Trying to shower and not look at my humongous body

if i look back, i am lost

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@hungryforlight
Trying to shower and not look at my humongous body
When you eat because you're sad and now you're sad because you're fat
please let me lose weight overnight
How I feel after binging.
how it feels to binge knowing all i need to do is shut my mouth and stop eating
I want to be smaller.
Not just a little
I mean smaller than I’ve ever been.
I think about it all the time,
how it would feel
to take up less space,
to feel light instead of heavy,
to look in the mirror
and not immediately search for what’s wrong.
I imagine a version of me
that fits into everything easier
clothes, pictures,
people’s expectations,
my own.
Like if I could just get there,
just a little smaller, a little softer,
everything would finally click.
I’d feel beautiful.
Not just sometimes
but fully, quietly, completely.
Like I wouldn’t have to question it anymore.
Like I wouldn’t have to try so hard.
And maybe that’s what I’m really chasing
not just being smaller,
but being at peace
inside my own skin.
-mine.
I deserve to see myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted too.
i hate feeling guilty after i e@t.
Binge eating is a cycle what I mean by cycle is once you’re in that loop it’s hard to get out of it. Once out, it’s easy to fall back into it. 
I hate binging. I get filled with so much regret. I literally want to take out my whole stomach until I feel hollow on the inside.
How I genuinely feel every time i look in the mirror.
remember that water is your BEST friend 🪽
Remember what you are doing this for🪽
“I didn’t eat for three days so I could be lovely”
bruh i wish this heat wave would melt all the fat off my body