Okay probably controversial opinion about the boxing day fight:
When Shane says "Oh fuck you. Sorry I still want to win cups instead of smoking weed with my teammates between losses." It is because he has been pissed off at Ilya for basically choosing to roll over and die in Ottowa instead of fight
AND HE IS RIGHT TO BE
Because it takes one. ONE!
O N E
locker room conversation where Ilya is like OKAY GUYS WE'RE DONE LOSING NOW and the Centaurs start winning all the way to the playoffs
okay i can't find it now but one billion mental reblogs to that post about the ways fanon will describe shane and ilya doing the same thing with very very different adjectives
why is shane fighting "bitchy" and "bratty" and when ilya gets to be "enraged" and "scornful" and a whole host of other dominating, aggressive words
i'm seeing a lot of very gendered language between the two of them across a lot of different contexts, and i'm not saying i've never participated in it/used those words but i do think it's something we should be thinking about more
if someone finds the post could you drop it in the replies lowley i really really want to look at it again
A performance diet is not uncommon for professional athletes. YouTube is filled with videos from professional team nutritionists. Read about Tom Brady’s diet. Joe Burrow has all his meals cooked by a professional chef. Heck, Gatorade was created because football players were losing up to 18 pounds - yes, 18 pounds - from the start of the game to the end.
I know some people want there to be a reason Shane is controlling his diet, and yes, I understand that controlling a diet is a symptom of an eating disorder.
But it’s not the reason he has a performance diet in TLG, and the author has said that wasn’t her intention. And most professional athletes legit control their diets. Professional football teams have a card for each player with a specific halftime snack to maximize each player’s performance.
People can absolutely have headcanons and write whatever they want - but Shane’s eating habits - as of TLG events - is stated to be an athlete’s diet. And it’s in line with one.
And not to sound all gatekeeper-like - but I feel people who don’t watch sports or don’t know the ins and outs of professional sports think Shane’s diet is uncommon for athletes when it’s not.
Ilya is the one with a diet uncommon for athletes, not Shane.
anyway good morning a crucial tenet of hollanov’s relationship is that they’re equals and they’re the only people in the world who could ever be each other’s equal. they were supposed to stand alone at the top but they’re there together. shane does not view ilya as a lazy useless inconvenience. ilya does not view shane as a nagging killjoy. they are equals and they both think the other is the best thing since sliced bread and they love each other but more importantly they LIKE each other. stop making them not like each other!
like ilya spends his entire life being told (by people objectively shittier than he is) that he’s not good enough, he’s lazy, he’s undisciplined, he lets people down. and then he meets the one person who would actually be in a position to assess whether ilya is any of those things, and shane just earnestly looks into his fucking soul and says no, they were wrong. ‘you’re an awesome player to watch’ ‘i don’t know that side of you at all’ ‘this isn’t what this is. me and you’
and it’s such a fucking tragedy that people are trying to push MyIlya back into a setting where he’s constantly being lectured about his inadequacies by the very person that canonically reminds him all the time that those inadequacies were figments of his dad’s imagination
bood: troy do you want another beer
troy: ehhh ive already had two and im designated shanehandler
ilya: (wasted, at the top of his lungs across the entire yard, feeling shane up while he grills) I AM EXCLUSIVE HANDLER OF SHANE
#Shane: I bet I could climb on bood’s roof with just his siding#Ilya: baby. As the Shanehandler. You can do whatever you want.#Cut to Troy peeling Shane off the side of Bood’s house like he’s a squirrel
ilya recording it on his phone and narrating loudly as if he is watching the cops doing an illegal arrest with excessive force
ilya: THIS MAN DID NOTHING... BUT NOT THE FIRST TO SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF ENFORCER BARRETT. THIS POOR BEAUTIFUL CREATURE IS TESTING PHYSICAL LIMITS, REACHING NEW PERSPECTIVES, YES? HARMING NO ONE. UNARMED- *accidentally drops phone and takes so long to pick it up shane is already walking past trying to act sober like he never did anything at all*
shane: (directly into the camera, much too close) babyyyyyyy i made burgers
fic prompt/kink.. ilya cumming prematurely, like he's barely in there and can't help it
I gotchu baby here u go
—
“Remember That Time…?”
or A Hollanov Ficlet Ilya Would Like to Forget
rating: (mild) e | wc: ~1200 | tags: momentary anal, premature ejaculation, boys missing each other, Shane teasing by initiating dirty talk??? more likely than u think
—
Back then, Ilya had thought that their seven-year-long situationship was the most agonizing romantic trial he would be asked to endure by a higher power.
