm anything but the bright sunny weather, anything but the reminder of all the moments that were spent together under that bright sun, the times where Rei would drag you to the fields, to simply have u sit on the plain grass and let him lay his head on your lap, all the times where you were unable to say no to him due to his pretty face being so much prettier close up, so much prettier with that bright grin of his;
how are you supposed to deal with the sun holding your first few memories, your first few kisses shared, your first "I love you" spoken, and now even your last goodbyes are being witnessed by the exact same sun? it's rather cruel, rather unfair.
but there's a reason why this goodbye is so bittersweet, because you love him, you love him so much you waited and waited for him to come back whenever he'd go back to his home country, and this time? you waited day and night, hoping for anything to come through, a message, a call, anything. anything would've sufficed, yet no words came during those months, so when all of a sudden he called you telling you he's back in town you assumed the best, you assumed he's finally back to be with you, to finally hold you tight.
but none of that happened because by the time you reached the cafè, the boy sitting infront of you had a gloomy expression all over his usual glowy face and he apologised over and over again, and that's what made this goodbye so bitter,
you love him, he loves you,
but in life, love will never be enough,
change is inevitable, whether its a personality change or a permanant school change,
goodbyes will always come, you knew this, he knew it, this goodbye is so sweet, due to how full of love it is, letting him go because you love him, him letting you stay and move on because he loves you.
love is a damned curse, because in this world everything is balanced, the more you love, the more you hurt, the more you laugh, the more you cry,
and god knows how bad this hurts, how much worse it hurt when Rei told you about how much he hated living here, how much he hated doing his job of fixing up the sister school you go to, and how you realised that you never noticed his suffering before he left to go back to Yumenosaki? it all hurt so badly, each word he spoke was followed along with an apology and you wish to hug him, to hold him, just for one last time, to kiss him and tell him that it's okay, that you'll find a way to figure this out; together, but you can't do it, you can't lie to the boy who is pouring his heart out, you can't hold him, you can't reassure him because you no longer know what the future holds, you imagined him going back to finish his studies was the only time you and him wouldn't be together, you always imagined you'd forever and always live together, after all the plan was for you to move back to Japan with him as he’d continue his idol activities there,
you always thought that watching him come home was something that you'd see everyday, cooking with him, cleaning with him, decorating the house for christmas and various other events;
you assumed that is something you'd witness everyday, every season, every year and that's always been your only wish, whenever a shooting star was seen during your stargazing dates, whenever you had to blow your birthday candles with him always next to you. you only ever wished for one thing and that was to stay with Rei forever, and yet it wasn't written in your cards, even though you love him to the point he never once questioned your love, even though he loves you to the point you happily waited months for him, you have to let him go, even if the love you hold for each other is so strong, you have to let each other go, to grow, because every bird has to leave the nest sooner or later, even if the nest was made by the bird, it has to leave it behind, no matter how much love was given and received in that nest, no matter what,
to grow, you must let go.
and you understand that, but your tears do not,
and he understands it, but his tears do not.
and so as you walk out of the cafè you can't help but run to your car and sob.
you know this is the right choice, you trust Rei to make the right choice but that doesn't make the goodbye any less bitter, it doesn't make your heart bleed any less, you can't blame him for this being over and you can't blame yourself either, the only thing you can do is curse the universe for not writing you a happily ever after, a happily ever after that you both very much deserve.
but the universe instead chose to write a bittersweet goodbye,
bitter because he's no longer with you, you can no longer see him, hold him or kiss nor reassure him
sweet because you know how well he'll grow, how relieved he'll be once he drops all of his duties, how healthy he’ll be once he stops going from country to country every other week.
and honestly? maybe that does soothe your heartbreak more than you'd like to admit.
janainaart
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
germansingergirl
yousharknotpass
ellievsbear
jbbartram-illu
