todd has two filled out forms in his hand: a two weeks notice and a student withdrawal notice
he walks into cameron's office without knocking
"can i help you?" cameron asks
todd places both pieces of paper on the desk, "i'm leaving, so is amelia," he says curtly, "here's my notice, and there are the forms to withdraw amelia at the end of the semester"
cameron blinks at todd, then examines the forms
they are very thorough
todd crosses his arms, "i figured i would get my foot out the door before you threw me out"
cameron nods, "all right, i'll... uh... be sure to process these" he stands and walks in front of todd, "you were a great teacher, welton will miss you" he sticks his hand out
begrudgingly, todd shakes his hand, "i'm sorry it had to end this way, it's a shame we didn't learn the first time"
cameron nods again, "i'm resigning, todd"
todd narrows his eyes, his hand still in cameron's, "what do you mean?"
"i'm stepping down as headmaster," cameron clarifies, "the board is deciding on a replacement now"
"what about charlie?" todd asks, "will the board fire him?"
cameron shakes his head, "i compromised, i'll take responsibility, and charlie stays on"
todd stares at cameron, unsure of what to say
"i'm not stressing or anything," cameron says, walking back to his desk chair, "i've been thinking about teaching again"
"okay..." todd turns to the door, something, something, stopping him from just walking out, "that's, um... very big of you to do for charlie"
"the kids like him more than they like me," cameron says
and todd walks out
when classes resume, todd tells his students that he's leaving
they're devasted, especially evan, pittsie, lacey, and richie
a genuine feeling of "what are we going to do now?" sits in them
no more borderline erratic poetry analysis
no more quiet study sessions
no more carpe diem-ing in the lessons
from that day on, it would just be... a dumb poetry class, with a professor who thinks you can calculate how good a poem is with a graph
they still have mr dalton, so that's nice
but it wouldn't be the same, not without amelia back-talking misogynistic viewpoints
not without stephanie making fun of mr dalton
and mr dalton has lost his spark
like he was alone
with no todd and no cameron
charlie is alone
finals come and go
it's hard to say what happened because everything for the kids went by in a blur
did any of them study? who knows
on the last day of finals, todd thanks the students for their hard work that semester
"i'm incredibly pleased with what i've seen from your exams so far," todd says sitting on his desk, "and i know that's because you are all fantastic and intelligent people, and your successes shall be recognized and earned soon enough... i wish you all the best"
while all the students filed out, pittsie stays behind
"mr anderson?" he says
when mr anderson turns, pittsie finds it hard to get words out, instead his throat filled with sobs
with pittsie's eyes filling with tears, todd does the only thing he can think of... hug the poor kid
"does it really have to be like this?" pittsie asks when he pulls away from todd's embrace, "i mean, don't we get to be happy? can't things work out for us?"
"they will, kiddo," todd says, "but i think the way things are going to work out for me and amelia is by leaving welton"
pittsie nods, wiping his eyes, "i know you're doing the right thing... i just wish i didn't have to let go of more than i already have... i mean, i've lost my best friend, and now i have to let go of you, and amelia"
todd got a loose piece of paper from his desk, and quickly scribbled on it, "just because i'm not at welton, doesn't mean i still can't teach you" he hands over the piece of paper with his address on it, "write to me, all right? let's keep our families in touch"
"of course," pittsie says, "i think my dad will be happy about that"
"you're going to do amazing things, kid, and i wanna be there to see them"
"i want that too"
they hug again
todd walks pittsie out, then makes his way to charlie's classroom
truthfully, they had hardly spoken since stephanie died
todd was focused on amelia, and charlie was focused on keeping his job
and he did... at what cost?
"exams go okay?" todd asks, knocking on the door
god, charlie looks like such a teacher, sitting at his desk, grading tests with glasses on
he looks up, "yeah, i'm kind of surprised they did this well after everything... you know"
todd nods, "well, i'm getting the last of my things, then amelia and i are heading off"
"remind me, where to?"
