𝙔𝙀𝘼𝙍 𝙊𝙁 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘾𝙐𝙋

𝘼𝙇𝙇 𝙄 𝙃𝘼𝙑𝙀 𝙄𝙎 𝘼 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙏𝙎 𝙏𝙍𝘼𝙄𝙉𝙀𝘿 𝙏𝙊 𝘾𝘼𝙇𝘾𝙐𝙇𝘼𝙏𝙀 𝙈𝙔 𝙇𝙊𝙎𝙎𝙀𝙎 𝙄𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙀𝙉𝘿

[hollandeir]

a private and mutuals only portrayal of 𝙎𝙃𝘼𝙉𝙀 𝙃𝙊𝙇𝙇𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙍 from the game changers series by rachel reid. this blog mixes book and tv canon. themes such as neurodivergence, struggling with self-acceptance, dangers of perfectionism, and eating disorders will be found here. blog is single ship !! please read rules beforehand. drafted by fawn ( 30s, she/they, mexicana )

𝘾𝘼𝙍𝙍𝘿 ✧ 𝙎𝙄𝘿𝙀𝘽𝙇𝙊𝙂 ✧ 𝙋𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙀𝙎𝙏 ✧ 𝙎𝙋𝙊𝙏𝙄𝙁𝙔 ✧ 𝙋𝙍𝙊𝙈𝙋𝙏𝙎

co-captaining with @𝙍𝙊𝙕𝙌𝙉𝙊𝙑 * ♡₊ ⋆ ݁. #𝟾𝟷 ݁

[hollandeir]

gnawing on the bars of my enclosure

[rozqnov]

‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── as the plush bear is placed in his hands , ilya holds it gingerly , only looking at / @hollandeir with thankful eyes as he tries not to be overcome with the fluttery feelings that have come over him .

it was so simple , probably mass produced , and about ten identical copies hung along with the other prizes . but something about the one that sat in his palms , the one shane had won for him , made his heart swell . such a stupid little bear , with big stupid eyes , and dark fur . fuck . ilya was going to put it in his bed later that night and he was going to look at it and he was going to think of shane with his eyes that matched the bear’s perfectly . this couldn’t have been some evil plan on shane’s part , why would he want ilya to think about him like that ? plenty of things ilya could chalk up to things that friends just did , like the finger that pokes his arm now . but this ? why did this feel so different ? 

Iiya only snaps out of the moment when shane’s voice finally breaks him . he thinks that shane’s voice could pull him down from any height that his brain took him to , even in the loud flurry of the festival . ilya nods his head , swallows down his nerves that he built up himself thinking about shane potentially having feelings for him back , and finally manages to pull his gaze from the bears . he tucks it under his arm like something that needed protection but quickly grabs shane’s wrist in the same movement . needing to get some of his energy out now , giddy from the time spent in shane’s company , ilya runs the two across the crowd to the game they had somehow both settled on for ilya . that shouldn’t feel different either , but of course , it does . 

❛ why do you bet this ? because i am so big and strong ? ❜ ilya slaps his own dollar down on the counter , before handing the bear over to shane in exchange for the balls from the game worker . ──── ❛ take care of him while i play . let me show you how to do this , kid . ❜ ilya stretches his neck , then crosses his arms over his chest , and makes a good show of extending his chest to warm up for the game that he already knows he is going to win . it can’t hurt to flirt , to let shane know that it was okay to look without saying anything at all . ilya cocks his arm back , breathing in sharply , and sends the ball full force with all of his strength at the bottles on the shelf . it felt like child's play as all of the bottles toppled down in a boisterous pile of clattering glass .      ────      ❛ oхуенно ! ❜ the smile on his face hurts his cheeks , happy to show shane he was just as good as him at these games but also happy to win shane a prize in return . ilya motions to the blonde , curly dog on the shelf , motioning for shane to step up and take his bounty .

[hollandeir]

❛ yeah, that's exactly why i bet that, ❜ shane says with a confident tone. he's flirting back and he doesn't even know it, too entranced by their banter and how easily it ping-pongs between them. they are evenly matched in so many aspects that the ones where they differ fall to the wayside. in fact, the more shane thinks about it, the more he ponders whether it's even fair for them to play these silly carnival games when they are both best at whatever they set their sights on. teaming up like this could mean a complete sweep at every booth, and it brings a little more color to shane's cheeks to know that despite this obvious fact, they're only here to engage in these games to show off for one another.

hugging the plush to his chest, shane watches ilya hurl one of the balls at the bottles, no doubt in his mind nor heart that ilya will win. it's a funny sensation, one that starts in his chest and travels downward to his stomach, releasing more butterflies than shane knows what to do with. he realizes, as he shouts excitedly along with ilya, that the bulk of this overwhelming feeling is pride. it's the same feeling he gets when he watches ilya play hockey, even though they're always on opposite teams. to not only know someone so skilled who pushes him to be a better player, but to get the privilege of seeing a different side of them like this makes shane the happiest he's been in a long, long time.

he takes the plush dog after returning the bear to its owner, shane clearly contemplating something as he peers down into the dog's dark eyes. looking at ilya, he holds the plush up right next to his face. ❛ maybe i should name it rozanov since it looks just like you. look! same hair and everything. ❜ the dog even looks stoic, as if he has several mysteries to unravel. shane thinks to himself that just like his counterpart, it must also be a mask to deter bad intentions. shane gives the dog's stomach a firm squeeze with both hands. ❛ hmm. i thought so. he's just as mushy as you are, too. ❜

[rozqnov]

‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── ilya gathers his supplies for / @hollandeir on the double , ( a can of ginger ale , a bag of peas from the freezer , a wash cloth from his bathroom , a container of ibuprofen ) anxious to return to the dreamily bruised boy in his room . 

he can hear the music circling the room as he pads down the hall , all together smitten by shane’s choice — the album that he had shown him on the bus . ilya wasn’t all too aware at how perceptive shane was when it came to subjects regarding ilya , but ilya felt touched that shane had decided to continue listening to songs he recommended . shane wanted to know more about all of the parts of ilya that he had yet to show anyone yet , including his music taste . and without his own real interest in music , it moved ilya to see shane going on his own journey of discovery and still picking something related to him . trying to hide his smile as he walks in , ilya stops dead in his tracks at the event unfolding before him . the smiles breaks into a ridiculous grin , following by the soft bell of his laugh in response . 