Then, it was the years driving between Montreal and Ottawa, constantly missing his boyfriend and aching in his chest when he wasn’t holding him.
But those two periods…those two periods had nothing on this.
What was supposed to be a three-day trip to finalize a couple big name brand deals turned into a week-long mess in Los Angeles. Shane was calling every day, but his parents were staying in the hotel room next door, so volume level was a difficulty.
Ilya hasn’t been without Shane for this long since they moved in together in Ottawa. Long ago, a week would be child’s play to them. Hell, even in the commuting days, Ilya would have gladly taken a week. Now Ilya is spoiled, addicted, unmoored without his husband to hold. The cottage is empty, echoey, barren without his moans and laughs and chirps. He knows better than to sulk, so he does his best to keep busy, playing with and walking Anya, kayaking or swimming, jogging, running drills on their practice rink, playing video games, anything to keep his mind off of how desperately he misses his beautiful, stable rock.
“One more day, babe. I promise, I will be sprinting into your arms.”
“We will need a bullet train to our bed if you want me to wait more than five minutes before getting my mouth on you without putting on a show,” Ilya says, his head lulling against the back of couch.
“You can wait two hours.”
“Alone in a car with you? The hell I can.”
“Parents will also be there.”
“No they will not. I will pay for Uber.”
“You’re insatiable,” Shane laughs into his phone, and he sounds all soft and sleepy. It makes Ilya’s dick jump in his sweats.
“Let me see you.”
“No, Ilya. As soon as that screen turns on, I know you’re going to be jacking off, and my parents are very much still awake.”
Ilya scoffs, affronted. “Shane Hollander. You think so little of me.”
“Oh, I think a lot of you, Rozanov,” Shane purrs, his voice shifting deeper and more sensual, and goosebumps erupt over Ilya’s skin. “There’s a lot of you to think of, isn’t there?”
Ilya blows out a long stream of air through his lips. “Not fucking fair. You just said.”
“I know,” Shane says, and Ilya hears the smirk in his voice. “I just like to fuck with you.”
Ilya grinds his teeth and drags his hand down the length of his very hard cock. “Turn on the fucking camera and I’ll show you just how I like to fuck with you.”
“Nice try, baby. I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay?”
“You are the devil.”
“You think that now, wait until you see how naughty I’m going to be for you when we’re home,” Shane says silkily. “Goodnight, Ilya.”
He knows Ilya too well by now. He hangs up before Ilya can argue, try to curry favor with Shane’s cock tonight. Ilya groans and resigns himself to his own hand, picturing exactly what he wants Shane to do to him tomorrow night.
—
Ilya caves, giving Shane’s parents a ride to their own cottage, but he doesn’t budge on having Shane in the passenger seat. They don’t argue, both willing to doze off in the back after a grueling week. Ilya’s hand doesn’t let go of Shane’s the entire drive. They both hug and kiss Yuna and David as Ilya drops them off. The closer they get to their own cottage, the harder Ilya squeezes his hand. He eventually takes their clasped hands and begins to grind them against Shane’s cock as he drives.
“Ilya…” Shane sighs, but it’s not bold enough to prompt him to stop. Shane’s head falls back against the head rest, scooting his hips out slightly to ease the angle. “Fuck, I fucking missed you.”
“You have no fucking idea,” Ilya says, voice edging into a growl as he grinds harder.
The SUV screeches to a halt in front of the cottage, and they’re out the door. Ilya is vacuum sealed to Shane’s back as he futzes with his keys, unlocking the door and tumbling inside, Anya barking and nipping at their heels. Shane gives her the quickest greeting possible and Ilya kisses her on the head and instructs her to sit and stay. They trip over each other into the bedroom, stripping clothes off as they go, both entirely naked by the time they slam the door shut and reach the bed.
