Poems, Slams, Writings. :)

[i-imsickofit-overit]

Feeling alone in this box inside my mind. Quivering from the cold that leaks from my bones. Hiding from the pounding of my heard. Crying at the pain in my stomach as butterflies turn to bees. And as I felt all these things I overall just felt hurt.

[i-imsickofit-overit]

I saw the good in him, yet he couldn’t get past the bad in me.

[i-imsickofit-overit]

Why.

Why is it that every time something goes right the impending disasters of my past come wrecking through the walls of perfection. Crumbling down my confidence and destroying most hopes of glistening smiles upon bright eyes. Healing my wounds and building my sanctuary. Bruised and afflicted. I keep the memories locked inside with me. So when I choose to open that door they are with me, clinging to my back like Satan. I can’t kick them out because they loiter on my lawn like pesky parasites waiting to ruin me again. Over my shoulder and above my head like weights and rain clouds, always keeping me down. I can’t seem to get things right. Why when I try to see the good they try and stop me. Why do they step on the backs of my shoes and pour liquid acid in my eyes, inabling me not to see what Can be. Why when things go right is there always a left turn bringing me back to the start. A circle of never ending torture as I’m linked to these creatures like im sitting in a torture room with Demons. Why me. Why me when all these things could go out my white picketed gate and wander down the sidewalk like lost children. Why when I try, is it never good enough to satisfy the hunger growing deep in my mind. The grumbling of my stomach and of my head help distract me from my goals. To nourish my future or my self. And it’s always the latter. Why are these thoughts so cruel, and why do I bring them with me wherever I go. Why do I latch them onto others. And why does it have to be me.

[i-imsickofit-overit]

Idealism meet modernism

[i-imsickofit-overit]

What makes it socially acceptable....

1. If it means that you are speaking your mind with no regard to whom you are speaking it to.

2. If you are trying to give a subliminal message through your words that are hissed through your teeth.

"You're a whore" translates to "I don't like you because you're confident about your body and you like to show it"

"You should believe in a god" translates to "I believe in a higher power, how do you think so little of our god to not acknowledge him"

Basically every little thing is taken out on the people who do not think or act they way you want them to.

3. Everyone else is doing it.

If someone is bullying another kid, why not join in. It's not a crime if everyone's doing it right?

If people are attacking others because of their race, sexually, identity, religion , or anything that belongs to their mind and soul, then it's fine because, going back to rule two, everyone's doing it and You don't like it.

4. If it's in society.

This is pretty vague but as long as your in that huge box of societies regulations, then at least some people will support your decision, therefor you can do it.

Because like minded people get to share their opinion with no one to attack them back against there poisoned filled arguments and lashings.

5. If you just want to do it and you don't understand the consequences.

Sure it's fine to do it now but what about later. Do you even care? About the kids with mental illness, the people lying inside a coffin, or those who cannot afford jobs to help their family's and themselves just because you will not accept them.

As long as it doesn't effect you. It's perfectly fine.

So welcome to society where basically anything is acceptable. Where you can harass and maim without a speck of dignity.

Where you can put others down and to be happy and even gleeful about your actions.

Where it's okay to call random people names and to attack those you haven't even met.

Welcome to society where everything hurtful is acceptable. And anything in the right of minds are put down.

[i-imsickofit-overit]

6 worded poem.

Voluptuous mouths dance together as one.

[i-imsickofit-overit]

Pull up your chair. Memoir challenge.

Stars are hanging in the sky by a thread of hope just like the children inside the barn. Their hearts are filled with the same shade of darkness as the sky does right now. They only have slivers of shooting stars left to make their dreams and goals come true. Only tiny specks now glisten in their eyes, and my own. I listen to the words evoked with love and all the while I’m still embraced by continuous ideas of flaws and despair. I want to believe i’m okay but with the devil whispering in one ear and my angel all tied up, I cannot help but doubt the things they say on stage. I am trapped inside a cage with a small blue mat to comfort me, support me, as i do not support myself enough. I glance around at the others trapped inside the same cage as me. We were all wild doves waiting to be released to the sound of bells. I, I watch through my eyes as if i were looking through church windows. I try to find the strength to push down my own struggles to help others accept their impurities, not to dwell on them. The salt from their tears fuel my own like water to an oiled flame. Pine, sweat, rain, grievance, the air is thick from the smell of the outdoors and the emotions emanating from our tongues and souls. Gospel night. We sing songs of praise and emotional conflict and victory. I’m not a religious person but yet i still feel a spiritual connection to the aspect of the bible and the miracles. After we hear the words of god and watch inspiring videos and acting scenes, we confront our fears, impurities, and said to be flaws. With that we pray over each other, promising a better future and happiness upon one's heart and soul while giving peace of mind to others. One lesson that we learned at camp was when christina gave a speech, and when speaking she said a sentence that stood out,”Pull up your chair.” The definition of this was that God had a table, and endless table that never ran out of spaces. We block ourselves with visions of hate and we think we have to fight for the spots at this banquet. But the truth is, we all have a chair, we all have a spot, and all we have to do is gain the confidence to pull it up. Why do we refuse to touch that chair? With how so many people put themselves down, a goal of mine is to help them take a step with their seat in their hands. We should want to sit down. Our feet will grow worn and tired from all this standing. Before I went to gospel night I wouldn’t even touch my chair. I held thoughts of disdain and remorse but, after witnessing all the pain and suffering everyone goes through, no matter how big or small, I realised we each struggle with a demon. I understood then, that I needed to pull up my chair to be able to help others. The lesson learned was that I will be courteous and thoughtful toward everyone, including myself. Because even if a problem doesn't seem big to you, it is a huge stone weighing down on someone’s chest and shoulders. It is now my personal goal to help each and every person in any way I can. A cry for help echos in the mind, a mind is a dangerous thing, and a dangerous thing pent up and held, is what holds us back. In the party barn, magical things happen. You see the sides of people that they usually hide away. I hold my friends in a comforting embrace and I whisper words of love and praise to help them. My eyes are puffy from crying and my brain is slowly telling me to sleep because we have our 3am hike day in 5 hours. We go back to the cabins. I sit on the floor, a counselor to my left and a friend to my right. We discuss all the events that had happened and how we can keep hope in our hearts. We talk about reigning in the love of god with a lasso made from love. I am not a religious person but that night i learned to praise more than a person made out of religious beliefs. I learned to praise others and myself, to worship my body and mind no matter what tries to knock me down.