"whit's mother has a place in south carolina that we're going to for the holidays," todd says, walking to charlie's desk and leaning against it, "after that, amelia's going back to trinity, whit's starting up at the university again, and i..." todd shrugs, "guess i'm a stay at home dad"
the men chuckle
"no, i'll stay busy, i've got poems to write, books to write, all that"
charlie smiles, "will you come visit?"
todd looks around charlie's classroom, the dark, ivy feeling of the school striking him, as it did the first time he set foot on campus, "i don't know if i can come back, to be honest with you, charlie"
"can i visit you then?" charlie asks
"of course! this isn't the last time we'll see each other"
charlie swallows hard, stands, and takes todd into his arms, "i'll miss you"
"come down for dinner soon, okay?" todd says, "we'd love to have you"
when charlie pulls away, he says, "tell me something todd: are you leaving for amelia, or are you leaving because you think you can't help these kids?"
todd shakes his head, "charlie—"
"i'm serious, because if you think the latter, i'm gonna call you an idiot, because... i know you've helped kids out of this hyper-conservative capitalist bullshit this school shoves down their throats, and you helped me... you've made me a better person and shit"
todd chuckles, "charlie, i think it's time that you become that teacher"
"i can't," charlie shakes his head, "whoever they hire as headmaster isn't going be take my gotta do more, gotta be more crap"
"oh, like a guy with a stick up his ass has ever stopped you"
charlie can't help but smile
"i'm serious, i'm gonna need you to hold down this fort, because if you leave, this place is going back to the eighteen fifties," todd says, making charlie laugh more
"i'll do my best"
"your best is all i need"
in amelia's dorm, she shuts the window carefully and scans the room
it's completely empty
stephanie's sheets were stripped a few days after she died, and her parents took all of her belongings home just after
amelia has just finished packing and cleaning her dorm
so it looks as if the two girls had never been there
as if the last semester of their lives never, ever happened
she planned to leave one last thing behind, but that was for someone to find
she grabs her suitcases and walks down the dorm hall, passing evan and pittsie's dorm and richie's dorm on the way
no one is there, so she figures she isn't saying goodbye to them
but she finds them in the front room, chatting amongst themselves
the four of them had been doing a lot of that, without amelia
she can't decide if they think she's mad at them or if they're mad at her
or if they think she thinks they're mad at her, but they're actually not
point is, she doesn't know
"amelia!" pittsie calls to her as she comes down the stairs, "you're leaving already?"
she nods, "we're flying out tonight, so we have to get home and get organized"
she tries to walks past them, but evan grabs her arm to stop her
"don't you think we oughta talk?" he asks, "we haven't seen you in weeks"
amelia tears her arm away, "that was on purpose, there's nothing to talk about"
"i signed it because i thought i didn't have a choice," pittsie says, "and if i could go back, i wouldn't do it"
amelia turns around and looks at evan and pittise, "i don't blame you two" she looks at lacey and richie, "i blame you two"
"oh come on, that's not fair," lacey says, "we did what we've been told to do, i didn't realize it would mean your dad quitting"
"what'd you expect to happen?" amelia asks, letting go of her suitcases and crossing her arms, "did you expect that the truth would set us free?"
"i'm sorry!" lacey says, "i am, i don't know how you want me to prove that, i just am, i'm sorry stephanie's dead, and i'm sorry your dad is quitting because of it"
"i think you're sorry your dad is resigning, and that you're also being punished," amelia says
"thanks for the reminder," amelia scoffs, "i hope you two continue to be traditional, honorable, disciplined, and excellent" she looks at evan and pittsie again, "as for you two..."
"i am sorry, amelia," evan says, "i kinda threw you under the bus and that was fucked"
"i forgive you"
she walks away before they can say anything else
she swears she hears crying
anyhow
even though todd's classroom doesn't have a lot of personal touches, it still feels... empty when amelia walks in
she's got all her things packed in two small suitcases, which she sets by the door, "dad, you ready to go?"
she doesn't hear anything
"dad?"
she walks toward the office, where todd sits in his chair, head in hand, all of his belongings off the shelves
"hey"
todd turns around hastily, "sorry, i didn't hear you come in"
"are you okay, dad?"
