Breath Play- The Art of Garroting
by The_Voice via FetLife
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Breath Play- The Art of Garroting
by The_Voice via FetLife
I greeted him at the door in 4" heels, a high ponytail, and a satin apron.
He pushed me into my apartment with hungry kisses and desperate gropes.
I peeled back the layers of a long day at work: briefcase with a thud by the door and the friction of his belt through each belt loop. The buckle rang out as it hit the floor.
He bent me over the table and thrust himself against my back and ass before unzipping and revealing his excitement to me. I ran the stiletto heel up his inseam while using the mental map of his body to guide my hands to my buried treasure.
His mouth and hands raced to discover every spot that would make me gasp or moan. I cocked my head and squirmed in the shadow of his stature. The high ponytail danced against my skin.
He grasped my long brown tresses at the tip and recalled all the photos and videos in his wank bank of arched backs and bent necks.
He yanked so hard that he herniated C5-6. During the surgery for my artificial disc replacement, my surgeon found a bone shard 3mm from my spinal cord.
The man who whispered in my ear of how i was “marriage material” moved to Toronto 2 weeks after he damn near made me into a quadriplegic. He closed on a house the day of my surgery.
To this day, I jump when someone puts their hands near my head. My ears ring constantly. And every time I see one of you all post a photo of someone having their hair pulled, I think about all the pain one dumb, badly-executed move caused me.
1. Get consent. 2. Give warning. 3. Grab slowly and smoothly at the roots 4. Movement comes from the wrist (minimizes chance of injury to directional force) 5. If need be, let the person with the hair being pulled hold on to your wrist to either limit your movement or as a failsafe. 6. Over time develop trust with your partner to dial up neck extension, force, or speed.
7. And if you happen to injure them, have the guts to apologize, atone, and help them heal.
All that and the fucker never even gave me a single orgasm.
Is there a "safe" way to engage in breath play? Obviously it's one of those things that's never exactly safe, but are there ways to engage in it that only present a reasonably minimal risk? Because it's really frustrating trying to find answers on this that don't involve people just shaming breathplay.
I have read stuff claiming that there is no safe breathplay, that any amount of breath restriction could cause sudden cardiac arrest. Usually based on this essay. As another medical person I think it’s not wrong about anything specific, but it’s caused a little alarmism about very short periods of breathplay. A lot of the risks he talks about are things that happen after several minutes without oxygen, but “this could happen at any time” gives you the impression that you could die from holding your breath for ten seconds. On the other hand, I’m sympathetic to him not wanting to give specific numbers, because you don’t want someone to think that number is definitely safe and then get unlucky.
(Also, PVCs are not as scary as he makes out. They’re not good, but it’s very unlikely a couple of them will kill you. The Wiki article cites a study of people who had more than a thousand PVCs a day and had no serious cardiac events.)
I’m not going to give you numbers either, but I’ll give you a few bullet points:
Only restrict breathing with a hand, not a rope, cloth, water, or any kind of device.
Restrict breathing by covering the nose and mouth, not by compressing the throat. There’s a lot of delicate structures in the throat that can be permanently damaged, and throat constriction can also cut off bloodflow to your brain.
Keep the time really short, under thirty seconds. That may be overly cautious, but I’m not going to make any guesses about how long you can go. I don’t want to read your name in the paper.
Do not restrict breathing until the bottom blacks out, or seems about to black out. At that point you’ve already gone too long.
Only do this with someone you literally trust with your life, and who trusts you with theirs. This is not a play-party pickup activity.
This is definitely not safe play no matter how you slice it, but these are things that can keep it within a reasonable risk tolerance.
Gravity boot
Condoms are only 98% effective when used correctly.
Sugar can cause infections in the vagina. This means things like chocolate sauce, honey, and lubricants with glycerin can be harmful.
Having sex with an intoxicated person is legally rape in most US states, even if the person verbally consents. In the eyes of the law, drugs and alcohol impair your ability to consent to sex.
Unprotected anal sex is the most dangerous sex act when it comes to spreading STIs.
Not everyone can climax from oral sex or even likes oral sex. Don’t assume—ask your partner what they want!
