➢ Minors / Ageless blogs DNI. This blog is meant for anyone over the age of 18 ONLY
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Name: Mini & Kitty
Age: 23 (1999) & 28 (1995)
Bias: Hyunjin, Han & Minho (Mini) / Chan (Has frequent meltdowns over Innie and Seungmin - Kitty)
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Honestly. When I started writing here I was in a place where I REALLY needed to escape the real world.
for the most part im still writing but things in my life went-- astray-- and my health and everything got to be a lot. I got drained from writing and at some point started really disliking the content I was putting out.
i AM still writing.
and i think i always will write in some way or another. I have so many random ideas and things I want to write but the style of my writing is 100% changed. I'm not so much writing y/n as much as other things right now and I 100% moved myself from here to Twitter and ao3. with RPF / RPS -- where I'm enjoying the content I put out MUCH MORE.
it's been an experience, to say the least.
if you'd like to see what we're up to in that kind of section you're always welcome.
hopefully ill be able to come back and continue what I started here. but for now, the break is needed.
We’re hoping to soon! Not gonna lie to you I very much unexpectedly went back to school. I genuinely mean unexpectedly. I applied for a course that had a low acceptance rate and magically they let me in 😭 so I’ve been spending most of my time studying and doing homework 😭 but I have been writing this on the side in hopes to get the new chapters up!
genre: angst, smut, childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, coworker au
wc: 9.2k
summary: What you call ‘fearless,’ he calls ‘reckless’—but back when you were children, he was the one who taught you how to be brave. Hwang Hyunjin, who filled every one of your childhood memories with excitement and curiosity, is now so different from before. Reuniting by chance after your careers led you down separate paths, you wonder if the Hyunjin you fell in love with when you were younger still exists within the jaded businessman who stands before you. No—you are sure he’s there, and you’re determined to find him again.
masterlist
“I bet I can swing higher than you.”
“You wish, loser.”
Hyunjin was a very competitive child, and his biggest rival was you. Partially fueled by curiosity and somewhat fueled by pride, you often challenged each other to contests to determine who was the best at handball, who could hold their breath underwater for the longest, and who would blink first in a staring competition.
Your scores were always neck and neck, which only provoked your competitive spirits more. During recess hour one sunny day, they brought you to the swing set, eager to prove who could soar the highest.
You and Hyunjin plopped yourselves down side by side on the swings. The keen grin on his face was mirrored on yours as you both prepared to propel your way to the top. On his count, you began to swing your legs, using your weight to launch yourself forward and back. You steadily built a rhythm, accelerating more and more with each beat.
Hyunjin saw from the corner of his eye that you were gaining speed. He had to kick himself into high gear. Biting down on his lips, he drove his legs into the air, sucking in deep breaths with each fall and releasing sharp huffs on the way up, putting his all into rising as high as he could.
And then he did it. He was swinging higher than you! A smile crept onto his face as he watched his swing overcome yours. Hyunjin was victorious. As he relished in his victory, he felt the crisp air fill his lungs, the warm sunshine on his face. Every time he swung towards the sky, it felt like he was in the clouds. Hyunjin was on top of the world. He was on top of his little world.
You admitted defeat and hopped off your swing, watching him from below. He was soaring so high that your amazement overshadowed your disappointment.
“Hyunjin! You’re flying!” You shouted to him.
Hyunjin responded with unrestrained laughter. He never felt so alive. His heart was soaring out of his chest. He really was flying.
Seeing him laugh, you started giggling too. You wished you could be up there with him. But your sky expedition would have to happen another day, because the bell rang to call you back to class.
“Hyunjin! We have to go!”
He heard your voice and tried to slow down, but he couldn’t stop his momentum. He was swinging too high, too fast. Suddenly his joyride felt like a death trap. Hyunjin couldn’t come down.
“I can’t stop!” He yelled, eyes wide with fear.
You began to worry. What if Hyunjin was stuck up there forever? What should you do? How could you save him?
You positioned yourself in front of his swing and held out your arms.
“Jump off, I’ll catch you! I promise!”
Hyunjin was terrified, but he trusted you. He was scared of falling, but you promised you’d catch him. You wouldn’t let him fall, and he believed in you. So he scrunched his eyes shut and jumped.
He jumped straight into your arms—just as you promised—but knocked you over in the process. You fell together in a tangle of bruised arms and battered legs. When you stood back up, Hyunjin was still on the ground, clutching his leg. Quiet sniffles left his body when he showed you the scrape on his knee—it was bleeding. You ran to your teacher for help and retrieved a bandage for him.
Hyunjin stared as your nimble fingers carefully placed the bandage over his wound. It was dotted with colorful stars, yellow, blue and red—all of his favorite colors. After the scrape was covered, you bent down to place a kiss over the bandage and Hyunjin’s heart soared for the second time that day.
“My mom says a kiss will make it heal faster.” You mumbled, a light blush sprinkled across your cheeks.
“Thanks.” Was all that Hyunjin could manage. He was tongue tied.
Hyunjin stayed off the swings for a whole week. And he kept his bandage on for just as long, even though the scrape was nearly healed now. But it began to lose its adhesion, and against his will, the bandage fell off. His wound was naked. He was vulnerable. Still, he craved to swing again.
A week after he fell, Hyunjin told you he wanted to go on the swing set once again. You happily went with him. You missed the swings too. He mounted his seat with apprehension and hesitantly swayed back and forth—gently, carefully. Your laughter caught his attention and he turned to see you floating through the air—joyful, carefree. Hyunjin was reminded of how exhilarating his last ride was, how fun it was to fly. He gathered his courage and picked up his speed. Soon enough, the pain in his knee was forgotten, replaced by thrill, fervor, and bliss.
It was easy for Hyunjin to get back up after falling. It was easy for him to forget about his scraped knee and chase happiness instead. It was easy because swinging was worthwhile, it made him feel alive.
It was easy for Hyunjin to be fearless despite the pain. It was easy for him back when he was a bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked kid. Why was it so hard for him to take the leap now that he’s older? He was never this scared before.
Maybe it’s because his world is bigger now, there was more for him to lose. But didn’t he lose the most when he lost you?
It felt as though the bigger his world got, the emptier it became. He struggled to fill his void. It was endless. Yet, the moment you came back into his life, you filled it right up. His world became so full that it suffocated him. Hyunjin was not accustomed to this feeling. It had been so long that he’d forgotten how it felt.
“It.” He knew what “it” was. “It” was the thing that gave color to his bleak world. “It” was what born him into this life, given freely to him by his parents. “It” was what he shared with you for years before he even understood what it was. “It” was the aching in his heart everytime you crossed his mind, the warmth that rushed through his body everytime he looked at you.
How he missed being in love.
But love had no place in his life any more.
He was engaged. He made a promise. It was ironic how Hyunjin did all that he could to rid his mind of love for the purpose of walking down the aisle and committing to a marriage—the very symbol of love.
Did he love her?
It was complicated. Love is not something you can investigate or analyze. And Hyunjin hardly had time to think about it before he was whisked into Sara’s world of business, image, and status. He didn’t really need to, as they profited from being together. Sara liked the way she looked with him by her side and he would benefit from the opportunities she could give him. They each fulfilled each other’s needs. That’s what all relationships are founded on—mutual gain. As such, there was no need to ponder trivial matters such as love.
Did he love you?
The truth to this question was not so complicated—yet Hyunjin refused to answer it. Because doing so might trigger a storm, and he lacked a safe haven. Instead, he chose to run away, just like he always does. He avoided his problems, avoided anything that could invade his empty world, avoided you.
You did the same. Hyunjin had abandoned you, twice now. You didn’t know how much more of your heart you could give to him. You didn’t know if you had any left. The last conversation you shared still rang in your mind. Perhaps he was right in some regards. Things are not as they were when you were kids. Things were different now. Perhaps it’ll never be as it was again.
You were hurting and he was too. But you tried seeking him for long enough. He didn’t want to be found. So you decided to give him what he wanted—distance. You ignored each other at work, barely looked at each other in the eyes. You stopped visiting the coffee machine in the morning. Hyunjin stopped using the fax machine by your office. Work became mundane.
This was what Hyunjin wanted, what he needed to keep his mind focused on his duties—work and the wedding. Yet, in your absence, his mind grew more cluttered.
He couldn’t sleep. His energy was drained. His focus was knocked. He was sinking with no end in sight. Perpetually suspended in an ocean of regret and what if’s. His heart was ripping bigger and bigger. A wound so grave, only your star-covered bandaid could seal it.
His turmoil bled into his work. He wasn’t present in conversations, wasn’t on top of his duties, and Sara began to notice. She asked him why he’d been distant. He told her he had a lot on his mind.
“It’s like you’re second guessing things.” She chuckled, but Hyunjin’s stiff reaction proved that it wasn’t a joke.
The more he ran from his demons, the weaker he became. Each day that he passed you by like a stranger, each night that he spent isolated next to Sara, every moment that he lived in the lie he created was chipping away at him piece by piece. His heart stopped pumping. The blood failed to circulate through his body. His hands were icy, his feet were cold. He couldn’t run any more.
He had promised his heart to another while you still had ownership over it. It wasn’t his promise to make. He avoided you in hopes to reclaim it again, to do the right thing. But his efforts were futile. The guilt would kill him before time could.
Hyunjin confessed his sins. He told her that he couldn’t marry her in this state. He wasn’t ready. And he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready.
She was furious. She told him he was making a huge mistake. She reminded him of every thing he worked for, everything he was giving up, everyone he was letting down. Hyunjin hung his head in silence and accepted her rebuke. His world was empty after all. What did he have left to lose?
“You’ll come to your senses eventually.” Her last words before he left their apartment.
The door shut behind him, leaving Hyunjin outside alone with only a few bags of his personal belongings. The night was cold but he welcomed the chill. For the first time in a while, he felt free.
Hyunjin moved into a new apartment a few blocks away. It was small, but it was cozy. It was just him and his mother again, which reminded him of the few years they lived in the house next to yours after his father passed. Those years were filled with grief and turbulence, yet the memory brought him comfort. Because back then, even in the midst of loss, his world was so full. Back when he had you.
But he gave all of that up when he decided to leave. It was all for nothing in the end. He was back at square one, starting over from scratch. Only this time, you weren’t there waiting for him any more. This time, Hyunjin had to face the consequences of his mistakes.
He held his head high, kissed his mother every morning before leaving the door, and continued to work. It was all he could do. He didn’t dare approach you. He didn’t deserve to. And he was remorseful to Sara, for wasting her time. He hated how he kept hurting the people he cared for, even though he tried so hard not to. He only wanted to make everyone happy. Everyone but himself.
So he took himself out of the equation and continued to work diligently. He kept to himself and avoided intervening in the lives of anyone around him. Things were better off that way. He was successful for a few weeks, and to his surprise, Sara did nothing to interfere with his career in the company. His days remained mostly uneventful.
But then the annual company holiday party came around. Hyunjin already decided against attending, but Sara slipped into his office the night before the event and casually asked him if he was coming. It was the first time she spoken to him after their last confrontation, and maybe the guilt overcame him in the moment, but Hyunjin said “yes.”
He was a bundle of nerves the following night, fidgeting with the button on his suit cuff as he entered the venue. The room was decorated with Christmas wreaths, lights, and ribbons. A warm glow casted over the party goers, each joyfully chatting and enjoying their cocktails. Hyunjin felt out of place, loitering in a secluded corner.
A familiar hand snaked around his arm, sending a chill down his spine. He looked down to see Sara smiling at him, happy to see him, as if they had never broken up. Hyunjin was taken aback by her nonchalance, unsure of her motives. She led him to a table of company executives to engage in polite small talk and he played along as best he could, despite his discomfort.
Throughout the conversation, Sara showered Hyunjin with praise, rambling on about how great he’d be as a director in the company. He could only smile at the compliments, confused by her actions. She was undoubtedly furious with him during their last conversation, yet only had good things to say about him in front of these executives. Was this her way of taunting him? By dangling the promotion he was yearning for in front of his face?
If this was bait, he wasn’t going to take it. Hyunjin didn’t want any part in this game. He had enough on his mind already. Instead, he excused himself from the table and walked over to the bar for a drink. Even if he was reluctant to come here, he may as well try to enjoy the party. Sitting at the far end of the bar, Hyunjin sipped on his drink and observed his surroundings.
His eyes wandered around the room. First, they landed on a group from his accounting department. His coworkers were quiet individuals, usually glued to their computers, but tonight they were boisterous and loud. Hyunjin had never seen them outside of the office before. They seemed more exciting than he thought.
Then his eyes traveled over to the buffet. Lee Minho was filling up his plate, struggling to fit an egg roll on top of his mountain of hors d’oeuvres. Hyunjin watched as he carefully walked over to his table and sat down. Minho’s table was full of folks from the photography department. Hyunjin recognized Lee Felix, Yang Jeongin and Park Nari. And then he saw you.
You were dressed in red, perfect for a holiday party. Your gown elegantly draped over your figure like a Greek sculpture. Beautiful, untouchable. Yet all Hyunjin could see was your smiling face. Your shining eyes, your blushed cheeks. You looked happy, without him.
Hyunjin sipped his drink and admired you from afar. You were laughing with all of your colleagues. You were glowing. It brought him solace to know that he hadn’t poisoned you completely. You were strong. You would heal without him, and for that, he was grateful.
He was grateful to see you happy, but a part of it stung. Your world was fuller without him while his was empty without you. The sting was something he would have to live with. It was his fault anyway. But then his eyes landed on the source of your laughter—a man seated next to you, his arm slung over your shoulders—and the sting became venomous.
Hyunjin recognized the man. Han Jisung, the office comedian, the life of the party. Jisung was well known for his lively personality and scandalous storytelling. He was popular and loved by many. But he didn’t have to be loved by you too.
Jisung was sat by your side, his arm still wrapped around you. He leaned in to whisper something in your ear. You bursted into a fit of giggles and rested a hand on his knee. The sight shot venom straight to Hyunjin’s chest.
He used to make you laugh like that. He used to be the one to hold you. Jisung only met you a few months ago. Hyunjin knew you for a lifetime.
You stood from your seat and made your way towards the bar, ready for a refill. Hyunjin finished the rest of his drink and swiveled in his chair, away from your direction. But he felt your presence a few feet away and heard your voice as you ordered. He couldn’t help but look over.
His eyes landed on yours. You were looking at him too. Normally, this would make for an embarrassing coincidence, but neither of you looked away. You couldn’t look away, trapped in each other’s gaze.
“How have you been?” Hyunjin finally broke the silence.
“I’ve been better.” You were never one to hide your feelings.
Hyunjin heard the pain in your voice, and it hurt him even more.
“How about you?” You asked him.
“Not bad.” He paused, and then chose to be honest as well. “But not good.”
You pressed your lips into a line and stiffly nodded. “I heard what happened between you and Sara. I’m sorry about that.”
Truthfully, you wanted to run straight to him when you found out the news. You worried for him, even though he wanted nothing to do with you. You wondered if he was hurting. You wondered if he needed a friend. And most of all, you wondered why it happened. What caused his change of heart?
Hyunjin should’ve figured you knew. Gossip traveled around the office fast. Even he had heard rumors about the circumstances surrounding his break up. He didn’t care much for the things being said. But he didn’t want you to know, because he knew you would worry. And he didn’t want you involved in his life anymore. He didn’t want you involved in his mess.
“Let me guess, Jisung told you?” Hyunjin quipped. He looked agitated.
“Well, a lot of people were talking about it…” You mumbled, seeing that you struck a nerve. “Sorry for bringing it up.”
Hyunjin sighed in reply. He couldn’t decide if he was angry at you for mentioning it, angry at himself for feeling this way, or angry at Jisung for existing. He was just angry and he couldn’t understand why.
“You know, it’s not a good look to be hanging around the office gossip.” He clenched his jaw after the words came out. His tone was harsher than intended.
Now you started to get angry. “Don’t talk about him like that, he’s my friend.”
“I’ve been your friend for years.”
“You haven’t been my friend in years.”
You bit your lip. Hyunjin grimaced at your words, but he couldn’t dispute your claim.
“At least Ji doesn’t ignore me.” You muttered under your breath.
He sure doesn’t. Hyunjin thought to himself. The guy had been all over you the whole night. Was it unjustified for Hyunjin to want you to stay away from Jisung? Absolutely. Was it how he felt anyway? Absolutely.
Hyunjin didn’t have the right to feel jealous. Yet he was seething with envy. He couldn’t comprehend what was causing this feeling. Maybe it was the way Jisung was so close to you tonight. The way Hyunjin wanted to be close to you too. The way he couldn’t.
“I tried to be your friend again. I really did.” He explained. “But it’s too hard to be your friend when I—“
His fear caught the words before they could leave his throat. He couldn’t admit the truth, couldn’t pull you back into his mess of a heart.
You stared at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence. But he never did. Hyunjin left you at the bar and you started to wonder why you kept on waiting for him. You wondered why you kept clinging to the hope that maybe he felt the same. Why did you continue to offer up your heart to him?
The truth was, he already had your heart. He had it from the start. And once given up, a heart was not something you could take back. You didn’t want it back. What you truly desired was his in return.
You couldn’t enjoy the party anymore after Hyunjin left. So you decided to head home. You haphazardly hung your coat on the rack and abandoned your shoes in the doorway, eager to jump into bed a forget about this night. When you looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror, you realized that you had never looked better. You’d also never felt worse. It was another night of missing him, another night alone. This feeling had become all too familiar now.
Hyunjin was faring no better than you. He was angry at himself, at his inability to not destroy everything around him. He was tormented by his own actions, his own thoughts, his own feelings. Then his anger turned into despair, hopelessness. He was lost. So just as he always did as a little boy whenever he had nowhere else to turn, Hyunjin sought for his mother.
He told her everything. He told her how much pressure he’d been feeling, how remorseful he was to everyone he had hurt, how much he missed you, and how his father’s death still haunts him. He told her that he was scared. He was scared of failing, scared of losing, scared of disappointment. He was scared of what would happen if he was honest with himself. He told her everything. But nothing she didn’t already know.
She held him as he wept, just happy that her baby was finally home. Once he calmed down, she took off her glasses and placed them on the table, angling herself perpendicular to him. It was time that he faced his fears.
“Why are you scared of failing, son?” She soothingly stroked his arm.
Hyunjin looked in his mother’s eyes. There was no anger, no disappointment, only concern.
“I don’t want to let anyone down.”
“Who could you be letting down?” She asked. “I’ve only ever been happy with you. You’re a caring person, a wonderful son. How could you ever let me down?”
“I need to take care of you, mom.” Hyunjin’s voice quivered. “I need to get a good job and be successful so that you don’t ever have to worry. And I can’t let dad down. He always took care of our family, worked hard and never complained. I’ve wanted to be just like him all my life. I can’t end up a failure.”
“Hwang Hyunjin.” His mother’s tone suddenly became stern. “Do you dare for a moment think that you could ever let your father down. He didn’t care for you all those years for you to think so little of yourself.”
Hyunjin was taken aback by her assertiveness. He kept his mouth shut and silently listened.
“Tell me, why did you look up to your father?”
Hesitantly, he answered. “He was kind. He cared for others before himself. He was strict but never raised his voice. He always encouraged me in everything I did. He was dependable. And he loved us more than anything.”
“You forgot one thing.” His mother pointed out.
Hyunjin tilted his head, confused.
“He was always smiling.”
“Oh yeah, he was.” Hyunjin grinned at the memory of his father’s smile.
“You see son, success wasn’t what made your father a great man. His heart did.” She lightly brushed back his hair. “And loving shouldn’t feel like a burden. It shouldn’t drain you, in fact, loving should give you energy. It should make you happy, like your father always was.”
Hyunjin nodded, taking in his mother’s words.