“Fuck me,” Shane moans into his mouth, already stroking Ilya’s cock, and he feels like he could come just from this if he kept pulling at him for more than thirty seconds. “I need that big cock so bad, baby. Need it pounding inside me, please,” he begs, growing more desperate as seconds pass.
“I’ll give it to you, filthy boy. Gonna give it to you so fucking hard you can’t breath for it, huh? Fuck you up to your fucking stomach. Up to your fucking throat. Christ, I missed you,” he rumbles, already working slick fingers into him carelessly, messily, opening him up as quickly as possible. Ilya’s cock is pulsing on its own, and it feels precarious at best. If he had a single ounce of patience, he would dig out a cock ring, but he cannot bring himself to give a fuck. The only thing he wants on his dick is Shane. No toys, no condoms, just Shane’s hole gripping around him like a fist until he spills inside.
“Put it in, put it in, fuck,” Shane groans, boosting his ass into the air for him.
“Fuck, fuck, okay,” Ilya says, pulling his fingers free and lining up his cock. He shoves the tip inside, and he feels his stomach clench with how overwhelming the sensation is to have his husband wrapped around him again.
Shane whines, wriggling back onto him, forcing him deeper already, and Ilya is holding his breath as he makes small thrusts to sink inside him.
“Fuck, Shane, don’t-”
“Come the fuck on, baby,” Shane growls, and throws himself back onto his cock in one swift move, taking Ilya down to the base. All at once, the friction on his cock is too much, and he feels his stomach clench again and his balls pulsating, and Ilya gasps, digging his nails into Shane’s hips. He fully whimpers as the unthinkable happens.
His forehead drops between Shane’s shoulder blades, quiet as a church mouse as he reconciles what just transpired.
“Did…did you just…?”
“Shut up.”
“Oh my god,” Shane says quietly.
“It has been long time, okay!”
“No, it’s okay, it’s okay!” Shane assures, reaching back and grabbing Ilya’s hand. “It happens. Not a big deal.”
“Fuck,” Ilya groans, collapsing against Shane’s back and forcing him down onto his stomach. “I’m staying inside until I’m hard again.”
Shane cranes his head around, raising an eyebrow. “You’re gonna make me wait until you’re ready again? I don’t think so, baby.”
Ilya moans in embarrassment, kissing Shane’s neck to distract himself.
“Come on, quick shot,” Shane jabs lightheartedly. “I bet if you let me fuck your mouth you’ll be good as new. What do you think?”
Shane is on his back with Ilya’s face between his legs before he even thinks of a proper response.
yuna and david had slight panic attacks after their ob mentioned possibly inducing at 39 weeks or possibly needing to do a c-section due to the baby's size
shane was born at 9lbs 9oz, 18.5in with the most perfect chubby cheeks and puff of dark hair. he had no issues latching right away and all of the nurses commented on his strong appetite
it was a whirlwind after they first brought shane home bc they quickly realized that none of the newborn diapers or clothes really worked for him. david made multiple trips to the store for different diapers and basic onesies those first couple of weeks
once extended family were invited to visit and meet shane, they dressed him up in a baby newsboy hat and suspenders, placing him on yuna's grandfather's (shane's great-grandfather's) lap for a picture since they now had matching outfits. great-grandpa is a serious man but he got a kick out of his mini-me
shane was only 5 months old for his first halloween so yuna and david turned his stroller into a penalty box and dressed him up like a mcgill hockey player then david and yuna both wore david's old jerseys too
that first winter, yuna and david would play argue over who got to hold shane while he slept bc he was "the perfect little heating pad"
blessing in disguise that tadc is getting a theatrical release. i'm spending way too much time online and it makes me feel bad so having to on an impromptu hiatus for two weeks, until the episode goes on YouTube, is great
i'll also be done with work after the 12th so it'll really push to find something else to do besides doomscroll
the chasm between who Irina actually was and who Irina was to Ilya is massive and cavernous and such a fun place to play in if you're a sicko freak who likes to hurt your own feelings
They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help
After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly
And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?
Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose
Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.
