“I didn’t tell my ex because I didn’t know. Hindsight tells me this has been with me as long as I can remember, but those clues in my history didn’t add up to knowledge. Those clues in my history didn’t have an explicit relationship at all until the gestalt of my identity changed. Once it was clear I was female, the mismatch was obvious. In effect, my ex knew only a couple of months after I did. The delay was because I was trying to decide how to tell her, or whether I should just leave and sort myself out without the strain of a relationship.“
Read the full post by Clara Barnhurst over at Transgender Universe.
I would like to add this:
Becoming aware of your transgender nature takes time, especially because there is so much transphobia in society. And even when one does find out, it is not hard to understand that some keep it secret.
This is normally not the right thing to do, but it should be easy to understand why, given the stigma attached to being transgender in most communities. Many trans people fear losing their loved ones if they come out, and some do actually lose them.
Life can be hard, and sometimes there are no perfect solutions. But we can do the best we can, and that is normally not by spending a lot of time on blaming trans people. They never chose to be transgender.
“I didn’t tell my ex because I didn’t know. Hindsight tells me this has been with me as long as I can remember, but those clues in my history didn’t add up to knowledge. Those clues in my history didn’t have an explicit relationship at all until the gestalt of my identity changed. Once it was clear I was female, the mismatch was obvious. In effect, my ex knew only a couple of months after I did. The delay was because I was trying to decide how to tell her, or whether I should just leave and sort myself out without the strain of a relationship.“
Read the full post by Clara Barnhurst over at Transgender Universe.
I would like to add this:
Becoming aware of your transgender nature takes time, especially because there is so much transphobia in society. And even when one does find out, it is not hard to understand that some keep it secret.
This is normally not the right thing to do, but it should be easy to understand why, given the stigma attached to being transgender in most communities. Many trans people fear losing their loved ones if they come out, and some do actually lose them.
Life can be hard, and sometimes there are no perfect solutions. But we can do the best we can, and that is normally not by spending a lot of time on blaming trans people. They never chose to be transgender.
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