“Caring for others is one quality that your father passed to you. It’s a wonderful thing, it’s something that I love about you very much. But it shouldn’t come at the cost of your own joy.” She explained. “And if you’re going to sacrifice your happiness for the ones you love, shouldn’t we get a say in it?”
Hyunjin hung his head in shame. “I just didn’t want to worry you.”
“If you don’t want us to worry about you, then chase your own happiness.” She sighed and pulled him into a hug. “What you’re failing to see son, is that your happiness is connected to ours. How can I be happy if you are suffering? Sometimes, it’s okay to be selfish. Even if that means not being able to take care of everyone else. We’re stronger than you think.”
She released him from her embrace and smiled, pulling his chin up to look at him.
“And just as much as you care for us, we care for you as well. I’m sure she feels the same.”
She.
“You love her, don’t you?”
Hyunjin gulped, unable to reply. His mother always saw through him. He hadn’t mentioned anything about his feelings for you, yet she knew. She took his silence as a “yes.”
“If you love her, then don’t run away from her. Show her that you love her, and give her a chance to love you.”
A chance to love him? The prospect of his feelings for you being reciprocated was almost scarier than the potential of his love being rejected. At least if you chose to deny him, Hyunjin could stay here in his little world, and maybe even begin the process of moving on. But if you accepted it, if you opened your heart to him as well—it would leave you both vulnerable, both susceptible to wounding each other. And the possibility of hurting you again terrified him.
“But what if she—what if I fail? What if I can’t love her, the way she deserves?”
“I think that’s up to her to decide, don’t you agree?”
Hyunjin’s inner demons were fighting hard to keep him chained to the ground, but his mother knew what he needed to be set free.
“I know it’s scary to give up your heart to someone. The thought of getting hurt is scary, and the thought of hurting them can be even scarier. But anything worth losing is worth the risk.” She reassured. “Even if I knew I was going to lose your father, I’d still choose to fall in love with him again in a heartbeat.”
Hyunjin’s parents were the perfect picture of true love. All of his life, they’d demonstrated nothing but unconditional care for one another and for him. Even if he knew of the pain his father’s death would put him through, Hyunjin would never choose to have anyone else be his dad. And he was convinced his mother was an angel sent from heaven.
She was once again helping him back up, after he had fallen so far down. She was guiding him back to where he was supposed to be. And even though he was scared, he trusted her more than himself.
His mother helped him realize that he was in love with you. No, rather than a realization, it was an acceptance of what he knew all along.
He was done running, done hiding. Hyunjin needed to find you. He needed to face his fears, face his desires, face his truth, face it all now. It had been years in the making. He couldn’t wait any longer.
It took him 30 minutes to contact your work colleagues and find out where you lived in the city. Another 20 minutes to arrive at your apartment. 10 seconds to build up the courage to knock. And only a moment for you to take his breath away.
You stood before him, half-asleep and utterly confused by his appearance at your door. Your shirt carelessly drooped over your shoulders, your hair was a tangled mess. You were raw, pure. You were beautiful.
“Hyunjin?” You rubbed your eyes, unsure if what you saw was real.
“Hey.” His breath formed fog in the air. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“Late…for what?”
“Late for coming back to you. Late for telling you how I really feel. Late for everything.”
Your heart picked up at his words. “How you really feel….about…?”
“You.” Hyunjin was just as surprised as you were by his sincerity. “About us. About everything that happened, everything I put you through.”
You couldn’t believe your ears. You could only stare at him in shock as he continued.
“I’m sorry for leaving, for leaving you. It was the last thing I ever wanted.” He took in a deep breath. “When my dad passed away, a part of me died too.”
He was shaking as he spoke. You took his hand in yours. His palm was warm, it felt like home. You squeezed it tight and his trembling subsided.
“A part of me died and you did everything you could to save it. You’re the only reason it didn’t disappear completely. You’re the only reason I had to stay.” His gaze met your eyes, a galaxy reflecting in his pupils, swirling with emotion, with all the words left unsaid, now coming to the surface.
“But I saw how it was tearing you apart to care for me. I saw how I was tearing you apart.” His voice was weak but his hand clung firmly to yours, steadying himself with your touch. “I knew I had to be better for you but I just didn’t know how to be. So I thought it’d be best to just leave, to disappear from your world so that you wouldn’t have to worry about me any more. I thought you’d be happier without me.”
“You idiot.” You whispered, eyes threatening to spill. “Why would I be happier without you?”
Coming to terms with his truth, Hyunjin’s expression was pained.
“I was afraid that I wasn’t enough for you.”
The wind whistled through the trees as you watched each other in silence, absorbing all the unspoken feelings, the years of love lost when you were apart.
“Hyunjin,” You breathed. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.
“But I couldn’t do anything for you.” His voice trembled. “I wanted to give you the world.”
“Can’t you see? You were my world.”
And you were his. You were everything he ever knew, everything he ever wished for. He’d been lost without you, wandering foreign lands where he didn’t belong. Wandering far, wandering hopelessly, even though his final destination was always you. He felt like a fool for ever believing otherwise. He was a fool for ever doubting himself, for ever doubting you.
“I love you.” He spoke. “Always have.”
You grinned through your tears. “Took you long enough.”
You should’ve been more hesitant to accept Hyunjin back into your life. You should’ve waited to open your heart to him again, after all the anguish he’s caused you. But how could you not feel enamored when his voice moves you like the moon moves the currents? When his touch blooms the flowers guarding your heart?
You were always a dreamer, always a romantic. It was never in your nature to give up hope, not on him. You knew for a long time now that there would always be a spot reserved for him in your heart—whether or not he’d return to claim it. It was never a question if it existed. And now that he finally came back to you, all that was left was to surrender what was his all along. So you decided to trust Hyunjin like you always have. You didn’t think you ever really stopped. You didn’t think you could.
“I love you too.” You smiled. “Never stopped.”
Hyunjin’s heart jumped at your confession. His vision was illuminated. Everything around him shimmered. It was as if the lamppost perched over your doorway suddenly flashed brighter, causing his surroundings to glow. He was in a dream.
It had been years since Hyunjin last dreamt like this. The forgotten sensation fell on him like fresh snow, thrilling him with every touch. His body went numb, his mind blank. You can do anything when you’re in a dream. There were no rules, nothing to stop him from doing whatever his heart wished for. Nothing to hold him back from indulging in his desires.
So he kissed you, finally giving in to his childish longing. Because he wanted to, so badly. He didn’t think about the consequences, didn’t stop to analyze his actions. He kissed you because he wanted to. He simply wanted to kiss you, so he did.
He kissed you until he was out of breath. Chests rising and falling, cheeks warm and rosy as he released you from his embrace. He’d kiss you all night in this doorway if he could. He’d stop time and kiss you for years to make up for all the time he was away. There was so much that he missed out on, so much that he can’t miss now. Hyunjin swore to cherish every moment in its entirety from now on. He couldn’t bear to waste a single more.
His eyes blazed as he grabbed your hands. “Let’s run away from home. Like we did when we were kids.”
But how could he run away when you were his home?
“Where would we go?” You didn’t question his decision, didn’t challenge his idea. Hyunjin was the captain of your adventures and you were elated to embark on a new one with him.
He didn’t have a plan. He hardly ever did. But he didn’t need one with you by his side. Hyunjin yearned to recreate the excitement of his youth, the sensation of wonder flowing through is veins, the passion he only felt with you. The truth was that it didn’t matter where you went.
He decided to follow wherever the night led him. You sat in the passenger seat with all the windows down as he drove through the city. The breeze flowed through your hair as you rode over a bridge crossing the river, entering a new town neither of you had ever been to.
He pulled over by a park with a small fountain and a jungle gym. No one else was there at this hour, only the two of you. You sat side by side on the swings, telling each other stories from the years you were apart. The conversation flowed as effortlessly as it did all those years ago. It was like the gap never occurred, as if you had merely fast forwarded in time.
You wished he could’ve been there for some parts. He apologized for missing them. But he didn’t need to. He was here now and that’s all that mattered to you. Just as long as he stayed with you now.
He kissed you again on the swings. Your heart soared. But the night was getting cold and it was time to head out. You and Hyunjin cruised through town with no destination in mind. You spotted a local diner that was still open and decided to enjoy a hot cup of coffee.
Not much was said as you sat across each other in the diner booth. You sipped your coffee slowly, savoring the taste, savoring his company. You didn’t speak but the silence was comfortable. Both of you merely wished to extend your time together as long as possible.
Though, the caffeine wore off quickly and drowsiness began to overcome you. Hyunjin walked you to the car and buckled you in, pressing a kiss to your forehead as you settled in your seat. He surveyed the streets until he found a cozy inn to stay the night.
Hyunjin booked a room and held your hand as he led you inside. The room was small but snug. The white sheets covering the bed were soft and the lamp on the dresser glowed warmly. Hyunjin took off his jacket as you shed your coat, and your senses were awoken again.
You had loved Hyunjin since you were children, but you were both missing during a crucial stage in your lives. He was grown now, and so were you. He was taller, his features were sharper, his shoulders were broader. He was a man. And though you were grateful that most things between you had stayed the same, you couldn’t deny how much you enjoyed this change.
You were a woman. You had grown into your figure, you moved more gracefully, smelled sweeter than before. Hyunjin couldn’t deny that you affected him in a different way than he’d ever experienced. His love for you was transforming with every new discovery and the realization of spending the night with you, sharing a bed with you—was driving his heart mad.
It came naturally, the way he approached you, closing the distance between your bodies and then between your lips. It came naturally, how your hands traveled his chest down to his waist, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. Just as naturally when he slipped your shirt over your head, touching your skin, setting it ablaze.
The sensation was new, but it wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t out of place. It felt appropriate, it felt right, it felt perfect. Perfect when his lips wandered to the sensitive skin on your neck. Perfect when his hands grazed your core, brushing the damp fabric of your underwear before pulling them to the side to touch you directly. Perfect when you whimpered in his ear, sending a rush straight to his cock. Perfect when you pulled down his boxers and touched him too, spreading the precum down his shaft and pumping him slowly. It was overwhelmingly perfect.
Hyunjin laid you on the bed and your pulse rapidly quickened. He stripped you naked and stared at you in awe. He whispered that you looked beautiful and it made you giggle but you weren’t flustered. You thought he looked beautiful too. He spread your legs and ducked between them, his tongue eagerly licking up your essence. You couldn’t stay still, you couldn’t keep quiet. You felt like you might burst if he didn’t stop.
His hands held your thighs as he swirled his tongue around your folds. He paused for a moment, grip tightening on your skin. You wondered if there was something wrong, if you had done something to make him stop. Hyunjin released a labored breath and continued licking you, up your center, along your thighs, and then to your nipples, drawing a breathy moan from you. Truthfully, he was at his limit. His cock threatened to spill any minute, and the mere taste of your pussy was enough to make him cum.
But he didn’t want to finish yet. He still needed to feel you. So he rose from the bed and fumbled the drawer for a condom. You were left in a daze, desperate to be touched by him again. When you saw him slip the condom over his shaft, your breath hitched. The awareness of this moment, of the gravity of the step you were about to take, dawned on you. You were about to relinquish everything him, about to give him all of you. There would be no going back from this moment. No chance to reclaim your heart after it passed.
Hyunjin lined himself up at your entrance, hovering down to give you a gentle kiss before he took the last piece of you for himself. A shot of fear struck your heart. You clutched his arms and murmured in his ear.
“Please don’t leave me again.”
Hyunjin froze. His eyes met yours. He knew how much he hurt you when he left, because the hole in his own heart never healed when he was gone. He understood that your trust in him would need to be built back up. And he’d spend his entire life doing so if that’s what it took.
“Darling, I’m not alive if I’m not with you. You’re everything to me. My whole world.”
You shut your eyes and breathed in his scent. When you opened them, he was still there, watching you, waiting for you. He’d wait forever for you.
“I’ll never leave you again. I promise.” Softly, he caressed your face, brushing his thumb across your lips. “Not when I finally have you now.”
His voice spoke the truth. You couldn’t explain it, but you knew. You pulled him closer, your lips ghosting over his. “You can have me. All of me.”
“Are you sure darling?”
He watched you with focused eyes as you gave him your answer. You softly nodded “yes,” and wrapped your arms tighter around his neck. Hyunjin kissed you more delicately than a feather falling to the ground. With a gentle thrust, his hips rocked into yours. You sighed into each others’ mouths, the sensation flickered from your core, sending shivers through your body.
It felt perfect. Like he was made to fit you. His every motion brought waves of inexplicable pleasure to your body. The flame inside you grew and grew as his movements quickened, until the pressure became unbearable. Your hands clung to his shoulders, he buried his head in your neck as your hips moved together. In the heat of your embrace, he reached for your hand, clasping it tight.
You came with his body intertwined with yours, his skin on your skin, limbs tangled, fingers interlaced. Hyunjin emptied himself inside of you with a deep groan. He kissed you as he came, filling your mouth with his tongue, filling your cunt with his cum. He surrendered himself to you. Filling you full. Giving you all of him.
Hyunjin pressed his forehead against yours as you came down from your highs. Your chests rose and sunk in tandem, their rhythm slowing as you began to succumb to slumber.
Before his eyes became too heavy, he took one last look at you, sleeping peacefully in his arms. This was how it always should’ve been. How it always should be.
Hyunjin didn’t have a plan. He didn’t know what the future held for him, but he knew that this moment was right. And he would do everything to keep it this way. To keep you.
He could marry you tomorrow. It might not be the most practical decision, but he wanted to. He was ready since he confessed it to you on the rooftop when you were both eighteen. He was ready since the moment he learned what love is, which was the same moment he learned that he loved you.
You stirred in your sleep and it brought Hyunjin back to reality. His mind always raced faster than time could tick, diving into the possibilities that awaited him, the potential of his next actions, what the future held. But when he noticed you cuddle closer into his side, your shallow breath brushing past his skin—he wanted to remain in this moment. He wanted to stay in this perfect moment and forget about anything else. You were his reminder to stop and appreciate the present. To live in the now.
He conceded to your call for him to pause his ceaseless contemplations, and to just be with you. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you and pulled the covers up to your chins, falling asleep with his mind at peace and his heart at ease.
When the morning came, you woke up to Hyunjin’s hair tickling your face. You smiled at the sight. He was still here with you. It wasn’t a dream after all.
When Hyunjin woke up, you were still laying in his arms. The lightness he sensed in his normally heavy chest made him feel like he was floating. He thought he was in a dream.
Every moment that he was reminded of his love for you made him feel like he was dreaming. So Hyunjin continued to behave like he was in one. No rules, no holding back.
He kissed you underneath the sunlight shining through the window. Your breath was warm on his cheeks. His touch was silk on your skin. He made love to you that quiet morning. He loved you slowly, tenderly. Time froze when your bodies connected. No creature could disturb the paradise that you shared on that bed. Except maybe the butterflies in your stomach.
When Hyunjin was with you, you were invincible. Nothing could diminish your joy. Likewise, Hyunjin was convinced that he had died on the way to your apartment that night, because he felt like he was in heaven. How else could he explain his immeasurable spirit?
His days became brighter. Though his world was no longer empty, his shoulders felt light. Even coming in to the office, sitting at his dull desk and performing monotonous tasks was enjoyable. Because he knew you were just down the hall.
Hyunjin’s coworkers noticed his improved mood. They even invited him out for drinks after work. He’d never been invited before. They always assumed he wasn’t the type to care about work relations outside of the office. He chatted with them over a pitcher of beer and they got to know him better. He had fun that night.
Jisung was the first to notice the change in your demeanor. He asked you what caused this glow. A new man perhaps? You laughed off his speculations and told him not to worry about it. You avoided revealing anything to him because you wanted to preserve your relationship with Hyunjin. You were happy in your little bubble, just the two of you. Adding other people to the mix might cause unnecessary strain.
So you kept a low profile in the office and minimized your interactions to passing glances and fleeting smiles. But you couldn’t control how red your cheeks turned whenever his hand accidentally grazed yours. And he couldn’t quiet his racing heart.
Jisung caught on, flashing you a knowing grin whenever Hyunjin passed by. You’re thankful that he never said anything about it, but you suspected that others were noticing as well. It didn’t matter, so long as the wrong people didn’t find out.
But then you walked past Hyunjin’s office one morning, and overheard a familiar chilling voice. It sounded muffled behind his closed door, but you recognized its owner. It was Sara. She was angry.
You couldn’t hear all of her words clearly, but the sound of your name was unmistakable. They were talking about you. Arguing about you. The door cracked open as she exited, and you ducked around the corner as she made her final remark.
“It’s your job, or hers.”
You sunk into the wall behind you, shaken by what you heard. How could this be possible? Did Sara have the power to make such threats to Hyunjin? You didn’t have all the pieces, but from the few clues you’ve observed, you could make out the image.
Sara was a proud woman. Proud of her status, proud of her possessions, and she made it known. You’ve seen her flaunt her clothes and jewelry around the office, flaunt her expensive bags that she instructed her employees should never touch the ground, flaunt Hyunjin when she had him. She regularly demonstrated her power, demoting anyone who failed her orders, made mistakes, or merely angered her in any way. She was the CEO’s daughter, and she made sure none would forget.
The office swirled with rumors of her frightening nature, of her callous attitude. But you’d managed to avoid any confrontations with her, and thus remained unscathed by her threatening authority. That is, until now.
You’d stolen from her. Stolen one of her most prized possessions. And even though she hadn’t retaliated when he broke off their engagement, finding out that he left her for another woman—a lowlier woman—was unforgivable. It damaged her pride. She’d put an end to it.
After that day, after he had finally felt free, Hyunjin’s shoulders were heavy once more. You asked him what was wrong, even though you knew. He said “nothing,” even though it wasn’t.
Was he planning to leave you again? Your anxiety rose to your throat at the thought. He wouldn’t do that, would he? He promised you he wouldn’t.
Hyunjin must’ve sensed your paranoia. Because he immediately silenced it with a kiss.
“Everything will be okay, I promise.”
He squeezed your hand. He gave you a smile. Your heart was eased. You trusted him. He’d worked in the company for much longer than you, and he must know of a way to pacify Sara.
Still, the situation must’ve been stressful for him to navigate. You noticed how tense he became at work and you hoped the pressure wasn’t too much for him to handle. He assured you that things would be okay after all. You just prayed that things would settle down soon.
In the meantime, you tried to support Hyunjin from afar. Now was definitely not the time to interact with him at work, but you wanted to do what you could to brighten his days. You decided to slip into his office while everyone was away during lunch hour, and drop off a surprise of his favorite chocolates on his desk—complete with a personal doodle.
You planned to swiftly sneak in, make your delivery and leave, but something caught your eye, freezing you in place.
Resignation papers.
Did you read that right? You reached for the sheets and took a closer look. Your sight had not deceived you.
“Y/N?”
Your head shot towards the sound of your name.
“What are you doing here?” Hyunjin stood at the door. His expression grew troubled once he noticed the papers in your hands.
“Hyunjin, what is the meaning of this?” You held up the forms. “Don’t tell me you were planning to resign.”
“Y/N, I already made the decision. It’s my time to go.” He approached you, gently placing a hand on your cheek. “Besides, there’s plenty of opportunities in the city.”
“Don’t lie to me, hyun.” You frowned, eyes locked on his. “I know you’re doing this for me, so that I don’t lose my job.”
Hyunjin let out a heavy sigh. “You’ve just started your career. This is a great opportunity for you and your photography.” He brushed your cheek with his thumb. “I can find another job.”
You indulged in his touch for a moment, trying to understand his perspective. Sara was inconvincible, it seemed. And maybe Hyunjin truly did want to leave.
But you knew how hard he’d worked in this company, how many years he’d dedicated to attain his position. You knew he needed a job to provide for his mother, to establish his own security. While you on the other hand, were merely chasing your dreams. You couldn’t watch him throw it all away just so you could pursue your aspirations. It wasn’t fair.
“I can’t let you do this.”