Plausible Deniability | 40K | Getting information out of Ilya about his family was like getting blood from stone. Maybe harder. It had been one of the first things Shane had noticed about him. Any questions about his parents – the kind of typical things Shane’s mom had taught him to ask to make polite conversations – would result in brusque, emotionless answers or, worse, actual anger. But somewhere out there was Irina’s granddaughter. The only remaining blood relative that Ilya gave a shit about. And Ilya could never go back, which was Shane’s fault. So that bothered him.| Canon divergent, deviates at some point during Heated Rivalry IIRC but sort of runs parallel to canon as we know it, all through TLG and then gets into future fic territory. Shane starts wondering about how Ilya's niece is doing in Russia and handles the whole thing in a very Shane way. I love how the author intertwines their additions with canon events. Excellent characterisation all around, but I'm particularly in love with this Shane. The way he acts, thinks and speaks rings so true to canon and seems a pretty realistic portrayal of neurodivergence, at least to me. I'm also very impressed with Ilya's niece's storyline . I've read so many stories where she lands on Ilya and Shane's doorstep because of reasons, and it always seems so OTT and in some cases Shane and Ilya have no trouble establishing a rapport with her... the way it is handled here is so much more realistic for Shane and Ilya both. There's a very cute and fluffy epilogue, so it's definitely a HEA, feel good kind of story, fear not.
Definitely, Probably | 11K | “Bella broke up with JJ.” Shane stopped dead. He swore the temperature in the kitchen dropped two degrees. “What? Noooooooo.” The neck of his T-shirt was suddenly too tight. He curled a finger in the elastic and pulled. Air. He needed air. Hayden’s voice was lowered to a frightened whisper, “We’re Code Red, buddy. Code fucking Red.” | Cute. Lovely jealous Ilya and a nice look at Shane's friendship with Hayden and JJ. Original.
storm has set the heavens scowling by @qqueenofhades| 150K | The Heated Rivalry/Shadow and Bone crossover that the people needed.| Okay, this summary totally does not do this epic story justice! First off, it's @qqueenofhades who is, IIRC, a historian and a published writer, but to me will always be the fandom hero who wrote the definitive A Song of Ice And Fire Fixit Epic which means I don't give a fuck about the mess that GoT ended up being or the fact that GRRM will never finish the series...and if you're worried because it's a crossover with a fandom you don't know anything about...I didn't either. I think I watched a couple of episodes of A Shadow and Bone Netflix series and noped out early and you know what? You don't need to know the first thing about that to enjoy this amazing AU. This is fully set in the HR world. You can simply take all the characters as OCs (and they are some awesome OCs, let me reassure you). And @qqueenofhades knows history and is an excellent writer. This is a superb Ilya-centric story, even though it's not only about Ilya. I can't believe I forgot to recommend it as soon as it was complete!
sold to shane hollander | 9.5K | “I did not have a crush on Hollander,” Troy argues. “So wanting his number is not having a crush?” Dykstra asks. “Jesus Christ,” Troy murmurs under his breath. Harris feels like he should take pity on his boyfriend. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I had a crush on Hollander too.” It’s close enough to the truth. Harris is not going to confess that in the depths of his crush, he wrote fanfiction about Shane. And he certainly is not going to elaborate on all the plot points from the rare heart condition requiring expensive care in the United States to being sold by his family to Shane Hollander to cover the debt.| An adorable Harris-centric story. We need more stories about Harris, dammit! This is so funny. I laughed out loud several times.
like puzzle pieces from the clay by @beautifulduckweed | 15K | The universe had decided Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov were perfect for each other, so it sent them an unmistakable sign. Unfortunately, the two of them have a lot of practice in mistaking things. So the universe tries again, and again. Or: how many soulmate tropes does it take to get two oblivious hockey boys together?| This is soulmark trope and magical realism. Two things I normally don't go for...but IDK, there's a fucking goose and it's amazing. I mean, it's @beautifulduckweed, she had me at the Such Great Heights lyrics for the title.
frequently, secretly fond of each other. by @milominderbindered | 223k | A year after mysteriously dropping out of the 2009 draft, Shane Hollander is signed by the Boston Raiders, right behind Ilya Rozanov. Having the two biggest stars in the league on the same line is great for Boston — but playing alongside their worst rival was never exactly in Shane or Ilya's plans. Especially not when staying away from each other starts to feel just as impossible as getting along.| This is one of the most popular stories in fandom (over 1.6 million hits!) for a reason. So, yeah everyone must have already read it but it is now complete and I couldn't not recommend it. It's a Shane goes to Boston AU. Probably the best of them all. A true fandom classic.
