HUNTER HEADCANONS!!!

hi!! this is an askblog for the webseries hunter the parenting where fans can share whatever headcanons they may have about the characters and have them be archived for all time and eternity so they remain when the ogres inevitably are overcome with a need to commit to the bit and decide to publicly execute us all as an epic second inquisition reference. whether you wannna push the agenda that marckus listens to MCR or are a fic writer looking for some funny inspiration, this is the place for you! (BLOG ADMIN IS THE ONE AND ONLY BASTARD @basement-hobo. he/they pronouns preferred. call me John Headcanons if you simply MUST refer to me by a name)

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

HELLO EVERYONE IT IS ME. JOHN HEADCANONS HERE TO PROVIDE YOU (YES YOU!!) WITH A QUIRKY GIMMICK BLOG TO ENGAGE WITH

This is Hunter-The-Headcannoning, an ask blog dedicated to sending, sharing and archiving this fandom's takes on characters. BUT we have some ground rules here, so lets lay em out.

NO NSFW this blog is NOT intended for nsfw hcs, this includes fetishes, kinks and other things. I want to keep this blog accessible to as many people as possible and NOT expose any minors to inappropriate stuff while they're hunting for elise hcs to steal. Also I'm just asexual and don't really wanna have people's fantasies thrown at me. Put yer piss kink away and KEEP IT SFW!!

PROSHIPPING IS ALSO NOT ALLOWED Self explanatory, I will allow ship headcanons here but if its something like boy x LITERALLY ANYONE IN THE CAST BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY PROMINENT CHILD CHARACTER WE HAVE i will kill you with my BARE HANDS. (and block you)

BE NICE TO ME. PLEASE. I am John Headcanons but I'm also human. If someone submits a headcanon you don't agree with, DON'T ATTACK ME OVER IT I JUST SHARE EM. SAME GOES FOR ATTACKING THE PEOPLE WHO SUBMIT EM

AUs ARE ALLOWED! Unless a htp au blog spawns, I will also gladly accept AU things :)

SHIPS ARE ON THE TABLE Same thing as above, unless a htp ship blog spawns, I will fill the niche until I lose my spot in the funny fandom gimmick blog food chain :)

AND THAT'S IT FOR MY RULES.

QUICK DNI ALSO: Transphobes, Homophobes, Racists, Any kind of bigot really (what are you DOING HERE), Zionists, TERFS, Proshippers, tumblr user @//basementhobo and People Who Think Edgar The Dragon From That One 2019 John Lewis Christmas Advert Is A Cute Character Design Because You're Fucking Wrong.

for legal reasons that last one is a joke.

TAG MASTERLIST COMING SOON! If you're looking for a specific character, search their name with hc at the end :)

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

Every time I get people into Hunter they say I'm literally Markus. It doesn't help my favorite character is Kitten.

Am I morally in the right for Yumeshipping if I am literally Markus?

i am john headcanons not john personal judgement i am not qualified to answer this question

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

Krycmans accent is like that is because his Belgian family bullied him out of his normal Czech accent. This is why his czech ain't great

FASCINATING. perhaps he has some insecurity over it? (i, john headcanons, like to encourage the crowd to speculate. come on people! use those MEDIA INTERPRETATION skills!)

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

I offer up a Krycman HC cause I think he's neat. He suffers from severe photophobia (Light sensitivity of the eyes) which is why every time we've seen him, both in the recent ep. and the luau pictures, he's been wearing those little sunglasses

oh that's actually quite good! JOHN HEADCANONS will be adopting this into his belief system! thank you!

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

pink triangle by weezer is marcktilda in the very spesific time frame that is marckus after realizing she likes women but before egg crack. actually i have an animatic/animation idea for this should i make it chat

perhaps! john headcanons has too potent of an addiction to mittens yaoi cocaine to truly comment so he will THROW THIS ONE OUT to the marcktilda nation waiting in the wings

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

Remember how Big-D had siblings he worked together with against a Methuselah? Well, here's what I think they would be like:

D is the middle child of triplet brothers - the eldest triplet is wise and stoic, while the youngest triplet is somehow more impulsive and energetic

He also has some younger sisters, one of them who died and wished to reincarnate with her lover. And another who were twins, the older specialized in aquatic creatures and the younger with fae.

OHHH SO NEAT! and also a little interesting considering how door and marckus turned out >.> their uncles live on through them mayhaps.

