[ianravensdale]

{nian}

[littleprotege--solheim-blog]

{Nova sighed at his words.} I’m not perfect, nor am I pure at heart. No one really is, love. And it was only one person who took your mother away. You can’t spend your life blaming everyone and excusing a select few. {She looked away from him the moment his eyes met her’s. She hated that he felt like that about himself. No one should enjoy being a monster.} Ian… {The words came out as a breathless whisper as she carefully set her hand on his knee, feeling her throat choke up.} I don’t believe you would’ve killed me. I know you, and back when you held me captive, I re-learned you. You wouldn’t have killed me unless I put up a fight, which I didn’t. You wouldn’t hurt anyone until they tried to fight back. Besides the soulmate bond, no, I don’t think your so-called natural instinct would’ve taken over. {Quickly removing her hand, she realized she could’ve easily scared him. With this Ian, she had to take baby steps. Softly, she continued.} Ian, I’m a witch… whether you want to believe it or not, I’m like them. I’d love to be just a regular little human for you, but I’m not. I’m sorry. {Realizing what her words meant, she mentally slapped herself. She hadn’t mentioned herself for fear of sounding vain, and look where it got her.} I was trying to exclude myself from the equation for a moment. I know you loved me. I’m just… no good with words. And I’m trying to show you what love is again… I want to, if you’ll let me.

[ianravensdale]

After seeing so much darkness in this world, I know when I see someone pure at heart. You may not want to believe but you are. *He told her with a nod, thinking about her words for a moment. His mother was too important for him to even consider that. It was something that he really didn't feel like talking about.* I only excuse two people. You and my father. It couldn't be you. The rest of people...screw the rest. *His tone was bitter when he said, using a strong voice from the back of his throat, swallowing his emotions to not show them to her. His gaze lowered to his knee, when he felt her hand on it, not expecting this move from her. His whole body stiffened at the action, but Ian didn't show his discomfort through his face.* I wouldn't hurt anyone until they tried to fight me back, because I'm a sick bastard. I enjoy the fear in their eyes and that's not going to change. I didn't hurt you, no. Because you didn't fight me back, but I fear that if you did, I would have hurt you. I still don't know, if I have the full control of my actions around you. I'm killing again. *He closed his eyes lightly at his confession, but his voice didn't show any remorse of it. Ian didn't know if Nova already knew of this or if she guessed that he was doing it. One thing he knew, his Nova knew him like the palm of her hand and she knew what he was capable of doing. Not only because she had been one of his victims in the past, but because he never really hid who he was when they were together before the spell. She was helping him getting back. That work was not lost and he honestly didn't know if she would be able to re-start it. Or if he really wanted it to happen.* Humans or not, they are just like all of them. So...don't say that. *His eyes glassed slightly with hidden tears as he shook his head meaninglessly. Ian just stared at her before the three single words were out of his mouth.* I love you.

[ianravensdale]

{nian}

[littleprotege--solheim-blog]

Hate is never part of who someone is. It’s part of who someone is taught to be. It’s an ignorance that no one is born with. And you’re not a monster. {She hated when he called himself that. Several times while he’d kidnapped her, she’d thought he was a monster. Heartless… a demon of some sort. However, sometimes before the curse broke, sometimes clicked inside of her, and she realized what he was. All he was and all this “monstrous” side of him ever will be is a side-effect of his father’s conditioning.} Ian, I hardly felt the connection at first… but it was there. You couldn’t kill me, Ian. Something always stopped you from severely hurting me. For the most part, you just just kidnapped me and kept me in a cage. {Her face and tone got a little angry with his words.} They walk like that because they do have a place on this Earth. And I’m just like them. {Pausing, she allowed herself to calm down a little as he spoke about love. She lowered her voice and turned to face him.} Ian, I don’t think you’ve known love since your mother died.