You retracted from his hold and marched out the door, straight into Sara’s office. Before he could realize what you were doing, you entered her room and announced your resignation from the company. She was initially surprised by your sudden declaration, but her shock soon melted into a pleased grin. She passed you an official form to sign. You took your pen to the paper.
“Y/N. Don’t.”
Hyunjin finally caught up to you and approached the desk. Sara’s grin contorted into a scowl.
“Let the girl do as she wants. And maybe once she’s gone, you’ll finally get a grip.” Sara snapped. “You really want to throw away your job? For what?”
Hyunjin balled his fists and released a sharp exhale. He was exhausted trying to prove himself year after year, to people who didn’t give a shit about him. Trying to impress them, trying to climb the corporate ladder in exchange for what? More responsibilities and higher expectations? This was the first time he’s finally gotten a grip on his life, by making a decision on his own terms.
“Here.” You handed the completed forms to Sara. “There’s no need for any more arguing. I’ll leave.”
Hyunjin looked at you with eyes wide with worry, but you simply smiled in return.
“Good.” She took the papers from your hands. “See Hyunjin? It’s time to wake up.”
Wake up? If this was reality, Hyunjin preferred to stay in his dream. Actually, it felt more as if he was asleep until now. Because now for the first time in years, he was refreshed, he was aware, he was alive. He dared to want more than comfort. For once, he dared to chase happiness.
“I’m resigning too.”
Sara stared blankly at his face, unable to comprehend his words. “Excuse me?”
“I’m resigning. We both are.” He took your hand in his.
You looked at him, speechless. Was he thinking straight? You worried that he was being too rash, that the pressure had pushed him to do something that he might regret. But his hands were warm and still, his breaths were calm, and he was smiling. This was right. Hyunjin was making the right choice for himself.
So even when Sara yelled for you both to leave her sight and never return, his determination didn’t falter. Even when he packed his desk, leaving behind years of work and dedication, his heart didn’t waver.
He grabbed your hand as you both walked out of the building. Just like when you were kids, you ventured into the unknown with only your dreams to lead you, your hearts on your sleeves, and your hand in his.
It was scary, of course. But rather than allowing fear to overtake his senses, Hyunjin leaned toward his excitement. Because it felt like you were embarking on a new adventure together, a feeling he’d missed since he was a kid, a feeling he’d been searching for ever since.
He yearned for it during the years you were apart. Sometimes he would get an itch to paint again. He’d pick up his brushes and attempt to create something, anything, but his inspiration was lost. It didn’t feel the same.
He sought the feeling through achieving great feats. Perhaps completing a project or getting promoted would bring back the thrill, the joy. But the youthful sensation he used to feel just wasn’t there.
And then he realized—it was you all along.
All those days spent wandering through your backyards, exploring the world around you. Hyunjin couldn’t recall the names of the bugs you caught or the number of rocks you collected. But he could remember the sound of your laughter. He forgot how to make a boat out of twigs, how to weave a bracelet with yarn. But he could never forget the way you’d smile at him, the way his heart would skip a beat. It was you all along. You were the adventure of his youth.
You were the essence of his childhood, the treasure of his past. And now you were his hope for the future.
Hyunjin spent his whole life figuring out how to grow up. He stumbled along the way, but you were there to catch him. He struggled and failed, but he always got back up. This was childhood.
This was also adulthood. He’d never stop making mistakes. And that was okay, because no one ever truly stops failing. It was okay, because no one ever stops growing. To fail, to hurt, to regret, to love—it all was part of growing up. And he never wanted to stop growing with you.
a/n: brb crying. for real guys, this story was so deeply personal to me, because in many ways, hyunjin and yn are two sides of me that are constantly fighting, but both just want peace and happiness in the end. every theme I explored in this series was something very special to my heart, and something I’ve faced in my own life. I hope this story resonated with you somehow, and maybe even brought you some comfort. anyhoo, I hope you enjoy it my loves 💕 -vi
MIDTERMS ARE KICKING MY ASS BESTIE AND I HAVE 600+ PHOTOCARDS TO SORT FOR MY ROCKSTAR GO😀😀😀😀 PLS FEED ME HYUNNIE FICS WHILE I SUFFER (I miss you so much)
genre: angst, smut, childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, coworker au
wc: 9.2k
summary: What you call ‘fearless,’ he calls ‘reckless’—but back when you were children, he was the one who taught you how to be brave. Hwang Hyunjin, who filled every one of your childhood memories with excitement and curiosity, is now so different from before. Reuniting by chance after your careers led you down separate paths, you wonder if the Hyunjin you fell in love with when you were younger still exists within the jaded businessman who stands before you. No—you are sure he’s there, and you’re determined to find him again.
masterlist
“I bet I can swing higher than you.”
“You wish, loser.”
Hyunjin was a very competitive child, and his biggest rival was you. Partially fueled by curiosity and somewhat fueled by pride, you often challenged each other to contests to determine who was the best at handball, who could hold their breath underwater for the longest, and who would blink first in a staring competition.
Your scores were always neck and neck, which only provoked your competitive spirits more. During recess hour one sunny day, they brought you to the swing set, eager to prove who could soar the highest.
You and Hyunjin plopped yourselves down side by side on the swings. The keen grin on his face was mirrored on yours as you both prepared to propel your way to the top. On his count, you began to swing your legs, using your weight to launch yourself forward and back. You steadily built a rhythm, accelerating more and more with each beat.
Hyunjin saw from the corner of his eye that you were gaining speed. He had to kick himself into high gear. Biting down on his lips, he drove his legs into the air, sucking in deep breaths with each fall and releasing sharp huffs on the way up, putting his all into rising as high as he could.
And then he did it. He was swinging higher than you! A smile crept onto his face as he watched his swing overcome yours. Hyunjin was victorious. As he relished in his victory, he felt the crisp air fill his lungs, the warm sunshine on his face. Every time he swung towards the sky, it felt like he was in the clouds. Hyunjin was on top of the world. He was on top of his little world.
You admitted defeat and hopped off your swing, watching him from below. He was soaring so high that your amazement overshadowed your disappointment.
“Hyunjin! You’re flying!” You shouted to him.
Hyunjin responded with unrestrained laughter. He never felt so alive. His heart was soaring out of his chest. He really was flying.
Seeing him laugh, you started giggling too. You wished you could be up there with him. But your sky expedition would have to happen another day, because the bell rang to call you back to class.
“Hyunjin! We have to go!”
He heard your voice and tried to slow down, but he couldn’t stop his momentum. He was swinging too high, too fast. Suddenly his joyride felt like a death trap. Hyunjin couldn’t come down.
“I can’t stop!” He yelled, eyes wide with fear.
You began to worry. What if Hyunjin was stuck up there forever? What should you do? How could you save him?
You positioned yourself in front of his swing and held out your arms.
“Jump off, I’ll catch you! I promise!”
Hyunjin was terrified, but he trusted you. He was scared of falling, but you promised you’d catch him. You wouldn’t let him fall, and he believed in you. So he scrunched his eyes shut and jumped.
He jumped straight into your arms—just as you promised—but knocked you over in the process. You fell together in a tangle of bruised arms and battered legs. When you stood back up, Hyunjin was still on the ground, clutching his leg. Quiet sniffles left his body when he showed you the scrape on his knee—it was bleeding. You ran to your teacher for help and retrieved a bandage for him.
Hyunjin stared as your nimble fingers carefully placed the bandage over his wound. It was dotted with colorful stars, yellow, blue and red—all of his favorite colors. After the scrape was covered, you bent down to place a kiss over the bandage and Hyunjin’s heart soared for the second time that day.
“My mom says a kiss will make it heal faster.” You mumbled, a light blush sprinkled across your cheeks.
“Thanks.” Was all that Hyunjin could manage. He was tongue tied.
Hyunjin stayed off the swings for a whole week. And he kept his bandage on for just as long, even though the scrape was nearly healed now. But it began to lose its adhesion, and against his will, the bandage fell off. His wound was naked. He was vulnerable. Still, he craved to swing again.
A week after he fell, Hyunjin told you he wanted to go on the swing set once again. You happily went with him. You missed the swings too. He mounted his seat with apprehension and hesitantly swayed back and forth—gently, carefully. Your laughter caught his attention and he turned to see you floating through the air—joyful, carefree. Hyunjin was reminded of how exhilarating his last ride was, how fun it was to fly. He gathered his courage and picked up his speed. Soon enough, the pain in his knee was forgotten, replaced by thrill, fervor, and bliss.
It was easy for Hyunjin to get back up after falling. It was easy for him to forget about his scraped knee and chase happiness instead. It was easy because swinging was worthwhile, it made him feel alive.
It was easy for Hyunjin to be fearless despite the pain. It was easy for him back when he was a bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked kid. Why was it so hard for him to take the leap now that he’s older? He was never this scared before.
Maybe it’s because his world is bigger now, there was more for him to lose. But didn’t he lose the most when he lost you?
It felt as though the bigger his world got, the emptier it became. He struggled to fill his void. It was endless. Yet, the moment you came back into his life, you filled it right up. His world became so full that it suffocated him. Hyunjin was not accustomed to this feeling. It had been so long that he’d forgotten how it felt.
“It.” He knew what “it” was. “It” was the thing that gave color to his bleak world. “It” was what born him into this life, given freely to him by his parents. “It” was what he shared with you for years before he even understood what it was. “It” was the aching in his heart everytime you crossed his mind, the warmth that rushed through his body everytime he looked at you.
How he missed being in love.
But love had no place in his life any more.
He was engaged. He made a promise. It was ironic how Hyunjin did all that he could to rid his mind of love for the purpose of walking down the aisle and committing to a marriage—the very symbol of love.
Did he love her?
It was complicated. Love is not something you can investigate or analyze. And Hyunjin hardly had time to think about it before he was whisked into Sara’s world of business, image, and status. He didn’t really need to, as they profited from being together. Sara liked the way she looked with him by her side and he would benefit from the opportunities she could give him. They each fulfilled each other’s needs. That’s what all relationships are founded on—mutual gain. As such, there was no need to ponder trivial matters such as love.
Did he love you?
The truth to this question was not so complicated—yet Hyunjin refused to answer it. Because doing so might trigger a storm, and he lacked a safe haven. Instead, he chose to run away, just like he always does. He avoided his problems, avoided anything that could invade his empty world, avoided you.
You did the same. Hyunjin had abandoned you, twice now. You didn’t know how much more of your heart you could give to him. You didn’t know if you had any left. The last conversation you shared still rang in your mind. Perhaps he was right in some regards. Things are not as they were when you were kids. Things were different now. Perhaps it’ll never be as it was again.
You were hurting and he was too. But you tried seeking him for long enough. He didn’t want to be found. So you decided to give him what he wanted—distance. You ignored each other at work, barely looked at each other in the eyes. You stopped visiting the coffee machine in the morning. Hyunjin stopped using the fax machine by your office. Work became mundane.
This was what Hyunjin wanted, what he needed to keep his mind focused on his duties—work and the wedding. Yet, in your absence, his mind grew more cluttered.
He couldn’t sleep. His energy was drained. His focus was knocked. He was sinking with no end in sight. Perpetually suspended in an ocean of regret and what if’s. His heart was ripping bigger and bigger. A wound so grave, only your star-covered bandaid could seal it.
His turmoil bled into his work. He wasn’t present in conversations, wasn’t on top of his duties, and Sara began to notice. She asked him why he’d been distant. He told her he had a lot on his mind.
“It’s like you’re second guessing things.” She chuckled, but Hyunjin’s stiff reaction proved that it wasn’t a joke.
The more he ran from his demons, the weaker he became. Each day that he passed you by like a stranger, each night that he spent isolated next to Sara, every moment that he lived in the lie he created was chipping away at him piece by piece. His heart stopped pumping. The blood failed to circulate through his body. His hands were icy, his feet were cold. He couldn’t run any more.
He had promised his heart to another while you still had ownership over it. It wasn’t his promise to make. He avoided you in hopes to reclaim it again, to do the right thing. But his efforts were futile. The guilt would kill him before time could.
Hyunjin confessed his sins. He told her that he couldn’t marry her in this state. He wasn’t ready. And he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready.
She was furious. She told him he was making a huge mistake. She reminded him of every thing he worked for, everything he was giving up, everyone he was letting down. Hyunjin hung his head in silence and accepted her rebuke. His world was empty after all. What did he have left to lose?
“You’ll come to your senses eventually.” Her last words before he left their apartment.
The door shut behind him, leaving Hyunjin outside alone with only a few bags of his personal belongings. The night was cold but he welcomed the chill. For the first time in a while, he felt free.
Hyunjin moved into a new apartment a few blocks away. It was small, but it was cozy. It was just him and his mother again, which reminded him of the few years they lived in the house next to yours after his father passed. Those years were filled with grief and turbulence, yet the memory brought him comfort. Because back then, even in the midst of loss, his world was so full. Back when he had you.
But he gave all of that up when he decided to leave. It was all for nothing in the end. He was back at square one, starting over from scratch. Only this time, you weren’t there waiting for him any more. This time, Hyunjin had to face the consequences of his mistakes.
He held his head high, kissed his mother every morning before leaving the door, and continued to work. It was all he could do. He didn’t dare approach you. He didn’t deserve to. And he was remorseful to Sara, for wasting her time. He hated how he kept hurting the people he cared for, even though he tried so hard not to. He only wanted to make everyone happy. Everyone but himself.
So he took himself out of the equation and continued to work diligently. He kept to himself and avoided intervening in the lives of anyone around him. Things were better off that way. He was successful for a few weeks, and to his surprise, Sara did nothing to interfere with his career in the company. His days remained mostly uneventful.
But then the annual company holiday party came around. Hyunjin already decided against attending, but Sara slipped into his office the night before the event and casually asked him if he was coming. It was the first time she spoken to him after their last confrontation, and maybe the guilt overcame him in the moment, but Hyunjin said “yes.”
He was a bundle of nerves the following night, fidgeting with the button on his suit cuff as he entered the venue. The room was decorated with Christmas wreaths, lights, and ribbons. A warm glow casted over the party goers, each joyfully chatting and enjoying their cocktails. Hyunjin felt out of place, loitering in a secluded corner.
A familiar hand snaked around his arm, sending a chill down his spine. He looked down to see Sara smiling at him, happy to see him, as if they had never broken up. Hyunjin was taken aback by her nonchalance, unsure of her motives. She led him to a table of company executives to engage in polite small talk and he played along as best he could, despite his discomfort.
Throughout the conversation, Sara showered Hyunjin with praise, rambling on about how great he’d be as a director in the company. He could only smile at the compliments, confused by her actions. She was undoubtedly furious with him during their last conversation, yet only had good things to say about him in front of these executives. Was this her way of taunting him? By dangling the promotion he was yearning for in front of his face?
If this was bait, he wasn’t going to take it. Hyunjin didn’t want any part in this game. He had enough on his mind already. Instead, he excused himself from the table and walked over to the bar for a drink. Even if he was reluctant to come here, he may as well try to enjoy the party. Sitting at the far end of the bar, Hyunjin sipped on his drink and observed his surroundings.
His eyes wandered around the room. First, they landed on a group from his accounting department. His coworkers were quiet individuals, usually glued to their computers, but tonight they were boisterous and loud. Hyunjin had never seen them outside of the office before. They seemed more exciting than he thought.
Then his eyes traveled over to the buffet. Lee Minho was filling up his plate, struggling to fit an egg roll on top of his mountain of hors d’oeuvres. Hyunjin watched as he carefully walked over to his table and sat down. Minho’s table was full of folks from the photography department. Hyunjin recognized Lee Felix, Yang Jeongin and Park Nari. And then he saw you.
You were dressed in red, perfect for a holiday party. Your gown elegantly draped over your figure like a Greek sculpture. Beautiful, untouchable. Yet all Hyunjin could see was your smiling face. Your shining eyes, your blushed cheeks. You looked happy, without him.
Hyunjin sipped his drink and admired you from afar. You were laughing with all of your colleagues. You were glowing. It brought him solace to know that he hadn’t poisoned you completely. You were strong. You would heal without him, and for that, he was grateful.
He was grateful to see you happy, but a part of it stung. Your world was fuller without him while his was empty without you. The sting was something he would have to live with. It was his fault anyway. But then his eyes landed on the source of your laughter—a man seated next to you, his arm slung over your shoulders—and the sting became venomous.
Hyunjin recognized the man. Han Jisung, the office comedian, the life of the party. Jisung was well known for his lively personality and scandalous storytelling. He was popular and loved by many. But he didn’t have to be loved by you too.
Jisung was sat by your side, his arm still wrapped around you. He leaned in to whisper something in your ear. You bursted into a fit of giggles and rested a hand on his knee. The sight shot venom straight to Hyunjin’s chest.
He used to make you laugh like that. He used to be the one to hold you. Jisung only met you a few months ago. Hyunjin knew you for a lifetime.
You stood from your seat and made your way towards the bar, ready for a refill. Hyunjin finished the rest of his drink and swiveled in his chair, away from your direction. But he felt your presence a few feet away and heard your voice as you ordered. He couldn’t help but look over.
His eyes landed on yours. You were looking at him too. Normally, this would make for an embarrassing coincidence, but neither of you looked away. You couldn’t look away, trapped in each other’s gaze.
“How have you been?” Hyunjin finally broke the silence.
“I’ve been better.” You were never one to hide your feelings.
Hyunjin heard the pain in your voice, and it hurt him even more.
“How about you?” You asked him.
“Not bad.” He paused, and then chose to be honest as well. “But not good.”
You pressed your lips into a line and stiffly nodded. “I heard what happened between you and Sara. I’m sorry about that.”
Truthfully, you wanted to run straight to him when you found out the news. You worried for him, even though he wanted nothing to do with you. You wondered if he was hurting. You wondered if he needed a friend. And most of all, you wondered why it happened. What caused his change of heart?
Hyunjin should’ve figured you knew. Gossip traveled around the office fast. Even he had heard rumors about the circumstances surrounding his break up. He didn’t care much for the things being said. But he didn’t want you to know, because he knew you would worry. And he didn’t want you involved in his life anymore. He didn’t want you involved in his mess.
“Let me guess, Jisung told you?” Hyunjin quipped. He looked agitated.
“Well, a lot of people were talking about it…” You mumbled, seeing that you struck a nerve. “Sorry for bringing it up.”
Hyunjin sighed in reply. He couldn’t decide if he was angry at you for mentioning it, angry at himself for feeling this way, or angry at Jisung for existing. He was just angry and he couldn’t understand why.
“You know, it’s not a good look to be hanging around the office gossip.” He clenched his jaw after the words came out. His tone was harsher than intended.
Now you started to get angry. “Don’t talk about him like that, he’s my friend.”
“I’ve been your friend for years.”
“You haven’t been my friend in years.”
You bit your lip. Hyunjin grimaced at your words, but he couldn’t dispute your claim.
“At least Ji doesn’t ignore me.” You muttered under your breath.
He sure doesn’t. Hyunjin thought to himself. The guy had been all over you the whole night. Was it unjustified for Hyunjin to want you to stay away from Jisung? Absolutely. Was it how he felt anyway? Absolutely.
Hyunjin didn’t have the right to feel jealous. Yet he was seething with envy. He couldn’t comprehend what was causing this feeling. Maybe it was the way Jisung was so close to you tonight. The way Hyunjin wanted to be close to you too. The way he couldn’t.
“I tried to be your friend again. I really did.” He explained. “But it’s too hard to be your friend when I—“
His fear caught the words before they could leave his throat. He couldn’t admit the truth, couldn’t pull you back into his mess of a heart.
You stared at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence. But he never did. Hyunjin left you at the bar and you started to wonder why you kept on waiting for him. You wondered why you kept clinging to the hope that maybe he felt the same. Why did you continue to offer up your heart to him?
The truth was, he already had your heart. He had it from the start. And once given up, a heart was not something you could take back. You didn’t want it back. What you truly desired was his in return.