[i-imsickofit-overit]

Ocean eyes.

When I look at you I see hidden promises Behind your irises. Your eyes dialate to the sound of your heart beating in sync with mine. Your lashes curl when you look away from my face and all the tiny details. I see you, afraid of what's yet to come. So hesitant to succumb to the want and need of your hands holding onto me as if I were a life raft keeping your head above the waves. But you hold back. Afraid of breaking me with your stare as it looks right through me and into my deepest secrets inside my soul. Eyes blue like the ocean I dive right in. We both now will grasp onto each other feeling the need to keep from sinking Into the fearing abyss called love in the depths of your mind. But I share my breath with you, my life, when you start to sink so then you may float back to the surface to return the love back into my own lungs. The cycle continues on as we flow through the struggles like an undertow beneath the turbulent ups and downs. When your eyes tell such a story I can't help but jump in. So many things hidden and so many things to be brought up from your hidden caves. Truth be told in the blink of an eye. You captured my heart with the endless depths of your affection. And it flowed right to my core like your rivers.

[i-imsickofit-overit]

Late nights

Late at night I think of the hours we'd just spent before, cuddling under a blanket hiding from real life. How I closed my eyes and let my lips speak measures about my love and how with the bite on your bottom Lip l told you how I never wanted to let you go. Covered in sweat I looked into your eyes and saw how much our movements had moved your mind and soul. You spoke words you've never spoken before. Making my restless mind finally succumb to silence when you held me and protected me from the chaos. When it was time to go we hugged, a gentle goodbye, slowly making each of us remeber that we will see each other another day. And that's why I can't rest on these sleepless nights. Because you have filled every space of my mind and I just cannot stop thinking of you. Your body. And your love.

[i-imsickofit-overit]

I memorized the details of your face like an actor would his lines: intensely, enthusiastically, and with great rapture. So that I may preach about every perfection you own to an audience who dares to hear the true description of flawlessness in a poetic melody used to dance amoungts the gods.

Me

[i-imsickofit-overit]

Matter over mind.

In my mind of unfurling black matter and chaos my heart still chose to be in one piece. Calming the calamity known as my thoughts and directing me as my mind is to busy taming the beasts to do it itself. Knowing that my matter is unbeknownst to others as a higher source than my mind, my heart and soul take action. Bringing me to the full potential of a girl who's mind brings more confusion and stress than life itself does.

[i-imsickofit-overit]

From God we come, to God we return.

I never thought we would part, You always told me love came from the heart not from the brain. And even now your name strains at my eyes, until tears fall from them.

Its sad to have someone you know become someone you knew, even now I stew at the memories and how they flood my mind like a damn, you were always so kind.

How could He take you from us. Your light shone like a halo glistening above your head, and I remember all those things you said. About how good life was.

Your life held so much promise, just as you gave your daughter a kiss, and as you worked so hard to give her happiness, it fell apart so fast.

Nothing really lasts. You talked of medical school and even in the tightly wound spool of your life you found the strength to survive.

But eventually in time your time runs out like sand through your fingertips, oh how the smile would form at your lips.

your athletics and songs brought everybody along with you on your journey and when you left, we didn’t know what to do, now we just sit and wonder, at what could have been.

Every time I walk through that door, my eyes hit the floor at the remembrance of you there sitting in that chair, I feel like i’m waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.

I know I’ll never see you again but I still feel that you’re with me in everything action, I remember your passion as it drove through me like a knife.

You held such optimism. You got surgery to remove what held you back, reminded us of how our smile now cracks. At the slightest memory of you.