❛ oh . ohkeigh . i see what is happening . i have mr . funny - man in my room . ❜       sauntering over to the boy , ilya places all the items down on his bedside table before collecting four painkillers from the bottle . cracking open the ginger ale , he turns back toward shane , hand outstretched with the pills in his palm and open can in his other . ──── ❛ he is very lucky i am so charmed by his jokes or i would yell at him for messing around while he was hurt . his russian needs some work still , i think . but we have time . ❜  he’s still laughing , pushing the other’s shoulder in adoring defeat . shane could have laid there and not said a word and ilya would still be delighted . but shane was so selfless , he was more worried about making ilya laugh than he was about his injuries .       ────      ❛ take the pills , funny - man . then lay down . ❜

ilya returns to the side table , wrapping the frozen bag of peas in a washcloth . suddenly , he gulps , aware that he potentially might get to see the curves of shane’s abdomen again , albeit covered in bruises . ilya worries his lower lip between his teeth , determined to bury the thoughts before they can unravel him , and trying not to let his dick think for him for once in his life . whereas ilya typically finds a strong footing in all endeavors of his life , instead of spinning gracefully on his heel , ilya almost trips over his feet as he turns back to the boy in his bed . holy shit , shane was in his bed , Черт... он здесь, и он так близко .        ────      ❛ which hurts worse ? face or ribs ? ❜

[hollandeir]

ilya's reaction is worth the sharp pain in shane's ribs, despite knowing deep down that this obvious re-injury from playing while hurt is one of dumbest things he's ever done. he could've sat this game out, pretended to be sick, anything. but the thought of letting both the team and his parents down was somehow stronger than his need to rest and take care of himself, as awful as it sounds. shane is no stranger to pretending that everything is fine in order to keep the peace and ensure that no one fusses over him too much. grateful, he accepts the can of ginger ale and ibuprofen, feeling more at ease once he takes the pills and sets the can down on the messy nightstand. he will soon feel better, once the painkillers kick in. having a light at the end of the tunnel makes things more bearable.

❛ i wasn't messing around! ❜ shane protests as he removes his shoes and lies back on the bed. ❛ you told me i could pick some music, so i did. it's not my fault the closet was open and this thing was right in my face. ❜ he slowly lifts the jersey up past his chest as he relaxes further into the unmade bed, wincing out a small "ribs" as he does so. vulnerability tinges the singular syllable, shane's expression a little sheepish. there are parts of him that continue to be embarrassed over what happened, even if he knows his mistreatment couldn't have gone on forever without him snapping one day as he had. everyone reaches their limit at some point.

a quiet hiss leaves shane's lips at the initial touch of makeshift ice pack to bare skin. even so, his eyes never leave ilya's kind face, shane studying each minute change in expression without realizing he's blatantly staring in the first place. he wonders what ilya would be doing right now if he hadn't brought shane home to tend to his bruises, whether he'd be playing some other record and doing homework or playing video games on the couch in just his underwear. the second thought is one that hits shane out of nowhere, face warm and mind a mess. he averts his gaze at last, feeling almost guilty for picturing his friend in a state of undress. clearing his throat, he tries his best to keep his composure. ❛ thanks. for this, and... i don't know. being nice to me, i guess. ❜

[rozqnov]

‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── by all rights , / @hollandeir’s words should glide past him untouched . instead , they find every vulnerable place .

as shane’s hand slides from his mouth , a movement that sent ilya grabbing his boyfriend’s wrist in response , ilya can feel his breathing pick up again . sometimes ilya forgot that he was worthy of praise in the same way he gave it to shane . it was a part of the process , to take shane to that place where he did not need to worry about anything and then tell him he did a good job of letting go . the comedown was usually spent wordless with lips pressed to random parts of each other’s skin . other times , the ride of going so high up sent ilya crashing down and he needed assistance getting back up . this time , he thinks , it is just nice to feel the comfort of the man he loves and his gentle words . to fall back into the perfect pieces of their relationship with loving jabs and soft touches was enough . but as shane’s hand moves to ilya’s throat , he cannot help but feel his stomach roll . ilya’s eyes never leave shane , head still propped lazily on his shoulder looking up at him with longing . 

❛ no . i am .. just very in love .  ❜      ilya’s hand moves from shane’s wrist to tangle his fingers clumsily with his boyfriends , holding his hand to his neck . in between heavy breaths exhaled from his open mouth , ilya swallows hard , halfway aroused from the feeling of shane completely engulfing .       ────      ❛ shane ... ❜ in the same way ilya loved to be held when they curled up together under the blankets , ilya loved to be held here too . his size sometimes made it hard , shane not being able to fully put himself around the entirety of ilya . in the bath , the warm water caressing them , hearts beating quickly , ilya suddenly is overwhelmed with the sensation of shane completely around him .  he can feel his skin grow warm with the tender implications of what he was about to do . with another heady breath , ilya squeezes his fingers around shane’s , prompting him to grab the muscle of his neck with more force . 

ilya cranes , biting gently along shane’s jaw , giving his boyfriend room to do what he pleased with all of his neck . ilya’s arm , the one previously grabbing shane’s thigh , moves to place his hand on his own chest . he can feel his heart beating , the skin now clean running with rivulets of water and turning pink . connecting with his pectoral , ilya spreads his hand open to sprawl out his fingers , and slides his nipple between his pointer and middle . closing his fingers , ilya traps the piercing there between his fingers and squeezes that too , moving his hand to massage his muscle and curl the jewelry around his finger , evoking a quiet groan from his parted lips . ──── ❛ .. malysh … Прикоснись ко мне .. fuck .. touch me ?  ❜  he now he is asking for what he wants , something he barely does and usually imposes on his boyfriend . the overwhelming sensation of the bath and shane’s body and the blood in his neck moving slower makes him feel everything all at once  —  the love , the need to be fussed over , the heat .