You couldn’t enjoy the party anymore after Hyunjin left. So you decided to head home. You haphazardly hung your coat on the rack and abandoned your shoes in the doorway, eager to jump into bed a forget about this night. When you looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror, you realized that you had never looked better. You’d also never felt worse. It was another night of missing him, another night alone. This feeling had become all too familiar now.
Hyunjin was faring no better than you. He was angry at himself, at his inability to not destroy everything around him. He was tormented by his own actions, his own thoughts, his own feelings. Then his anger turned into despair, hopelessness. He was lost. So just as he always did as a little boy whenever he had nowhere else to turn, Hyunjin sought for his mother.
He told her everything. He told her how much pressure he’d been feeling, how remorseful he was to everyone he had hurt, how much he missed you, and how his father’s death still haunts him. He told her that he was scared. He was scared of failing, scared of losing, scared of disappointment. He was scared of what would happen if he was honest with himself. He told her everything. But nothing she didn’t already know.
She held him as he wept, just happy that her baby was finally home. Once he calmed down, she took off her glasses and placed them on the table, angling herself perpendicular to him. It was time that he faced his fears.
“Why are you scared of failing, son?” She soothingly stroked his arm.
Hyunjin looked in his mother’s eyes. There was no anger, no disappointment, only concern.
“I don’t want to let anyone down.”
“Who could you be letting down?” She asked. “I’ve only ever been happy with you. You’re a caring person, a wonderful son. How could you ever let me down?”
“I need to take care of you, mom.” Hyunjin’s voice quivered. “I need to get a good job and be successful so that you don’t ever have to worry. And I can’t let dad down. He always took care of our family, worked hard and never complained. I’ve wanted to be just like him all my life. I can’t end up a failure.”
“Hwang Hyunjin.” His mother’s tone suddenly became stern. “Do you dare for a moment think that you could ever let your father down. He didn’t care for you all those years for you to think so little of yourself.”
Hyunjin was taken aback by her assertiveness. He kept his mouth shut and silently listened.
“Tell me, why did you look up to your father?”
Hesitantly, he answered. “He was kind. He cared for others before himself. He was strict but never raised his voice. He always encouraged me in everything I did. He was dependable. And he loved us more than anything.”
“You forgot one thing.” His mother pointed out.
Hyunjin tilted his head, confused.
“He was always smiling.”
“Oh yeah, he was.” Hyunjin grinned at the memory of his father’s smile.
“You see son, success wasn’t what made your father a great man. His heart did.” She lightly brushed back his hair. “And loving shouldn’t feel like a burden. It shouldn’t drain you, in fact, loving should give you energy. It should make you happy, like your father always was.”
Hyunjin nodded, taking in his mother’s words.
“Caring for others is one quality that your father passed to you. It’s a wonderful thing, it’s something that I love about you very much. But it shouldn’t come at the cost of your own joy.” She explained. “And if you’re going to sacrifice your happiness for the ones you love, shouldn’t we get a say in it?”
Hyunjin hung his head in shame. “I just didn’t want to worry you.”
“If you don’t want us to worry about you, then chase your own happiness.” She sighed and pulled him into a hug. “What you’re failing to see son, is that your happiness is connected to ours. How can I be happy if you are suffering? Sometimes, it’s okay to be selfish. Even if that means not being able to take care of everyone else. We’re stronger than you think.”
She released him from her embrace and smiled, pulling his chin up to look at him.
“And just as much as you care for us, we care for you as well. I’m sure she feels the same.”
She.
“You love her, don’t you?”
Hyunjin gulped, unable to reply. His mother always saw through him. He hadn’t mentioned anything about his feelings for you, yet she knew. She took his silence as a “yes.”
“If you love her, then don’t run away from her. Show her that you love her, and give her a chance to love you.”
A chance to love him? The prospect of his feelings for you being reciprocated was almost scarier than the potential of his love being rejected. At least if you chose to deny him, Hyunjin could stay here in his little world, and maybe even begin the process of moving on. But if you accepted it, if you opened your heart to him as well—it would leave you both vulnerable, both susceptible to wounding each other. And the possibility of hurting you again terrified him.
“But what if she—what if I fail? What if I can’t love her, the way she deserves?”
“I think that’s up to her to decide, don’t you agree?”
Hyunjin’s inner demons were fighting hard to keep him chained to the ground, but his mother knew what he needed to be set free.
“I know it’s scary to give up your heart to someone. The thought of getting hurt is scary, and the thought of hurting them can be even scarier. But anything worth losing is worth the risk.” She reassured. “Even if I knew I was going to lose your father, I’d still choose to fall in love with him again in a heartbeat.”
Hyunjin’s parents were the perfect picture of true love. All of his life, they’d demonstrated nothing but unconditional care for one another and for him. Even if he knew of the pain his father’s death would put him through, Hyunjin would never choose to have anyone else be his dad. And he was convinced his mother was an angel sent from heaven.
She was once again helping him back up, after he had fallen so far down. She was guiding him back to where he was supposed to be. And even though he was scared, he trusted her more than himself.
His mother helped him realize that he was in love with you. No, rather than a realization, it was an acceptance of what he knew all along.
He was done running, done hiding. Hyunjin needed to find you. He needed to face his fears, face his desires, face his truth, face it all now. It had been years in the making. He couldn’t wait any longer.
It took him 30 minutes to contact your work colleagues and find out where you lived in the city. Another 20 minutes to arrive at your apartment. 10 seconds to build up the courage to knock. And only a moment for you to take his breath away.
You stood before him, half-asleep and utterly confused by his appearance at your door. Your shirt carelessly drooped over your shoulders, your hair was a tangled mess. You were raw, pure. You were beautiful.
“Hyunjin?” You rubbed your eyes, unsure if what you saw was real.
“Hey.” His breath formed fog in the air. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“Late…for what?”
“Late for coming back to you. Late for telling you how I really feel. Late for everything.”
Your heart picked up at his words. “How you really feel….about…?”
“You.” Hyunjin was just as surprised as you were by his sincerity. “About us. About everything that happened, everything I put you through.”
You couldn’t believe your ears. You could only stare at him in shock as he continued.
“I’m sorry for leaving, for leaving you. It was the last thing I ever wanted.” He took in a deep breath. “When my dad passed away, a part of me died too.”
He was shaking as he spoke. You took his hand in yours. His palm was warm, it felt like home. You squeezed it tight and his trembling subsided.
“A part of me died and you did everything you could to save it. You’re the only reason it didn’t disappear completely. You’re the only reason I had to stay.” His gaze met your eyes, a galaxy reflecting in his pupils, swirling with emotion, with all the words left unsaid, now coming to the surface.
“But I saw how it was tearing you apart to care for me. I saw how I was tearing you apart.” His voice was weak but his hand clung firmly to yours, steadying himself with your touch. “I knew I had to be better for you but I just didn’t know how to be. So I thought it’d be best to just leave, to disappear from your world so that you wouldn’t have to worry about me any more. I thought you’d be happier without me.”
“You idiot.” You whispered, eyes threatening to spill. “Why would I be happier without you?”
Coming to terms with his truth, Hyunjin’s expression was pained.
“I was afraid that I wasn’t enough for you.”
The wind whistled through the trees as you watched each other in silence, absorbing all the unspoken feelings, the years of love lost when you were apart.
“Hyunjin,” You breathed. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.
“But I couldn’t do anything for you.” His voice trembled. “I wanted to give you the world.”
“Can’t you see? You were my world.”
And you were his. You were everything he ever knew, everything he ever wished for. He’d been lost without you, wandering foreign lands where he didn’t belong. Wandering far, wandering hopelessly, even though his final destination was always you. He felt like a fool for ever believing otherwise. He was a fool for ever doubting himself, for ever doubting you.
“I love you.” He spoke. “Always have.”
You grinned through your tears. “Took you long enough.”
You should’ve been more hesitant to accept Hyunjin back into your life. You should’ve waited to open your heart to him again, after all the anguish he’s caused you. But how could you not feel enamored when his voice moves you like the moon moves the currents? When his touch blooms the flowers guarding your heart?
You were always a dreamer, always a romantic. It was never in your nature to give up hope, not on him. You knew for a long time now that there would always be a spot reserved for him in your heart—whether or not he’d return to claim it. It was never a question if it existed. And now that he finally came back to you, all that was left was to surrender what was his all along. So you decided to trust Hyunjin like you always have. You didn’t think you ever really stopped. You didn’t think you could.
“I love you too.” You smiled. “Never stopped.”
Hyunjin’s heart jumped at your confession. His vision was illuminated. Everything around him shimmered. It was as if the lamppost perched over your doorway suddenly flashed brighter, causing his surroundings to glow. He was in a dream.
It had been years since Hyunjin last dreamt like this. The forgotten sensation fell on him like fresh snow, thrilling him with every touch. His body went numb, his mind blank. You can do anything when you’re in a dream. There were no rules, nothing to stop him from doing whatever his heart wished for. Nothing to hold him back from indulging in his desires.
So he kissed you, finally giving in to his childish longing. Because he wanted to, so badly. He didn’t think about the consequences, didn’t stop to analyze his actions. He kissed you because he wanted to. He simply wanted to kiss you, so he did.
He kissed you until he was out of breath. Chests rising and falling, cheeks warm and rosy as he released you from his embrace. He’d kiss you all night in this doorway if he could. He’d stop time and kiss you for years to make up for all the time he was away. There was so much that he missed out on, so much that he can’t miss now. Hyunjin swore to cherish every moment in its entirety from now on. He couldn’t bear to waste a single more.
His eyes blazed as he grabbed your hands. “Let’s run away from home. Like we did when we were kids.”
But how could he run away when you were his home?
“Where would we go?” You didn’t question his decision, didn’t challenge his idea. Hyunjin was the captain of your adventures and you were elated to embark on a new one with him.
He didn’t have a plan. He hardly ever did. But he didn’t need one with you by his side. Hyunjin yearned to recreate the excitement of his youth, the sensation of wonder flowing through is veins, the passion he only felt with you. The truth was that it didn’t matter where you went.
He decided to follow wherever the night led him. You sat in the passenger seat with all the windows down as he drove through the city. The breeze flowed through your hair as you rode over a bridge crossing the river, entering a new town neither of you had ever been to.
He pulled over by a park with a small fountain and a jungle gym. No one else was there at this hour, only the two of you. You sat side by side on the swings, telling each other stories from the years you were apart. The conversation flowed as effortlessly as it did all those years ago. It was like the gap never occurred, as if you had merely fast forwarded in time.
You wished he could’ve been there for some parts. He apologized for missing them. But he didn’t need to. He was here now and that’s all that mattered to you. Just as long as he stayed with you now.
He kissed you again on the swings. Your heart soared. But the night was getting cold and it was time to head out. You and Hyunjin cruised through town with no destination in mind. You spotted a local diner that was still open and decided to enjoy a hot cup of coffee.
Not much was said as you sat across each other in the diner booth. You sipped your coffee slowly, savoring the taste, savoring his company. You didn’t speak but the silence was comfortable. Both of you merely wished to extend your time together as long as possible.
Though, the caffeine wore off quickly and drowsiness began to overcome you. Hyunjin walked you to the car and buckled you in, pressing a kiss to your forehead as you settled in your seat. He surveyed the streets until he found a cozy inn to stay the night.
Hyunjin booked a room and held your hand as he led you inside. The room was small but snug. The white sheets covering the bed were soft and the lamp on the dresser glowed warmly. Hyunjin took off his jacket as you shed your coat, and your senses were awoken again.
You had loved Hyunjin since you were children, but you were both missing during a crucial stage in your lives. He was grown now, and so were you. He was taller, his features were sharper, his shoulders were broader. He was a man. And though you were grateful that most things between you had stayed the same, you couldn’t deny how much you enjoyed this change.
You were a woman. You had grown into your figure, you moved more gracefully, smelled sweeter than before. Hyunjin couldn’t deny that you affected him in a different way than he’d ever experienced. His love for you was transforming with every new discovery and the realization of spending the night with you, sharing a bed with you—was driving his heart mad.
It came naturally, the way he approached you, closing the distance between your bodies and then between your lips. It came naturally, how your hands traveled his chest down to his waist, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. Just as naturally when he slipped your shirt over your head, touching your skin, setting it ablaze.
The sensation was new, but it wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t out of place. It felt appropriate, it felt right, it felt perfect. Perfect when his lips wandered to the sensitive skin on your neck. Perfect when his hands grazed your core, brushing the damp fabric of your underwear before pulling them to the side to touch you directly. Perfect when you whimpered in his ear, sending a rush straight to his cock. Perfect when you pulled down his boxers and touched him too, spreading the precum down his shaft and pumping him slowly. It was overwhelmingly perfect.
Hyunjin laid you on the bed and your pulse rapidly quickened. He stripped you naked and stared at you in awe. He whispered that you looked beautiful and it made you giggle but you weren’t flustered. You thought he looked beautiful too. He spread your legs and ducked between them, his tongue eagerly licking up your essence. You couldn’t stay still, you couldn’t keep quiet. You felt like you might burst if he didn’t stop.
His hands held your thighs as he swirled his tongue around your folds. He paused for a moment, grip tightening on your skin. You wondered if there was something wrong, if you had done something to make him stop. Hyunjin released a labored breath and continued licking you, up your center, along your thighs, and then to your nipples, drawing a breathy moan from you. Truthfully, he was at his limit. His cock threatened to spill any minute, and the mere taste of your pussy was enough to make him cum.
But he didn’t want to finish yet. He still needed to feel you. So he rose from the bed and fumbled the drawer for a condom. You were left in a daze, desperate to be touched by him again. When you saw him slip the condom over his shaft, your breath hitched. The awareness of this moment, of the gravity of the step you were about to take, dawned on you. You were about to relinquish everything him, about to give him all of you. There would be no going back from this moment. No chance to reclaim your heart after it passed.
Hyunjin lined himself up at your entrance, hovering down to give you a gentle kiss before he took the last piece of you for himself. A shot of fear struck your heart. You clutched his arms and murmured in his ear.
“Please don’t leave me again.”
Hyunjin froze. His eyes met yours. He knew how much he hurt you when he left, because the hole in his own heart never healed when he was gone. He understood that your trust in him would need to be built back up. And he’d spend his entire life doing so if that’s what it took.
“Darling, I’m not alive if I’m not with you. You’re everything to me. My whole world.”
You shut your eyes and breathed in his scent. When you opened them, he was still there, watching you, waiting for you. He’d wait forever for you.
“I’ll never leave you again. I promise.” Softly, he caressed your face, brushing his thumb across your lips. “Not when I finally have you now.”
His voice spoke the truth. You couldn’t explain it, but you knew. You pulled him closer, your lips ghosting over his. “You can have me. All of me.”
“Are you sure darling?”
He watched you with focused eyes as you gave him your answer. You softly nodded “yes,” and wrapped your arms tighter around his neck. Hyunjin kissed you more delicately than a feather falling to the ground. With a gentle thrust, his hips rocked into yours. You sighed into each others’ mouths, the sensation flickered from your core, sending shivers through your body.
It felt perfect. Like he was made to fit you. His every motion brought waves of inexplicable pleasure to your body. The flame inside you grew and grew as his movements quickened, until the pressure became unbearable. Your hands clung to his shoulders, he buried his head in your neck as your hips moved together. In the heat of your embrace, he reached for your hand, clasping it tight.
You came with his body intertwined with yours, his skin on your skin, limbs tangled, fingers interlaced. Hyunjin emptied himself inside of you with a deep groan. He kissed you as he came, filling your mouth with his tongue, filling your cunt with his cum. He surrendered himself to you. Filling you full. Giving you all of him.
Hyunjin pressed his forehead against yours as you came down from your highs. Your chests rose and sunk in tandem, their rhythm slowing as you began to succumb to slumber.
Before his eyes became too heavy, he took one last look at you, sleeping peacefully in his arms. This was how it always should’ve been. How it always should be.
Hyunjin didn’t have a plan. He didn’t know what the future held for him, but he knew that this moment was right. And he would do everything to keep it this way. To keep you.
He could marry you tomorrow. It might not be the most practical decision, but he wanted to. He was ready since he confessed it to you on the rooftop when you were both eighteen. He was ready since the moment he learned what love is, which was the same moment he learned that he loved you.
You stirred in your sleep and it brought Hyunjin back to reality. His mind always raced faster than time could tick, diving into the possibilities that awaited him, the potential of his next actions, what the future held. But when he noticed you cuddle closer into his side, your shallow breath brushing past his skin—he wanted to remain in this moment. He wanted to stay in this perfect moment and forget about anything else. You were his reminder to stop and appreciate the present. To live in the now.
He conceded to your call for him to pause his ceaseless contemplations, and to just be with you. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you and pulled the covers up to your chins, falling asleep with his mind at peace and his heart at ease.
When the morning came, you woke up to Hyunjin’s hair tickling your face. You smiled at the sight. He was still here with you. It wasn’t a dream after all.
When Hyunjin woke up, you were still laying in his arms. The lightness he sensed in his normally heavy chest made him feel like he was floating. He thought he was in a dream.
Every moment that he was reminded of his love for you made him feel like he was dreaming. So Hyunjin continued to behave like he was in one. No rules, no holding back.
He kissed you underneath the sunlight shining through the window. Your breath was warm on his cheeks. His touch was silk on your skin. He made love to you that quiet morning. He loved you slowly, tenderly. Time froze when your bodies connected. No creature could disturb the paradise that you shared on that bed. Except maybe the butterflies in your stomach.
When Hyunjin was with you, you were invincible. Nothing could diminish your joy. Likewise, Hyunjin was convinced that he had died on the way to your apartment that night, because he felt like he was in heaven. How else could he explain his immeasurable spirit?
His days became brighter. Though his world was no longer empty, his shoulders felt light. Even coming in to the office, sitting at his dull desk and performing monotonous tasks was enjoyable. Because he knew you were just down the hall.
Hyunjin’s coworkers noticed his improved mood. They even invited him out for drinks after work. He’d never been invited before. They always assumed he wasn’t the type to care about work relations outside of the office. He chatted with them over a pitcher of beer and they got to know him better. He had fun that night.
Jisung was the first to notice the change in your demeanor. He asked you what caused this glow. A new man perhaps? You laughed off his speculations and told him not to worry about it. You avoided revealing anything to him because you wanted to preserve your relationship with Hyunjin. You were happy in your little bubble, just the two of you. Adding other people to the mix might cause unnecessary strain.
So you kept a low profile in the office and minimized your interactions to passing glances and fleeting smiles. But you couldn’t control how red your cheeks turned whenever his hand accidentally grazed yours. And he couldn’t quiet his racing heart.
Jisung caught on, flashing you a knowing grin whenever Hyunjin passed by. You’re thankful that he never said anything about it, but you suspected that others were noticing as well. It didn’t matter, so long as the wrong people didn’t find out.
But then you walked past Hyunjin’s office one morning, and overheard a familiar chilling voice. It sounded muffled behind his closed door, but you recognized its owner. It was Sara. She was angry.
You couldn’t hear all of her words clearly, but the sound of your name was unmistakable. They were talking about you. Arguing about you. The door cracked open as she exited, and you ducked around the corner as she made her final remark.
“It’s your job, or hers.”
You sunk into the wall behind you, shaken by what you heard. How could this be possible? Did Sara have the power to make such threats to Hyunjin? You didn’t have all the pieces, but from the few clues you’ve observed, you could make out the image.
Sara was a proud woman. Proud of her status, proud of her possessions, and she made it known. You’ve seen her flaunt her clothes and jewelry around the office, flaunt her expensive bags that she instructed her employees should never touch the ground, flaunt Hyunjin when she had him. She regularly demonstrated her power, demoting anyone who failed her orders, made mistakes, or merely angered her in any way. She was the CEO’s daughter, and she made sure none would forget.
