I have no idea how old this is, but I will reply to it, anyway.At some point it was an incredibly strong fear, anxiety, paranoid feel relating to doing art for or with anybody due to my insecurities and also a trippy kind of bad heavily guilt-ridden experience I had surrounding that kinda thing, and also unrelated things where it came up anyway, restricting me or leading me to restrict myself from doing ANYTHING except the one thing (or any one of the *things* if i let them pile on), that I can’t even bring myself to do, either because I’m not capable, or because it’s been “so long since i’ve been asked about it” I’m like “Why am I even trying, that person prolly things a whole lot less of me at this point.” And it could just end up going on for much much longer anyway because of that thought process, and making it a little more painful to look, or even think about.And even If it comes or came down to a point where it was or can be said, “Oh, you don’t have to do it.” or I muster to say “I can’t do this.” it could or would come back to myself or an external source reminding me of my failure to produce, either by way of my paranoia, or whomever it involves is really good at pressuring someone in a not-so-good-way, maybe grating at morale to a degree. And also how inconsistencies my artwork, in either effort or style, Or I can’t even find motivation on a Good day, for something in particular. Wouldn’t want someone to pay for something they might not get because I want to kill myself for some reason or another in reference to the whole thing, or if I do give it to them, it’s either something i can’t be proud of, or something they don’t want, or wasn’t expecting (in a bad way), you know?-Also because I couldn’t have made use of the money anyhow, it’d just be floating in a place where I can’t grab it and can only use it in places that support it, because I can’t even get it into my bank account.tl;dr I was terribly afraid of accepting anything from requests to commissions, for what can come of me doing it for someone and not someone else, doing things for anyone not simply out of my own volition, because sad time, and I’m bad at things - and I couldn’t use the money for much anyway, so whatever.
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
2087
janainaart
turnnoffyourmind
vaporwave
dailybridgerton