he sighs shakily, "i took this position when your mom and i moved back to vermont... i just thought it would be one year, and i thought cameron... mr cameron would fire me... but he didn't, and i loved it here"
amelia stares at her dad, his fingers linked in front of him, foot-tapping wildly
"did i ever tell you that i was here, right in this chair, when i found out your mom was in labor?" todd says, "it was the middle of the day, and when i told cameron—mr cameron that i had to leave, he let me without question... and that night, he came down to the hospital to check on us, and you still weren't born, and i joked that i could have stayed and taught afternoon classes... and he just said... 'your family is more important, stay with your wife and your child for a few weeks'... that was the first time he ever granted me time off" he laughs, "it wasn't the last, but... you know... and by noon on your birthday, when i finally called him to tell him that my perfect baby girl was here, all he said was 'you could have done morning classes too'"
he laughs, so amelia knows it's okay to laugh as well
todd shakes his head, "it's all ruined now... those memories, they're all tainted"
"they don't have to be," amelia says, sitting on her dad's knee, "stephanie wouldn't want that... neither would neil"
"oh neil," and todd starts to cry, actually cry
amelia holds him close
"amelia, i tried... so hard to make sure you didn't end up like neil," todd catches his breath, "and i never even thought you'd end up like me, and i'm so sorry that you did"
amelia nods, leaning her head against her dad's shoulder, "you're good, dad," she says, "we can only do our best, and your best is beyond what a kid needs... neil and stephanie needed a dad like you"
todd forces a smile and kisses his daughter's head, "i'm glad you think so... god, neil would have loved you... we should... um, get going"
todd has already put his belongings in his car, or sent them home with whit
he takes one last look at the classroom
where he read out his first poem
where he and his classmates got shouted at by mr nolan
where he watched his own students grow and prosper
where he saw amelia's friends break out of their shells
and thinks, perhaps it was all worth it
"dad?" amelia says
she had opened the door and a long line of welton students stood outside
todd thinks most of the students would have gone home by now, or would be packing
so to see them standing in the hall is odd
pittsie is first up, and his sticks his hand out in front of him, tears pricking his eyes
todd smiles, and shakes the boy's hand
"thank you, sir," pittsie says, "for everything"
as todd walks down the line, he shakes each student's hand as they thank him
from his freshman to his senior class
when he reaches evan, todd whispers, "thank you for looking after my daughter this year"
"of course, sir," evan says
amelia hugs him
richie and lacey stand at the end, guilt plastered on their faces
but todd shakes their hands, and says, "your father is a great man, be like him"
richie opens his mouth to apologize, but todd stops him
"no apologies, i chose this"
which brings todd to the front doors of welton
he looks down the row of students
"thank you, ladies and gentlemen," he says, with a nod
and exits the school
when he gets to his car, he takes one last look at the school
only to see a bedsheet hanging out the window of a dorm
with the message "gotta do more, gotta be more" written on it
"huh," amelia says, "i wonder whose dorm that is"
~
and that is the end, everyone, i'll make a stupid sappy post later on
and one last time, my beloved taglist <3 i love you to the moon and back
you can't go back, and you can't stand still, so you may as well go forth
tw: just another reminder that there is a lot of talk of suicide, so if that's not something you're comfortable with, please don't read
once lacey spilled, it was basically expected that richie would spill as well
and he does
though they tell the real version of events
how mr dalton told them what the dead poets society was, how mr anderson gave amelia the book, and how they chose to go to the cave, and only stayed when they found out that was the meeting spot for their dads
and they sign a sworn statement agreeing to that
absolutely none of that surprises cameron in the slightest, so that's the version of events he is going with
... sort of
see, there isn't anything wrong with telling kids about a club you were in, and there's nothing wrong with giving your kid a book
so, cameron asks mr meeks, "how much did stephanie talk about the dead poets society?"
"well, only when i spoke about it with her," mr meeks admits, "but when she talked about it, she did nothing but defend it, she would have killed for it!"
and cameron knows it's wrong and bad to do this, but if he wants to please the meeks', he might have to embellish the truth a little bit
but mr evan overstreet is having not of that
"stephanie was not obsessed with the dead poets society!" he tells mr cameron, borderline furious at the mere idea of the picture they were trying to paint of his friend
"evan, i understand that you're upset—"
"yeah, hardly, you're formulating a lie to get mr dalton fired, that's what they did to mr keating"
"trust me, evan," knox says, standing off by the wall, arms crossed, "you don't know anything about that"
evan sits back in his chair, at a loss, backed into a corner, "i don't know what kind of narrative you're trying to write, but it's..."
usually, he'd make some kind of joke
filled with deep plot holes and horrible grammar
but he can't joke
"... horse shit"
cameron sits in the chair next to evan, "we're just trying to hold someone accountable, shouldn't someone pay for what's happened to your friend?"
"we're already paying for it," evan says
"well, i have to do something," cameron says, "because if i don't, things will go back to the way they were, and this could happen again, and we don't want that, do we?"
evan shakes his head
"so, i'll ask again, did mr dalton's encouragement make stephanie obsessed with the dead poets society?"
evan swallows hard, and looks into his lap, "if any of us were obsessed with the dead poets society, it was amelia"
"amelia anderson?"
evan nods
cameron stares at evan, intently, "i'm gonna ask you something, and i need you to be honest with me, and one hundred percent sure of your answer... do you think amelia would hurt herself?"
blinking, evan says, "it's not out of the realm of possibility... she's very comfortable with talking about death"
"is that so? did she talk about death with stephanie?"
