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it's hilarious how if you do any amount of research into life or death melee combat the prevailing themes that emerge are that
you're gonna get tired very quickly
tired leads to injured, injured leads to tired, tired leads to—
you're not gonna be as composed as you expect
humans are more fragile than you think and also more durable than you think. both are true and neither stop them from dying of an infection later (DO NOT GET BITTEN)
DO NOT GET STABBED (generally good life advice)
DO GET A SPEAR
knights are faster than you think
Other favorites from history:
Humans are very good at *pretending* to fight each other in hopes that the generals way in the back are buying it so nobody has to get stabbed.
Most of the dying only happened after a side broke and tried to run, because then the rich assholes on horseback got to start running them down.
When you do get a bloodthirtsy force, it gets bad real quick (see the battle of Adrianople, 378 CE, and the battle of Cannae, 216 BCE)
SUPPLY LINES FFS
Uuuuuuuh wow professionalization matters a lot actually
There's a lot of dust actually
Horses Will Not run through opposing infantry, but they will run at other horses
Elephants are not worth it, tbh
Shields matter a lot if you want to not die but good luck finding a balance between being too heavy and not protective enough
Anything is a projectile if you throw it hard enough
Always have a knife
Do Not Fall Down - you will be trampled
The guy with the biggest hat/plume is the leader
Release The Hounds
Valleys are BAD NEWS
Uphill is much nicer than downhill
A retreat route to boats on the sea is only helpful when you're already ready to sail
Forests are torches waiting to be lit
A professional soldier does a surprising amount of sitting around and day labour on massive projects
The army has always been a good place to become an engineer, it seems
Ffs, pleasr listen when the sergeant tells you something. He's always right
If you've got a shit general, make sure you've got a good tactician/strategist
That rich guy really doesn't know what he's doing, huh
Drowning is awful and being in the navy is certainly A Choice, but your wife will not be happy with you
Damn, all this shit is heavy :(((
Attack the baggage train >:)))
Uhhhh, sarge? The battle line broke. I'm going home
Why aren't the enemy running and screaming back at us? They're just ... walking towards us. I will not be sticking around to figure out whatever fuckery they're up to.
Blood is actually really slippery :(
I did not clean my blade and now the blood has dried and glued the sword and scabbard together :(((
Tf you mean we're gonna fight during harvest season. I think tf not.
I Hate This. All Of This.
Fuck me, battle is LOUD despite the fact I can't hear shit in this helmet
You're better to be down an arm than down a leg, tbh
Desertion rates are not as high as you'd think, but if you let the troops starve and get sick, they will abandon you en masse
WHAT MADE YOU THINK CROSSING THE MOUNTAINS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!
The fewer pieces to armour the better is usually is (with the exception of chain and scale)
Skirts and loose-ish clothes actually help conceal the lines of your body in combat
Don't wear too much armour in a hot place because you will be sweating until you pass out and die
CHARIOTS ARE SO COOL
Falling off a chariot is Less Cool
You're less likely to get stabbed than you are crushed or run over
Leather resists slashing damage, silk/linen resists piercing damage and wood/ceramic disperses blunt damage
Ceramic armour is actually so effective at defending its wearer that we still use it in bulletproof vests and tank armour (though once its broken it needs to be replaced)
A blade lodged in bone can actually be really hard to get back out
If your belly is cut open, you're already dead to an infection
Unless they hit a major artery, bleeding out takes a long time
(a) Supply lines. Supply lines. LOGISTICS. Never take your eye off the logistics.
(b) The best battle is the one that doesn't happen. The night before, meet up with the other side's quartermasters and buy up their mercenaries' contracts. (And don't try to get cheap about it. Odds are the other guys know within 10-20% how much cash you're carrying. Get pissy about the terms of the buy-out, and they may decide it makes more sense just to go ahead with the battle and take it all off you for disrespecting them.)
(c) Don't be tempted onto bad terrain. (And [c1]: All terrain is bad in at least one way. Maybe more.)