[hollandeir]

❛ yeah? ❜ he responds quietly, but he already knows what ilya wants. it's written all over his face, made even more evident in the way he places his hand over shane's and lets the other wander along his own body, touch sensual. shane's fingers twitch against ilya's throat, restless. he can't look away either, staring right into his boyfriend's eyes as his fingers finally give a firm test squeeze. ilya's groan is enough to set shane's blood on fire. ❛ fuck, ❜ he breathes out in a whisper despite their current isolation and how loud they'd been earlier. anything else would be too much right now, shane almost feeling foolish for assuming their night was over. he'd pictured them crawling into bed after a short bath, both exhausted from the long week they'd had. as his other hand slides down ilya's chest and abdomen, shane begins to think the water might grow cold before they ever get out of the tub.

soft lips caress ilya's jaw, trailing lower until they find a suitable spot to bite and suck. shane knows ilya won't care if he marks him even more; red, angry scratches already painted across the entirety of his back. so shane does, and when he is satisfied with the darkness of said mark, he moves on to give his boyfriend's ear some attention, lobe caught between sharp teeth. the hand on ilya's thigh wanders throughout this agonizingly slow journey: up along his stomach again, across his chest, brushing ilya's hands away in order to take over. he pinches and teases each nipple, shane almost wishing they were in bed already just so he could put them in his mouth. maybe tomorrow morning. ❛ you look good like this, ❜ he nearly whines, hard again despite not thinking it would be possible this soon. ilya brings out an insatiable side of him that no one else can.

it takes longer to gather his thoughts this time, words a hazy mess in shane's mind as he desperately tries to cling onto the translation he seeks. the hand on ilya's throat remains steady, other making its way back down. shane doesn't bother with ilya's thigh again, instead taking possession of his cock ... determined to make him feel good. ❛ Ты моя. Каждая частичка тебя принадлежит мне, ❜ he finally gets out, pace unhurried as he strokes his boyfriend under the warm water. ❛ god, you're so beautiful. ❜ careful, shane flexes his fingers against ilya's throat once more and then squeezes, hard.

[rozqnov]

‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── ilya’s mouth snaps shut as soon as he realizes it has fallen open . / @hollandeir had called her eleanor . 

he wanted to take the book from shane’s hand , throw it across the room , and straddle his lap as their lips collided . but elodie was still there , sitting on the couch , watching as shane turns his attention to her . as the incorrect name falls from his lips , elodie’s head snaps over to shane , eyes growing narrow as she manages to grumble out , ( " it’s elodie . and anyway , i should go too . my friends are picking me up . " )  . and as fast as she can stand , clearly shocked by shane’s words , she is making her way towards the stairs . perturbed by the lack of reciprocation from ilya and nobody immediately fawning over her presence , she turns before heading up the stairs , ( " ilya has a curfew too , just so you know . so . " ) her final attempt to assert her dominance fails flat as ilya shouts out to her .   ──── ❛ shane might stay the night so do not worry about us . ❜ the door to the basement slams behind her , leaving a waft of her perfume and ilya devastatingly embarrassed .     

falling back onto the floor so he’s laying horizontal on the rug , ilya’s hands go to cover his face in sheepish defeat . the last thing he was expecting was elodie flying down the stairs and attempting to make her presence known . it was clear that she thought he had a girl over , evident in her words , but she was instead met with shane . and there was no way elodie even considered shane was the person ilya was interested in , that they were anything more than friends , that they were both hard from touching each other wherever their hands wanted . the moment , now seemingly ruined , having been infiltrated by someone who was clearly also interested in ilya , seems so fragile . through his parted fingers , ilya manages to finally say something once his heart stops beating like a drum .          ────       ❛ i am so sorry . ❜ 

managing to prop himself up on his elbows , ilya looks over to shane on the couch . he really had dressed him , thrown him around the room , and attempted to cover their makeout in the guise of studying . he could’ve died right there in the whitaker’s basement , shirt half unbuttoned and cheeks red with worry .         ────       ❛ she was not supposed to be here . please . do not go . ❜ lifting himself from the floor , ilya , unmoored and nervous all over again , plops himself down next to shane . placing a tender hand on his knee , still covered by the blanket ( which ilya acknowledges was used to cover his arousal with a gentle scrunch of his fingers ) .          ────       ❛ i mean . i get it if you want to . but i was having very good time . i think we both were , yes ? ❜ attempting to crush the awkwardness , ilya’s eyebrows raise and his head bobs to nod to both of their groins . leaning in closer to shane , eyes dark and lashes fluttering , ilya whimpers ,         ────       ❛ if you need convinced , i thought it was really hot when you called her wrong name . were you jealous ? ❜

[hollandeir]

shane watches elodie go, knowing he should feel at least some remorse for upsetting her. he doesn't, and he quickly decides he won't pretend to even if yuna really would be upset with his behavior. he has an argument ready to go should she ever find out about today, own voice clear as day in shane's head: she was touching my friend without his consent, mom. isn't that a lot worse than being mean for two seconds? david would surely back his son by nodding his head to agree, shane is certain of it ! elodie's parting words don't affect shane in the least, because even if ilya does have a curfew, it hasn't stopped him from sneaking in through shane's window at all hours of the night lately. he considers this statement to be a last ditch effort to rattle shane. for what reason, it's unclear, but shane thinks maybe it has to do with the fact that neither he nor ilya were enthused over her domineering presence. ❛ what are you sorry about? you didn't do anything. ❜

snapping the book in his hands shut and setting it aside on the arm of the couch, shane adjusts the blanket on his lap but does not remove it yet. his body has calmed down after the chaos of the moment, but he knows all it will take is one featherlight touch to get worked up again. ❛ what? why would i go? ❜ confusion flits across his features even as ilya gets up off the floor and joins him on the couch, eyes temporarily focusing on the hand that finds a home on his knee, shane swallowing hard when that same hand lightly teases. everything about ilya is so very distracting, shane already forgetting that they aren't alone up until he hears another door upstairs slam shut. not even that gets them to break apart this time, shane doing his best to look up at ilya instead of turning away, despite how fast his heart is racing. he doesn't want to miss anything.

