How it began
We talked online. We talked about stupid stuff. We traded pictures. We became friends.
We became more than friends... I knew there was an attraction there, at least for me. I knew that I liked you. You were funny, you made me laugh, you made me feel like I could be more than I was, that I was wanted and beautiful.
We finally met in person on your birthday. July, 2003. I jokingly said I was your birthday present, and you accepted.
I remember we got home, and you said you were going to throw me in the pool. I wasnāt even thinking about what it sounded like when I squealed that I needed to take off my clothes first, because my phone was in my pocket, and I had my locket with the pictures of my daughter and grandfather on.
When you threw me in, we both had taken our clothes off. I felt like my body fit perfectly with yours, when you had picked me up to carry me. You jumped in, carrying me, and stayed holding on until we had to come up for air. It felt as if you didnāt want to let me go, and I didnāt want you to.
I remember our first kiss. You were holding onto the side of the pool, pinning me between you and the wall. My legs were around your waist, and my hands were above my head, holding onto the side. When you kissed me, I felt like my whole body was on fire. I remember moving my hands to your shoulders, then neck, to put my hands in your hair. I remember you shivering against me when I ran my fingers along your neck behind your ear, when I grabbed your hair. I remember wanting that moment to never end.
I knew that night, when we first kissed, that I was already in love with you. When you held me against you, my body fit against yours perfectly. You knew everything about my body, just like I knew everything about yours, immediately, as if we had been together forever. You made me feel complete. Falling asleep in your arms, I felt safe. I felt my fears and the memories that made me panic disappear when you held me. I felt like nothing could hurt me, because I was in love with you, and I never wanted to leave your arms.