(d) Maslow is a better guide to the responsible management of armed forces than Kubler-Ross.
(e) LOGISTICS.
Had someone ask if I was going to cut my hair now that the Calamity is dealt with and we're rebuilding.
No.
I'm letting my hair grow out until it drags on the ground four feet behind me as I walk. While braided.
And you're going to deal with that.
and why would it be their business anyway
Supposedly because I am a public figure, and therefore must do exactly what everyone tells me to, even the contradictory or overlapping orders. It's just what kings do, after all. Exactly what the nobles want.
all this time and there's still someone who thinks they can be this insufferable?
Their grandpa said so, so it must be true. My father did exactly as he was told, don't you know.
I don't know how they think things used to be, but I have impressed upon them very much that their job isn't to be a boss to me or pretty near anyone else, it's to oversee the region they occupy and make sure the people within it are fed, housed, clothed, and safe. And they are VERY replaceable if they misuse the tools given to them to do so.
I have also considered adding physical repercussions for continuing to play stupid games, but I don't want to become known as the king that threw a vase at someone for suggesting we just send a messenger with a piece of parchment to tell the monsters around a town to vacate the premises.
if they're going to bring up your father, which i find disgusting personally, then you should get to bring up the fact that he died failing his kingdom, while you have not only survived but thrived, thus proving that doing what one is told is not good for a king.
i doubt they have any idea how things actually used to be either. I doubt even more that they care.
fair, but i feel like you owe them some prize for their games. notoriety perhaps? the newspaper might run the story thus; The Noble So-and-So approached the King this day and bade him get a haircut rather than anything regarding the rebuilding of their demesne nor the quality of their subject's lives.
Would prefer to not talk about my father with them. In general. And no, they have no clue about what things were like back then. I saw how the nobles then interacted with father and it was significantly different than they seem to imagine. Hundred some odd years of 'good old days' reimagining of things from grandpa with a healthy dose of lies to make himself look better will do that to the younger ones' perception of the way things work.
Oh, that is a good idea. I'm going to start keeping notes and passing them off to my favorite gossip friend for their articles.
i understand, and i would have hoped that nobility would have more taste than to say such things in the first place, but here we are.
i'm glad to hear you agree
Wrangling nobles is more tiring than wrangling toddlers.
they should be ashamed of themselves.
I agree, but I don't think they'll ever manage it. Just don't seem to have the capacity for that amount of critical thought.
If publicly shaming them doesn't do it, I'll just replace them. Have enough going on that I can't keep dicking around like this with people who have no interest in doing the job they were brought on for.
i would bet my scales that Sidon has been wanting to replace them, every time they open their mouths.
Yeah I'm pretty sure that's accurate. Considering I've been threatening it for a while now, I'm sure Sheik and Sidon both have considered just pushing for that.
They can be pretty rude to both of them, which is why I'm proud there haven't been any outright murders here yet.
I don't think Sidon would murder; a corpse is a terrible listener.
Oh no, I didn't figure he would. More concerned with Sheik getting tired of the disrespect towards the three of us and deciding enough is enough. Only so much that one can take where that's concerned, after all.
Had someone ask if I was going to cut my hair now that the Calamity is dealt with and we're rebuilding.
No.
I'm letting my hair grow out until it drags on the ground four feet behind me as I walk. While braided.
And you're going to deal with that.
and why would it be their business anyway
Supposedly because I am a public figure, and therefore must do exactly what everyone tells me to, even the contradictory or overlapping orders. It's just what kings do, after all. Exactly what the nobles want.
all this time and there's still someone who thinks they can be this insufferable?
Their grandpa said so, so it must be true. My father did exactly as he was told, don't you know.
I don't know how they think things used to be, but I have impressed upon them very much that their job isn't to be a boss to me or pretty near anyone else, it's to oversee the region they occupy and make sure the people within it are fed, housed, clothed, and safe. And they are VERY replaceable if they misuse the tools given to them to do so.
