Until We Meet Again
"I don’t know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence." ~Lang Leav
The girl I love passed away far too early last week. For the last week I’ve been doing anything and everything possible for her family just so I could keep myself going. I never thought the first funeral I would be so intimately involved in or even attend would be for someone who was so young and who mattered to me this much. One thing that has really helped me process the events of the past weeks and really put my feelings into perspective was writing this eulogy. I didn’t know where to put this but I had to put it somewhere. Everyone should know how amazing you were Lita and how impactful you were on the lives of so many. So here goes:
"Good afternoon everybody. For those of you who don’t know, my name is Brent. I can honestly say that I am the luckiest guy in the world, because for the last two years I was blessed enough to be Lita’s boyfriend and she was the love of my life. I still vividly remember the day that changed my life, the day that she said yes to being my girlfriend. It was May 17, 2013. I had just finished a midterm and I was going to head to SB to see her. Two days before this, I had already decided that she was the girl I wanted to be with and that she could be the one I wanted to build a future with. I knew I wanted to do something special for her, something so unique that she couldn’t help but say yes because I knew that my search for the right girl had been completed. After finishing my test I had an hour before my Amtrak train to SB but no idea of how I could impress her enough to say yes to this just oh-so-average guy. By some serendipitous act of grace, the universe granted my wish and the most amazing girl in the world said yes to me. That was when our journey began. For the rest of this eulogy, I’d like to address my words to the girl who made me into the person before you today, the one who helped me truly discover who I am. Lita, when it comes to you I don’t even know where to begin. You were always the better half of me; the side that knew how to live moment by moment, the side that could see deep into people and appreciate their individuality, the side that saw nothing as a limit and scoffed at the idea of boundaries. You were always such a free spirit who wasn’t afraid to be herself and go against the flow, in fact, to you the flow was merely a rather boring option among a sea of far more interesting alternatives. You loved to change your hair, get tattoos, get piercings, sing songs purposefully off key at the top of your voice, watch the worst movies possible on Netflix, marathon the most ridiculous tv shows, and enjoy every single aspect of life that most people are too scared to attempt to experience. I know that meeting you and seeing how much you enjoyed seeking new perspectives was the inspiration that helped me come out of my own shell as well. I used to think that strength was just defined by powering through and doing what needs to be done but you taught me that there is another type of strength that is far harder to summon. Feelings and emotions are fluid and unpredictable, there’s no manual, no directions, just yourself and no safety line. That chaos takes a whole different type of courage to face, a type of courage that you possessed more of than any other person I have ever met or will ever meet. You were willing to brave the tumultuous torrents of emotion and by watching you fight through it, I was able to embrace my own as well. You were the one who taught me to not be afraid to feel and you blessed me with a place where I could feel safe enough to be fragile and allow myself to be laid bare. Throughout our relationship, you helped me face my own emotions and guided me through the riptides and rapids, all while you were fighting to find your way through your own raging storm. You were the epitome of empathy and you always placed the needs of others before your own. It didn’t matter if you’d known the person for years or for minutes, you were always willing to listen and to lend a helping hand, regardless of the situation. I think it was that ability to accept unconditionally that drew me to you. With you, I never had to hide who I was, I was never embarrassed by my quirkiness or awkwardness, in fact with you those concepts did not exist. I honestly can’t identify the moment I first fell in love with you, there was no ah-ha moment, no single instant that was a turning point. No, it was something that blossomed as we grew together. It grew from innocent curiosity to a union of unfathomable understanding. We went from mere companions walking alongside one another to a single entity that faced the world, unsure of the future but unafraid to face it because we were together. May you rest in peace Lita, my love. We always joked that our relationship was the best that ever has and ever will exist, but I know that deep down inside we both knew and relished that this was an undeniable truth. We were so different, yet we were the perfect pair, each turning the weaknesses of the other into strength. From the very beginning we understood one another on a level many people don’t even know how to dream about. I don’t know anyone else that can say like we can that they never fought, not even once. You and I were two parts of a whole, we always worked in sync, in tandem, in parallel. Whenever our precious equilibrium was threatened, we would take the time to discuss every part and restore our balance. You know I don’t use the word literally lightly but in this case, we were literally perfect for each other. You touched me in a place in my heart that I never knew existed and that place will always be only for you. I will always carry you with me and you will never be forgotten. I know you’re in a better, happier place now. I yearn for the day when I’ll be with you again, but until that time comes I promise you I will do everything in my power to make it so that when we are together once again you can hold me, kiss me, and say “I am so proud of you.” This is only good bye for now. Someday, I’ll be with you, the love of my life, my loml, again. I’m sorry I can’t join you yet, one of us has to walk this road while you walk the other. I love you and will always love you, my one and only Lita.”