The office swirled with rumors of her frightening nature, of her callous attitude. But you’d managed to avoid any confrontations with her, and thus remained unscathed by her threatening authority. That is, until now.
You’d stolen from her. Stolen one of her most prized possessions. And even though she hadn’t retaliated when he broke off their engagement, finding out that he left her for another woman—a lowlier woman—was unforgivable. It damaged her pride. She’d put an end to it.
After that day, after he had finally felt free, Hyunjin’s shoulders were heavy once more. You asked him what was wrong, even though you knew. He said “nothing,” even though it wasn’t.
Was he planning to leave you again? Your anxiety rose to your throat at the thought. He wouldn’t do that, would he? He promised you he wouldn’t.
Hyunjin must’ve sensed your paranoia. Because he immediately silenced it with a kiss.
“Everything will be okay, I promise.”
He squeezed your hand. He gave you a smile. Your heart was eased. You trusted him. He’d worked in the company for much longer than you, and he must know of a way to pacify Sara.
Still, the situation must’ve been stressful for him to navigate. You noticed how tense he became at work and you hoped the pressure wasn’t too much for him to handle. He assured you that things would be okay after all. You just prayed that things would settle down soon.
In the meantime, you tried to support Hyunjin from afar. Now was definitely not the time to interact with him at work, but you wanted to do what you could to brighten his days. You decided to slip into his office while everyone was away during lunch hour, and drop off a surprise of his favorite chocolates on his desk—complete with a personal doodle.
You planned to swiftly sneak in, make your delivery and leave, but something caught your eye, freezing you in place.
Resignation papers.
Did you read that right? You reached for the sheets and took a closer look. Your sight had not deceived you.
“Y/N?”
Your head shot towards the sound of your name.
“What are you doing here?” Hyunjin stood at the door. His expression grew troubled once he noticed the papers in your hands.
“Hyunjin, what is the meaning of this?” You held up the forms. “Don’t tell me you were planning to resign.”
“Y/N, I already made the decision. It’s my time to go.” He approached you, gently placing a hand on your cheek. “Besides, there’s plenty of opportunities in the city.”
“Don’t lie to me, hyun.” You frowned, eyes locked on his. “I know you’re doing this for me, so that I don’t lose my job.”
Hyunjin let out a heavy sigh. “You’ve just started your career. This is a great opportunity for you and your photography.” He brushed your cheek with his thumb. “I can find another job.”
You indulged in his touch for a moment, trying to understand his perspective. Sara was inconvincible, it seemed. And maybe Hyunjin truly did want to leave.
But you knew how hard he’d worked in this company, how many years he’d dedicated to attain his position. You knew he needed a job to provide for his mother, to establish his own security. While you on the other hand, were merely chasing your dreams. You couldn’t watch him throw it all away just so you could pursue your aspirations. It wasn’t fair.
“I can’t let you do this.”
You retracted from his hold and marched out the door, straight into Sara’s office. Before he could realize what you were doing, you entered her room and announced your resignation from the company. She was initially surprised by your sudden declaration, but her shock soon melted into a pleased grin. She passed you an official form to sign. You took your pen to the paper.
“Y/N. Don’t.”
Hyunjin finally caught up to you and approached the desk. Sara’s grin contorted into a scowl.
“Let the girl do as she wants. And maybe once she’s gone, you’ll finally get a grip.” Sara snapped. “You really want to throw away your job? For what?”
Hyunjin balled his fists and released a sharp exhale. He was exhausted trying to prove himself year after year, to people who didn’t give a shit about him. Trying to impress them, trying to climb the corporate ladder in exchange for what? More responsibilities and higher expectations? This was the first time he’s finally gotten a grip on his life, by making a decision on his own terms.
“Here.” You handed the completed forms to Sara. “There’s no need for any more arguing. I’ll leave.”
Hyunjin looked at you with eyes wide with worry, but you simply smiled in return.
“Good.” She took the papers from your hands. “See Hyunjin? It’s time to wake up.”
Wake up? If this was reality, Hyunjin preferred to stay in his dream. Actually, it felt more as if he was asleep until now. Because now for the first time in years, he was refreshed, he was aware, he was alive. He dared to want more than comfort. For once, he dared to chase happiness.
“I’m resigning too.”
Sara stared blankly at his face, unable to comprehend his words. “Excuse me?”
“I’m resigning. We both are.” He took your hand in his.
You looked at him, speechless. Was he thinking straight? You worried that he was being too rash, that the pressure had pushed him to do something that he might regret. But his hands were warm and still, his breaths were calm, and he was smiling. This was right. Hyunjin was making the right choice for himself.
So even when Sara yelled for you both to leave her sight and never return, his determination didn’t falter. Even when he packed his desk, leaving behind years of work and dedication, his heart didn’t waver.
He grabbed your hand as you both walked out of the building. Just like when you were kids, you ventured into the unknown with only your dreams to lead you, your hearts on your sleeves, and your hand in his.
It was scary, of course. But rather than allowing fear to overtake his senses, Hyunjin leaned toward his excitement. Because it felt like you were embarking on a new adventure together, a feeling he’d missed since he was a kid, a feeling he’d been searching for ever since.
He yearned for it during the years you were apart. Sometimes he would get an itch to paint again. He’d pick up his brushes and attempt to create something, anything, but his inspiration was lost. It didn’t feel the same.
He sought the feeling through achieving great feats. Perhaps completing a project or getting promoted would bring back the thrill, the joy. But the youthful sensation he used to feel just wasn’t there.
And then he realized—it was you all along.
All those days spent wandering through your backyards, exploring the world around you. Hyunjin couldn’t recall the names of the bugs you caught or the number of rocks you collected. But he could remember the sound of your laughter. He forgot how to make a boat out of twigs, how to weave a bracelet with yarn. But he could never forget the way you’d smile at him, the way his heart would skip a beat. It was you all along. You were the adventure of his youth.
You were the essence of his childhood, the treasure of his past. And now you were his hope for the future.
Hyunjin spent his whole life figuring out how to grow up. He stumbled along the way, but you were there to catch him. He struggled and failed, but he always got back up. This was childhood.
This was also adulthood. He’d never stop making mistakes. And that was okay, because no one ever truly stops failing. It was okay, because no one ever stops growing. To fail, to hurt, to regret, to love—it all was part of growing up. And he never wanted to stop growing with you.
a/n: brb crying. for real guys, this story was so deeply personal to me, because in many ways, hyunjin and yn are two sides of me that are constantly fighting, but both just want peace and happiness in the end. every theme I explored in this series was something very special to my heart, and something I’ve faced in my own life. I hope this story resonated with you somehow, and maybe even brought you some comfort. anyhoo, I hope you enjoy it my loves 💕 -vi
like i already said, unfortunately for the wattpad thieves i speak three languages and spend way too much time online. sooner or later i’ll find your stolen/translated fics 😤
warning: Talk of incest. and work of fiction involving minors.
we don't kink shame in this house. we really don't. unless that kink is geared towards MINORS & Incest
I don't do this often. I really don't.
So welcome to todays episode of 'Mini's Mini Rants' we shall be discussing the topic of more 'taboo' themes in writing. SPECIFICALLY Underage work, and Incest.
ON THE TOPIC OF INCEST:
YES, I understand there's 'preference' to all writing and if its not for me then I can just block and move on. but I can't get behind it and I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER Write this.
HONESTLY This ate at me because I came across an account that writes incest for the skz boys and I couldn't. nope nope nope. this is not for me. nor kitty.
we will NOT write this if you request it. I know we write some pretty heavy stuff sometimes. MCD (Major character death) Knife play, etcetera. but we will NEVER EVER write this so PLEASE do not ask this of us. not that anyone has requested it but I just really felt the need to remind people of the lines kitty and I have.
ON THE TOPIC OF WORK INCLUDING MINORS.
WE WILL NEVER SUPPORT THIS.
WE WILL NEVER WRITE THIS.
BLOCK US IF YOU EVEN READ THIS KIND OF STUFF.
I DO NOT give a fuck if its "just a work of fiction" A LOT of us write for ourselves so don't hide behind it being just a story its fucking sick.
for the people defending a fic I witnessed of CHILD skz member (10) and ADULT skz member. (father x son) please for the LOVE OF GOD BLOCK ME.
IN CONCLUSION:
We don't support these topics. we do not want to SEE these topics and we would appreciate being blocked if you do enjoy and do write these topics. I've already blocked the one incest account but IDK who else out there writes it and honestly I do not want to know.
The reason i said earlier this may be controversial is because I saw some people HEAVILY defending these topics "its fanfiction for a reason" "its not real".
so maybe someone here may see this and disagree. pls. pls. just block us.
Hey guys, I hate to whine and complain bc y’all have been so kind and supportive of me, but I can’t help but feel a bit discouraged by the lack of feedback on my recent fics. I want to find the motivation to write on my own but I crave interaction. I want to know how my story makes you guys feel, especially when I pour my heart into it. And frankly, likes don’t do much for me.
Regardless, I’m gonna return eventually because I do love writing. But I’m not sure when. Hopefully sooner than later, but I just don’t know right now. Thank you to those who have supported me endlessly—you know who you are and I do too. Anyways, I’ll stop whining now. Just wanted to give a heads up to anyone who might be waiting for me to release more chapters—sorry to keep you waiting.
🖤: Seungmin x AFAB Reader
🖊️: 10k
🖼️: Check out the Mood Board!
🚨: Teacher AU, unprotected sex, use of sextoys, bdsm themes - rope play/impact play/blindfolds/handcuffs, choking, edging (so much edging i practically edged myself while writing the smut-K), cumming multiple times, pet names (angel/pup & sir), sexual harassment in the workplace, use of light system (reader uses: yellow), crying (from overwhelming amounts of pleasure *wink wonk*), corruption kink if you squint - methinks that's it, if we missed anything please let us know- If you think we proofread this, no we didn't - M
♡: I hope you all know this took us SEVEN MONTHS to write- WHY did it take us Seven months? WHO KNOWS?? But it did. LIKE LOOK AT THIS SCREENSHOT THAT WAS WHEN WE STARTED THIS. anyways We hope you enjoy our little teacher Seungmin one shot. Please Reblog and let us know what you thought <3
There's something both satisfying and annoying about teaching and shaping the young minds of the new generation. Sure, you’re someone who most kids look up to. You have the honor of making an impact on their lives. Maybe they'll remember you in the future, maybe not. Either way, you're ultimately the one who helped prepare them for life outside of these high school walls you teach within. As much as you revel in this fact now, high school was a place you never wanted to return to. Within the walls of the high school live rowdy, unhinged, chaotic minds mixed with a splash of calm, put-together minds; and that only explains the student body.
The staff on the other hand, well they’re on another level of unhinged and chaotic, though somehow put together enough to be able to contain themselves and careful to never unleash those thoughts on another member of staff- for obvious reasons. Sexual harassment claims, being fired over the smallest of flirting, let alone the fact that if anything escalated beyond such, you could expect the cops to parade you through the halls, with the curious eyes of the students all watching as you’re taken away. In any case, it was always best to stay away from any sort of relationship with a coworker. No matter what.
Students, on the other side of the spectrum, never hid their relationships. You couldn’t count how many times you’d found students making out against their hallway lockers, running off to do god-knows-what in the staircase at the back of the school- or worse, when you’d be called to explain why student A and student B are being suspended, after being caught having sex in the washroom. Unfortunately for you, today was one of those days.
The two students sitting directly in front of you seemed to show zero hint of remorse, for, quite literally, being caught in the act during the middle of second period. Could they really not wait until after classes? It wasn’t until both sets of parents had filed into the room that the students began to look embarrassed. “Welcome,” you sighed as you arose from your seat to shake the parents' hands. They were agitated, clearly disappointed and rightfully so. You didn’t get too graphic about the details of the suspension, as the printed notice would detail everything anyway. The parents read over everything carefully.
The father of student A scowled at his son. “I’m sorry for the actions of my son,” He muttered, as he ripped his son from the chair he sat on. “This is beyond unacceptable and we will make sure he has learned his lesson.” Their verbal assault launched as your student was dragged through the somewhat empty school and you just barely caught the words "embarrassment" and "disgrace" as their voices faded down the halls. Student B sat quietly as she watched her mother read through the printout. Signing her name and passing the flimsy sheet of paper to her daughter to sign, in acknowledgement for her wrongdoings, they spoke not a word, but the anger radiating from them was enough indication that she would receive a thorough talking once out of the eyes of the school's principal and yourself.
It was, undoubtedly, one of the longest days of the year. Not that there was any reasonable explanation, such as a time change or anything. No- it was simply just a day full of students who had decided that this particular day would be the best to ‘act up’. You often wondered why students who were caught by you seemed to think they would magically get away with their actions. Why your students lacked basic respect for you until the moment you smacked down the hammer, clearly marking the line between friendship and an authority figure. Sure, you’re one of the younger teachers in the school, but none of the others seemed to have this issue with their students. Hell, even the two students from just now thought they were merely getting a slap on the wrist for their actions- never expecting you to follow through with your threat of calling their parents in. Did they truly not expect you to do so? Could they really have thought you’d just speak to them, and tell them a small ‘Don’t do it again’?
As you meandered through the empty halls of the school, you wondered why you had even taken up this job. You had barely finished your degree and mostly hoped to be working with children of elementary age. Children, though energetic and clumsy, still seemed like less work than a class full of twenty-eight, moody teenagers all in the age range of fifteen to sixteen. Somehow an elementary school still seemed like it would have more order than this mess of a high school. You know the curriculum, you’re a good teacher- Credit where credit is due, and surely you deserved it. When your students did in fact listen- instead of making snarky remarks about you that they thought you wouldn’t hear- they would pass tests and exams with flying colors. So what was it you were doing oh-so-wrong to deserve passing comments such as ‘Can I get your number?’ or the boy's new favorite ‘Mommy? Sorry. Mommy?’
The moment you reached the faculty room, you threw yourself on the couch face first, thinking you were completely alone as you’d seen no one when you walked in, you let out the loudest scream your lungs could manage into one of the throw pillows. “WHY” you wailed, allowing the pillow to muffle your desperate cries for answers.
“Rough day?” a voice says with a light chuckle. Slowly you lift your head to see another staff member standing alone by the coffee maker. You drop your head in embarrassment as you have now learned, you were indeed not alone when you let out that blood-curdling scream. “Miss. Y/L/N. Are you alright?” He said as he approached you. Leave it to one bad day, for you to not be fully aware of your surroundings and to let out such a scream in front of the ‘most perfect’ teacher this school has ever had. He’s a very intelligent man, there has never been a problem that he couldn’t fix. He’s polite, well-spoken and could practically substitute for any teacher in the school. He had a teaching degree, as well as a few others that he had picked up ‘for fun’. Not only was he all of that and more, but of course he also happened to be around your age, perfect. He made everyone else, including senior staff, look like they had done nothing productive with themselves. You let out a soft laugh into the pillow, as the realization that he had caught you in a mental war finally began to sink in.
“Mr. Kim,” you say as you hastily sit up to save what little pride you had left. To be laying on the couch would be one thing- but the way you were planted with your head buried in a pillow was another. How embarrassing. “What are you still doing here? It’s well past school hours.” He smirks as he lifts his coffee cup in the air as if to say ‘Cheers’
“Had a few tests to grade,” he chuckles, bringing his mug to his lips and taking a sip of the steaming coffee. Your gaze settles on his hands wrapped around the mug, the mug looking small in his hands. You watch as he sips on the liquid and swallows it, making his Adam's apple bob up and down again. God, he’s stupidly beautiful. “And how about yourself Miss. Y/L/N, what are you doing here well past school hours?” He repeats the words back to you, raising a brow in a teasing manner.
“Caught two students again,” you sigh, “I can’t even think of one good reason for them to be doing such things in the washroom, during school hours much less.” You slump further into the couch, rubbing your temples in annoyance.
“You tend to draw the short straw every time huh?” Seungmin chuckles as he sips some more of his coffee. He keeps his eyes trained on you as you close your eyes, rubbing your head. He smirks to himself as he approaches you cautiously.
“Unfortunately.” You groan, rubbing your hands over your face and leaning forward, elbows resting on your knees.
“Would you like to talk about it?” He pulls a chair up as he gets closer, swiftly shifting the chair so he can sit on it backwards, taking another sip of his damn coffee. Fuck, the bare minimum and its too motherfucking sexy.
“Don’t you have papers to grade?” You eye him unsure if you really want to waste his time complaining if he has more important things to do. You’re also not entirely sure you want to talk about the whole thing anyway.
“They can wait, you on the other hand look stressed.”
“I don’t know Mr. Kim, I think it’s a bit beyond stress if you ask me.” You sigh again. “I think- I’m just tired and frustrated?”
“Tired and frustrated, heavy combination.” he nods in understanding. “I feel as if catching students in the act isn’t what’s making you so tired and confused though.”
“No, I mean yes- but not really.” You admit and Seungmin gives you a questioning look. You again sigh, “It’s the disrespect I receive, Mr. Kim. It’s overwhelming, and to be quite frank - annoying.”
“I mean yes, doing such a thing on school grounds is disrespectful, but I wouldn’t take it personally Miss. Y/L/N.” Seungmin says as he takes another sip from his mug.
“I don’t take that kind of thing personally Mr. Kim,” you laugh lightly. “I am genuinely constantly disrespected by my students, your students - at some points it feels like it’s the whole school.” You sigh in defeat. Seungmin is now sitting up straighter, he’s got a look of surprise. He seems genuinely confused at your statement.
“How have they been disrespecting you?” He asks in concern. He desperately needs to know what the fuck the students have been saying about you. “Have they said something to you? Done something? Anything my students have done Miss. Y/L/N, I must know in order to speak to them accordingly.” You let out a light chuckle, shaking your head, and resting your chin on your palms.
“Where do I start Mr. Kim? Would you like the comments on my body or should I tell you which students have attempted at grabbing my-” You stop yourself before finishing that thought, laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. “In all honesty Mr. Kim, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. Perhaps after this year, I’ll resign.” At this point, you are so done with this school and you are so ready to quit and leave this school, it isn't doing your mental health any justice. As you are contemplating your future, Seungmin is reeling, he doesn't understand how his students have been saying such horrible things to you.
“You can’t resign Y/N-” Seungmin says quickly, almost jumping out of his chair. He shocks himself from his sudden outburst, clearing his throat and smoothing his tie. Why would he drop the niceties? “I mean-” He runs his hand through his hair. “Miss. Y/L/N, the school would suffer a great loss if you were to resign.”
“How do you figure Mr. Kim?” you give him a questioning look. You truthfully thought that no one would really miss you, so why is he so adamant that you stay?
“Well, for one your students tend to have the highest grades in the school, which is no easy task.” He looks around the room as if to find the answer to your question written on the walls. “And from what I have always seen, all of our students absolutely adore you. The staff loves you, and I’m sure you’re on track for a few awards this year as well.”
“You flatter me, but is it worth the verbal harassment from the students?”
“You never told me what they’d been saying,” Seungmin mumbles through the pout of his lips. Fuck, I’m not strong enough for this.
“The comments are different every day, from asking me on dates to calling me” you gesture air quotes, “Mommy. In the middle of class.” Seungmin’s jaw basically drops to the floor in complete shock.
“Have-” he says cautiously as he picks his jaw up off the floor. “Have any of my boys said these things? If they have, I’d like names Y/N. Truthfully I’d like the names of all the boys who’ve made such inappropriate comments. ” He says sweetly but his jaw is set in anger, you can tell by the vein that is pulsing on his neck.
“Mr. Kim-”
“Please, call me Seungmin. I don’t see why we insist on speaking to each other as if we were students.” He smiles kindly at you.
“Seungmin.” Fuck, his name is so pretty. “It would be easier to list off the names of those who do not make such comments.” Seungmin looks immensely disgusted.