Condoms expire! Check the date on the wrapper. Also, storing them in wallets is not a good idea (see #8)
If someone with a vagina has unprotected anal sex, semen can drip down into the vagina and pose a (slight, but still real) risk for pregnancy.
Do not keep condoms in your wallet. The friction and heat exposure of keeping them there can make them ineffective. Keep them somewhere cool, dry, and out of sunlight.
You should be tested for STIs with each new partner you have. Annual appointments are not enough protection if you have multiple partners in that time.
Having anal sex does not lead to a gaping asshole unless your partner is literally an elephant.
Sex with elephants is illegal. Don’t do that.
Masturbating while wearing a condom can help people with penises get used to wearing them before sex.
Penis size does not define your worth. It is not the be-all, end-all factor for most people.
In fact, lots of people with large penises have trouble having sex without hurting their partner since the average vagina size is 6”-8” when aroused (it’s only 3”-4” when not aroused!).
Your first time will almost definitely not be your best time. That’s okay, I promise.
Herpes and pubic lice can still infect you if a condom is used if testicles come in contact with a vuvla.
Only one out of three people can orgasm from receiving vaginal penetration alone. You’re not broken.
People with penises can orgasm without ejaculating.
The muscles in a vagina can be abnormally tense and cause intense pain when penetrated with a toy, penis, or tampon. This is called vaginismus and treatment for this includes relaxation therapy and using medical rods to help the muscles relax.
The number of sexual partners you have does not define you. This rule applies to all genders.
A diet of lots of dairy and meat can cause ejaculate to taste bad. Fruits that are very sweet (like pineapple) help combat this for some people. However, due to body chemistry, medications, and other factors, it might not always do the trick.
Dental dams make oral sex with someone with a vulva safer. They are thin sheets of latex and can be home-made by cutting the ends off a condom and slitting it lengthwise to make a alternative option if you don’t have access to dental dams.
The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings in it. That’s twice that of a penis! So, go gently until encouraged to do otherwise.
Sex does not have to stop when someone ejaculates. Remove any condoms or clean up any mess, and keep going until everyone is satisfied!
Communication is the number one factor to a better, healthier sex life.
The hymen is not a bone, and does not break. It is a membrane layer that stretches. It can tear, which can lead to pain and bleeding. However, sex for the first time (or ever!) should never hurt. Go slower and focus on foreplay to increase natural lubrication.
Sexuality is fluid for a lot of people. Don’t worry about labels until you’re sure in your sexual and romantic interests. Explore freely and worry about terms later.
Orgasms release hormones that are natural pain-killers. This is why some menstruating people masturbate when they have cramps, because the body naturally reduces pain after an orgasm.
The hormones released also account for why some people cry or get very emotional after an intense orgasm. It’s totally normal.
There are limitless kinks in the world and so long as they are safe and consensual, there is nothing wrong with them.
Medications and mental health disorders can mess with your sex drive. Talk to your doctor if your sex drive has suddenly increased or decreased after starting a medication—there may be alternatives.
There is nothing “un-manly” or “gay” about enjoying anal play. Most men who try anal enjoy a little sensation in that area. People with penises also have a p-spot (prostate) and can have intense orgasms through anal penetration.
Always use lubrication generously to avoid vaginal or anal tearing.
Urinating after sex can reduce the risk of a UTI in people with vaginas.
Enjoying casual sex does not make you a bad person if you are up-front with your intentions and don’t maliciously seek to hurt others.
Condoms come in multiple sizes! It should never be loose or painfully tight.
Being sex-positive does not mean that everyone needs to enjoy sex. It simply promotes the happiness and sexual exploration (or non-exploration) of others.
Porn is not an educational guide to sex.
Certain positions feel better than others. Switch it up and find out what works for you and your partner(s).
Condoms are more likely to break if you don’t leave a reservoir tip for ejaculate.
Labia are often asymmetrical. Your long/uneven/poofy/dark labia are beautiful and there is nothing wrong with your body.
Up to 80% of people with a vagina can squirt with either g-spot or clitoral stimulation.
Drug store pregnancy tests are just as effective as brand name ones. In some cases, they’re even MORE effective.
Elevating your butt with pillows can make missionary sex easier for those of us with a big tummy or thick thighs.