I have also considered adding physical repercussions for continuing to play stupid games, but I don't want to become known as the king that threw a vase at someone for suggesting we just send a messenger with a piece of parchment to tell the monsters around a town to vacate the premises.
if they're going to bring up your father, which i find disgusting personally, then you should get to bring up the fact that he died failing his kingdom, while you have not only survived but thrived, thus proving that doing what one is told is not good for a king.
i doubt they have any idea how things actually used to be either. I doubt even more that they care.
fair, but i feel like you owe them some prize for their games. notoriety perhaps? the newspaper might run the story thus; The Noble So-and-So approached the King this day and bade him get a haircut rather than anything regarding the rebuilding of their demesne nor the quality of their subject's lives.
Would prefer to not talk about my father with them. In general. And no, they have no clue about what things were like back then. I saw how the nobles then interacted with father and it was significantly different than they seem to imagine. Hundred some odd years of 'good old days' reimagining of things from grandpa with a healthy dose of lies to make himself look better will do that to the younger ones' perception of the way things work.
Oh, that is a good idea. I'm going to start keeping notes and passing them off to my favorite gossip friend for their articles.
i understand, and i would have hoped that nobility would have more taste than to say such things in the first place, but here we are.
i'm glad to hear you agree
Wrangling nobles is more tiring than wrangling toddlers.
they should be ashamed of themselves.
I agree, but I don't think they'll ever manage it. Just don't seem to have the capacity for that amount of critical thought.
If publicly shaming them doesn't do it, I'll just replace them. Have enough going on that I can't keep dicking around like this with people who have no interest in doing the job they were brought on for.
i would bet my scales that Sidon has been wanting to replace them, every time they open their mouths.
Yeah I'm pretty sure that's accurate. Considering I've been threatening it for a while now, I'm sure Sheik and Sidon both have considered just pushing for that.
They can be pretty rude to both of them, which is why I'm proud there haven't been any outright murders here yet.
Had someone ask if I was going to cut my hair now that the Calamity is dealt with and we're rebuilding.
No.
I'm letting my hair grow out until it drags on the ground four feet behind me as I walk. While braided.
And you're going to deal with that.
and why would it be their business anyway
Supposedly because I am a public figure, and therefore must do exactly what everyone tells me to, even the contradictory or overlapping orders. It's just what kings do, after all. Exactly what the nobles want.
all this time and there's still someone who thinks they can be this insufferable?
Their grandpa said so, so it must be true. My father did exactly as he was told, don't you know.
I don't know how they think things used to be, but I have impressed upon them very much that their job isn't to be a boss to me or pretty near anyone else, it's to oversee the region they occupy and make sure the people within it are fed, housed, clothed, and safe. And they are VERY replaceable if they misuse the tools given to them to do so.
I have also considered adding physical repercussions for continuing to play stupid games, but I don't want to become known as the king that threw a vase at someone for suggesting we just send a messenger with a piece of parchment to tell the monsters around a town to vacate the premises.
if they're going to bring up your father, which i find disgusting personally, then you should get to bring up the fact that he died failing his kingdom, while you have not only survived but thrived, thus proving that doing what one is told is not good for a king.
i doubt they have any idea how things actually used to be either. I doubt even more that they care.
fair, but i feel like you owe them some prize for their games. notoriety perhaps? the newspaper might run the story thus; The Noble So-and-So approached the King this day and bade him get a haircut rather than anything regarding the rebuilding of their demesne nor the quality of their subject's lives.
Would prefer to not talk about my father with them. In general. And no, they have no clue about what things were like back then. I saw how the nobles then interacted with father and it was significantly different than they seem to imagine. Hundred some odd years of 'good old days' reimagining of things from grandpa with a healthy dose of lies to make himself look better will do that to the younger ones' perception of the way things work.
Oh, that is a good idea. I'm going to start keeping notes and passing them off to my favorite gossip friend for their articles.
i understand, and i would have hoped that nobility would have more taste than to say such things in the first place, but here we are.
i'm glad to hear you agree
Wrangling nobles is more tiring than wrangling toddlers.
they should be ashamed of themselves.
