lost at sea

this is not a healthy place for you to be, please click the back button this is not a good place, please go. my name is -redacted-. i am just here now, and soon i'll be gone.

[feedthis]

I just want to be happy.

[i--sleep--naked]

how our romantic feelings turn us into monsters

im a thorn in his side, as i was a thorn in the side of those who caught the attention of my affections before him

damn me. fuckin damn me

[i--sleep--naked]

there are times i wake up to the sound of a door shut and i search all the floors but find no tracks ___________ then a nurse in white shoes leads me back to my guest room its a bed and a bathroom a place for the end ___________ for i was late for this late for that late for the love of my life and when I die alone when i die alone when i die i'll be on time

lumineers, cleopatra

[i--sleep--naked]

its hard, when your advances are rejected, or, almost worse, put into intermittent reward limbo, to not feel like it is due to your worth, lack there of, your short comings. 

i confess i made advances. i confess i may have violated superficial personal space many a time during a daze of euphoria

one day my crush asked if he could sleep in my bed with me. ‘of course’ i said. ‘promise not to rape me?’ he said

was that a distasteful joke? does he really fear such a thing from me? “of course I won’t,” I said. and during that first night i refrained from any sort of contact between us on my large bed, even though it has now become obvious that he does enjoy the sensation of touch, especially when decompressing from stress

a few weeks later, after many cuddle pile sessions, and that’s all they honestly were, i asked him if I could kiss him. i figure, if he was serious about being worried about me assaulting him, it was the only right way to approach it. his heart had nearly beaten out of his chest as he said neither no, but he also did not say yes, i resolved never to kiss him, because what if, what if, he does fear that i am capable of rape?

was it all a joke?

he not so much takes my heart with him when we part for long periods of time, it is more like i hook my heart to the back of his shirt and pray he does not catch the hijacker. i care for the man, deeply.

don’t rape me... does he really think i’m like that....?

i must be horrible

[i--sleep--naked]

the words, most of them, are from Angela Orosco from Silent Hill 2. probably the biggest baddass of the game even though she grew up with sexual assault and develops suicidal behavior as a result she is, in my opinion, the only character who can not be held in complete guilt. but lets face it, even the innocent will punish themselves, even horribly,

[i--sleep--naked]

i didn’t take my meds today. 

i woke up, and just felt bad.

I considered the bottle and the words “fuck it” echoed in my chest. i often tell others with mental health disorders that “its not you, you are just malfunctioning”

but i can’t give myself that slack, and i wonder if i’m even lying to them. me off meds is me. its the me i grew up with for 20 years before i collapsed into a doctor’s chair, a timid fat useless worthless leech. 

today i wanted to remember again who i truly am

a person who has no business being here

[i--sleep--naked]

and i am done with my graceless heart

[engineersblablas]

[i--sleep--naked]

the feeling of my sweaty sticky thighs touching together has been keeping me up all night

this internship has been amazing but its hard constricting calories and/or purging when there's 9 other people living in the same house as you, two to a room, and its hard to do physically demanding tasks with a light head. i don't want to say how much i gained... but i'm killing it once i'm back alone at home

i have so much to fix when i leave from here in two days

[satans-baby-sister]

[i--sleep--naked]

how does one reverse puberty

i don't know but maybe the less fat percentage i have on me will shove me over into some form of androgyny

i wish skin and tissue didn't snitch on me to others about what i used to be

[casualoblivion]

original {A+}

[i--sleep--naked]

someone help me forget that food exists.

i've never wanted apathy so badly

my head is a monster

[i--sleep--naked]

98.8

i'm not wrong am i?

...side note,upper body strength increasing. monkey bars are not just for children...

it is so hard to lose weight in the 90s

a quarter of it must be loose skin how does one even lose that without going under the knife, fuck

[i--sleep--naked]

im at that point of the junction of weight loss and strength building and i don't know what the scale means anymore

why can't i just have some daily updating body tissue percentage machine

[pr0meteus]

[lovely-friend]