Is she the one
The one you've been waiting for?
Is she the one?
I had been thinking that for a long time. I had been wondering since the first time you told me about her... your friend from work who understands you and has all the same interests.Ā
Is she the one
The one you've been dreaming of?
Is she the one?
Obviously, by the looks of it, she was all you had been dreaming of... the whole year and a half you knew her. Going with her less than 6 months (probably 2-3 guessing) after breaking my heart into a million pieces.Ā
I'm tired of staying up all night with you on my mind
Still I'm laying here
Yeah, I'm laying in the shirt you used to like
No, I shouldn't mind
I used to do this. Especially right when you left, or at the end of multiple long days this past year; when my body was tired and aching. When my mind wanted to wander to my innermost thoughts. All those nights I laid, blaming myself, adding shame and guilt to my mind over you and what happened to us; why you āwerenāt happy anymoreā. I would lie awake questioning everything because I never had real closure. I had a lot of anger and hurt words from you but no answers to my questions.Ā
All I think about is, does she move your body?
Like I moved your body?
'Cause I wanna know, yeah, I wanna know
Does she make you feel wanted?
Is she all you wanted?
'Cause I wanna know, yeah, I wanna know
Now I know for sure. Now I have my answers. All my gut feelings, all my nights lying awake, all my (used to be) fears came true. You took all her problems and made them yours, which bled into us. You made the excuse that I was busy and you needed someone... She made you feel wanted/ needed when I, according to you, couldnāt do that for you. Because I was studying for my fucking DOCTORATE. You RAN went it got difficult. You pushed the issue onto me because you didnāt want to deal with any blame or bad feelings. And where your mind went, your body followed.Ā
Good for you, congrats even. I would like to say Iām surprised by this news but Iām really not. Iām glad you two found each other because I sure as hell donāt need your complacent, arrogant, selfish, immature, good-for-nothing ass holding me back from all that I am going to do. I will pray for that little girl and that all of the adults in her life can keep their shit together for her to have a good life, and that donāt leave her. I donāt doubt she will be loved but donāt bring your bullshit into her life.Ā
I am LOVED by God, my family and my friends. I am going to be a DOCTOR. I am a GENUINE person who gives more than she gets. I have a HUGE heart that deserves to be LOVED by someone who loves me and will stand by me. A man who makes a commitment and sticks to it. I deserve someone who motivates me and pushes me to my full potential; pushes me to work harder for myself and others. Most of all, I deserve a GODLY man who embodies the values I do.Ā
Yes, I used to wonder why you left. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, try and see the good in you. Tried to see it from your side but NOT ANYMORE. You are just a sorry piece of shit who couldnāt hack being my partner. You ran at the first sign of real danger, unmarked territory for us. You are selfish and immature; you and her deserve each other because she is the same. In all honesty, my internal tug of war has fought hard because part of me wants you to be happy... but a bigger part of me hopes I never have to see you ever again.Ā
Good luck and have a nice life. Iām going to go live mine with a sense of adventure, a heart of service, lots of laughter, and all the LOVE I can muster.Ā