[ianravensdale]

You're just saying that, because you're pure at heart. But perhaps you're right. No one can blame me for being the way I am. They took everything away from me *The sentence came out as a bare whisper but he knew that she had heard him.* Yes, I am. And it's okay because I enjoy it. *His blue eyes raised to meet her green eyes and a little smile came around his face. Ian knew that she didn't like when he says thi. But why lie about something that was actually a fact. Maybe not to her but to the world around them. At her next words, the young man realized that she was actually right. He frowned only a touch, holding her eyes with his intense gaze for a little while before he nodded.* You're right, love. I never wanted to hurt you... But I always thought it was because you didn't want to run away from me. I remember being so angry with you. And if you had ran away from me, in that first time, I wouldn't know if I would have killed you or not. I want to believe that I really wouldn't, but I don't know if I would be able control my natural instinct. *He admitted to her, finally letting go of the mask that he had been using religiously for five years now, just showing her the hurt man behind this façade.* D-don't say that! You're not like them. *Her angry tone forced him to raise his voice only a touch, just annoyed that she would think such of a thing. To him, Nova was part of a distint level that it was only him, his father and her. The rest of the people were nothing. Even humans sometimes. Feeling hurt by her words, Ian looked at her with sadness* You're saying that...I never truly loved you?

[ianravensdale]

{nian}

[littleprotege--solheim-blog]

Ian… {She knew it would be hard to get her viewpoint across. It wasn’t something he would get, and she knew that. However, she had to try.} Honestly, to you, during the spell, I was just another victim. The only thing that made me special was that I was the one that got away… twice, actually. {She sighed, shaking her head softly.} Without memories of me, you went back to what you knew—hunting and killing whatever you could. I don’t blame you for hurting me. You were conditioned to hate what I was. {She looked straight ahead of her.} You’re wrong about love having limits, though. Love is unconditional. Whoever taught you that love had limits doesn’t know what love is.

[ianravensdale]

I hated you because of my principles. Because of who I am. A monster. *A slightly sad smile crossed the corner of his lips, because deep down he enjoyed that title. It was insane but he did. Ian Ravensdale was feared man, just like his father always told him to be.* Even with the memories away, aren't you supposed to be a connection? It's not okay, for me, to think that I treated you like one of them. Those creatures that walk around, like they have a place in Earth. *This wasn't something that he wanted to talk about, so he paused before he sighed out loud, running one of his hands through his dark hair.* Or everyone is wrong and I'm the only one who sees love as it really is. 

[ianravensdale]

{nian}

[littleprotege--solheim-blog]

{Nova chuckled softly. It wasn’t really a happy chuckle, or necessarily a sad one. Just a chuckle of sorts.} Because I can’t. {She shrugged softly, taking a deep breath.} Ian, you can’t really expect for me to give up on you just because you want me to? That’s not how it works with love. {She wanted to touch his hand, his face, something to physically connect the two of them, but she refrained for fear of scaring him off.} I don’t want to run away or leave you. If you can’t understand that, then I don’t know what to tell you.

[ianravensdale]

That's how it should be. I don't know a lot about love. All I learned it was from you. *Ian insisted, doing a sign with his head as he said the word 'you'.* But I know that love has limits and I hurt you. It doesn't matter that it happened before the spell. I had to know at some level that you mattered to me and I didn't. That kills me every single day. So I really can't understand you. It scares me that you can't see how wrong this is. *He admitted to her, letting his sadness show up on his features as he turned his eyes away from her.*

[ianravensdale]

{nian}

[littleprotege--solheim-blog]

{She nodded slowly, before slowly moving and sitting next to him on the sofa. She remembered before the curse, when they bought that sofa together. It had been a plush, expensive thing, but it was one of the only ones they could both agree on, so they got it. They hadn’t sat together on it since she was seventeen. Sighing, she looked over at him with a weak smile.} I’m really glad you’re here.

[ianravensdale]

*There were so many thoughts in his mind at that moment. Ian didn't even need from where to start. Apologize for their last meeting? Or asking if she is okay? No, that just sounded too casual. Perhaps just search for his answers to his questions. Frowning a touch at her words, the young man looked up at her. His blue eyes stayed locked with her gaze for several instants before he finally spoke again.* Why didn't you run away or leave like I told you to do? ...I don't understand.