were you jealous? shane shakes his head, eye contact unwavering. ❛ no. ❜ the response is sincere, earlier actions solely based on the irritation that had presented itself once shane noticed how uncomfortable ilya seemed. ❛ it didn't look like you wanted her to touch you. i was annoyed that she didn't care. that's the only reason i did it. ❜ he'd picked up the advice on how to dismiss someone quickly from julian months ago, never having found a reason to use it. shane will have to thank him later. there is the sound of another car approaching the house to honk, and shane listens as elodie exits whatever room she'd been in to leave the house and lock up. silence befalls the basement again, whatever record ilya had put on prior to shane's arrival having ended during elodie's invasion. shane pushes the blanket out of the way at last, movements cautious as he climbs over onto ilya's lap to kiss him again.

[hollandeir]

the concept of shane not listening to music in canon but my portrayal of him discovering a love language through the songs ilya shows him and then gradually developing his own music taste that branches off into something entirely his and no one else's

[rozqnov]

˖ ‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── melting down into the sheets as / @hollandeir continues to bare his heart , ilya just clings to his smaller frame tighter .

ilya’s hands find movement again , running along shane’s spine under his shirt and petting his hairline line like a kitten . it settles exactly as it should , the same as shane finding comfort in the hems of ilya’s clothes . to be entrusted with the truth of their friendship , their relationship , was not something ilya was going to take for granted . ilya knew he was not an open book either , ignoring and deflecting his emotions in turn for parties or sex was his modus operandi for most of his life . but something about being around one another gave them the security to be true . it was the only reason why ilya felt he could so suddenly unfold himself and tell shane how he felt . they were so similar , though so different . and nobody saw ilya in the way shane did . this gave voice to what ilya had been wanting to say — i like you . more than anything . just like you feel about me .

shane was anything but broken to ilya . at the very least , they were in the same boat . sure , ilya had hook ups with people in russia , but nothing was based off connection . it was based on a need to feel something , some semblance of control in his absurd life . for a while , ilya felt broken too . if the only high he could get was from a girl in a night club , then who was to say love could provide him anything at all ? as soon as he met shane , the thoughts of trying to sleep with other people left him mind . he no longer craved nights of chugging down vodka while he chain smoked out his window . he pined for this . to be held and to hold this boy from the small town he was placed in for his exchange program . the touch of his skin made ilya feel more alive than any interaction with anyone he had ever met . ilya swallows his own nerves again , pushing them down and deciding to be brave for the umpteenth time that night . there was nothing to lose at this point , and everything to gain .         ────       ❛ do not be nervous . i have never felt this way before either . i have never ... liked anyone . not like this . ❜

ilya buries his nose in the top of shane’s hair , inhaling the deep scent of his shampoo and skin and sweat and every particle of shane . he wanted to kiss him so bad , instead his nuzzles closer , feeling the softness of his hair against his nose and cheeks .         ────       ❛ i am also happy i am here . for the record , i did not think it was going to go like this . i did not think it would ever happen at all . i thought i was just going to have stupid crush and suffer for the rest of the school year . i hope i did not intrude . ❜

[hollandeir]

the concept of ilya intruding on shane's life is ridiculous, and shane expresses this sentiment by scoffing and shaking his head in disbelief, face still red. their feelings are out in the open now, left nothing to hide. a weight lifts from shane's shoulders. ❛ it's not intruding if you made everything better. ❜ words earnest and expression soft, shane risks looking at ilya again. the sliver of moonlight that falls across his face makes him look otherworldly; an ethereal being sent to save shane from the monotony and loneliness of his everyday life in hawkins. shane wishes he knew exactly who to thank for bestowing this gift of companionship upon them both.

ilya's embrace is so warm and comforting that shane finds himself yawning, whereas moments ago he'd felt wide awake, energy replenished by the buzz of their shared confessions. he doesn't want to think about the fact that ilya will have to sneak back out of the house in the early morning hours, nor how he'll have to go tomorrow night without ilya this close to him again. for now, he will enjoy and appreciate each second spent in one another's company.

❛ you're not allowed to suffer, by the way. i forgot to say that. so don't even think about it. ❜ another yawn follows this statement, shane's heavy eyelids unable to stay open with how comfortable he is. ilya's heartbeat is his sole focus now, tuning everything else out and lulling him into a deep, fulfilling sleep.

[rozqnov]

˖ ‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── ilya lowers himself into the water with one hand holding onto / @hollandeir’s and the other on the edge of the tub , wedging himself perfectly between shane’s thighs . 

an audible sigh escapes from his parted , swollen lips as his body submerges in the warm water . forehead freshly kissed , he slides himself backwards to firmly press him back against shane’s chest . head tilting back , ilya’s half dried curls cushion him as he rests comfortably on shane’s shoulder . he loves this view , watching shane from this angle as they settle into the deep warmth of the tub . grateful for his boyfriend picking out a bathtub that accommodate their large frames , ilya groans again as the water soothes his muscles and sends goosebumps down his skin . turning his head to press kisses to shane’s jaw , ilya’s free hand find shane’s thigh under the bubbles , massaging it gently . the other guides his held hand to wrap his arm around his chest , holding their entwined fingers against his chest . ──── ❛ because . i do not want to cause you pain . only good things for my malysh . ❜

ilya knows shane is not fragile . sometimes , like ten minutes ago , shane purposefully liked to push his physical limits . ilya understood , he liked it too when his muscles ached from jackhammering into his boyfriend . or when his skin bruised in hidden spots with mouth shaped blots of purple that were sore for a few days . when ilya couldn’t have the one person he needed all of the time with him , this sensation was a close second . fingers could drift over the skin and the ache of memory could draw ilya back to these moments . his nose would fill with the scent of bubble bath and his chest would pound like his heart was in the same room with shane like it is now .       ────      ❛ i know you will not break . but i still like to check afterwards . trust and all of that boring stuff . ❜ 

bringing shane’s hand to his lips , ilya kisses his palm and each finger gently . as much as he did like to throw shane around , trust was what mattered most . how could shane express he wanted those things if he did not feel safe enough to ask ? and if ilya did not carefully caress him and tell him he was beautiful and good , then how would shane know nothing was ever meant to actually hurt ? this place they created after sex , where they existed in soft pinks and lips and sighs , was what they needed after they dropped from the highs of their pleasure . the physical comfort of the others body , the processing of what they had done , the love that continued to grow through trust , was all emotional reassurance to ilya that they were cared for and in control .       ────       ❛ plus . is a nice way to say thank you for letting me fuck you until you cried . you are the one who is always saying i am nice guy . ❜