Plan B does not work on people over a certain weight (160-175lbs).
There are safe alternatives to condoms or oral contraceptives. Talk to your doctor about your options.
Sex toys can open up a whole new world to folks willing to explore.
Orgasms can be highly psychological. Most people can’t climax when they’re upset or distracted.
Birth control can cause people to miss periods or spot in between periods.
Sex doesn’t have to be gentle if you don’t want it to be. There are healthy ways to explore rough sex or BDSM.
xx SF
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♥ Always practice cautious kink! Have your sheers ready in case of emergency and watch extremities for circulation issues ♥
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We’ve got a whole variety for you this time! These work on the arms or legs, and in the case of the Zip Snare, any part of the body so long as you have enough rope (about 30’).
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I would like to share an amazing text about male submission from Fetlife. It’s trully a beautiful post, but you have to log in order to see it, Here’s the original post;.
—————————————————————
“Right then, let’s straighten this shit out.
If you’re a submissive man, you’re saddled with a shitton of stereotypes. Most of them damaging. I like to rage against the stereotypes. It’s like Rage Against the Machine but with less power chords.
Yes, I am a submissive man. No, I am not weak. I find your correlation of “submissive male” and “weakness” disturbing (and furthermore the association of submission in general!).
No, I am not a cuckold. No, I am not pathetic, nor am I snivelling, a worm, or any other value-decreasing adjective, and I refuse with enthusiasm the conjecture that these are requirements for male submission. The entire point of me and my submission is that I have fucking value. How else am I appealing? I have strength. I’m comfortable in my masculinity and in my submission, and boy let me tell you but society had a fun time telling me the opposite to that one!
How can you have a power exchange without the power? It’s like a paraphrase without the phrase. I want to build myself up, not build myself down, and I’m writing this as a call out to others, male or female, who feel this way. There’s something seriously wrong with the popular conceptions of all of this, and I want to help change it.
I don’t want to have to sacrifice one aspect of my personality to adhere to a certain set of expectations, a sort of “twisted” rulebook quietly set up to go about our business without forcing society to actually re-evaluate what it means to be dominant, what it means to be male and/or masculine, or any gender, really, so I’m not going to.
This is me standing up and calling out. I’m a submissive man, and I’m comfortable in that. I have strength, I enjoy that strength, and I’m looking forward to the day where I find someone who enjoys it too. Until then (and even after then), I’m just gonna be here, standing up and telling those stereotypes to fuck right off. Because they’re damaging and they need to change, and if I need to demonstrate that by example, then hell yes will I do so.”
mic drop” - User Torthal
Well said!
Exactly
Everyone needs to hear this
Ungewöhnliches zweckentfremdet als Spielzeug
Als BDSMler findet man viel Spielzeug im Baumarkt (Seile, Ketten, Schlösser, Ringe…), in Haushaltswarenabteilungen (Kochlöffel, Schuhlöffel, Frühstücksbrettchen…) oder im Tierhandel (Halsbänder, Leinen, Näpfe, Käfige…)
Hier werden wir dafür alles auflisten, was eher ungewöhnlich ist, aber trotzdem wunderbares Spielzeug sein kann.
Bullennasenringe als Schellen
hat der Wolf irgendwo gelesen, sollen als Schellen für die Handgelenke ganz gut brauchbar sein, und natürlich welche bestellt. Bei Westfalia gibt es die aus Edelstahl (aktuell 3,49€ ab 2 Stück) und aus Messing (1,99€). (Bild von Westfalia.de)
Der Innendurchmesser wird mit 54mm angegeben, mit 1cm Materialdicke sind sie auch recht massiv. Um schmälere Handgelenke passen sie wunderbar und sind selbst bei Zug recht angenehm, um dickere Handgelenke sind sie unangenehm oder passen gar nicht. Und in der Öffentlichkeit sehen sie eher aus wie Modeschmuck, vielleicht etwas klobig, aber fallen nicht als Schellen auf.
