I will never forget how you used to drive 2 hours just to see me for half an hour after your shift. You could have gone home, rested, done anything else, but you chose to come see me. Even if it was only for half an hour, you came. And I will never forget that.
I will never forget how you sponsored a whole-ass trip from Arkansas to Chicago when you were barely earning, and you didn’t even let me pay for anything. You took care of everything. You brought me there, took me everywhere, and somehow made that summer feel like one of the most beautiful chapters of my life. We went to so many places, made so many memories, and I swear I will carry every single one of them with me for the rest of my life.
I will never forget how you would somehow magically fix things while I was drowning in my own thoughts, overthinking everything, and couldn’t even function. When my mind was a mess, you somehow knew how to make things feel okay again. You gave me peace when I couldn’t find it within myself.
I will never forget how you picked me up, fed me, and cuddled me to sleep when I was sick and had that horrible muscle spasm in my lower back, when I couldn’t even sit or walk. You took care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself. And maybe those moments seemed small to you, but they meant the world to me.
I will never, ever forget how you loved me through all my tantrums, my outbursts, my overthinking, my difficult days, and all the parts of me that weren’t always easy to love. You had your own life, your own responsibilities, and you were the one lone man doing everything at your own house, yet somehow you still found the strength and patience to show up for me.
I don’t think you will ever truly understand how much those things meant to me.
I am utterly, deeply grateful for a man like you. For every little thing you did that I noticed, and even for the things you probably thought I didn’t notice. I noticed. I remember. I will always remember.
I will always love you, even if you don’t love me. I will always look for you, in every crowd, in every familiar place, in every memory that reminds me of you. And I will always ask my Allah SWT to give you to me in Jannah, because if there is one person I would still want to find after this life, it would be you.
After everything I have gone through in my life, you were my medicine. You were comfort when I was hurting, softness when life felt hard, and a place where I could just be me. You came into my life and gave me memories that I know I will hold onto until my very last breath.
I love you to death.
And I know for a fact that only you are gonna be my last 7 seconds of life. When everything else fades away, when my mind is no longer holding onto anything, I know somehow, somewhere, it will still find you.
I love you, M.
More than I could ever put into words.