[hollandeir]

arm snugly wrapped around ilya's chest and own body at complete ease, shane smiles at the kisses along his jaw. nothing but peace and comfort fill his senses, feelings only intensifying as he witnesses ilya also relaxing into the water. the enormous bathtub had been one of the best investments when picking things out for the house, shane knowing a tub without ample room would simply be a waste of space. it's good to know his knack for practicality can be utilized in various areas of their now shared life. shane scoffs as he tunes into what his boyfriend is saying. "boring." he's heard that one too many times to count. ❛ it's not boring, it's important! but i'm just letting you know that i'm fine. i knew what i was getting into when i drove here. ❜

and isn't this how it typically goes when they steal away some time to see each other, anyway? their reunions have always been a whirlwind of discarded clothing and hushed whispers, escalating to exasperated groans and declarations of love on whatever available surface they happen to be near during that visit. the only thing that has changed throughout more recent years is the sincerity of those declarations, their strengthened bond making all other aspects of their relationship follow suit. shane can't remember the last time he left ilya's company without telling him how much he loves him. selfishly, he hopes ilya can't remember either.

❛ oh my god, shut up ! ❜ shane places one of his hands over his boyfriend's mouth when ilya mentions how he'd made shane cry, skin beneath his freckles glowing bright red. he stifles a soft laugh, not even wanting to think about how he'd looked and sounded in the throes of overstimulation, an element of shyness clouding his thoughts now that his heart rate has returned to normal. hand lowering from ilya's mouth to his throat, shane keeps his palm there, touch light. there is something oddly soothing about being able to feel the light thrum of his boyfriend's pulse underneath his fingertips, the slight flex when he swallows. ❛ you are a nice guy. even when you're being an asshole. ❜

[rozqnov]

˖ ‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── as they shuffle off the bus , ilya stuffs his hands in his hoodie pocket and falls in step with / @hollandeir . 

the rain mists over the pair and ilya wishes suddenly he had an umbrella . it would have been nice to stand closer to shane , to hold the umbrella over his head and protect him from the drizzle . the need to shield shane from outside forces grows each time they are together . from the unavoidable truths of the weather to the perpetrators of shane’s injuries , ilya could feel the walls of affection closing in on him more and more by the second . it was true that shane did not need protected , he did not ask for ilya to do this or feel this way , but he considers that maybe this is just what happens when you like someone . it is not normal to provide safe harbor for the ones for which you harbor feelings ? 

they head off down the street towards the whitaker’s and ilya turns to shane , charmed by his hood being up . bundled up in soft post game wear , shane’s freckles were alarmingly visible against the starkness of his skin . he looked like he had spent his life in sunshine , letting his skin tan while the speckles on his cheeks bloomed into something beautiful . ──── ❛ no . no . of course not . the whitaker’s are at a marriage retreat or something . and i do not not know about elodie , the whitaker’s daughter . she is probably with her friends . either way , they would not mind . we can just go to my room anyway . ❜ the daunting thought of shane being in the place that ilya slept made his skin turn warm . suddenly , the memory of whether his room was clean or dirty flew from his mind . god , it was probably a mess . there was an ash tray by the window , coke cans by his bedside , clothes probably littered the floor . maybe his black eye would stop him for seeing just how messy of a boy he was .

as they approach the house , ilya digs for his keys attached to his wallet chain . the lack of cars in the driveway prove his theories , they would be alone , and he tries not to look too nervous as he lets them inside the mudroom . motioning shane to follow him down the stairs by grabbing his hand gently after kicking off his wet shoes , ilya begins the descent to his bedroom . it wasn’t as bad as he remembered . perhaps past ilya had the foresight to keep his room tidied enough for company , even though he had no clue shane would be visiting . his plaid sheets were askew under his comforter and a few pairs of sweats were on the floor in haphazard piles .  ──── ❛ sorry . is a bit of a mess … sit on the bed , i will get you ice . ❜ ilya pads off down the hall to the storage room off the garage where the drink fridge sits , yelling out to his guest .        ────        ❛ you could pick music too , if you wanted . cd's and records are by the tv . do you want something to drink ? ❜

[hollandeir]

ilya's room is more or less what shane had expected: full of music, a little messy, rife with signs of having multiple vices. his nose wrinkles at the presence of the ashtray and empty soda cans, but the expression quickly turns to wonder and curiosity as he looks up at all the posters on the walls. shane's room is neater, things having their own place. he often finds he can't sleep if even one item is left out or haphazardly tossed into a drawer. ilya clearly doesn't have this issue, but apart from the obvious smoking and caffeine habits, shane is more intrigued than disgusted. he's sat on the bed for about two seconds. at least, until ilya gives him the go-ahead to wander around.

