I am breaking free

M., I live with my (not only) emotionally and psychologically abusive parents. I will break free from them. I need this blog as a reminder and as a diary. Don't hesitate to ask me anything. I am always here for anyone in need.

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

Can I please use your blog to vent? I don’t want you to think I’m using you for emotional absorption or anything like that I just want to vent to a community that understands..

Yes, of course! Please go on. You can also submit a post if you'd like to :)

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

I’m gonna talk to you really quick cause I feel safe doing so. My dad and sister are constantly twisting my words, calling me manipulative, or the least favorite of all 5 siblings (I have 3 half sisters), saying that I’m a failure and faking being trans for attention. Whenever I get mad at my dad, my sister will talk about how he hates when I’m mad at him and I’m overreacting and he can’t feel love. And I’m starting to believe it, that I’m crazy and just making it all up. (1/?) 👟

.He threatens me and yells and encourages my sister to hit me so I can’t say it was him and he won’t go to jail for it and treats me like dirt and makes really creepy comments when I’m not 100% covered up, and I can’t move out for 3 more years. It’s to the point where I end up contemplating suicide just to get away from him, I’m just so tired of being around him. I flinch when he moves, and he gets angry, saying he never hit me. (2/?)👟

I’m autistic and he treats me like I’m stupid for it (when he’s not using it to manipulate me by convincing me that it makes my work worth less so I do his work too, then taking credit for my work so my mom doesn’t get mad at him), calling me a toddler when I don’t understand things and laughing at anger outbursts the *he triggers on purpose*, calling me dramatic and stupid. He knows I don’t get jokes, but he still jokingly calls me slurs (is that even a joke? I don’t know) (¾) -👟

The only way I can get him to not be a jerk to me is by agreeing with everything he says, and walking on eggshells all the time. If I say anything that stresses my mom out, he gets angry and throws coffee on me. He completely ignores the fact that he stresses her out more than pretty much anyone else. I almost died a few weeks ago and he laughed at me, calling me stupid for trying to separate a fight between his dog and a stray and ‘letting’ myself get bit. Thank you for your time! 👟

Classic abusive parent right here: “I am just joking, you are over overreacting/you are too sensitive”. No. Just nope, he is being really mean, abusive and he sounds overall horrible. On top of that he’s also instigating your sister to hit you? I am really sorry to hear you have to go through this everyday. You are really strong.

What about your mother? Can you talk to her to help you put some sense into you sister? Or any other relative who could help you? Maybe a teacher?

I don’t know how old are you or if you will be ever able to leave the house any time soon but in the meantime I would suggest you to never retaliate. “The only way I can get him to not be a jerk to me is by agreeing with everything he says" - I think that’s your best option but never, even for a second, believe that he’s telling the truth. Never. I know it’s hard but you have to think about your safety first.

I am sorry you were bitten. I hope yo’ve made a full recovery.

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

At that age gap anon, do you what you want, you're legally an adult but think carefully about his attraction to you. Think about the gap between you two. Ask yourself why he hasn't tried to date someone near his age, near his area, etc etc. This is coming from someone who was in the same situation as you were. Be careful and run whenever you feel an slight discomfort. Always trust your instincts. Remember, what ever happens, it's not your fault.

This. Thank you!

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

So theres this guy I met online. I've known him for 3 years. We're not in a relationship but we act like it over text and I call him almost every night. I wanna meet up with him when I'm old enough. I love him and he loves me. The issue is that he's 21 and I'm a minor still. But it cant be bad if he makes me happy, right?

I don’t think I am the right person you should be asking this. I don’t know enough to give you my opinion but I will say just one thing. He is 21 now. Three years ago he was 18. You said you are still a minor, so you are, at best, 17 and so three years ago you were (at best!) 14. Why o why would a 18 yo be interested in a 14 yo? This is giving me really strong “weird vibes”. I don’t mean to be accusing or anything, I would just ask you to please talk about this with your parents or someone you trust. Please.

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

Who are you

I don’t know. Who are you?