Es lohnt sich, die Kanten an der Öffnung leicht abzuschleifen, die sind recht scharf (werden ja auch den Bullen durch die Nasenscheidewand gedrückt *schauder*)
Der Verschlusszapfen rastet je nach Ring mehr oder weniger stark in das erste Loch ein, teils braucht man zwei Hände zum Öffnen. Verschrauben kann man sie im zweiten Loch zwar mit den mitgelieferten Messingschrauben (die sind zum abbrechen gedacht und haben ein seltsames US-Gewinde), aber man kann ein M3 (metrisches 3mm) Gewinde nach schneiden und lange Madenschrauben oder Schrauben mit schmalem Kopf nutzen (falls man keine hat: “normale” M3 Schrauben am Gewinde vorsichtig in eine Bohrmaschine einspannen und den Kopf von der Seite abschleifen, oder den Kopf absägen und einen Schlitz für einen Schraubendreher reinsägen). Alternativ kann man auch das Loch auf z.B. 5mm aufbohren und die Schellen mit Vorhängeschlössern verschließen.
Möchte man an den Schellen Ringe haben, kann man vor dem Verschließen einen Ring (z.b. einen Edelstahl-Gardinenring :P ) drüber schieben. Oder man schneidet in das Loch, welches zur Aufnahme in einer Nasenringzange gedacht ist, ein Gewinde, und schraubt da etwas an.
Turnring als Bondagering
Da Bondageringe doch relativ teuer sind, und man zum Ausprobieren vermutlich nicht gleich 45-100€ oder mehr für einen solchen Edelstahlring in die Hand nehmen will, kann man auch einfach die aus Turnhallen bekannten Holzringe (meist für 20-25€ das Paar) nutzen:
Diese Ringe sind sogar unscheinbar, falls man noch bei den Eltern wohnt oder neugierige Kinder hat. Und wenn man doch keine Lust mehr auf Hängebondage hat, kann man daran immer noch Turnen oder sie weiterverkaufen oder verschenken.
Pfotenschutz für Petplayer
Günstige Pfotlinge bekommt man tatsächlich im Tierbedarf, vorrausgesetzt man hat kleine Hände. So genannter Pfotenschutz für Hunde ist in der größten Größe schon für etwa 10€ erhältlich. Getestet habe ich selbst bisher nur die von Walker und für gut befunden.
Rührhölzer als Schlagwerkzeuge
Rührhölzer bekommt man ab einem Euro die Dreierpackung in so ziemlich jedem Baumarkt. Die Form, Farbe, Breite und das Material sind dabei variabel. Sucht euch aus, was euch gefällt. Die längeren (teils auch mit großen Löchern versehen) kosten etwas mehr und das Schlagen ist mit etwas Vorsicht zu genießen, damit das Leichte Holz nicht doch bricht. Holzsplitter sind unsexy ;)
Anbinderinge als “Bondageösen”
Gerne werden einem auf diversen Shopseiten “Bondageösen” mit Perversenaufschlag angedreht. Meine Recherche ergab: Bekommt man günstiger mit mehr Auswahl, wenn man einfach nach Anbinderingen im Reitbedarf schaut, da ist man dann mit 2,50€ bis 3€ das Stück dabei, wo andere Shops gerne 5€ bis 10€ wollen. Man braucht nicht lange zu suchen, bis man ein gutes Angebot findet.
Wolf und Katze
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List of Kitten Play Gear
I know everyone in kitten play knows all the basic stores to get gear at, but I created this list to show love to other stores and (more) love to the stores we all know! Be free to message me if you know of any others!!
Stores:
Kittens Playpen (My tail and ears are from here!)
Lunar Kitten Creations
Kitten Sightings
Kitten Cream
Nekochii
Etsy Stores:
Kitten Enchantment
Hoshiikins
Spoiled Kitten Shop
Spank U Toys (Real Fur)
Naughty Pleasures
Nauxhyde
The Little Pink Kitten
The Kitten Collection
Little Q’s Oddities
Wayward Kitten
Delicate Kitten
Spoiled Kitten (Where My Collars are from!)
Kitten Treasures
Curio Collars
Kitten’s Choice
Lil Kitten Creations
Rabid Kitten Creations
Reckless Conventions
Pastel Kink
Dreamy Gear
Sweetness Alive
Sleepy Kitten Store
Cherry’s Cozy Kittens