I agree, but I don't think they'll ever manage it. Just don't seem to have the capacity for that amount of critical thought.
If publicly shaming them doesn't do it, I'll just replace them. Have enough going on that I can't keep dicking around like this with people who have no interest in doing the job they were brought on for.
Had someone ask if I was going to cut my hair now that the Calamity is dealt with and we're rebuilding.
No.
I'm letting my hair grow out until it drags on the ground four feet behind me as I walk. While braided.
And you're going to deal with that.
and why would it be their business anyway
Supposedly because I am a public figure, and therefore must do exactly what everyone tells me to, even the contradictory or overlapping orders. It's just what kings do, after all. Exactly what the nobles want.
all this time and there's still someone who thinks they can be this insufferable?
Their grandpa said so, so it must be true. My father did exactly as he was told, don't you know.
I don't know how they think things used to be, but I have impressed upon them very much that their job isn't to be a boss to me or pretty near anyone else, it's to oversee the region they occupy and make sure the people within it are fed, housed, clothed, and safe. And they are VERY replaceable if they misuse the tools given to them to do so.
I have also considered adding physical repercussions for continuing to play stupid games, but I don't want to become known as the king that threw a vase at someone for suggesting we just send a messenger with a piece of parchment to tell the monsters around a town to vacate the premises.
if they're going to bring up your father, which i find disgusting personally, then you should get to bring up the fact that he died failing his kingdom, while you have not only survived but thrived, thus proving that doing what one is told is not good for a king.
i doubt they have any idea how things actually used to be either. I doubt even more that they care.
fair, but i feel like you owe them some prize for their games. notoriety perhaps? the newspaper might run the story thus; The Noble So-and-So approached the King this day and bade him get a haircut rather than anything regarding the rebuilding of their demesne nor the quality of their subject's lives.
Would prefer to not talk about my father with them. In general. And no, they have no clue about what things were like back then. I saw how the nobles then interacted with father and it was significantly different than they seem to imagine. Hundred some odd years of 'good old days' reimagining of things from grandpa with a healthy dose of lies to make himself look better will do that to the younger ones' perception of the way things work.
Oh, that is a good idea. I'm going to start keeping notes and passing them off to my favorite gossip friend for their articles.
i understand, and i would have hoped that nobility would have more taste than to say such things in the first place, but here we are.
i'm glad to hear you agree
Wrangling nobles is more tiring than wrangling toddlers.
Had someone ask if I was going to cut my hair now that the Calamity is dealt with and we're rebuilding.
No.
I'm letting my hair grow out until it drags on the ground four feet behind me as I walk. While braided.
And you're going to deal with that.
and why would it be their business anyway
Supposedly because I am a public figure, and therefore must do exactly what everyone tells me to, even the contradictory or overlapping orders. It's just what kings do, after all. Exactly what the nobles want.
all this time and there's still someone who thinks they can be this insufferable?
Their grandpa said so, so it must be true. My father did exactly as he was told, don't you know.
I don't know how they think things used to be, but I have impressed upon them very much that their job isn't to be a boss to me or pretty near anyone else, it's to oversee the region they occupy and make sure the people within it are fed, housed, clothed, and safe. And they are VERY replaceable if they misuse the tools given to them to do so.
I have also considered adding physical repercussions for continuing to play stupid games, but I don't want to become known as the king that threw a vase at someone for suggesting we just send a messenger with a piece of parchment to tell the monsters around a town to vacate the premises.
if they're going to bring up your father, which i find disgusting personally, then you should get to bring up the fact that he died failing his kingdom, while you have not only survived but thrived, thus proving that doing what one is told is not good for a king.
i doubt they have any idea how things actually used to be either. I doubt even more that they care.
fair, but i feel like you owe them some prize for their games. notoriety perhaps? the newspaper might run the story thus; The Noble So-and-So approached the King this day and bade him get a haircut rather than anything regarding the rebuilding of their demesne nor the quality of their subject's lives.