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

hi, i'm gonna use this to vent since i feel safe to do it in your blog. i'm tired, really fucking tired, of my mom acting like she is the best mother in the world and not admitting all the shit she did was wrong. i've always hated her with my whole heart since i was a small kid and i just wish i understood how most people can love their mothers so much. i remember when i was 4 and she was washing my hair, i complained that the water was too cold and she told me to shut the fuck up +

+ and then put a whole soap bar in my mouth to keep my quiet. and i remember being 7 and asking her when we’re gonna visit grandma while she was talking on the phone, she was so mad that i interrupted her that she slapped me in the face with her full force, like i was an adult and not a little kid even weaker than the kids my age. she did those kind weekly and used to tell me i’m a mistake, i must have been switched in the hospital, a kid so dumb and useless couldn’t be her daughter. +

+ and now that i’m older, she says she did all that because i was an awful kid, because she loved me, because it’s what she had to do to “educate” me. it’s honestly so frustrating. i can’t wait to leave all of that behind and forget about her existence.

I am sorry. You didn’t deserve any of this. You truly did not. I hope you will be able to get out of there as soon as possible. Don’t lose hope, you will get there, I am sure of it :)

I wish you the best. You deserve the best.

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

bTw I just wanted to stop by and let you know that your account has made me feel much less alone, I'm v grateful. You know I also have an abusive mom and sometimes I feel like I'm going insane, like none of it is real. It's quite reassuring to see someone who actually feels it too and that believes we can overcome it. Thank you x

I am sorry you are going through this. I truly wish you the best ❤

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

Ugh, bad parents are the worst. What a riggamaroll. Don’t worry honey, you’re a real crackerjack, 🌟🌟🌟no matter what your old man says.

Thank you kind anon :) I bet you are an amazing person!

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

I a l w a y s feel absolutely terrible whenever I snap back after being yelled at the entire day, and I a l w a y s end up apologizing even though it started with them comparing me to someone or insulting me. Is that normal? Because Im so tired.

This is normal when you are being gaslighted everyday. I can see how this is tiring; to put up with this kind of guilt is not easy. Sometimes it’s easier to apologize instead of retailiating and I get that but please, never ever think that it is in any way your fault.

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

(I hope I'm not late or anything) I hope things look up for you darling, please keep the positive mind and soul you have now. You're strong and I'm cheering for you from my end. You are loved by many and you will be happy. Thank you for being here and spreading your positive messages to others. It's good to see kindness in this world and to see someone with such a strong heart : ')

I can’t express how much this kind of positive messages help me. Thank you so much ❤ I wish you the best.

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

What you are doing is the best, i hope u do ur best not to catch up with others burdens and make it your own. Many still need you

Thank you. I am doing my best :) You are a kind soul.

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

Hi darling ❤️ are u holding on? We want to help u too as much as u help each one of us. Take care. We care⭐️ you’re loved and one day u will get out and be < m a g i c a l > 👑✨

This warmed my heart, thank you for legitimizing my feelings :)

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

this is probably SO annoying but I want to know if i was physically abused or over dramatic. My mom recently hit me, shoved me and dragged me around the house when she was angry because I was having an anxiety attack and wasn’t going to school. But it was only once so... I have memories of my dad grabbing me by the neck/arm really roughly when I was little and he was mad but not anymore... I don’t know.

I think she was beeing indeed abusive. An adult should be able to express their anger without using violence. You didn’t deserve being treated like that.

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

i just wanted to say if you need anything, i'm here for you ❤️

Thank you so much, this means a lot to me ❤

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

Is it okay if I send you a multi-part ask that just basically tells you my circumstance and asks for your advice? I’m 16 years old, I’m making a lot of decisions about my further, and I really need help.

Or just use the chat if you’d like to!

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

I’ve never done this, but would I be able to dm you to talk about my struggles mentally? I am just so lost & just need advice or simply someone to just hear me out with what goes through my head.

Of course you can!

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

Are you available to message about abuse at home?

Yes! Don’t hesitate, just do it! :)