"i mean, they were roommates, i'm guessing they did... it was mostly about amelia's mom, but... it was really brazen, and i don't think she realized it"
interesting... developments
so, evan signs
cameron talks... well "talks" with pittsie
pittsie has basically gone mute, not speaking to anyone, not even his parents
he just nods or shakes his head or shrugs
what could he possibly say?
he signs it, not because he wants to, but because he doesn't have the energy to argue with mr cameron, and he just wants to go back to sleep
and then, the showdown of the decade
cameron vs amelia
since todd (aka mr anderson) is the subject of some of these discussions, he isn't allowed to be in the room
and with elizabeth dead and whit not legally her parent, that means talking to cameron alone
is that legal? i don't know, i'm not gonna look it up, you're not gonna look it up, so who gives a fuck?
"your friends have given me quite the story," cameron tells her
"i'm sure they have," amelia mumbles
cameron slides a piece of paper across his desk and to amelia, "i want you to look over this statement, and tell me if everything on here is true, and if it is, sign it"
amelia glances over the statement
"1.) that mr dalton encouraged the children...
2.) that mr anderson furthered this by supplying...
3.) that these meetings took place off-campus in clandestine meetings...
4.) that this so-called "dead poets" society emphasized the importance of death, making..."
"this is bullshit," amelia mumbles, tossing it back to mr cameron, "and you know it"
"need i tell you what happens if you don't sign this document?" cameron asks
"i know, i know, you expel me, big fuckin' deal, mr cameron, i'm not signing a sworn statement with lies"
"are there parts you would like to amend?"
"stephanie wasn't obsessed with the group, she was an abused child who thought she had no other way of escaping her life than by killing herself, you should add that she was terrified of her dad, couldn't confide in her mother, and found solace in the friends around here, but that wouldn't fit the narrative where you don't take any responsibility for your student committing suicide in your school
"so, you know maybe that's why you finked on mr keating the way you did, because you were so sure that you were doing the right thing... or maybe because you were a frightened child, and some adults took advantage of that"
cameron stares at her, swallowing hard
"did you ever think that? you talk about this honor code, that students tell teachers the truth, but respect goes both ways, i will never respect you, 'cause you're a coward, and if you took even a second to reflect, you would know whose fault it is that stephanie's gone, and i hope that answer makes you lie awake at night
"so no, i do not agree to this, and if that means my expulsion, then it does"
cameron does not expel her, not right away
he wants to speak to todd first, maybe he can straighten this out
on her way down the hall from mr cameron's office, amelia passes richie
when she sees him, an inexplicable fury rose through her
the rage of knowing that richie and lacey, and now evan and pittsie, ruined the sacred society that they held
the secrets, the stories, the time they spent together
but amelia doesn't want to punch richie or anything like that
she just wants to demean him, to push him down further
she wants to be his absolute worst nightmare
so, she spits at his feet
just
spits on the ground he walks on
"amelia, be mature," richie begs
amelia whips around, "eat sand, richard"
richie sighs, "look i know this sucks, okay all of this fucking sucks! but maybe the society isn't meant to be, maybe seizing the day, doing more being more, maybe that's impossible"
"bullshit, nothing's impossible," amelia says low, "jesus, this isn't about carpe diem, this is about what we shared together, our friendship was based on being vulnerable, and romantic, and you all... threw it away, when i needed that most, you tossed it out like trash"
"we can still be vulnerable!" richie laughs, "we can still like poetry and be romantics, we can still be friends, we just... it can't be at the cost of our careers or our futures"
amelia swallows hard and shakes her head, "i would have defended you... if your dad was at risk of being fired, i would have defended him, because i know you love him, and you're my friend and i would have done anything for you, stephanie would have done anything for you... you're holding the wrong people accountable, and that's the worst part"
and she walks away
across town, nearing midnight, at the pitts residence
pitts sr can't sleep, so he finds refuge on the couch
the silence is somewhat comforting, he can think better that way
pitts jr also can't sleep, so he wanders downstairs, hoping the guest bedroom walls won't stare at him the way his room does
he spots his dad in the living room, and asks, "do you need help getting to bed?"