An ode to Shane Hollander’s masculinity | 5.3K | “He’s such a jock,” Cassie says with a chuckle. She puts her glass of dark liquor on the bar so she can fold her arms. When she sees Ilya looking at Bood, she laughs and shakes her head. “Oh no, I’m talking about your man. That guy is hockey if it was a person. And thank god for that, I’ve seen those Reebok ads.”| Interesting Shane characterisation. Lovely Ilya too. Good use of socmed.
For the Right Reasons by @citrusses | 63K | Coming this fall to ABC… MLH star Shane Hollander is The Bachelor! Bachelor Nation, we have one question: will you accept this rose?| The one where Shane is The Bachelor. features non-hockey-player!Ilya. I was unsure going in (I have a hard time with Aus where one or both our heroes are not hockey players) but the author is amazing and completely sold me on the premises. And they even stuck the landing, masterfully. Hats off.
HOLLANDER & ROZANOV ARE DEADby @eurydicees | 13.2K | It is December, and Scott has been out for long enough to pretend to be used to it, and things are not perfect but they’re fucking good, and Ilya Rozanov is at his apartment for dinner—has been for over an hour—and he’s still waiting so stupidly hopefully to introduce a boyfriend who very, very clearly isn’t coming.| Confession time. When I read a story I like I bookmark it immediately and copy&paste in the bookmark my comment to the author or some notes on what I liked. Well, I didn't write anything this time, I must have been sleepy or in a rush and now I don't have the time to re-read if I want to get this list posted before turning in. BUT I remember thinking it was so well-written! And a story inspired by Tom Stoppard's Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead is just such a genius idea. Got to love fandom.
Please Text | 2K | In retrospect, they should have called. Texted. Rang the doorbell. Heralded their entry with a trumpet. Something. But everything is clearer in hindsight, especially the sight of your father’s behind. Shane suppresses a shudder. | Ilya and Shane walk in on David and Yuna. Soo funny. Perfect voices.
in your arms i'd start a war by @justhere4ke| 60K | Ilya widens his eyes, moves his hands in an impatient “get on with it” motion. He has the urge to say it for him, end both their misery. Shane blinks rapidly a few times, takes another deep breath. “I want to stop,” he says simply. Ilya lets out one humorless laugh, “Stop what?” Shane ignores him. “At the All Star Game, I told you I liked you. And you said about Russia and your family. And I looked some things up. I get it. I get it better now. I know we can’t but I can’t stop wanting to be…more. Unless we stop.”| The one where they fail at communicating even worse than in canon and decide to become friends. This is more rom-com than I'd normally like, it's so well-written and of course you just end up rooting for these two idiots even though (or maybe precisely because) they are so stupid(ly in love).
Wild Geese | 6.3K | A hockey player and the most beautiful man he's ever seen walk into a bar.| I don't normally rec stories featuring trans characters...because I'm very ignorant and I'm afraid of showing my ignorance. You know what they say...Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. This story though was so lovely and moving, I just couldn't not rec it. Here we have trans Shane and it is written with such obvious love and care.
If it wasn't for that meddling kid | 138K | Ilya stays in Boston, gets a rookie, and tries to figure out how to make a secret long distance relationship work while there's a Russian teenager in his house| This another fandom classic which has been completed only recently. Great AU of the canon divergence kind. With the most memorable OC ever (Pava!!!!). Lots of hockey which is always a plus (ARustySpork's author notes have been so educational and entertaining in equal measure for someone who's just recently got into hockey). Amazing characterisation, ofc.