You held our hearts like you’d hold us in your arms in that hug of yours where we felt like we were being swallowed in love, no harm.

Your comedy is ironic because it once made us laugh and now we just lack that feeling of pure joy that radiated out of your eyes.

The thing that you’d do was unique to only you, as you’d chuckle with your tongue between your teeth. I remembered that feeling of 100% peace.

Your mind was smart as you created art with the words you would say making our day go from bad to good.  Remember how you stood.

Confident, and powerful, now the piece in my soul will never be full. You left us empty, but you filled us to our brim and carried us with grace. No one will ever take your place.

That day we got the call, I had never felt so small, my vulnerability burning through me like a fire, my desire now burnt out In a pile of ashes.

The gashes in my heart bled with the sorrow of knowing that tomorrow I wouldn’t be able to see you. I broke down.

Makeup ran down my face like I ran away from the possibility, this had to be some cruel joke. The cries from my chest, now a mere croak.

You couldn’t be gone, the ache in my head is like a song to distract me from reality. A perfect duality to remind me of what death versus life is.

When I saw you laying there with perfectly placed hair and white linen on your body I couldn’t help asking why would God want to take somebody. Who made everything seem ok.

Favinn Maynard God gave us you for such a short time, and we all stood in that line for the chance to be with you once again.

One year has gone by and we all just can’t help but wonder why. You were a perfect mother, worker, student, and friend. But everything must come to an end.

When you passed in your sleep i couldn’t keep the thought out of my head, I had seen her yesterday, and now she’s dead. What if i could tell her how much I admired her.

But now all my memories are a blur because I took them for granted. I never had such a friend, not just something but someone without end.

And even still my heart lingers to you. I loved you with it, not only with my mind, how could I have been so blind. To the deception of a thought that you would last forever.

Now the love for you still will burn and in this I remember what was said, From god we come, to god we return.

I still yearn to see you one last time, we lost a friend, but God gained an angel with wings, and I know you’ll still sing glory and beauty upon us.

Even when you’re not here, you still are even in heaven and in this we remember- Enos 1:27.

[i-imsickofit-overit]

It may feel like you are drowning right now. Drowning under the pressure put on you to keep a happy face. The pressure of not having the life you wanted so you push yourself harder under the waves. You’re feeling sorry for yourself. The sadness, it overwhelms you. Waves and waves of sorrow wash over you like the turbulent emotions that flow through your head like a raging river. All you can do is force back the choked up tears and cries in order to somehow save yourself from this breathless feeling. All the emotions bottled up like a dam, and you are damn sure it’s about to burst any moment. You get through your day as if you are flowing against a current and an undertow is pulling you away from your goal. You seek out for any type of help, but all you can see is the waves and the storm overhead.

me

[i-imsickofit-overit]

Again.

I've fucked up again 

I’ve fallen in the hole called love again

I put in to much trust again

I got my hopes up so high again

I was finally happy and satisfied again

you grew bored of me again

and found another girl again

I figured it out the hard way again 

I am alone again

Crying on the floor with red eyes again

writing poetry about you again

and realizing

I’ve fucked up again

Ive fallen in the hole.....

[poeticallyemm]

ache is the tune to which i sing, muffled thunder, exquisitely cast.   maybe i want to dance beneath constellations etched into angry knuckles.   maybe cool palms belong against collarbones and glass.   maybe i want to dance, rail thin, scant and vacant, still searching–   some kind of false immortality.

poeticallyordinary (via poeticallyordinary)

[i-imsickofit-overit]

silly sleep

She's losing sleep over a silly perspective that anyone would want her

Losing sleep over someone who isn't concerned about losing her

Crying at 3am looking back on the memories

She aches in the regret and truth of the situation, hitting her like a bullet

Reminiscing over the little things that claw at her mind

Thinking about all the sharp words as you hurt her with the truth

And soothed her with lies

She remembers the way you kissed her lips, cheek, forehead

The way you never wrapped your arms around her waist to ease her pain

She stays up harming her beautiful body because she doesn't feel

Feels as if she shouldn't even be alive

Because the people she cares about most

Don't give a damn about her or her physical and mental state

They don't care she's turning into a monster

She's had the light stolen, her innocence broken

And now because she threw out more than she needed, just to have it taken from her

she sits empty, incapable to love or form a relationship

So now she sleeps quietly and relaxed

Knowing that it's the only salvation from the unbalanced scale of emotion

Knowing it's either stay up and break down

Or sleep and make it through the day knowing she'll be always walking alone

[i-imsickofit-overit]

ART

The way my brush moved over the rough texture of my canvas.

the way my pen and pencil glide over the paper like silhouetted dancers in synch.

The way the music flows to the very bottom of my filled up head.

The way my fingers rush over over the the keys in a perfect melodious fashion.

The way my feet sashay on the cool wood floor and the way my pirouettes spin like a top.

these arts are smooth and calculated, just like the feel of your lips on mine. But unlike the arts, they are beautiful, and I know you will be my ugly, disastrous end.