❛ uh, do you have ginger ale by any chance? if not, water's fine. ❜ the first thing he does is crouch down in front of the television where the shelves of physical media sit, head tilting to read each jewel case spine in the cd section. he ignores the pain in his ribs from being doubled over like this, recognizing the name of the record that ilya had been playing on the bus; shane had peeked over at his phone during the uneventful ride, wanting to remember the album for future listening. he pulls the cd from the shelf with care and inserts it into the cd player, setting the case right on top after pressing play.

something catches shane's eye on his walk back to the bed, open closet door demanding his attention. he should lie down and mind his business, the sounds of radiohead wafting from the cd player now mingling with the slight clamor of ilya rummaging around for things not too far away. shane looks to the closet, then to the basement stairs, then back again as he comes to a quick decision, once more going against the deep ache in his middle and pulling his hoodie off along with his shirt.

when ilya returns, shane is indeed sitting at the edge of the bed ... wearing one of ilya's jerseys and trying not to laugh as he puts on his best impression of a russian accent— ❛ hi. ❜

[rozqnov]

˖ ‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── never has there been a time where ilya was more entranced than he was with / @hollandeir in his bed , nipping at the sensitive skin of his neck as his hands explore his body .

shane keeps talking , saying exactly what he wants and how he feels , and ilya is on fire . with his neck tilted back and face towards the ceiling , ilya makes quick work of devouring every inch of exposed skin . sucking gently under his ear , licking a thin line along the muscle that runs from his collar bone to his jaw , adorning his neck wholly with his lips all while humming dreamily . he can feel shane stiffen against his lower stomach and drums go off in his head . how could he be doing this to shane with his lips alone ? what was going to happen to them when they finally were able to get their hands on each other ? ilya knows he will fall apart , torn to shreds by the bliss of being with shane in that way . he’s twitching too in his boxers already , hips rolling involuntarily underneath shane . as shane pulls away , he helplessly leans forward to catch him lips again , but is met with eyes wide and the din of car doors slamming outside in the driveway . if he wasn’t so turned on , he might’ve choked on the breath that is no longer catching in ecstasy , but instead transforming quickly into panic . 

hazel eyes widen with brown ones , and he’s trying not to raise too much concern , for his own sake , but also shane’s . theres a reassuring hand on shane’s cheek as he reaches for the sweater next to them . ──── ❛ blyat . they are not supposed to be . arms up . ❜      ilya’s hands tickle shane’s side with gentle coaxing , having him raise his arms to slide his blue sweater back over his head . he doesn’t want to move shane , partially because he was having such a nice time and also partially because he was very visibly hard in his gray sweats . but he has to . so he prompts shane to get up by attempting to get up himself and grabs his hand . ilya can hear the door opening now with a jangle of keys and the clomp of heavy feet . fucking elodie . her voice calls out now as ilya has shane sit on the cushion , squeezing his shoulders and giving him a blanket from the back of the couch . ( " ilya ? who’s car is that ? do you have a girl here ? you know what my mom says about girls in the house when she’s not here . you better be fucking decent . fuck that , im coming down ! " ) 

he’s shaking now , rattled as he grabs a book and flings it towards shane and dives toward the carpet near shane’s feet where his backpack sat . she’s coming down the stairs now , trotting down quickly as ilya grabs handfuls of paper to feign like they were doing homework and not both hard and covered in each other’s spit . elodie is chewing gum when she rounds the corner , blonde hair and blue eyes glinting in her silver falls tennis uniform . practice must’ve ended early and she loved an excuse to come downstairs and flirt shamelessly , ( " this isn’t a girl . who is this ? friend from school ? " ) traipsing across the carpet , elodie sits down on the end of the couch far from shane , closer to ilya , and ruffles his golden curls . ilya rolls his eyes , blatantly pissed at his makeout session being interrupted by her obnoxious entrance and constant need to inject herself into ilya’s life . she was pretty , sure . and every guy wanted her . but ilya was not every guy , very evident in his now subsiding boner as he locks eyes with shane in an attempt to apologize .  ( " i’ve never seen you before . you go somewhere else ? " ) biting his lips , ilya rolls his body to the side to avoid her touch , perturbed and truly not in the mood . ────  ❛  yes . this is shane . he goes to hawkins high . he is helping me with english project .  ❜. ilya tuts , biting his cheek to stop himself from saying anything rude . but she continues on , ( " why didn't you just ask me , rozanov ? you know i have an A in english . " ) ilya sits up now , ready for this conversation to be over so he can go back to kissing shane .       ────        ❛  because . shane is my good friend . and we wanted to ... hang out . alone .  ❜

[hollandeir]

the next few seconds are a whirlwind of getting shane's sweater back on and moving to the couch, the book ilya throws at him smacking his shoulder. shane utters a hushed "ow!" before opening it up to a random page, eyes wide when he hears footsteps coming down the basement stairs and a voice calling out to ilya. if there were ever a time shane wishes he could phase through the floor and disappear, this would be it. the blanket and book conceal what's underneath well enough, but it's the slight guilt of what they'd been getting up to moments ago that has shane's heart racing like he's just run a marathon.

the unfamiliar voice increases in volume as its owner enters the basement. if elodie is beautiful, shane doesn't know it yet, and it's simply because he cannot make himself turn and greet her just yet. yuna would skin him alive if she knew her only child wasn't utilizing his manners, but she isn't here right now ( thank god ) and what she doesn't know won't hurt her. shane eyes flick to the left a few times, an attempt to look at elodie from the edge of his peripherals. he gives up once he catches a glimpse of her ruffling ilya's hair. there is a nauseous feeling that begins to settle in his gut at this discovery, and he breaks eye contact as soon as ilya initiates it. shane doesn't know what the feeling is, but he quickly decides he doesn't like it.

❛ yeah, um... ❜ it's difficult to find his voice, but shane manages after clearing his throat and focusing on the margin of the page before him, ❛ i have a curfew and we're not even halfway done, so. we should get back to it. ❜ shane blinks a few times in rapid succession and then finally forces himself to peek over at elodie. she looks like one of those catalog models that sell athletic wear, what shane imagines is the golden standard for an all-american girl. he knows if she went to hawkins high, the entire basketball team would be drooling over her like saint bernards. shane wants to run up the basement steps and never return at this realization, but then something miraculous happens. the sick feeling in his stomach abates as he stares across the couch at her.

because elodie is not the person who'd been in ilya's bed earlier, nor is she the person who'd had their hands on ilya's bare chest, coaxing quiet groans and whines from him in the process. shane is that person. and shane has decided he doesn't like how she clearly doesn't care how uncomfortable she's making ilya right now— ❛ it was nice to meet you, eleanor. ❜

[rozqnov]

˖ ‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── ilya just snorts at / @hollandeir’s retort . 