[icorneliastreet]

[ianravensdale]

{nian}

[littleprotege--solheim-blog]

{Nova could sense something was off the moment she opened the door to her apartment. Slowly and cautiously, she made her way inside and closed the door, prepared for anything—except hearing that voice again. Turning towards her couch, she saw his face and her resolve broke entirely.} You actually came.

[ianravensdale]

*His eyes stayed on her features for a briefly time before he lowered them to the floor. For a moment, Ian actually wondered if he should actually be here. But in some way, he felt the need to be. With a quiet nod, the young man rubbed his hands together slowly as a nervous habit before he looked up at her again.* I needed to come. To see how you were...

[ianravensdale]

{nian}

*Ian looked up as soon as he heard the key from the front door turning, indicating that someone was coming in. Without moving from his spot on the couch, he waited for her to walk in and close the door before he said.* I've been waiting for you...

[rot4te-deactivated20150117]

Visit Original Link

The Mess I Made | Parachute

[littleprotege--solheim-blog]

Don’t you dare try to tell me that I don’t understand your reasoning behind this. I do. But I also understand that you had no idea who I was when you hurt me before. I know you wouldn’t hurt me, Ian. Not now. But, still, if you want to play the martyr, please, be my guest. {Sighing, she turned around and began to walk away.} If you feel like this is something that isn’t worth your time, fine. But I’m still waiting for you. I’ll wait until I’m on my deathbed if I have to. You know where to find me if you want.

[ianravensdale]

I don't want you to die waiting for me. All my life I was a selfish man, killing innocent people because it made me feel good. It was an escape from my twisted world. For the first time in my life, I'm trying to be selfless. I'm giving you a chance to move on and be happy. Do it, Nova! I beg you. Forget about me, meet someone else, get married and have children. Just get a good life for yourself. Because live a life waiting for me in not worth it. *Shaking his head in annoyance as he said the words out loud for her to listen to him, Ian turned around and started to walk away too, not wanting to listen to any other word that Nova had to say.*

[stargazer-mary-lynnette]

What were we even talking about again?

[ianravensdale]

Something about a friend of yours, I believe?

[ianravensdale]

littleprotege--solheim:

 And you don’t get me, do you? God, Ian, I’d rather be hurt and with you then be hurt and be without you. And I adore you. The very ground you walk upon is… {She cuts herself off, chuckling softly.} Look at me. I sound like an idiot. Rambling on about you like I was seventeen again. Guess that’s what you get when you bottle it up.

*He let out a dry and hollow laugh, shaking his head.* No, stop. It's you who doesn't understand. If you stayed with me and got hurt, Nova, I would be the reason to your suffering. You may be okay with it, but I don't. I refuse to hurt you again. And... *Ian turned around frustrated.* ...it's not worth it to talk about this.

[partofpoppyismissing-deactivate]

[ianravensdale]

[stargazer-mary-lynnette]

Really? I didn’t intend it to be, but okay, I’ll roll with it. Thanks.

[ianravensdale]

I believe it was, yes. And you're welcome, love.

[littleprotege--solheim-blog]

{Cautiously taking a few steps towards him, she shook her head.} Don’t be. You didn’t want to be with me. It’s your decision, and I respect it. I’d rather you hurt me than be untrue to what you want.

[ianravensdale]

*Ian raised his blue eyes only briefly to look at her before he sighed slightly.* You still don't understand, do you? If you were with me, I would hurt you. I did it once and I didn't want to do it twice. I prefer to be away from you, than hurt you again. Because I love you.

[blissfully-ignorant-kyle]

I think it’s just that people don’t understand what I’m saying most of the time. Their loss. 

[ianravensdale]

And why don't they understand what you're saying? It seems to me that you're speaking english.

[alaricross]

I know.

[ianravensdale]

You're a poet or something?