~~~~~
Since the evening you spent speaking to Seungmin, he had begun loitering in your hallway. In the mornings, as students raced to get to class on time he would stand at your classroom door next to you, greeting students as they came in. During the lunch period, he would make his way into your classroom, and insist on spending the time with you- and if he had any sort of free period, he would keep a close watch on your class- well out of both you and the student's sight.
He wanted to see with his own eyes, his students acting out. He wanted to be able to hear the disgusting comments himself. He thought surely it wouldn’t happen every day, right? Wrong. On the first day, he had heard the alleged Mommy comment at least four times. On the second day, he watched as a student attempted to smack your ass, only for you to turn around instantly and scold him yourself before sending him to class right after.
Disgusted, was an understatement. Seungmin was livid. How could the students be this sick? He wondered. He would not allow this to continue. On the third day, he had finally had enough. After hearing passing comments about you in his own classroom, he’d immediately excused himself and marched his way down to the principal's office.
“Sir,” Seungmin says as he enters the principal’s office. He’s fuming, barely holding himself together.
“Mr. Kim, how can I help you?” The principal asks from his chair, motioning for Seungmin to enter the room.
“It seems we have an issue.”
“Regarding?”
“Miss. Y/L/N, and our students,” Seungmin announces, expecting the principal to be concerned, however, that wasn’t really the case.
“Ahh, Miss. Y/L/N again?” The principal tuts. Seungmin is shocked. Again? What does that mean? Has she already brought up the issue?
“Ah, so you’ve heard-” Seungmin sighs calmly, and the principal nods. “To be absolutely truthful with you sir, this sort of behavior is absolutely-” The principal cuts him off before he finishes.
“I don’t see why she’s so dramatic, I’ll have to have another talk with her.” The principal announces, picking up his office phone to get a hold of you.
“I’m sorry sir?” Seungmin asks, confused. Why would he have a talk with you?
“I don’t see why a woman like her would wear such clothes and later complain about boys being boys.” The principal sighs in annoyance. “I mean one look at her and any man would want a piece.” Seungmin wraps his hands in a tight fist at his side. He really wishes he didn't walk into this room.
“Sir, that is wildly inappropriate to say about a member of staff.” Seungmin seethes. This is not how a supervisor should be treating a subordinate, this isn't how you should treat another human being, especially one that is trying to do her job. How can someone have the audacity to say that openly? “She is-”
“A woman, Mr. Kim. She is a woman, and women, especially women like her, should dress according to their bodies. Wearing such tight clothing around boys who are barely getting their hormones in check is just asking for-”
“She wears dress pants, sir? She is always professional in her clothing. I don’t see how this constitutes harassment.” The principal attempts to interrupt but Seungmin continues. “To say a woman is ‘asking’ for sexual harassment from students, or men in general for what they wear is absurd. It is her body, she may do with it as she pleases so as long as it is school appropriate. She is not asking for anything but the bare minimum!” The principal rolls his eyes at Seungmin’s statement. “She deserves the respect any of the other teachers receive!”
“Well, she isn’t like the other teachers now is she?”
“What does that mean sir.” He fists his hands even tighter if that was even humanly possible.
“She’s different- she’s more of a looker. Please, Mr. Kim, don’t act like you don’t know what I mean. The entirety of the faculty knows you’ve had the same thoughts as the rest of us.” Seungmin can feel his blood boiling, if he could, he would launch himself at the principal and punch him out for the shit that was coming out of his mouth. The principal admitted to thinking of you grossly and has now accused him of the same. Sure, he had thought you beautiful, intelligent, and funny but to mentally undress you was something he never did. No. He respected you far too much for that.
“I do not appreciate you painting me as a predator.” Seungmin grits his teeth, tightening his jaw.
“Seungmin, go back to your class. There are more important things to deal with.” The principal waves him off in annoyance. “I should have gotten rid of that woman after the third time she brought this issue up, if it was so bad she would have changed her appearance.”
“Her looks should never have been a problem in the first place!” Seungmin yells at the steaming pile of shit in front of him. “How dare you speak about her as if she was nothing more than some sort of-” he struggles to find the right word. “Doll!”
“Mr. Kim.” the principal warns in annoyance.
“She is much more than that! An intelligent woman who has put up with this for far too long! If you do not wish to punish the students for their actions sir, I will have no choice but to email the board.” Seungmin glares at the principal. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife.
“I will be putting you on suspension, Mr. Kim. Think about what you really want to do here. Go. I’ll have someone cover your class. Get out of my sight.” Seungmin leaves the office in a huff, walking aggressively back as he internally thinks about how he will absolutely fuck that mans career. He walks past your class and you notice that he's pissed, you race out to see him.
“Mr. Kim!” Seungmin stops in his tracks and looks at you. You let the door close to your classroom behind you to have a more private conversation with him. His attitude changed when he saw you but he was still tense. You notice his knuckles are white, his hands tightly fisted at his sides. “Will I see you for lunch again?”
“No.” He says angrily. He never misses lunch with you. Why is this time different? What made him so angry?
“Are you alright Mr. Kim?” You ask cautiously. He looks around the hallway and sighs.
“Miss. Y/L/N, it seems in attempting to do what was right, I have been suspended. My apologies, but I will not be staying for lunch.”
“Suspended?! For what?!” You yelp in shock. Seungmin is the most perfect teacher at this school, how in the world did he get suspended?
“It seems harassment in this school goes unpunished.” You look at him confused. What the hell is he talking about? “I will also be considering my position here. Perhaps I will join you in resigning.” You’re stupidly confused. What brought all of this up? Did he say something about the harassment you faced daily? You should have warned him that you brought this issue up to the principal in the past only to be ignored every single time.
“Mr. Kim, I’m- I’m so sorry. I should have told you not to bring it up-” you stutter as you’re finding it increasingly difficult to look him in the eyes for feeling guilty that your problem had caused him to be suspended. He shouldn't be suspended.
“Y/N.” Seungmin sighs and softly brushes his hand against yours to gain your attention again. “It’s not your fault that the people who are supposed to stand by your side haven’t. My suspension only opened my eyes to the massive flaw we have within the school. I intend to either fix it or remove myself from the equation.” Seungmin bows to you lightly and walks away, thinking about every way he could get the principal fired. He would have to email the school board. You stand in the hallway completely flabbergasted by what just happened. The bell rings stealing your attention from him, as you turn back to call for him, he’s gone.
➽──────────────❥
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You hear a knock at your door. You quickly run into your bathroom to make sure you look presentable after slaving over dinner prep. You run to the door and open it quickly. Seungmin is standing there dressed casually, not in his usual slacks and button-downs, with a bottle of wine in his hand. You beam a smile at him. “Welcome!” You motion for him to enter your home.
“Thank you,” he smiles back. The atmosphere in the apartment is so heavy with awkwardness. He looks down at his hands and realizes he still has the bottle of wine in his hands. “Oh, I- uh, brought this for you- I mean us,” he says as he holds the bottle out for you. You take it with a small thank you and make your way to the kitchen. This is the first time the two of you have hung out outside of work so it’s bound to be a little awkward… right? You can't help but sneak glances at him. He looks handsome even in mundane clothes. He stares at all the food you prepared in awe, “Seriously, you didn’t have to do all of this?”
“I felt like it,” you chuckle lightly. You’re incredibly nervous for him to taste your food. You very rarely cook for anyone and especially since it’s him you kind of went a little overboard. “Anyways, sit or-”
“Where’s your corkscrew?” He asks politely as he makes his way into your kitchen. “I find a bit of wine is always a welcomed relaxant.” You laugh and point to the drawer. You take out a few wine glasses while he struggles to pull the cork out of the bottle, making the both of you laugh, and breaking some of the unnecessary tension. You both sit down to enjoy the meal and the wine, the conversations flowing smoothly.
“Oh please Mr. Kim-” you laugh, your cheeks tinted pink from drinking so much. Seungmin’s mind is reeling, he thinks you’re absolutely adorable, but in a corruptible way. Wait, did I just think that? Do I want to corrupt her?? No… I’d be no better than those fuckers at school… but she looks so pretty right now, her eyes glossed over, cheeks pink… fuck.
“I told you, call me Seungmin, we’re not in school,” he chuckles lightly, helping you out of the chair at the table and taking your hand to lead you to the couch.
“Sorry, old habits,” you frown. “I’m sorry you got suspended… because of me.” You sniffle a little as you finish your sentence. He was the only person who treated you decently at that hell hole, of course, you’re upset he's gone. And he’s also the only eye candy at that school and you can no longer ogle over him from down the hall.
“Hey, I told you, I got suspended because I couldn't keep my mouth shut about what was going on at the school. It was in no way your fault.” He said softly as he brushed a piece of hair behind your ear, wiping away a single tear that ran down your cheek.
“I just feel like I didn’t do enough to make it up to you,” you say softly as you play with the hem of his shirt. He watches your hands carefully, studying the curve of your fingers, wondering what they’d feel wrapped around his- no- stop. Don’t think like that… Seungmin quickly shakes the thought out of his head, but he couldn’t help but admire you. So sweet, so sickeningly innocent. The way you look up at him with those eyes, like a siren beckoning him to kiss you, god how badly he wanted to kiss you, touch you, make you, his- only his.
He shouldn’t be thinking these things, he shouldn’t want you as badly as he does but as he looks at you- shying away from him all he can think about is how he could ruin that innocence you seem to unknowingly have, he wants to hear the sinful noises he just knows you’d be capable of making at his command. Fuck- oh fuck, the ways he could ruin you. I really am no better than the rest of them…
“Well, there is something that we could do to make it up to both of us,” he said carefully, tracing his fingers over your knuckles, a shiver running down your spine.
“What do you have to make up for?” you ask softly, looking at his eyes for the first time since you sat on the couch. His pupils have blown out, a slight blush to his cheeks, his ears red.
“For the thoughts, I’ve been having all night,” he admits, ghosting his fingers further up your forearm, tracing over every blemish on your skin.
“O-oh? What k-kind of thoughts?” you ask shyly as another shiver runs down your spine from his gentle touches.
“I’ve been thinking about how much I want to corrupt you, how I want to wrap you up in a bow like a fucking Christmas present begging to be opened, how I want to see you writhe beneath me as I fuck you hard and rough until you’re screaming my name.”
You moan at his words as he rests his hands on your thighs, gripping them tightly in his hands. “What… what’s been stopping you?” You close your eyes as he massages your thighs, slowly running his fingers up under the hem of your skirt.
“I…” Seungmin pauses as he slowly removes his hands from your legs, suddenly feeling guilty at his actions. “I don’t want you to think I’m just another sleazy guy.” You immediately shake your head vigorously.
“I don’t think you're sleazy. At all.” You say, shocked at the confidence in your voice. “I… you’re the only person that has stood up for me… cared about me.” You trace your fingers over his knuckles. “And…” you’re not sure if it was the atmosphere or the alcohol that gave you the confidence but you blurted out without even a second thought, “I also think you’re incredibly handsome, Seungmin.”
Without a second further, Seungmin lunges forward and crashes his lips to yours in a hot, wet, steamy kiss. He licks into your mouth and quickly dominates the kiss, guiding you to match his rhythm. His hands glide further up your legs, under your skirt again and his fingers brush along the gusset of your panties.
“Already so wet for me, angel?”
You whine into his mouth and grip the hem of his shirt tighter, trying to pull him closer to you. He wraps his hands around your wrists and yanks them away from him as he smirks into the kiss.
“When did I say you could touch, angel?” He asks darkly, his tone firm, demanding. He held your hands down to your sides as he peppered kisses along your jaw. “Be a good girl and stay still for me.” You felt your body shiver and a high whine escaped your lips. You wiggled slightly, the need between your legs growing to be unbearable.
“Stop moving or I’m going to have to tie you down, angel.” Seungmin teases but pauses at the immediate blush that flashed across your cheeks. “Oh, you like that don’t you.” Seungmin chuckles as he bites at your chin. “I don’t have anything to tie you up, angel, maybe next time.”
You squirm underneath him, desperate to get his attention since your words seemed to have been caught in your throat. “S-Seung-”
He stops sucking on your neck to allow you some space. “What is it, angel? Are you ok?” He looks so concerned as he looks over your face for any discomfort.
“‘M ok.” You say breathlessly. “H-have rope.” Seungmin stops and stares down at you, his eyes darkening.
“Oh, my naughty, naughty girl. You have rope? Who’s tied you up before, angel? Hmm? Tell me.” Seungmin seethes as he grips your wrists tighter, feeling incredibly possessive over you all of a sudden.
“N-no one. I s-swear. N-never tried it.” You begin to cry, not wanting him to run away from you, disgusted by your desires. Seungmin lets go of your wrists to wipe away your tears, kissing your cheeks and then your nose.
“Ok, angel. I believe you, don’t cry just yet.” Seungmin runs his hands down your cheek, down the column of your neck, through the valley between your breasts, across your stomach, and ghosting his fingertips across the hem of your skirt. “Why don’t we take this to your bedroom then so we can use that rope of yours.” He holds his hand out to help you up off the couch. You take his hand and rush toward your bedroom and close the door behind both of you. You go to your bedside and pull out a box from under your bed.
“I know it’s cliche to have a box of toys under the bed, please don’t judge me.” You say shyly as you stay knelt on the ground with the closed box in front of you. Seungmin slowly walks up to you and runs his fingers through your hair as you lean into his touch.
“So obedient,” Seungmin chuckles. He leans down and opens the lid to the box and inspects the toys inside. “Which one’s are your favorite?” He looks at you when you don’t respond and he chuckles lightly again. “You have permission to speak, angel.”
You point to a black bullet vibrator that sat atop all of the other items in the box and a clear silicone dildo sat right next to it. “These two,” you whisper quietly.
Seungmin huffs and takes the two toys out and tosses them on the floor next to you and continues to examine the other toys in the box. There's a pair of handcuffs, a blindfold, rope, a thick veiny long lifelike dildo, and a curved vibrator - the type that has internal and external stimuli. “Have you ever used any of these?”
You shake your head no.
“I want you to speak when I ask you a question,” Seungmin says in a demanding tone, making a shiver run down your spine.
“N-no, I haven’t used them.” You respond shyly, keeping your eyes focused on your hands folded in your lap.
“No, what?” Seungmin says as he lifts your head up with his fingers pressed under your chin. “What do you call me, angel? You get to decide.”
“N-no, I haven’t u-used them, sir.” You say as a blush creeps across your cheeks and you feel more wet between your folds. You see Seungmin shiver when the title rolls off your tongue, but he still keeps his cool.
“Why haven’t you used them? You bought them, you should use them, no?” Seungmin says as he begins removing each item from the box and placing them carefully in between the two of you.
“I-I never had the opportunity, sir.” You say as you look away from him. He tuts and guides you to look at him again. He’s giving you a knowing look like he knows that’s not the entire truth. Fuck, was I always this easy to read? “I-I’m scared, sir.” You say quietly, the confession making you feel more shy than you already were. You’ve never shown anyone your treasure chest before and the fact that you were showing Mr. Kim, the man you’ve had a crush on for AGES, was fucking with your brain more than you would’ve liked. You wanted to do anything, everything he asked. Wanted to be good for him. Wanted to show him that you’d do whatever he wanted. Seungmin’s gaze softens and he brushes his fingers across your cheek, you lean into the touch, desperate to feel his warmth again.
“You’re scared of the toys? Hmm, my poor angel isn’t very heavenly if she has all of these naughty toys, right?” Seungmin asks and he sees the panic flicker in your eyes. “Shh, angel it’s ok. I like your naughty desires, but it makes me want to corrupt you even more. Would you like that? Can I teach you?”
You nod your head excitedly. “Yes, yes. Want you to teach me. Show me, sir.”
Seungmin shivers in excitement. He pets your cheek gently. “Anything for you my angel. Get on the bed on your knees for me.”
You do as he says and place yourself at the center of the bed, carefully tucking your knees beneath you and placing your hands in your lap, awaiting his instructions. He smiles when you’re settled and stands at the end of the bed, looking over your body as if you were a piece of art in a museum.
“Such an obedient little thing aren’t you.” Seungmin praises, you feel a satisfied shiver run down your spine. “Now, I want you to be a good girl and take your clothes off for me, and when you’re done, get back into that position. Understood, pup?”
“Y-yes sir.” You carefully remove your shirt, trying your best to make your movements as sexy as possible. You lean back and remove your skirt and panties, tossing them onto the floor next to your discarded shirt. You prop yourself back up on your knees and slowly reach back to unclasp your bra, suddenly feeling all too shy to be so naked in front of him. Seungmin walks to the side of the bed and sits down beside you when he notices your hesitation. He carefully tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. He runs his fingers down your cheek to your chin and tilts your head towards him.
“You don’t need to be shy, pup. You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, his fingers running up and down your arm. “Let me see all of you.”
You nod your head, unclasp your bra, and let it drop to your lap. Seungmin picks it up and tosses it over his shoulder as he stares at you. He looks you up and down, briefly licking his lips when his gaze locks on your lips. He gets up from beside you and stands at the foot of the bed again right in front of your box of goodies.
“What shall we do first pup?” Seungmin looks down at the box and a small smirk dances across his lips. He pulls out the silky black blindfold, “Shall we start with this?”
He walks over to the side of the bed again and places his hands on your shoulder, lightly pushing you down so you’d lay flat on the bed. He pushes the hair out of your face and places the silky material over your eyes. “I’m gonna need you to tell me if you ever feel uncomfortable, ok pup? You know the stop light system?”
“Y-yes sir,” you mumble breathlessly. The removal of sight has already heightened your other senses. His voice was caramel sweet to your ears and you wanted.. no.. needed more.
“Good girl.” You feel the bed lift beside you as Seungmin begins to walk away from you. “Stay just like that.” You hear him moving around the room and the rustling of the items in your box until you hear him gasp. “Ohh fuck.” You hear him whisper probably to himself so you stay silent. “You really are a pup aren’t you?” You hear a chain clanging against itself as seungmin removes whatever it is from the box. “Sit up.” Seungmins words are commanding and you obey immediately. You listen as the chain and inevitably Seungmin approaches you again. He grabs your jaw and leans in close to your ear. “I can’t wait to see you in this pup. And I swear to god, if you disobey me I will not go easy on you. You’ve been such a good pet so far, let’s not make it go to waste huh?” You shudder and nod as best as you could within his grasp.
“Y-yes sir, I’ll be a good pup, I swear.” You want to please him, you want him to praise you again and call you a good girl. You wanna be so so so good for him.
He chuckles in your ear and he moves his hand down from your chin and rests it around your throat. You keen at the motion and lean into his hand, wanting so desperately for him to squeeze. “Oh, it’s a good thing you like things wrapped around your neck pup.” Seungmin teases as he tightens and loosens his hold on your neck in quick succession. You whine and buck your hips up at nothing, the need between your legs starting to become unbearable.
Seungmin removes his hand from your throat and you let out a desperate whine. “Shh, pup, be patient.” You suddenly feel cold, rough material tightening around your neck. Seungmins face is so close to yours, you can feel his breath on your cheek. You want to turn your head and kiss him but you want to be good. Need to be good. So you stay still and wait for his instructions. Once he latches the material together you feel the cold metal chain drape across your chest and down the valley of your breasts. “Go ahead, pup, feel it.” You reach up to your neck and feel at the material that was placed around your throat and you gasp at the realization. The studded collar you bought a few months ago, was now sat prettily around your neck, the leash dangling down the front of your body.
“Oh,” you whisper breathlessly as you run your fingers up and down the cold metal leash. You suddenly feel incredibly self conscious. You’ve never been in a position like this with any of your previous partners, most of them finding your desires to be too much. Your breath hitches as you sit in the silence. You can’t tell if Seungmin moved away from you or where he may be. Does he also find you undesirable? Is he disgusted by your wants? You drop your hands to the bed and feel around for him. “S-seungmin..” you whine as you’re worriedly searching for him. You start breathing heavier as you’re stressing over not being able to see him, hear him, or feel him.
