@hotelparty - Tumblr Blog

“Two weeks after the divorce I met another guy on Instagram. We talked for hours on our first date. And it felt so good after this long, unhappy relationship. I finally had that feeling again. I hadn’t felt it in years. And it was so beautiful. He wrote so much to me. Oh my goodness, so many words. He was saying I was great. And I was the perfect woman. And he was so thankful he found me. And he wanted me to meet his family. It was his idea to get tattoos together. It was his idea to move in together. But as soon as we did, he changed. He became less affectionate. So I suggested we slow down a little. I suggested we live apart. And that’s when he cut off all contact. So in the past month, I’ve lost two houses and two men. I’m so mad at myself. I feel so stupid. I couldn’t even be alone for two weeks. I’ve never been alone. I had my first boyfriend when I was thirteen. I dated so many guys in school. I got married when I was 21. For my entire life, there’s always been someone there. I don’t even know what life looks like when you’re alone. It’s my biggest fear. I’m not sure I can handle it.” (Berlin, Germany)

humansofnewyork

“I’m pretty sure life is going to start sucking around 15 or 16 because that’s when I have to get my first job. After that everything looks pretty scary. Adults don’t have an actual life. You can’t go outside. You don’t get to hang out with friends very much. Maybe text a little, but that’s it. You just wake up, get ready for work, then work, then maybe watch a little TV, then go to bed. All of it seems depressing. But apparently everyone has to do it.” (Hong Kong)

humansofnewyork

“He hid it from me for four years. The whole time I believed he was in love with me. He was always saying: ‘I love you.’ Always: ‘I want to be with you.’ And he seemed to care so much. He’d always ask about what I read, and what I learned, and what I thought. We’d talk about our future together. I was so happy. The world seemed so beautiful. Until one night we were eating dinner, and his phone rang. He glanced at the screen then put it down quickly. Something felt strange, so I told him to answer it. But he refused. And that’s when I knew. I pressed him for days until he finally admitted everything. I went through all his emails. All the things he ever told me, he’d told her too. Word for word. Everything had been lies. They’d even travelled together when he claimed to be on business trips. My world was broken. I haven’t dated for years. So many of my previous understandings have lost their meaning. I no longer know what ‘loyalty’ is. Or ‘commitment.’ I can’t even use the word ‘love’ anymore. I used to say it all the time: ‘I love this,’ or ‘I love doing that.’ Now I just say that I ‘want’ to do something. Or I use the word ‘happy’ a lot. Like: ‘I’m happy to be with you.’ But never ‘love. Because I don’t know what that is anymore.” (Hong Kong)