❛ because i know you ! probably better than anyone . and i know you will like it . and i also know you keep a secret snickers in your house . ever since halloween . ❜      the hot slap of shane’s hand against his chest sends his thoughts spiraling , and as much as his boyfriend threatens him with lack of sex , ilya knows the truth — as soon as they're settled for the night , wrapped in their softest hoodies as the fire light dims , they won’t be able to keep their hands off each other . shane had planted the seed about camping , but ilya uprooted all the pureness by giving him ideas of what they would be doing while camping . aside from s’mores and hot dogs , ilya assumed they would be participating in various outdoor activities like running and kicking the soccer ball around , nothing more than that was truly set in stone . but when ilya requested the air mattress on the list of things shane needed to get , it was probably clear what he had in mind . it’s why he had to be a menace now , so shane would be needy later . he loved when shane was needy .

❛ yes , and i am not going to eat three hot dogs and drink a bunch of beer . ❜      ilya jests . once the mattress feels filled and firmed to his liking , he manhandles it over to the tent . getting it all situated , he returns to the car to unload all of the pillows and blankets he forced shane to pack . it was met with arguments about how they were going to have to wash it all now that it has been outside , but ilya fought back , declaring it was necessary for the trip . once it is all sorted and set up to look comfortable , ilya folds the opening of the tent open to hold the zipper door open , making it look inviting . ──── ❛ it does not have as many stupid throw pillows as you like but it will work , yes ? for sleeping . not fucking . ❜

[hollandeir]

shane's jaw drops at the mention of his stashed candy. touché, he supposes. but it doesn't make him feel any less embarrassed about it. sometimes after a particularly awful day, he thinks about going downstairs into the kitchen to retrieve that snickers bar and eating it all in one sitting. the thought always inevitably brings about a wave of nausea so great that it keeps him in bed with his comfy socks and whatever book he's chosen to read that week. his aversion to a growing list of foods is not what he wishes to discuss during this trip, so he shoves past with an irritated "fuck you, rozanov" and goes to set up the camp stove and fire while ilya deals with the mattress.

❛ what do you want me to do, test it? i thought you said you were hungry, ❜ shane points out as he finally opens one of the hotdog packs. getting to his feet from where he crouches, he hands the pack to ilya and takes his shoes off before entering the tent. okay, so it's nicer than shane could have ever envisioned it. and it really does look comfortable. he lies down on the mattress with care, staring up at the ceiling of the tent as he pictures what it will be like once the sun dips below the horizon line and the sounds of crickets start up. ❛ i used to be fine with a cot and a sleeping bag, now i won't be able to camp without this stupid thing. ❜

[rozqnov]

˖ ‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── ilya watches as / @hollandeir gets up , still standing there , bouncing in his rebound .

he should be incredulous that shane can flip so naturally on the trampoline , like his chosen career path was gymnastics and not hockey , but he is not . instead , he is impressed , and instantly turned on watching his husband bounce into the air and execute a perfect front flip . ilya stares into the sky for a moment , disbelief in his squint as he groans in defeat . perching over his husband , he offers a hand to him to help him stand up from the responsive surface of the trampoline . ilya gives him a little shove with his shoulder once he’s upright and giggling , dopey - smiling at shane’s need to turn everything into a competition . ────  ❛ what the fuck are you some sort of secret gymnast ? did mama yuna make you do that too ? ❜

ilya moves back , getting some momentum going , bouncing as high as he can . he’s beaming , halfway actually trying and halfway just happy that shane is finally humoring his extravagant purchase . as he makes heights , he begins to swing his arms in an attempt to figure out how he was going to do this , as he had never actually done so before . once the height feels good , he jumps and attempts to tuck his legs into his chest while forcing himself backwards . in all his glory , ilya’s giant body does not make the full rotation , sending him flopping back down to the recoiling surface in earth shattering dramatics . in a defeated ball , still cackling like a loon , ilya pushes himself up to look at shane , still pissed he could do just a front flip so easily .    ──── ❛ ok . beat that , shit head . ❜

[hollandeir]

❛ what are you talking about? of course not. it's a fucking trampoline, ilya. didn't you ever jump around on one as a kid? flips are easy on this thing if you time it right. ❜ it occurs to him then that despite how many years they've been together, ilya has not made it a habit to speak of his childhood too much. what snippets shane has gotten tend to lean towards positive anecdotes that involve irina, and no one else. he tries not to push whenever they do speak of the past, though lets ilya know fully that he is here to listen whenever ilya needs an ear.

eyes rolling, shane waits for ilya to attempt his own flip, already analyzing his form and seeing where he will fall short in terms of momentum. still, he watches ... and then stifles a laugh with his hand when ilya falls back onto the trampoline's surface. he can't help himself for long, his husband's laughter music to his ears. uncovering his mouth, shane laughs. ❛ are you sure your ego can handle it? ❜ he teases, waiting for their shared laughter to die down a touch before walking to the center of the trampoline and giving a few test jumps like earlier. once satisfied with the height he reaches on each bounce, shane entrusts his body with the confidence to do the rest. core tightening and legs tucking, he sails through the air for a second before landing on his feet this time, cheeky grin and all.

[rozqnov]

˖ ‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── the demon had been watching / @hollandeir . 

for how long , it is hard to say . time moves differently for someone who was never born and will never die . always existing as primordial matter made is difficult to say how ilya knew his name . perhaps it was something intrinsically coded into his very being , all of the parts made of the thrumming magic of the earth . as a beast , roaming the forest , it was frictionless to keep a keen eye on the mage that moved through — the one whose spirit called to him from the moment he was brought forth . there , in his human form , ilya is glowing like low burning coals , more aware than he’s been in a while . when was the last time he was in this form ? 

he cannot answer the question presented , he did not know exactly why he was lured to the dark haired creature like this . but it had been a relentless curiosity that finally made him break the seal he had set for himself , an invisible line in the dirt that he drawn that stopped him from interacting with others , for their sake and his own . the demon had seen enough loss . his eyes glint , almost golden in all their hazel gemstone beauty . ──── ❛ do you always ask this many questions ? ❜. he offers his hand , deployed like a gently floating feather , using his fingers to beckon him with a come hither motion .        ────      ❛  come .  ❜

[hollandeir]

a copse of trees finally gives way to the sight of a stranger, shane stopping in his tracks as they make eye contact. this is not who the mage had envisioned when he'd first picked up on the voice speaking to him through the dense foliage, having expected some kind of hideous beast that could tear him limb from limb. annoyance paints over shane's features now, leaves from the greenery that border them bending towards him as if waiting further instruction.

