[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

not everything i post here is about you

remember that

i have my own life now

i write about that situation

because i'm healed now

i couldn't do it when i was younger

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

you drink to forget about me

i drink to forget i dated such a loser

we're not the same

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

we were kids, but the love was real

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

someone who's afraid of losing you >>>>

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

you know i'd risk my life for you right?

how stupid does that make me though?

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

i would've given you the world but eh

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

i expect so much from people i mean so little to

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

so what do you do when you're the only one left fighting? where do you go? where do you find the strength to move on? how can you do it?

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

is it one of those nights for you too?

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

People always get their karma

But I pray to God you don't

You did me dirty

But I love you too much

To think you are in pain

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

I know what I said in the past

That karma will come and haunt you

I don't want that

AT fucking all

Never wanted it

I just never quite understood why you did

Everything you did to me

And the worst part was that you were okay

Maybe without even realizing it

It broke my heart

It traumatized me

It fucked me up

And I was left with no best friend and no lover

You were my everything

That's why I said all those things

I was a kid when I fell in love with you

I didn't even knew what love was

I just knew I'd give it all for you

I even had sex and I wasn't quite ready

I was young and in love so it made sense

Never wanted any other boy touching my body

Except you

In my head there was only one person who could occupy my thought

That was you

You were the centre of my universe

The stars lighting up my sky

The sun waking me up in the morning

And the moon glowing through my window at night

You weren't just a boy or my boyfriend

You were so much more than that

You get it right?

You are a writer too

You understand this

You feel me , you feel this

I'm not going to pretend like you love me or miss me

But i guess one day you did

I hope

I don't even know

You moved on so quickly and did it with no regrets

Shocked me, but I had to learn to be okay on my own

I've been good ever since

I can't really love somebody new

Because the amount of love I carried round for you

Was so heavy

It demolished me

And I was left puzzling everything back together

As though it was that easy

It wasn't

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

we're done , i get that

i just wanted you to text me

when u saw i was losing weight

u know when i'm sad

yet you never reached out

it was about one text

never expected to call me or asked me to hang out

but i was there for you when you needed someone

i came at your house to make sure you were okay

i even bought you a chocolate you bought me

on one of our dates :)

the oreo chocolate

i didn't give it to you

cause i felt so ashamed that you had someone

at your place

and i felt so weak and small

but that was stupid

i am so powerful for stepping over stupid pride

and my heart's full of gold

i don't regret anything i ever did for you

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

this has been (not even dramatizing) the most stressful, depressing, horrible, crazy year i've ever experienced.

i do not want to go through something like this EVER AGAIN.

please God just let me be at least okay, for once??? thanks

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

if i survive 2020 , i'm fucking dope man

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

reality hurts but you have to deal with it

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

i swear to GOD nobody understands my feelings for this boy, not even him and God himself

[ifyoudontlikeitleavex]

honestly, i never seen a future with anybody expect you.