It takes time eventually. And I don’t know where to start. To start all over again since last time i wrote you one.
To you. Because i take too much of your time until i get ready.
I am sorry for every day and night you looked at the clock, just in case i will text or give you a call in minutes, hours. But i did not.
I am sorry for all the smiles you had before i talk or complain things. Expressing my jealousy, dissatisfaction or annoyance on affairs that I am really dislike. I am too sensitive for situations that discouraging me from loving you more.
I am sorry for every time my pride got in the way, for all the things I would not do for you, for all the words I said, and especially all the words I would never say, because I had my own issues trying to be the best man for you.
I am sorry for making it hard for you, when our fates ain’t like what we hope for, especially about the distance we have now. Living in a new phase, meet new people, are always hard for me.
I am sorry for everything I have put you through, and for everything I have not do for you, I am sorry for every tears when I am not there to wipe them out.
Back in our younger time, I would never thought I will experience all these miserable with you. Hahaha kidding. I love you and I want more from us, to live together, pass by time and places.
As you know, I should write things I learned while in Cambodia. In a summary, it is not that great, still have a room to improve in many aspects. But the only thing I always set in my life as a lesson, every good doings are charity. Be kind, helpful, always get us into peace of mind. Maybe I was not had enough time but at least, I trained myself and had an experience that I could not forget. Thanks to you, gave me so much support and encouragement :’)
Months after we end our finals, hoping the chances will be on our side, living in distances, meet just in hours, it is a bit disappointing to get the result. It is hard at first, but always believe, “a fallen dead leaf will never hate the wind”. One should not hate it’s fate if only we know, where the fate comes from. If only we take a view from the bright side, we will live a life, where having more time to understand ourselves. Before accepting a new phase of life together, we are given the chance to do daily chores on our own, commit to parents and family, being more responsible, being assertive, to be the best of ourselves for a marriage, knotted relationship that will last till forever.
So dear, I am sorry, hoping a day will come where we will realize all the matters are lead us to hikmah of life. InshaaAllah.