❛ do you always avoid answering? ❜ he does not move a muscle. even so, there is a low rumbling within the earth beneath their feet. shane can sense ancient roots flexing, stretching outwards in their infinite networks. shane crosses his arms, looking at the offered hand as if it is the most offensive gesture anyone could have given him. ❛ no, ❜ he says frigidly, vines slithering across the forest floor to encircle the stranger's ankles in a vice-like grip, ❛ you come here. ❜

[rozqnov]

˖ ‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── ilya does join in with / @hollandeir , dizzy off shane’s impish smile . 

he loves when shane is like this . deep down inside of shane , hidden away from anyone who wasn’t close to him , is a little brat . it was his favorite thing to evoke from shane , to push him so far into comfort that he let himself be every version of shane hollander that existed . ilya was just grateful he got to see it . when his finger assails his chest , ilya cannot help but laugh again , swatting at his boyfriend’s wrist playfully . ──── ❛ uhm . yes they literally do . you are hottest man in nhl . everyone wants what is mine . but they cannot have it . ❜ he responds playfully through clenched teeth as his own finger pokes shane in the side , in the spot that tickles everyone while gnawing kisses to his neck .

ilya feels his stomach flip . bringing up how shane was his never ceased to work ilya up . even more so when shane brings up his ability to make shane finish without even touching him . in all of its drama ,  it was truly god’s gift to ilya . his ability to please shane by just existing in that space was mind boggling . their connection was what made it work . in the same way that nobody else was able to touch those same places on ilya and make it feel like nothing else could . without trying , by just being themselves and seeking that bond , they were able to give each other satisfaction . ilya declared it years ago and it still rang true , they were ruined . nobody else would ever do . in his own ornery smile , ilya continues to attempt to poke shane in all the spots he knows makes shane squirm .        ────        ❛ to me this just sounds like a work around way of asking if i will play with your ass . is that what this is about , hollander ? how do you go from needing a hug to wanting this , pervert ? ❜

[hollandeir]

shane takes possession of ilya's hand after being poked in the side, glaring at him for all of two seconds when ilya pulls away from kissing his neck. he likes being at eye level like this, sitting on the counter with ilya snugly wedged between his thighs. it feels like home. resting the side of his face on ilya's shoulder again, shane's arms wrap themselves around his boyfriend's waist. okay, so maybe he does need another hug, even with how appealing the other suggestion is. being held like this is not something shane gets to experience often with their schedules being what they are, so he decides to take advantage of it while he still can.

❛ maybe later, ❜ he says, a smile in his voice. the levity brought to this evening thanks to ilya's mild jests is appreciated by shane, the embarrassment of his earlier upset made easier to move past because of it. shane had simply had a moment, but he'd vented and they're fine. everything's fine. and if it isn't, it will be. together, there isn't a storm they can't weather. tilting his head to bite down lightly on ilya's arm, shane nuzzles the same spot with his forehead and then tucks his face to ilya's neck. ❛ you should carry me upstairs, ❜ he requests softly. vulnerable now, shane seeks the comfort of their bed.

[hollandeir]

computa, show me an edit of shane hollander playing hockey set to circus by britney spears

[rozqnov]

˖ ‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ────  ilya’s eyebrows perk up at the mention of getting food . especially at the idea of / @hollandeir getting food with him .

even if it is something less delicious and covered in much less cheese . they didn’t often order takeout , shane was so keen on eating healthy when they were together . and ilya didn’t even want to mention the threat of potentially being spotted by a rogue delivery driver realizing they were at the cottage of nhl superstar shane hollander . he was too busy enjoying the thought of eating with his boyfriend , feeling his stomach grumble inadvertently in that moment . he hadn’t realized how hungry he was , apparently ice cream isn’t enough to fill up a person’s stomach alone . that mixed with the movie mixed with being able to enjoy his boyfriend’s presence was a promising relief against the ache he had been warding off all evening . 

covered in kisses with puffy eyes and heavy blinks , ilya nods his head gently , though enthusiastically . ──── ❛ i think that sounds very good . we must do all of this . people wonder why i like only nice things all of the time . is because you spoil me . i did not use to be this way . you have ruined me with all of your fancy things . ❜ ilya sits up a bit , feeling his hair is probably tousled and frizzy from their gentle roll in the bed . he was a discheleved puppy , especially with his heavy sigh he releases as he gets up on his forearms . ──── ❛ i do not deserve you . but i do deserve chicken sandwich . and a milkshake . and maybe apple pie . ❜

[hollandeir]

ilya's quiet enthusiasm is all shane needs to feel better about their day. he feels a small sense of pride over how he'd approached his boyfriend's inexplicable melancholy, choosing to leave the door open for any and all conversations ilya may want to have about how he's been feeling lately. he just wants ilya to know he's here for him, in every possible way that he can be. whether or not the ice cream and their planned evening will make a significant impact is still to be seen, but shane takes some comfort in knowing that today will no longer be remembered as a bad day for his boyfriend.

❛ you deserve the world, ❜ shane says earnestly, no hesitation in how he voices this opinion aloud. because for all of the incorrect perspectives people have about ilya, shane has always known the truth: his boyfriend may just have the biggest heart of anyone he's ever met, insides matching his outsides. a sense of pride sinks in as they get up to move back into the living room and order their food—there is no greater beauty to shane than everything about the man he is in love with.