yikes

they/she - 30s - black + nonbinary

[honki-ponkii]

I don't understand everyone's obsession with gender. Everything always has to be placed in a male or female box and I hate it. I truly feel no attachment to any gender. I have breasts and a vagina and I menstruate, but these are features of my body; these are just things my body has without my control. I've always wanted a slimmer, non-curvy frame. I've been fantasizing about having a penis ever since I was a child. Dressing up in makeup and women's clothing is fun but it feels wrong, it feels like a costume. But I am not a man. I am neither man or woman and I'm not confused. I just live in this body and everyone always tells me what I'm supposed to do with it because of the gender they think they see. I hate how gendered this world is. It drives me crazy. I just want to exist and I want people to stop looking at me like they know me better than I do.

[24kgoldnigga-deactivated2018012]

[frostedmagnolias]

"The Love Cup" Pendant

c. 1907

Painted enamel and gold

by Phoebe Traquair, Scottish

Victoria and Albert Museum

[frostedmagnolias]

Pendant

1880s

Gold with enamel decoration, semiprecious stones, pearls

unknown maker

Philadelphia Museum of Art

[audiojunkyard]

[honki-ponkii]

Today, I'm feeling grateful to live on a homestead and be able to eat fresh, safe blackberries, no cyclospora in sight☺️

[time-incantation]

Teye is a Frisian guitarist, best known for his flamenco guitar work.

He began building exclusive handmade guitars in 2004.

[lolaveda]

“Prey” photographed by Jermine Chua, 2020

[honki-ponkii]

I started a lenormand journal where I do 3-card spreads and write down my question and the answer I get from the cards and I'm really excited about it. Already it's so much clearer than doing tarot and I'm sure my spirits are thankful that my dumbass will have an easier time understanding what they're saying lol

[honki-ponkii]

I'm tired of trying my best and my best never being good enough. I'm told I'm a lazy sack of shit when I don't have a job and I spend my time helping my mom sell at farmer's markets, then when I get a job I'm told it's not good enough and her husband has a problem with me even breathing near him because I live here. Meanwhile, my parents go on vacation and I'm busting my ass chasing deer out of the yard because they left the fences in complete disarray and all the wild animals are destroying the land. And I'm still going to get a speech about what a lazy sack of shit I am because I'm unemployed when her husband gets back, I promise you. My car broke down and I have no mobility, no money, no where to go, nothing to do, and I feel like an absolute failure in my mid thirties. Nothing is worth it or good enough for anyone and I'm all alone and a recluse with no friends and no partner and no hobbies and I just want to fucking kill myself.

[honki-ponkii]

I read about how the dark-skinned women in Brazil bleach their body hair blonde so it looks like it glows against their skin, so I tried it! It looks AMAZING.

I don't know if I'll ever do this again though because I'm a low maintenance girly and my sensory issues were going crazy with the itching and smell of the bleach. But I just want to try not shaving my legs and wearing shorts for the first time and my dark hair was so aggressive so, we'll see how I feel in public with this.

[honki-ponkii]

I am so tired of failing and humiliating myself

[honki-ponkii]

Today's cucumber and tomato harvest!

[lequor]

[cosmicanger]

[honki-ponkii]

I absolutely hate the outline I painted... the studio's brushes are so ass so I brought one of my mom's to use for detail work but it was so square and stiff I should've just brought my own... I'm kind of upset lol but anyway. The sketch of my rabbit plate and how it looks before it goes into the kiln.

[honki-ponkii]

My first time ever grilling and I think I put it down okay! (Gotta remember to pick it up, too... ignore the blackened parts)