Wins Above Replacement | 9.5K | Ilya tries to take on Shane's tendency to deprive himself by using ancient Chinese military strategy.| mcshurg gave us another banger, hot smut with feeling and character development. I don't know how they can do it. Every. Single. Time.
ilya telling shane about irina and how they were best friends and he hung out with her all the time and he was her protector and he would skip school on her bad days to brush her hair and make sure she ate something even if it was just tea and she was an angel and you know shane is calculating how best to gently bring up to his husband that that doesn’t sound like it was very fair to child ilya without ilya reacting like a wild fucking animal
ilya comes back from therapy with galina like three months after this fight (of course it was a fight) and with the same candor as ashley padilla in the mom confession sketch goes i’m only going to say this once and i’m only going to say it if after i do you promise you will not react no talking no faces no nothing and shane’s on the couch reading like uh. what’s going on? and ilya goes what i have to tell you. Is that I think I was treated unfairly. By my mom. and of course shane makes a face and ilya is reacting like a wild fucking animal
when you experience internalized homophobia and unrequited love for your straight best friend you may or may not develop kinks or fantasies you are not that proud of… one of the hottest things for me is a roleplay where the top is straight (or at least doesn’t admit being anything else) but fucks the bottom while watching porn because a hole is a hole. if that is something you can work with just know that there it at least one person who will get horned up because of it.
thank you for this. my mind ran away, i'm so sorry.
--
Pretty: A Hollanov Ficlet
rating: e | wc: ~1880 | tags: college!au, anal, feminization, “straight” ilya, discovering things about yourself by fucking your gay best friend, sex while watching porn (kinda), slight degradation, blink and you'll miss it breeding kink, One Spank, feminization of shane’s asshole (she's a pussy with she/her pronouns)
--
“You said you'd do anything.”
Shane swallows visibly, the saliva twitching his Adam’s apple as it goes down. “I know.”
“So is this your limit? You’ve wanted this for five years and this is your limit?”
Shane nibbles his lower lip, toying with the hem. “I didn’t say it was a limit.”
Ilya looks his best friend up and down, a hand sliding around the plumpness of his ass, beneath the gingham skirt and over the lace biting into his cheeks. It wasn’t a demand, so to speak. More of a highly requested suggestion if they were to try this out. Lucky for him, Shane followed through. He hovers over Shane’s lips, squeezing his ass. “You wanted my attention. Now you’ve got it. Are you backing out?”
“I’m not backing out,” Shane snips, shrugging a shoulder anxiously. “It’s just…out of my comfort zone.”
“Well then, we’re even, aren’t we?” Ilya says, digging his nails into his thick ass cheek, and not entirely opposed to the high gasp Shane releases.
It took one conversation, after five years of friendship, and Shane very bashfully admitting that he’s always wondered what all the hype was about with every woman that Ilya got into bed. Shane’s attractions had always been his business. He never forced them onto Ilya, never told him he should “explore more”, they just had their own platonic intimacy apart from the sexual. Shane wasn’t flamboyant or exuberant, he was just Shane. Insanely talented hockey player, peak jock performance, captain of the McGill team, about to graduate and kick ass in the real world, in the real leagues. Ilya was just his junior league buddy-turned-best-friend whose father talked him out of hockey altogether after Junior’s and strong-armed him into a business degree to “make something of himself.”
Sometimes he thinks it’s because his father saw how good Shane Hollander was at just seventeen and knew Ilya would never be that good.
Truthfully, he’d never looked at Shane as an object of lust. He was just his best friend. Objectively attractive, sure. He could acknowledge that Shane was a beautiful man, with a gentle smile and adorable freckles. But that’s as far as it went. Until tonight.
“Did you do what you need to do?” Ilya asks, a knuckle stroking Shane’s cheek.
“Yes,” he mumbles. “It’s ready.”
“Ready for me to just slide in when I please? Like any other girl?” He clarifies, tucking a tendril from his falling bangs behind his ear, his head of hockey hair in full force and pulled into a bun at the back of his head.
“Yes,” he shivers, barely blinking when Ilya tugs at his hair tie and frees his locks for holding.
“Then get on the bed. Face down. On your stomach.”
He hears the muttered “Fuck,” under his friend’s breath, and something about it makes Ilya’s cock throb.
He’s not attracted to men. He fucks women. He has fucked a wide array of women of all shapes and sizes and backgrounds. He knows women.
