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Dear A,

For over a year, I’ve dreamt of that moment. Two weeks ago. I didn’t actually think it would happen. Especially not now while I’m at my lowest.

Even though you finally said it, even though you held my hand for the longest time, I know that our future is still uncertain. I understand your fears because I fear them too: You’re my best friend, and you are too important to risk.

I’m scared about how happy you’re making me. I’m scared about the way you look at me, the way you smile, the way your eyes light up, like how could that be because of me? Me who is not even as pretty or graceful as all the other girls you’ve been with.

But, dear, I just want you to know that whatever happens, whatever we both decide, whether our feelings change, you will always always have me.

It’s another day of the week. You wake up. You eat. You watch tv. You wash the dishes. You stare at your homework. You play with your dog. Oh what a normal day. Then your father says he’ll bring you halfway to school and you’re grateful. So you ride in the car and everything’s fine and then you see a text message on his phone and everything caves in.

I didn’t know if I was angry or sad but I know I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because I wish I didn’t know, I wish I could turn back time and tell myself no no don’t look that way! I wish I could have gone back to just suspecting but not knowing. Because knowing hurts. Knowing gives you the burden of truth and the pressure to choose what to do with it. And it’s killing me.

“Selfie!!!” my friend shouts right after the message.

I stand up and hold onto the chair in front of me as everyone crowds our row. I hear something fall on the floor. It was a phone. I was reaching out to get it when someone grips my hand hard.

He sits on the chair in front of me and looks at me with a sad smile, all sweaty from nervousness after preaching. I blink at him for a second, trying to calm my heart down, and I manage to smile back. “Are you okay?” I ask him, squeezing his hand back. He just nods. He doesn’t let go. Maybe that’s really just how nervous he was. “Wacky!!!” my friend shouts again, holding up the camera.

I pull my hand away from his because we had to do peace signs. I was a good friend today.

sadandcool

I hate the way you talk to me And the way you cut your hair I hate the way you drive my car I hate it when you stare I hate your big dumb combat boots And the way you read my mind I hate you so much that it makes me sick It even makes me rhyme I hate the way you’re always right I hate it when you lie I hate it when you make me laugh Even worse when you make me cry I hate the way you’re not around And the fact that you didn’t call But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

babyanimalposts

status-excessu

twelvecoffee

actuates

I could tell you stories about how the stars fell just as fast as we did. Or about how we found hope in each other, when the world seemed hopeless. Or about the dreams I have every night, your name tracing the crevasses in my mind. I could tell you that you make me smile. But all I’ll tell you, is that I love you. The rest is implied.

Hello Darling (Morsus Engel)

maze-chloe

MY FAVORITE THINGS MEME: [1/?] favorite otps ♡ tenth doctor and rose tyler

“Well, I’ve seen a lot of this universe. I’ve seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods. And out of all that, out of that whole pantheon. If I believe in one, just one thing: I b e l i e v e i n h e r .”

actuates

I hope you still think of me when you’re lazily driving through the midnight haze. I hope you put your hand out to empty air, and realize the warmth is from the heaters, not my body. I hope that when the wind blows through your hair, you feel the world racing by you, the way you used to with me. I hope that those wandering roads become a destination for you, because you can’t spend forever driving nowhere with nobody. And most of all, I hope you find a way to let go and free yourself of the bags I packed for you.

I hope you know that you’re a good thing. |(Morsus Engel)| (via actuates)