Major TW 🦋 BPD, Bipolar disorder, ED, SH, SI || Please seek professional help for this disorder because it is a very dark and lonely road to go down. I do not encourage eating disorders or suicidal thoughts! || 27 || Block, don't report... I will keep coming back
My name is Jane. I am a 27 year old Indian woman from South Africa 🇿🇦
DNI minors (21+ please), non-ED accounts, porn accounts, and heterosexual men DNI!!
You will be blocked IMMEDIATELY!
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Please note that this blog contains mentions of an ED - both Ana and BED.
P.S: this is a no numbers blog. I don't post my weight or BMI on here. There are some mentions of cals but not all the time.
This blog also mentions SI, SH, Trauma, Mood issues and unhealthy thought patterns.
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Things I've been diagnosed with: ED, Bipolar II, BPD, ADHD, Underactive Thyroid (Hashimotos), Arthritis - which affects all my joints, spine and hips. I also have stage 4 endometriosis.
I am constantly tired and in pain, so I struggle to do exercises.
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More fun facts about me: Animal lover, Man hater, Asexual, Atheist, Soft Goth/Alt, Heavy Metal Lover, Loner, Home body, Coffee addict
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My hobbies include: reading, listening to music, binge watching movies and shows, drinking coffee at every opportunity I get, studying and learning new things, staying at home, cuddling my cat.
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There's no pictures of me on my blog. Just food pictures.
I don't condone anything I post on my blog. I support anyone who wants to recover.
I'm just not ready to recover.
If anything I say on this blog affects you negatively or triggers you, feel free to block my account. Please don't report me. I'll just keep coming back.
Thanks for reading, and take it easy. Look after yourself first and foremost.
I got approved for the life saving medication I need, but I cannot afford it. Even with the medical aid paying a very small amount, I still won't be able to afford it, on top of my other chronic medications which come to 5000+ a month.
How am I going to survive without this medication?
I mean honestly, it's less that "mentally ill men are stereotyped as rapists" and more that rapists are stereotyped as mentally ill. It is an attempt to pin the blame on anything other than maleness
[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over
My aunt saw me today over video chat, and the first thing she told me was "you're looking so much prettier by the day." And I was so flattered at first. Then I felt sad.
I asked her, "what about before?"
She shook her head and said, "not really. You were too overweight and fat. You didn't look good. But now, you look lovely."
And that hurt. That hurt so damn much. The Old me was trying her fucking best to survive, and did what she could to feel alive. Eating made her feel alive and less numb, so she kept doing it to chase that euphoria.
She struggled with her self image and self worth. Her self loathing and self hatred was so strong, it would put a grown man to shame. It has made me cry. She kept telling herself that she was not beautiful because of what she went through, and that she deserved to feel pain and hurt.
There was not a day that went by where she didn't hate herself. All the while hearing everyone tell her "lose weight. You're too fat. You're still beautiful, but you need to lose weight."
But to now hear that she was not beautiful, and that all people saw was the consequence of trauma caused by numerous people, is NOT okay.
She tried her fucking best to get better and to have a normal life. She had been through so much and fought through all of that to become me.
She does not deserve that hate and insult. She was beautiful. And she tried her best.
I am who I am today, BECAUSE of her.
Thank you, old me. You were beautiful, and you deserved better.