You feel warm hands wrap around yours. “Hey, I’m right here pup.” You whimper as he places a chaste kiss to your cheek. “Do you want me to take the blindfold off?”
“No!” You reply a little too quickly. You shake your head. “N-no, I wanna keep it on… a-at least for a little while.”
He chuckles and kisses your cheek again. “Ok, pup. For a little while.” He begins to pull his hand away from you but you quickly chase after it and pull him back to you. “Pup.” Seungmin sits beside you on the bed and lifts the blindfold off from your eyes. “Look at me,” he says in a soft but demanding tone. Your eyes take a minute to adjust to the light but you look directly in front of you and see Seungmin sitting inches from you, his face a whisper away from yours. He looks at your eyes and it feels like he’s searching for something in them. “Listen to me pup. You’ve been so good so far, such a good girl. I’m gonna make you feel so good, but I need you to trust me.” He gently runs his finger across your cheek. “I’m not gonna leave you. I’ll be right here and if you want me to stop at any time just say ‘red’ and I’ll stop immediately.” His gaze softens as he notices the slight quiver in your lips. “You really are new to this aren’t you pup?”
You nod your head. Seungmin carefully watches you as you open and close your mouth, trying to find the words you want to say. “Y-yes. Wanted to try, b-but no one…” you trail off as you feel his fingers intertwined with yours. “No one’s wanted to d-do this with me.”
Seungmins gaze darkens slightly and he looks away from you, his jaw firmly set. You reach your hand up and guide him to look at you again.
“Please teach me.” You whisper as you touch your forehead against his. “I trust you Seungmin,” you say in a featherlight voice, closing your eyes and bringing the blindfold back over your eyes.
Seungmin is perfectly still as he watches you in awe. His precious pup is gaining some confidence, you saying you trust him, you wanting him to teach you. He’s not sure he’s ready for it himself. He feels the tent in his pants tightening. “Of course I’ll teach you pup,” you feel the bed lift from in front of you and feel a searing smack against your ass. You whimper at the pain, feeling a hand smoothing over the red mark that was most definitely left behind. “Firstly, you called me the wrong name, pup, and for that, you need to be punished.”
“I-I’m sorry, sir. It won’t happen again.” You say breathless as Seungmin nips at your neck.
“You better hope it doesn’t.” There’s another slap on your ass. “I want you to count, pup. Starting now.” He lands another smack and you start counting in your head. Seungmin yanks you by your hair and forces you to lean against his chest, his voice seething and close to your ear. “Out loud pup.”
“O-one.” You say with a shaky breath.
“Good girl.” Seungmin praises as he pushes you back down on your hands and knees. You keen at the praise and you push your ass backwards awaiting the next round of slaps.
You count out loud for each slap across your ass. “Eighteen.” Slap. “N-nineteen.” Slap. “Twenty.” Seungmin rubs soothing circles on your ass as the sting subsides.
“Well done pup. You did a good job.” Seungmin guides you to lay down on your back. He gives you a few gentle pecks on your lips as he runs his fingers across your tummy. “I’m gonna tie you up, okay pup? Can you tell me your color?”
“Green, sir. P-please keep going.” You say as you try to reach for his hands. Seungmin chuckles and kisses your knuckles.
“Ok pup, I’ll keep going.” Seungmin kisses your forehead and walks towards the end of the bed. You hear him rummaging through the box and he slowly approaches you again. “Lift your hands.”
You slowly lift your hands up and Seungmin places the toy in your hands. You wrap your fingers around the material and feel the coarse threads of the rope you had inside your box. “Can you tell me what it is, pup?”
“Rope, sir.” You say as you run your fingers over the rope. You know the rope is a deep crimson, a color you thought would look stunning against your skin. You were so nervous to proceed, but you wanted to trust Seungmin. He’d take care of you.
“That's very good. Very good girl.” Seungmin praises and takes the rope from your hands and helps you sit up. “Listen to me carefully. I am going to tie you up. The rope is going to be nice and tight around your skin. It’ll feel good, but if it's too tight or you're having a hard time breathing or you're nervous, you tell me immediately and I’ll cut you free. Do you understand?”
You smiled towards the direction of his face and nodded lightly. “I understand, sir.” You feel him run the rough material over your skin. You shudder at the feeling, goosebumps rising over your arms as the rope is wrapped around your body. Seungmin tightens the rope every so often around your chest, your hips, your thighs. You feel the wetness pooling between your legs as he continues slowly. He traces your skin before the rope tracks over the same space. You suddenly feel incredibly overwhelmed by the intimacy of this type of play. Something you’ve never experienced before. Something you weren't prepared to feel. You noticed that Seungmin stopped his movements. “Pup.” Seungmin whispers, his lips grazing your shoulder as he places light kisses over the skin. He pulls your blindfold off and throws it off the bed. He’s looking at you with so much care in his eyes, but there's an underlying lust that he was holding back. “Don’t cry. Not yet.”
You didn’t even realize you were crying and you try to reach up to wipe the tears away quickly realizing that your arms are tied tightly to your sides. You start to fluster and your breathing picks up. “I-I’m sorry…” You start but Seungmin quickly places his hands on each side of your face and looks at you deeply.
“Hey, you’re ok. I’m right here. Color?”
“Y-yellow. Yellow, sir.” You say as you close your eyes feeling the tears pooling behind your eyes. Seungmin moves closer to you and places your forehead on his shoulder as he runs soothing lines up and down your spine and pats your head with his other hand. You two sit like that for a few moments, your breathing coming back to normal. “G-green.”
Seungmin lightly pushes you back to sitting up. He smiles at you and grabs the rope again. He goes slower this time and finishes wrapping the rope around your body. He sits in front of you as you wiggle slightly as he asks if it's too tight. You promise him that you’re ok and he carefully lays you down on the bed again. He moves back to the box and pulls out the vibrator and the dildo. He returns to your side and traces the vibrator over the rope. You nod at him to continue and Seungmin smirks at you. He climbs on the bed and sits between your legs. He runs his hands up and down your soft skin as he turns the vibrator on.
He traces the vibrator over the rope and runs it along your arms. He slowly drags the vibrator between the valley of your breasts, making direct eye contact with you as he puts the device straight onto your nipple. You arch your back into the sensation and whine high as the vibrations send a wave of warmth down to your core. Seungmin spits into his hand and grabs the dildo, bringing it to your core and running it up and down your lips. You thrash at the feeling, bucking your hips to try to relieve the tension that's been building up between your legs since you and Seungmin were making out on your couch.
He teases the dildo against your entrance, slowly pushing the tip between your lips and quickly retreating, repeating the motion over and over again as he quickens the vibrations on your nipples.
“S-sir, please,” you plead, you need so much more than he’s giving you.
“Okay, pup, I’ll give it to you,” Seungmin says sweetly as he forces the dildo into your core in one swift push. Your breath catches in your throat at the sensation, your walls pulse around the toy. He pulls the dildo out entirely and pushes it all the way in once again. There's a teasing smile on his lips as he pumped the toy deep into your cunt.
“F-feels s-so good,” you whine as you roll your hips in rhythm with his thrusts. “W-want you, s-sir,” you say with a stroke of confidence. He slowed his pace and he looked at you carefully. Something flashes across his face for a brief moment, his dominant persona being replaced by something else, something more desperate. He shook his head and his dominant persona was back. He removed the dildo from your cunt and turned off the vibrator, tossing it to the floor. He leaves you alone on the bed as you watch him remove his clothes, the waistband of his underwear catching on his hard cock, releasing it to let it slap against his stomach. You watch him in awe as he pumps his cock a few times, running a hand through his hair pushing it back, giving you the most exquisite view you've ever seen. Seungmin pauses his movements and smirks down at you.
“Would you like to stay tied up or do you want your hands?” Seungmin looks down at you cautiously but still with a fire behind his eyes that makes you want to hide behind your hands… if they were free.
“I’d like to stay t-tied please,” you say quietly, wiggling on the bed. Seungmin nods and crawls over you, running a finger down your cheek to your chin. He places a feather-light kiss on your nose and continues his light kisses down your neck as he lines himself up to your entrance. He pushes his tip in slowly and harshly snaps his hips into yours, punching the breath out of you. Seungmin stills as he places gentle kisses along your collarbone, snaking his hand up to gently hold your neck.
“Breathe, pup,” Seungmin whispers as he begins to thrust into you at a slow but calculated pace. There isn't any rhythm to his thrusts but the depth that he's reaching inside you already has you seeing stars. You let out shaky breaths, trying your best to focus on Seungmin’s piercing gaze. He’s staring down at you, taking in every single twitch and hitch in your breathing. He’s analyzing what feels good, gauging your reactions to each thrust, each touch.
After a particularly pointed thrust you let out a high-pitched whimper and Seungmin’s gaze darkens. He starts thrusting in a steady rhythm now, hitting that spot that made you see stars, forcing high needy whimpers from your puffy lips. His hand on your neck tightens and his other hand finds your sweet little bundle of nerves. He lightly runs his finger over the bud and you attempt to reach down and pull his hand away from you, but your hands stay where they are, tied to your sides. You try to wiggle away from him but with his hand around your throat and his cock pressing deep inside your wet cunt you’re not entirely successful. Seungmin chuckles cynically at your attempt and he flicks his fingers over your clit repeatedly, watching as you hold back your moans with your lips pulled between your teeth and he watches your eyes roll to the back of your head.
“Feel good, pup?” You whine in response, unable to form coherent words at the amount of pleasure you’re feeling. You think for a brief moment that Seungmin will punish you for not answering his question with words, but apparently, he doesn't mind this time and continues his assault on your clit. After a rough thrust, you muffle another moan. Seungmin slaps your messy cunt harshly before soothing his hands over the area. “Don’t hold back your pretty moans, pup. Lemme hear how loud you can be for me.”
You're a writhing mess below him. Moans, ragged breaths, and skin slapping against skin is all that can be heard in your small bedroom. You felt like you could've come at least 10 times already but this time, you can feel it’s different. You want to touch him, pull him close to you, kiss him as you come. “M-min, pl-please stop,” you ask breathlessly.
It takes him a moment to pause his movements before he's looking down at you attentively, searching your features for any discomfort. “Did it hurt? Are you ok? Did I go too rough?” he asks calmly, but there is concern written all over his face. You wiggle your hands that are still bound to your sides and look down at them and look back up to him quickly.
“Wan my hands,” you say quickly, adding an almost forgotten ‘please’ at the end. Seungmin looks down at your hands and quickly pulls at the knots, releasing your tired limbs from their hold, and resumes his previous pace before you have the time to recover. You yelp at the sudden movements and quickly wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer to you. “S-seungmin~” you whimper, “G-gonna, w-wanna cum.”
Seungmin must be close as his grunting has gotten louder since you wrapped yourself around him. “Cum when you’re ready pup, getting close.” Seungmin pushes his nose into your neck, lapping his tongue along your skin, pressing messy kisses here and there as he moans into you.
You feel something deep in your stomach begin to tighten. You dig your nails into Seungmin’s back as your moans get higher in pitch. You babble incoherent phrases as you wrap your legs around his body, trying to pull him impossibly closer to you. Seungmin quickened his fingers against your clit, sliding his fingers into your tight cunt with his palm resting on your puffy (and incredibly abused) clit. The additional intrusion was enough to push you over. You muttered out an incoherent sound along with a breathless, “c-cuhm”, as your body shudders and your cunt pulses around Seungmins cock and fingers. A loud shriek pushes past your lips as your climax rushes through you. Seungmin mumbles encouragements into your skin, kissing your ear, chin, and neck. “That’s it pup, wan you to feel so good. Such a good pup, my good pup.”
You feel like you're floating as Seungmins pace begins to get more sloppy. He grinds into you as he groans more praises into your ear. “Good pup, so good for me. My good girl. Good pup, making me feel so good.” He curls his fingers up into your cunt adding pressure once again as he pushes in deeper, his tip kissing your cervix. “Cumin, pup, cuming,” he mumbles as he releases deep inside of you. The pressure of his fingers, his cock pushing against your cervix, and his cum filling you has another orgasm racing through you. You dig your nails into his back as you soundlessly cum again. Seungmin collapses on top of you, his breathing harsh as he softly rocks into you, riding out the last of both of your orgasms.
After a few moments, he pushes himself up to look down at you. He places a light kiss on your nose as he carefully removes himself from you. “Stay right there,” he whispers as he moves towards the bathroom. While he’s gone you catch your breath, stuck in a semi-trance. He’s back in a few moments with what looks like lotion and a towel. Seungmin makes quick and gentle work to wipe you down, rubbing lotion along your skin, all the while he's whispering sweet words to you. You feel so warm, so cared for, so wanted. He has you take a few sips of water before he pulls you into bed, letting you cuddle into his chest as he wraps his arms around you. As you slowly drift off to sleep, you can't help but feel so loved, so safe.
The weekend passes by quickly, Seungmin leaving only to gather some clothes from his house. He spends the weekends exploring you, learning your inner workings, how your mind ticks and functions, how your body reacts to the things he does, and how his mind and body react to you. He also spends a portion of the weekend sending emails which he tells you are simply to figure out when his suspension ends. On Monday Seungmin will return to school, and though it has only been three days, getting used to calling him Mr. Kim in school again seems daunting with you now being used to simply calling him Seungmin.
“What if I just quit and go to another school?” You whisper as Seungmin parks the car in the school lot, Seungmin takes your hand softly, giving you a small smile before speaking.
“Everything will be fine, Miss Y/L/N. No more harassment from students, or staff.”
“How’d you know about the staff-”
“I just know my love, but I promise you, no more.” You’re not sure how Seungmin can make such a promise but still. You make your way into your classroom, your students all waiting attentively for you to start your lesson. The few typical troublemakers in the back sit unusually silent as you begin. A knock on your door causes you to stop your slideshow as a woman you haven’t seen before walks in, followed by Seungmin directly behind her. He closes the door and waits patiently for the woman to speak.
“Good morning students,” she starts, “Miss. Y/L/N.” she nods to you, “My name is Mrs. Im, as some of you may know,” she says as she stares to the back of the class where the usual group of boys sit up straight, some with their heads hung down. “I am your school's new principal. I’ve come to introduce myself. Miss. Y/L/N may I speak to you in the hallway quickly?” You nod as you follow her and Seungmin out into the hall. Your heart racing from not knowing what any of this was about.
“Mr. Kim, Mrs. Im. What is this about?”
“Miss. Y/L/N, I’ll need you to give me a list of the staff who have harassed you. I apologize for this being so sudden, but I’d like to rid my school of such behavior immediately.” Seungmin stands proud beside Mrs. Im as she speaks, “Though for now, I can only offer a suspension as we await investigation but I hope this helps you feel a bit safer within your workspace.” You nod softly as she smiles and walks away, leaving you alone for a moment with Seungmin.
“See my love? I told you. No more.” He smiles at you as he takes your hand gently in his, tracing his fingers across your digits and placing a soft and quick kiss on your fingertip. “Nothing bad's gonna happen to you anymore, not when I can help.” You can’t help the blush that dusts across your cheeks.
“I- uh, gotta get back to my class,” you say sheepishly as you slowly back towards your classroom.
“I’ll meet you at the car after school?” He asks cooly as he tucks his hands into his pockets, smirking at you.
“Of course, Mr. Kim,” you sing-song back to him as you walk into your classroom. Seungmin stands in the hallway for a beat before he turns around, kicking his feet, and lightly chucking to himself.
“My lovely little pup,” he whispers with a smile on his face as he walks down the hall, planning how he is going to have his way with you later this evening.
genre: angst, smut, childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, coworker au
wc: 4.5k
summary: What you call ‘fearless,’ he calls ‘reckless’—but back when you were children, he was the one who taught you how to be brave. Hwang Hyunjin, who filled every one of your childhood memories with excitement and curiosity, is now so different from before. Reuniting by chance after your careers led you down separate paths, you wonder if the Hyunjin you fell in love with when you were younger still exists within the jaded businessman who stands before you. No—you are sure he’s there, and you’re determined to find him again.
masterlist
Mr. Cuddles was his name. He was an object of comfort whenever Hyunjin faced distress or even despair, a pacifier for his aching heart, a simple teddy bear gifted to him by his mother when he turned four. Hyunjin often buried his face in the bear’s cotton-filled belly, breathing in its scent and allowing the soft brown fur caressing his cheeks to sooth him.
Mr. Cuddles consoled him when he caught his first cold, helped him sleep whenever he had nightmares, and even acted as his guardian when his parents left for the grocery store and forgot Hyunjin at home (they didn’t actually forget him, his parents merely walked over to the neighbor’s house to pick up some lemons).
True to his name, Mr. Cuddles’ snuggly embrace eased all of Hyunjin’s worries. He never failed to soften the hurt that Hyunjin experienced. He was a source of relief, a constant in his life, and soon became worn out from how often he was used.
Yet, Hyunjin refused to let him go, even when his stitches were loose and his fur became knotted. It was silly to be emotionally dependent on a stuffed toy, but that’s just how four year old children navigate their feelings. His attachment to this bear became concerning to his parents however, when Hyunjin refused to socialize with other kids, opting to play with Mr. Cuddles on his own.
They didn’t want him to rely on an inanimate object for comfort. Talking about your feelings with others was healthier and much more relieving. But Hyunjin didn’t know that. He was too scared of change, too scared to even try. So his parents took it upon themselves to give him a nudge in the right direction.
“This is Y/N, she’ll be your new friend!”
You hid behind your father’s leg as your parents introduced you to each other. Hyunjin gripped onto Mr. Cuddles, hiding half his face and barely peeking at you from over the bear’s head. But his swift glances revealed a child with the same, fragile heart as his. Your hair was silky soft, your cheeks just as plush as his teddy bear. Suddenly, Hyunjin wasn’t too scared to talk to you.
Your interactions began cautiously, the both of you silently fiddling with your toys side by side. Eventually, Hyunjin introduced you to Mr. Cuddles once you showed him your favorite doll. Later, he even let you hold his bear, an act so meaningful to him, it was as if he was handing over his own heart. You gained his trust and he gained yours. Soon, Hyunjin became excited whenever he got to see you, and the teddy bear was left on the corner of his bed when he raced over to your house.
You gave Hyunjin a kind of comfort he had never known. A comfort so effortless that he didn’t even realize he had it when you were together. Your presence gave him the security to open up and share all of his deepest desires and even gave him the strength to pursue them. Hand in hand you ran, you climbed, you fell, you laughed. Together you journeyed through the world, and as small as it was back then, it felt grand.
You were with him through it all, no matter the troubles ahead. You were his peace, his sanctuary. You gave him solace when all else failed. He clung to you like he did his teddy bear.
But when his father died, nothing helped. Not his favorite food, not his paints, not even his mother’s tender embrace. Nothing could relieve him of this sorrow. Nothing could bring Hyunjin out of this darkness. Nothing helped.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true—you helped. On days when he couldn’t leave his bed, you gave him a reason to get up. When he felt trapped in his own thoughts, you were his salvation. It was hard for him, and he could tell it was hard for you too. But you never gave up, you never let him go, even though Hyunjin saw how he was poisoning you.
It wasn’t fair that you suffered for his sake. He needed you to breathe, but he’d never ask you to stay. He couldn’t, not when it came at the cost of your happiness. But he didn’t have to ask. You never left his side. He couldn’t let you sacrifice yourself for him.
Hyunjin couldn’t watch you perish, let alone be the cause of your decay. You were too beautiful. The world needed your vibrance, he needed your vibrance. He needed you to be happy. But Hyunjin never learned how to confront his troubles on his own, and he could never tell you that you were the reason he never had to. He couldn’t face you, couldn’t bear to break your heart any further, so he left.
Like a child, he ran away from his fears, hoping to hide for long enough to build the courage himself to confront them one day. But he still craved your comfort, craved you. His heart ached like that of a toddler whose teddy bear was ripped away from them. He couldn’t do this on his own. Where on earth could he find the peace that you gave to him so freely?