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

what if kitten’s favorite animal actually is dogs, it’s just too late to say anything. sunk cost fallacy

A CONSPIRACY!

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

i like 2 think marckus has not kept up with what clothing size he wears since he was a scrawny baby nerd. he gets clothes for himself and they are way too small and hes insistent that actually they're the right size and that cutting off bloodflow to all of his limbs with clothes that r too small is all part of his master vampire hunting strat and u just dont get it. and then he goes back to his old outfit

i know you didnt mean this but this was the first thing i (JOHN HEADCANONS) pictured

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

occam never got to find out why fatigue always got a bit Forlorn about father’s day <3

OH YOU EVIL LITTLE THING YOU. did you at least kiss that brick? did you gently pick up that rock, making sure it wasn't damaged, before you CRUSHED my skull with it???

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

it's pride month so heres my gender/sexuality hc for the d fam (warning: they're all transfem sry not sry)

marckus- she/it ,*insert joke here* transbian (waow the lesbian make her favorite character lesbian, projecting much nepo?)

kitten- she/her, they/them + neos, catgender/therian , also probably acespec. bi ofc.

door- it/it's/itself, agender and demisexual (also maybe arospec as a treat) (note i dont think it knows the last 2 parts since its 2006 and door doesnt seem the type to gaf)

BIG D- any/all, genderfluid/pangender/genderqueer (i think she doesnt bother with labels much) and REALLY annoying with it. decided to anounce how they've been nonbinary since the dawn of time and how hes "more trans" the millisecond marckus came out type beat. also pansexual ofc

boy- uhhhh idk.... she/her ig... i think she doesnt rly know herself and just ids as "cooler then you" or smth

ross-""""""he/him""""", """"superstraight"""" (is in infinite egg jail due to getting wyrm'ed, e would have saved her.)

anton- she/her ( if we're assuming shes the one that got banished to the fae court, she/faer) ,aroace (does actually know, not stupid like door) probably only one out when the show takes place (well technically d too but ey just. never rly told anyone/her family)

occam-he/him, gay, the only cis chud here. they kept betting on his egg crack but it just didnt happen. after realizing it wont happen they just started dunking on him for it

waow

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

Kitten and Marckus like to playfight and ragebait each other sometimes. : )

AND THATS BEAUTIFUL THAT IS!!! i think marckus gets his ass beaten eeeevvveerrryytime. he lost in the lan party fight don't @ me

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

I hc that the average person gets an unsettling feeling whenever they see Big D in his grey/almost white shiny eyes. His family has gotten used to it, but when he gets really angry, his pupils contract in such a way even they get a bit scared.

INTERESTING.

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

kitten gets a little objectum with his spear. just a little

as treat :)

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

marckus has hyperhydrosis i curse him with being stinky.

I KNOW THAT'S YOU BASEMENT-HOBO I'D RECOGNISE THAT TYPING STYLE ANYWHERE GET OUT OF HERE

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

amanda x matillda x marckus (tfem)...... am i cooking... call it triadcule...

perhaps you are! i, JOHN HEADCANONS, ask THE CROWD what their opinions are!

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

rolls into your dms.. kitten used to babysit marckus when they were kids (when kitten was ages 10-14 and marck was 6-10)?

AWWWWEEE SO CUTE begs the question however. what the hell would that be like? regardless, I (John Headcanons), approve immensely!

[hunter-the-headcanonning]

Also sorry I'm sending another one el-oh-el. Anyways, I think that growing up surrounded by constant divorces and custody battles probably fucked up Marckus's and Door's ideas of love. I'd like to think that Door gave it his best shot with his wife, but was unable to break the Hunter's cycle that has plagued his Father... and likely the entire bloodline. I have no idea what's going to happen to Marckus and Kitten's relationship, but I don't think Kitten will be the only one willing to stoop to any low to get his Fiance back. In fact, given how easily he was able to come up with the idea of having Vampires CANNIBALIZE each other in the cellar... I think Marckus would stoop far lower than Kitten. He won't be like his Father. This relationship /will/ work. Marckus /will/ have a happily-ever-after, and he'll burn down anyone who gets in his way.

oh how DARE you make my lobster too buttery and steak too juicy how COULD YOU tumblr user starnetz. You utter monster, feeding John Headcanons in such a way. This is so delightfully messed up. I adore it. This is wonderful, even. The idea of him trying so hard to be nothing like his father but ending up sooo much worse is sososososoososososoooo fun :)

BIG FAN!