I come here to complain

[389]

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

all the stuff I like doing is solitary and it makes it really hard to meet people.

What's happening near me? board game night? don't care. New bar? don't care. Sports? don't care. Special movie showings? I have movie at home.

it's like circle of consequences that goes "don't have friends -­­­> forced to develop hobbies and lifestyle around being home alone -> don't leave home anymore -­> don't meet new people"

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

I was like "I'm gonna work out, get my toe hair lasered, continue taking accutane. and once I finally look half decent I'll just pretend I'm not asexual and I'll be able to date like a normal person"

but then I remembered I am so so bad at sex and kissing lmao

I'll never date like a normal person. I'm too off-putting and complicated.

[echoesofsaturn]

I don't want my life to be a perpetual load of trying to recover from something after something and someone after someone. I don't want recovery to be all that I am.

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

asexuality (and maybe I'm aro too idk) isn't inherently lonely and depressing, but society makes it so.

I can't imagine healthy fulfilling relationships that aren't romantic and sexual because it's all I've been taught to expect from a very young age. And honestly I think a lot of allos don't either because a lot of them don't put the same value to their platonic relationships (aside from blood family) and completely crumple when they're single.

so yeah in the end it is lonely

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

the thing that sucks most about seeing my ex date is seeing the difference in their behavior

cause with me they were always too tired to do any chores after work. I basically scheduled everything arond the fact they would only do chores on their days off. Except for groceries because they surely could not leave the house on a day off! They have so little time to relax! But now they regularly set dates after work and come home past midnight. And on their days off too. As many as they can find!!! Always time and energy for DATES!!!!

it's even harder to rely on them doing chores now

I don't think they've given their cat's medicine a single time since they were prescribed (I've been doing it)

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

turning off the alarm on my glucometer because it's just none of my business at this point

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

you say you still care for me and want to live with me as long-term platonic life partners, but you're never home. and when you were finally home with me most recently, you made spontaneous plans to go on a date, even though I was actively trying to figure out food and a movie for us.

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

I had to have my sick cat put down last summer, and I fear I'm gonna have another one go this summer. we already know he's sick, but he's lost even more weight recently. he's light as a feather!

he still had major zoomies yesterday and he doesn't seem in pain which makes me think he may not show any (behavioral) symptoms until the very last moment.

I'm also afraid he's gonna die at home. I don't know that I could handle waking up to a dead cat tbh. not that scheduling euthanasia is any fun, but at least there's someone to take away the body. last time I couldn't move aside from the fact I was violently shaking.

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

I made an impulsive and expensive purchase and it turns out we have no money at all and so obviously now I feel bad.

this was supposed to be something nice to look forward to but now instead I just feel guilty.

I shouldn't try to have nice things 🫠

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

my sorta-ex-sorta-nesting-platonic-partner has left me home alone

again

with basically no notice

so I open youtune cause wtf else am I gonna do

and I see Tomska has posted a new last week 💕

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

First time taking (part of) an edible and so far I'm not feeling anything

But I am noticing my ankle doesn't hurt anymore

[butterflypeaflowertea]

feeling this old mitski tweet so hard lately

[tiramijju-deactivated20260213]

[d-i-d]

sometimes suffering is just suffering it doesn’t make you stronger it just hurts

[idontknowwhatelsetoput]

apparently it's standard to get started on a stimulant for ADHD. Doc warned it may give me anxiety

and after a single use, on the beginner low dose

uhhh yeah I think it might!

but maybe it was a fluke. I'm gonna keep using it for the rest of the week.

[pangur-and-grim]

I think some of the loneliness of autism is that you feel like you hurt people just by Interacting Wrong, but you don’t know how to Interact Right, and the more effort you put into it, the more exhausted you are and the more artificial it comes across (with the end result of people still being upset with you). and it’s not anyone’s fault for not liking Being Interacted With Wrong, and it’s not your fault for doing it so wrong, but it is very, very lonely.