Would prefer to not talk about my father with them. In general. And no, they have no clue about what things were like back then. I saw how the nobles then interacted with father and it was significantly different than they seem to imagine. Hundred some odd years of 'good old days' reimagining of things from grandpa with a healthy dose of lies to make himself look better will do that to the younger ones' perception of the way things work.
Oh, that is a good idea. I'm going to start keeping notes and passing them off to my favorite gossip friend for their articles.
I am very tired...
I'm going to use my ocarina to make loud noises every time I have to remind these people that they are Public Servants and not Better Than Everyone Else. Their job is to make sure everyone has what they need to live safely and comfortably while we rebuild our kingdom. They do not get to do whatever the fuck they want to whoever the fuck they want.
Had someone ask if I was going to cut my hair now that the Calamity is dealt with and we're rebuilding.
No.
I'm letting my hair grow out until it drags on the ground four feet behind me as I walk. While braided.
And you're going to deal with that.
and why would it be their business anyway
Supposedly because I am a public figure, and therefore must do exactly what everyone tells me to, even the contradictory or overlapping orders. It's just what kings do, after all. Exactly what the nobles want.
all this time and there's still someone who thinks they can be this insufferable?
Their grandpa said so, so it must be true. My father did exactly as he was told, don't you know.
I don't know how they think things used to be, but I have impressed upon them very much that their job isn't to be a boss to me or pretty near anyone else, it's to oversee the region they occupy and make sure the people within it are fed, housed, clothed, and safe. And they are VERY replaceable if they misuse the tools given to them to do so.
I have also considered adding physical repercussions for continuing to play stupid games, but I don't want to become known as the king that threw a vase at someone for suggesting we just send a messenger with a piece of parchment to tell the monsters around a town to vacate the premises.
Had someone ask if I was going to cut my hair now that the Calamity is dealt with and we're rebuilding.
No.
I'm letting my hair grow out until it drags on the ground four feet behind me as I walk. While braided.
And you're going to deal with that.
and why would it be their business anyway
Supposedly because I am a public figure, and therefore must do exactly what everyone tells me to, even the contradictory or overlapping orders. It's just what kings do, after all. Exactly what the nobles want.
Had someone ask if I was going to cut my hair now that the Calamity is dealt with and we're rebuilding.
No.
I'm letting my hair grow out until it drags on the ground four feet behind me as I walk. While braided.
And you're going to deal with that.
Hello dears! 🇵🇸🍉🙏I am asking you to support my campaign to help me reach my goal. I am in dire need of your support now to help me stay alive and safe. Gaza is a very dangerous place both in terms of living and lives. The family consists of 20 members, most of them are young children. I need your financial support to enable me to get the basic needs for my family until the Rafah crossing is😭 reopened to transport my family to safety and peace. Please help a family stay alive through your small donations or through your shares to others. Thank you very much for standing by those in need. My campaign 90-ghoset has been documented🍉🙏⬇️🍓🌨️
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Hello my friend, 😊
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We live in very harsh conditions and urgently need support to overcome this crisis. 🙏
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Verified by bees and watermelon, number 171 and northgazaupdates.
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I hope my message finds you well. I would be really grateful if you could help me by donating. I need a donation of twenty to twenty five euros to save me and my family from the war in Gaza and escape to a safe place. Please donate, share and repost 🍉🍉🇵🇸🍉
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I've spent a long time taking care of our twins, dealing with new nobles not understanding that this is NOT a free ride into grandpa's stories about how nobles could do whatever they wanted back in the day, directing the restoration and rebuilding efforts around the kingdom, updating the town planning so it's more people-friendly while also being accessible for carts, wagons and coaches, discussing imports that are necessary and adding a few luxury things that are also sort of necessary for morale, training a formal military and knighthood, and also spending time with my family.
Super busy. But hey, it's getting done! Slowly. Painfully slowly.
my bravest knighttt... come hither ..... mmmwah !! ok you are dismissed