Hyunjin needed your comfort but he couldn’t have it anymore. So he sought it in other things. He searched for the feeling in his academics, looked for it in every job he worked. He fooled himself into believing that success was where he could find peace, happiness, security. That’s what all of the adults he looked up to had. That’s what his father had.
His father was a successful man in every right. He was intelligent, talented, and loving. He was confident and never showed fear, even with his dying breath. He was Hyunjin’s hero, all he hoped to ever be. Hyunjin was certain he could find his own peace with a little hard work and sacrifice. Following in his father’s footsteps, he began his pursuit of success, braving the uncharted world of adulthood like a man.
But truthfully, he was still a scared little boy.
Even so, his valiant facade served him well throughout college. His achievements earned him respect from his peers, and anyone who didn’t know him well enough believed him to be the most confident man on campus. His aura of success drew many in. He was idolized by the boys, and chased after by the girls. Many wished to be his, sought to have his attention if even for a night. He was surrounded by admirers, all readily offering their affections. He had all the love and adoration he could ever ask for.
But he still missed you.
He didn’t want to miss you, but he did. The fact that it had been years since he left and he still longed for your presence meant that he hadn’t done enough. He was lonely in crowds of people, empty during his biggest achievements. He couldn’t yet stand on his own. He wasn’t strong enough, he still needed you. Hyunjin needed to do more.
Every day that he chased his success was a step further from his incompetencies. Hyunjin believed that his relentless effort, his denial of childish desires, the dulling of his emotions meant that he was becoming more of an adult. Perhaps he was. But didn’t he know that locking something away doesn’t mean it disappears? Burying his fears only made them harder to dig out once the weeds started sprouting. Maybe Hyunjin did know this and chose to bury it too.
Eventually he landed a job his father would be proud of, and steadily rose up the ranks. Then he met Sara, and he found what he had been searching for. She provided a promise to a secure future, the comfort he longed to have. His father would surely be proud of him, his mother would never have to worry again. But when he informed his mother of their engagement, she mentioned your name. Why did she bring you up?
Nonetheless, Hyunjin was approaching the end of this torturous race. The finish line was in sight. All he had to do was cross it and he’d be awarded with the life he’d always wanted. Never again would he have to worry, no longer would he need to run from his fears. He’d have everything he needed for a stable future, nothing could scare him then. And he did it all on his own. Without your comfort, without his teddy bear.
But the last stretch of a marathon was always the hardest. Hyunjin’s legs felt like giving out, his lungs burned. The pressure of planning a wedding was unexpectedly overwhelming, especially when paired with a startling confrontation with his past.
Hyunjin never did well with confrontations. The anxiety that your reappearance brought him was debilitating. He needed an outlet for his stress, an escape from his turmoil. But a man should be able to control his anxieties with the sheer strength of his mind. Still, he craved your voice when he felt alone at night.
How ironic it was that the cause of his ailment was also the remedy.
Fleeting glances, brief smiles, passing exchanges at the coffee machine brought pockets of joy into Hyunjin’s days. He unknowingly sought these moments when he chose to take his time making his morning cup of coffee—even though it had been the same recipe for years—or when he lingered by your office door for longer than usual—but only because the fax machine next to it was the best one in the building.
He couldn’t help it. The burden to appease his fiancé, the expectations he faced as a future executive of the company, the longing to honor his parents—it all disappeared when you were near. Just the mere sight of you, a simple reminder that you existed, helped him forget the pressures he endured if even for a moment.
Then, you were assigned to the same project, and he didn’t know whether it was an answer to his prayers or a seal on his deal with the devil. Would this become his salvation or his downfall?
He had a job to do, first and foremost. And if Hyunjin had evolved in any aspect during the years he was gone, it was in his work ethic. So even if spending time with you made him lightheaded, he’d get the job done.
Luckily or unluckily for him, working alongside you did not only lighten his head, but also his heart. Just as you started off when you first met at the age of four, there was hesitation in your initial interactions. But just as you grew to be inseparable all those years before, your bond inevitably formed once more.
You were the same as ever.
With you, mundane team meetings were lively. The tiny notes you’d pass to him in secret, sometimes containing a funny remark about the presenter and other times just a random doodle, never failed to bring a smile to his face. Hyunjin always replied with his own sketch, often times focused more intently on his drawings than on the conversations happening around him. He forgot how much he loved to draw. He hadn’t drawn in years.
Was work ever this much fun? The work itself hadn’t changed, but your presence somehow altered Hyunjin’s enjoyment of his tasks. Reports were easier to type up when you were working beside him. Things felt familiar again despite the foreign environment you found yourselves in. It seemed like the universe kept bringing you together—or maybe you just kept gravitating to each other.
Whatever it was, that same nostalgic feeling swept over him like a warm breeze. Hyunjin knew what it was, but he didn’t dare to say it. He didn’t want to depend on you any more, didn’t want to admit that he still needed you. He wasn’t a boy anymore, he wasn’t the boy you once knew. He was a man now, and yet his heart gave in so easily to your smile. He was only a man.
When did the roles reverse between you? Hyunjin used to be the one to wipe your tears during thunderstorms. He protected you and gave you a home. Now he’s the one seeking shelter. And yet you remained calm and poised. All while Hyunjin felt like he was caught in the middle of a storm whenever you locked eyes. How did you become so brave?
Hyunjin was scared. But you were scared too. The only difference was that you already felt what is was like to lose him. And nothing could scare you like that again.
The more he thought about it, the more his nerves wound tighter. So he tried to ignore it. You both did. Maybe you were just excited to be friends again. It would explain why your heart soared whenever he approached you and why his pulse raced whenever you were near. But you were both grown enough to understand deep down it wasn’t that.
Perhaps that’s what adulthood is—the child in you never goes away, you just learn how to suppress it. Suppressing it more and more until it’s gone, and you forget what it feels like to be excited anymore. Hyunjin thought he forgot the feeling until you came back to remind him.
He tried to divert his attention from the mess inside his chest and fixated instead on work. Rather than relief, Hyunjin only found distraction. Similar to when he’d pinch his own arm while receiving a vaccine, he masked his pain with another. Instead of worrying about how you made him feel, Hyunjin fussed over the project. Both matters attributed to his stress, but at least he could do something about the latter.
It wasn’t a complete act however, because you too felt the pressure of your approaching deadlines. As if your temperaments were connected, Hyunjin’s anguish only added to yours. You couldn’t help but worry whenever you saw his eyebrows creased, frowning as he stared at his computer screen. It looked like his mind was going a hundred miles a minute and you just wanted to help him take a pause to breathe. God knew you needed it too.
On a late night in the office, you found Hyunjin still glued to his desk. This had become habitual for him recently. You asked him if he was tired, if he needed a break. He shook his head and gave you a small smile but his eyes were weary. You asked him if he wanted to get some ice cream, there was a shop down the street that had his favorite flavor.
He declined your invitation. “It’s the middle of winter, Y/N.”
“So? Ice cream is good year round.” You frowned.
Hyunjin could never say no to you. Maybe a brain freeze was what he needed to stop his racing thoughts. Though, the smile you flashed him when he finally agreed to go with you was enough to melt him down to the core.
You ordered a scoop of rocky road and Hyunjin chose vanilla—until you shot him a glare and instructed the server to give him strawberry instead. You took your cones outside and found a bench underneath a streetlight, shivering as you ate your sweet treats. Only fools would go for ice cream in this freezing weather. Hyunjin had to admit it though, the strawberry flavor was delicious.
An elderly couple sat down on the bench across the street. They were bundled up in heavy coats and thick scarves, enjoying their ice cream. Apparently you two weren’t the only fools tonight. Fools the old folks may be, but they were laughing. They were happy, truly happy. And for a brief second, Hyunjin’s eyes played a trick on him. Because momentarily, he envisioned you and himself on that bench across the street.
Hyunjin finished his ice cream but he wasn’t as cold as before. The sugar must’ve hit you, because you were already preparing to go to the next destination that night, and he was coming too. Hyunjin didn’t resist when you told him you wanted to visit the park next, that the Christmas lights should be up by now and that you wanted to witness the moment they lit up. Why should he even try? It’s not like he had a choice anyway. And honestly, he wanted to see the lights too.
You made it to the park just minutes before the lights turned on. You held your breaths as the seconds ticked down. On the hour, the park was illuminated. Every corner twinkled with warmth. Strings of lights littered the sky above you and all around you. It was as if you were among the stars. It was every kids’ dream. It was magical.
You couldn’t contain your smile. Hyunjin’s eyes sparkled wide. You set your bag down and laid your back to the grass. To your surprise, Hyunjin did the same. You both stared in silence, in awe of your surroundings. But in your silence, the questions in your mind rang louder.
Why was it that in moments like these, you felt transported in time? To the past, where Hyunjin still existed. Why did traces of the old him resurface in his subtle movements, in his glances, in his telling eyes, but never in his words? Why was it that every time he spoke, his responses felt robotic, and the illusion was broken? Why couldn’t he talk about the past? Why couldn’t he just say what you’d both been feeling?
Hyunjin had held your hand for long enough when you were young. It was your turn to be brave.
“Why did you leave?”
A quiet gust of wind rustled through the trees. Your nose was growing numb from the icy air. Hyunjin’s expression remained stone cold. The longer he stayed silent, the tighter your stomach twisted.
“I had to go to college, Y/N.” He finally responded. It was the same explanation he gave you back then. It wasn’t an answer, it was an excuse.
“Why didn’t you come back?”
Hyunjin pursed his lips. He never wanted to have this conversation with you. He never wanted to tell you the truth, even though you deserved it. He was still too scared.
“Life got busy. I was working, chasing my dreams. One thing led to another, and I ended up here.”
You didn’t believe a thing he said.
“You told me your dream was to be an artist.”
Hyunjin shut his eyes and released a labored sigh. Why did you insist on bringing up the past? It was painful enough that his dreams had been abandoned long ago. But you should know by now that people don’t live in dreams, they live in reality. Why couldn’t you just let it go?
“I told you that when we were ten, Y/N. I was a child. I didn’t understand the world yet.”
Every word he spoke was a cut on your heart. How could Hyunjin reduce the plans you made all those years ago, the world you built together, to nothing?
“Do you understand the world now?”
As hurt as you felt, your voice was fragile. Hyunjin only just came back into your life and you couldn’t bear to be upset at him.
“I think so.” He mumbled, hands gripping onto blades of grass. “When certain things happen to you, when you experience pain and loss, it changes your view on things.”
You swallowed your saliva, gently nodding to show him that you were listening.
“I know I’ve disappointed you, Y/N. I’m not the same boy you grew up with anymore.” His voice trembled. “I don’t climb trees, I don’t make paintings, I don’t daydream about fairytales.”
“But you tossed pebbles with me.” Your voice was barely a whisper. “You still draw, really well. And you eat too many sweets.”
Despite the pain in your chest, you smiled while you spoke.
“I know that the pain you’ve suffered has changed you. I know it still hurts, that it might never heal. But that doesn’t mean that life has to be any less beautiful.”
Hyunjin breathed in deeply, taking in your words.
“Do you think you understand the world?”
It was an honest question. Hyunjin wanted to know. He wanted to learn how you stayed so hopeful while he lost his trust in everything, even in himself. How did you preserve your beauty in this hideous world?
“I don’t.” You replied. “But I know that ice cream makes me feel better, even if it’s freezing outside. And that there are probably much bigger Christmas light fixtures in the city, but I think this park is just as beautiful.”
Your eyes glistened as you gazed at the lights above you.
“I understand that there’s a lot of darkness in the world, but maybe that’s what makes the good shine brighter. I feel the most alive when I’m living in the moment. I laugh when something is funny to me, even if I’m in a boardroom. I cry when I’m sad, I admit when I’m afraid. I try to smile at least once a day. It’s easier than you think to find reasons to be happy. Especially when there’s so much beauty around us. Beauty in nature, in food, in people, in love.”
Your voice faltered at your last word, a hint of embarrassment creeping up on you. But you shrugged it off and sucked in your breath. If you couldn’t be vulnerable with Hyunjin, then you’ve lost your friend for good. You’d pour your heart out to him if that’s what it took to keep him.
“To love for the sake of loving—not for anything to gain in return, but simply to relish in the act, in the warmth and freedom that comes from giving your heart to someone else—I think that’s what the world is about.”
Listening to your words ignited something inside of him. Life sounded beautiful from your lips. Hyunjin desperately wished to see the world through your eyes and to feel it with your heart. But he didn’t know how to get there. He wasn’t convinced it was truly possible. Not when the world he lived in punished him for every moment of happiness. Just like now, in this park with you. Each time he caught himself smiling, he was met with a pang of remorse to his chest. This was not where he should be right now, this was not what he should be feeling.
“The world you described sounds lovely. But it’s not the world I live in.”
Hyunjin’s world had crushed his spirit and stolen his youth. It took his family away when he was only a child, and then made him poisonous to anyone who tried to help. But he learned how to survive. And that was by preserving his heart, never putting it in a position to be broken, hiding it away where nothing could hurt it again.
“This world won’t protect the weak, it won’t wait for stragglers. So we have to protect ourselves. Living in the moment might cost me my future. And I can’t afford to risk that.”
Your eyes began to sting. “Do you truly believe that?”
Hyunjin was silent, carefully contemplating his next words. Why did he need to think so hard? Why couldn’t he just say it?
“There was a time I believed the world was beautiful, when I lived and I loved recklessly. It was when I was a child, when I was with you.”
His tone was resigned. His words were heavy, his voice tired. But they echoed in your ears. He finally admitted it. He was happier back then. Happier with you.
“But life isn’t fair, Y/N. And the faster we accept that, the better we can adapt to the world around us.”
He was right. Things were so much simpler when you were young. Children’s emotions are pure and clear while adults’ are complicated and confusing. But did it have to be so complicated?
“Just because life isn’t fair, does that mean we should accept it and just…give up?”
You couldn’t let go. You couldn’t give up on him.
“Give up? Y/N, I’m fighting as hard as I can every day just to survive. Things are not the same as they were when we were kids.”
Things were not the same. You knew that. But he was still as beautiful as ever, even with his jaded heart. And you were still as stubborn.
“You were happier back then.” You breathed.
“Yeah, because I didn’t know better.”
“Are you happy now?”
“I’m trying to be.”
“Then why did you leave?”
Your conversation was going in circles. Hyunjin became as equally frustrated with your questions as you were with his answers. You both kept running around a fire but neither made an attempt to put it out. You just watched helplessly as it burned. Inhaling the smoke until your lungs were scorched.
“I told you, I had to leave for school, for my future.”
Hyunjin still wouldn’t answer the true question you were asking. He continued to feign ignorance to your interrogation. You needed to be more clear.
“Why did you leave me?”
The fire was finally extinguished. You were relieved from the scalding heat, but what was left was a haunting emptiness. Silence fell upon both of you as you failed to look each other in the eyes, failed to form any words.
You finally asked him what you really wanted to know, all those years. The question that left you crying endless nights, left you chasing fictitious reprieve, left you utterly, hopelessly lost. The question that made you wonder if it was your own doing that brought this pain. The question that made you hate him because you loved him so much.
“Whatever it is you’re searching for, whatever you’re trying to find in me—I can’t give it to you.”
And even after you bared your soul to him, he still couldn’t answer you.
He couldn’t answer you. He was still too scared, deathly so. Hyunjin needed security, he needed stability, consistency. He needed someone who won’t leave him like his father did.
You’d never leave him. He knew this too. But you wanted more than just a comfortable life. You wanted to explore the world, live spontaneously, take risks and experience everything. He couldn’t give that to you. You’d never leave him but Hyunjin feared he wasn’t enough for you to want to stay. He wasn’t brave like he was before. He’d give you the world if he could, but the world he had was empty. He was empty.
“I’m sorry.”
The lights became blinding. They were burning his eyes. Hyunjin quietly rose and left you laying on the grass. You stayed in your spot, frozen, lifeless. He may as well have killed you.
It was December now, the coldest one yet. Hyunjin didn’t have anything to keep himself warm. He didn’t have your voice to calm his nerves, didn’t have his bear to bring him comfort. His world was cold, but at the very least, he’d make sure you stayed warm. By keeping his world away from you.
a/n: and the sadness intensifies 🥲 a deeper view into Hyunjin’s psyche! it’s really so hard to love someone who doesn’t know how to accept it huh? big ouchies on both sides. anyways, I feel like I rambled in some parts of this chapter, but I hope my writing makes sense and maybe even strikes a cord in you. if so, please share your thoughts. I love and appreciate you guys!
SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP HOLY MOTHER FUCKING CRACKERS PLEASE
okay, I’m glad Lixie is safe and with friends, I NEED him to know how loved he is and how much Binnie adores him bc PLEASE this is hurting my HEART
Sungie for the win. that’s it, that’s the comment, Han mfing Jisung For The Win. talking bout some ‘Wanna talk about it?’ and some ‘You know it’s the same for you, right?’ DONT TOUCH ME
AND THE HOODIE?!?! MFER LEFT BC THE GIRL HE LIKES TALJING BOUT DATING SOMEONE ELSE (under my personal assumption) AND LEFT THAT SAUD GIRL A HOODIE PLEASE YN WERE BEGGING OPEN YOUR EYESSSSS
just that whole last bit of their convo
“You’re too nice to nice to me sometimes.” FELT BUT ALSO ACCEPT IT ONG😭😭😭😭
i promise lixie will be getting SO MUCH love and his mental state will be touched on again because baby deserves nothing but the absolute best in life :>
my Jisungie is quite in touch with his emotions and the emotions of the people he cares about! He knows how to comfort people but can he comfort himself?
It has been the longest time. Life is crazy, but I didn't forget about you. Team No Sleep™️ stays together, right?😭
I've been trying out some writing myself, so I'd just love to hear your opinions about the more technique related things.
It's hard to kind of guess how long I want a scene or chapter to be. I'm normally a true plotter (me is perfectionist to the max), but I've noticed it makes writing the actual scenes and chapters kind of boring and predictable🥲
How do you go about it? Do you have an ideal word count per chapter? Pantser or plotter? Tell me about your insides (that sounds off, but alright😆)
Hope you guys are doing well! Otherwise, you can totally message me. I decided to come off anon, because I don't see the point of it at this time🤭
-- ♣️ (aka Diss)
HELLO FRIEND OMG!!
Team No Sleep always stays together!!
IM SO HAPPY you're trying writing omg!! that's so exciting and I cant wait to see what you put out!!
I totally understand the feeling tho! For myself I find I Know exactly how I want things to go, I know how I want conversations to flow and where it should end up, I can write it all out, mark out each scene complete conversations and convey the emotion I want but describing scenery and scene setting is just where I absolutely lack, and that's where kitty comes in to fic up all my issues (lemme show you)
sometimes when I write alone- i still leave these notes for myself, I may not have the words to describe what I want in a scene right away but I know the base outline of it, so by leaving those notes I can come back in and fic everything up.
take the time to do so- kitty and I used to update DAILY and it got hard, we burnt out really quickly and these days were taking our time to REALLY think over chapters, plot them out. (which I know a lot of people like our writing because were laid back in it and make it easy to read but anyone seeing this I promise were still doing that we just wanna make sure were not burning out again)
We never really have an ideal word count we just write and write and let it come to! I'd post chapters with 500 words if I really felt like it- don't limit yourself but also don't think too hard on whats right. just write and do what feels good to you!
thanks for asking by the way!
were doing great! we're actually still writing and finishing up stories from here and even working on some new ones for AO3 as we tested it out and think the tumblr ACC will stick to self inserts where our ao3 will have more... risky.. content.
How are you??
Have you been well?
I know we are Team No Sleep but have you slept well these days?
so glad to see ur comfy coming off anon with us! It's nice to meet you!!