Shane, well…
He knows Shane incredibly well. Just not like he knows women. But how different, really, can it be? Fucking an ass is fucking an ass, right? A fuckhole is a fuckhole. He’s done it countless times. He likes his women a little freaky, a little kinky; he’s no stranger to entering through a back door. Make Shane put on panties and a little skirt and it might as well be one of his countless hookups over the years.
Ilya strips himself naked, something that Shane has definitely seen before, but never been able to appreciate fully, so he gives him that allowance. He sees his breath catch as his cheek lies atop his forearms, waiting for him and devouring Ilya's body with his lurid gaze. Shane isn’t that far behind — the skirt and panties are all he’s clad in anyway. He throws lube onto the bed, rips a condom from the strip, and flings it, landing on the small of Shane’s beautifully dimpled back.
Laying like this, he really isn’t that different from a woman. Strong thighs, he supposes, but that’s not exclusively masculine. He’s fucked a few muscle mommies in his time. His slutty waist curves beautifully into sturdy hips, and if Shane was a girl, he’d think he could birth a baby from them. Maybe if Ilya tries hard enough, he can knock him up despite the biological setbacks. Shane would probably take him without a condom if Ilya had him stupid enough. Many woman have tried to beg for it before. He has pretty strong resolve, and proudly no pregnancy scares as of yet.
But something about the curve of that fucking waist. The deep dimples above his ass. The thick, perkiness of his cheeks. Ilya is already hard and leaking staring at him. He may not even need the porn.
He turns it on anyway, a laptop perched at the foot of the bed in front of Shane. He picked the video out specifically, long enough that he can do what he needs to do. A toned man, nothing special. A beautiful brunette on her stomach with her ass in the air and an asshole already stretched, her tits pressed against the mattress and hair flowing down her back.
Ilya can do this. Easy. Shane wanted a graduation present, and Ilya is going to give him one.
“Can we at least keep the volume off?” Shane mumbles as the woman starts moaning on screen as fingers fuck her hole.
“I like the sounds,” Ilya purrs, gripping his ass.
“Put something inside me like that and I’ll make sounds for you,” he assures.
Ilya thinks it over, and decides to give it a try. He mutes the video, leaving the woman throwing her head back in silence. That settles Shane a little, resting his head more and propping his ass in the air like a well-trained slut.
“You get fucked often, Shane?” Ilya asks, admiring his cheeks adorning the red lace. “That position seemed pretty automatic. You don’t really talk about it much with me.”
“I get fucked enough,” Shane says dismissively. “And I didn’t think you’d want details.”
“Maybe we can try in the future. You can tell me all about the men who fuck you not as good as I’m about to,” he touts as he rolls the condom down his cock and lubes himself up. With a sharp hand, he smacks Shane’s ass, and the man gasps, his shoulder blades pulling back as he arches gorgeously at the treatment. Ilya chuckles. “I should’ve known. Hockey players like it rough, huh?”
Shane, his defenses dissolving, just exhales, “Yes.”
Ilya jerks down the panties, just under the seat of his ass, and groans as he flips his skirt up. He clearly shaved, made himself smooth and pristine down the split of his ass. Ilya inspects his future dwelling and finds it dark, dusky brown, and shining with lubricant. Shaved, maybe even waxed for how smooth he is when Ilya runs his fingers over the skin. Shane inhales at the touch, leaning back into it searchingly.
“You groomed for me.”
“I wanted to be…pretty,” Shane admits quietly.
“Fuck,” Ilya whispers, dragging his thumb over his slick, clenching hole. “You are very pretty. Look at this pussy, all clean and wet for me.”
Shane whimpers into his arms at the words.
“You like that?” Ilya coos, dragging the heel of his hand up Shane’s back and tangling into his shaggy hair. “You like when I call your pussy pretty? I think she wants me to fuck her. She’s winking at me like a little slut,” he teases, pulling his cheeks apart over and over with his free hand just to rile himself up at the ephemeral sight of him.
Fuck, his best friend is hot. And he wants to fuck him. God, he really wants to fuck him. Is he really this horny that his cock is leaking over his male best friend?
Now isn’t the time to overthink it. Shane is moaning, writhing at his sentiments, and Ilya feels a flush burn over his chest as he lines his cock up to his best friend’s hole. He shakes himself out of a daze and glances past Shane’s plump lips, up at the screen where the brunette is already getting plowed by a cock not that different in size from Ilya’s own.
He makes sure to stare at the girl, stare at her face, as he plunges past the tight ring of his entrance, but all the sounds are Shane. The cry of pleasure is deeper than he’s used to, but it still makes his cock ache as he sinks in deeper and deeper. Shane doesn’t seem to mind, doesn’t tell him to stop or slow down, just moans and whines into his arms as his ass poises in the air. And when he starts to fuck, when he angles it right, Shane’s ass clamps around his dick like a vice, like good cunt when it’s coming around his cock. But he doesn’t even think Shane is close to coming yet.
That’s his prostate. Fuck, that’s hot. Ilya shifts to fuck into it again, and Shane’s thighs shudder as he keens, his hands now clutching the sheets beneath him. Ilya’s hand buries in Shane’s hair, pressing his cheek into the bed as he sets a ragged, relentless pace, feeling out what makes Shane tick like he would any woman.
“Did I find your secret spot? Your special little G spot? You like when I fuck it like that?” Ilya growls into his ear, feeling Shane’s ass bounce back against his hips as he forces himself to watch the screen again and not Shane’s pinched and pleasured face, where the woman is also being pressed into the bed and pounded, clearly shouting in manufactured bliss. But Shane’s noises are real. Very real. He knows fake when he hears it, and it isn’t when a hole is squeezing around his cock like this.
“I think I’m gonna come,” Shane whines, panting, wrapping a hand around his cock and jerking aggressively.
“Already, baby? Video’s not even half done,” he jokes, not sure where the pet name came from, but it felt natural with such a beautiful body beneath him, swallowing his cock like it's nothing at all.
“Fuck me through the whole thing, I don’t care,” Shane whimpers, and then his body jolts, his ass pulling tight around his cock as he splatters onto the interior of his skirt, panting and moaning.
It hits him all at once, a brick to the face, at the expression Shane pulls as he comes, looking so fucking beautiful, so angelic, so pornographic, but better than any porn he’s ever seen. He feels it in his fucking chest when he blows inside him, blindsided entirely and nearly blind himself as his vision blacks out before coming back in blurry and disoriented.
“Oh, fuck. Oh fuck. Jesus Christ,” Ilya babbles, running hands up and down Shane’s back as his cock softens in the messy condom. He pinches it gingerly and extracts himself, slamming the laptop shut and lumbering onto his back with a huff. “Господи. Shane. Fuck.”
“You’re sure you don’t like men? Like, really sure?” Shane breathes out with a wide smile.
“Don’t ask me that now. Let me have a fucking cigarette first.”
In the background of the video clip, posted by a fan at the hotel breakfast just before Christmas 2018, Shane Hollander is talking on the phone. He looks tired but he's smiling, pushing scrambled eggs around his plate with a fork. "I saw, baby," he says. "No, definitely, no way that was slashing, I'm with you. You'll get them next time, though. Beautiful goal you got in the first, that was so fucking sexy. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Love you."
Which leads to a bit of an uproar because omg Shane Hollander has a girlfriend?? who plays hockey???? that's so on brand for him like. okay who was playing last night and got a goal in the first period, we need to find the woman who has Shane Hollander crooning into his phone like a lovestruck teenager. and the consensus lands on an unsuspecting and entirely unrelated CWHL forward who has never even been in the same city as Shane but the Internet is running with the story and there's journalists harassing her and Shane has to get his agent to call her agent so he can apologise for this mess and she's like, dude, I know it's not your fault, but Shane feels so fucking bad about it, you know?
And unfortunately it doesn't really let up as quickly as they thought because it's right before Christmas and isn't this a great story, fucking Hallmark movie shit, so a very unimpressed Leila (her name is Leila) has to look a reporter in the eye after her team just played a really good fucking game of hockey and everybody wants to talk to her about some fucking guy, you know? so she looks him in the eye and says, no, I am not dating Shane Hollander, I have never dated Shane Hollander, I will never date Shane Hollander, I am literally a lesbian. I have a whole-ass girlfriend. She plays for the Blades.
And Shane Hollander is so consumed by jealousy he almost chokes.
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