"no, i needed some time out here," pitts responds
"oh" and it's quiet again
"can i tell you something?" pitts asks, patting the cushion to his right for his son to sit, "about neil?"
gerry takes a moment, but sits down, snuggled up next to his dad
since stephanie died, they had hugged a lot more
every time they saw each other, in fact
putting his arm around gerry, pitts says, "the worst thing about death is that it makes you think too much, it makes you think what you could have done differently, say a lifelong smoker with lung cancer wishes they just cut back a few packs a week
"and i think about that with neil, that maybe if i saw the warning signs, i could have talked to him beforehand"
gerry's bottom lip starts to waver
"and i think about it with meeks, my meeks, how i could have been more strategic, and maybe he'd still be here, and i would be happy" pitts sighs, "but he's not here, and i can't change that, things happen that are out of our hands, and unfortunately, we just live with it"
"you never told me what happened," gerry says, looking at his dad, "with you and stephen, the day he died"
pitts says, "there's not much to say, our area got attacked, he was fast, i wasn't, i got caught under some rubble, and he came back for me... because your mom was pregnant with you"
pitts rubs his son's head, gently
"in every good possible way, i think of stephen when i look at you, because of him, i get to know you"
"would you..." gerry says, "if you could, would you choose to have meeks back if it meant not knowing me?"
pitts narrows his eyes, "absolutely not, don't ever think i would," he runs his hand through his son's hair, "you're my baby boy, i wouldn't trade you for anything"
gerry always assumed that was true because he would feel that way for his child
but hearing it
it's hearing it that sends him over the edge
"i love you, dad," he says
"i love you so much, gerry," pitts pulls his son into a tight hug, kissing the top of his head, "and i know right now you'd give anything to get stephie back, and maybe that feeling won't go away, but i hope you get out of this the way i did"
"does it stop hurting?" gerry asks
pitts shakes his head, "i don't think so, but we start to manage it"
they sit like that for a while, the longest pitts sr held his son since infancy
across town, at welton academy, todd returns to his apartment
whit, now staying with todd overnight, wakes up
"todd... is amelia okay?" he asks
"yeah, i mean, she's safe, i just left her dorm"
whit slowly sits up "is she sleeping in there by herself?"
todd gets back in bed, putting his arm around whit and pulling him to his shoulder "her door has to stay wide open, i'm checking on her myself every few hours because i don't trust cameron to do it"
"are you okay?"
"i'm fine, as well as i can be..."
"todd?" something's off... he's thinking
"i've been thinking about... the next steps in my life and in amelia's life, and what's gonna be the best course for us, you know?"
"of course..." whit blinks
todd looks down at whit "and i've been thinking about you, because you are an extension of me, and on one hand, i don't want you to have to be here while we go through this, but on the other hand, i don't think amelia wants to lose anyone else, and i don't want to let you go"
"todd, why are you saying this?"
todd swallows hard, "you've asked before what i was like after bethie died... and i think this is the closest you're ever going to get to it"
"is there anything i can do? todd, i'll do anything... i mean, you've just said it, you're my family, and amelia is my family, i can't in good conscience just step back, that's not what families do"
"i know, i know... that's why i think we should be together"
whit lets out a sigh
"under the same roof... all three of us... i think we should live together"
stephanie returns home without anyone noticing she ever left
pretty typical stuff
also typical that in the morning, her parents don't say good morning to her
now, they might just not be used to it
or... you know
her mom elects to drive her back to welton, her father staying behind
and as stephanie passes that photograph of her dad, mr pitts, and uncle stephen in vietnam
and she's walking out to the car, her father just behind, a question pops into her mind
"how does it feel to you?" stephanie says turning around, "to be a father, how does it feel?"
william shrugs, "it feels like... every other milestone, i guess... it's exciting, and then something else comes along"
stephanie walks to the car
that's all she needed to hear
the car ride back to welton is completely silent, neither stephanie nor her mom wanting to say anything about the previous nights events
when she gets to welton, she gives her mom a halfhearted goodbye
breakfast is over already, so all the students have dispersed for their weekend activities
but the last thing stephanie wants to do is chemistry
so she does what any good student would do: bother someone
sorry, i meant talk to someone
she knocks on the door to todd's classroom, hoping he isn't too busy to talk to her
he isn't
in fact, he looks like he needs some company
mr anderson laying over his desk, with saint-saëns (danse macabre, she thinks) on
dramatic bisexual english teacher
"are you feeling okay, mr anderson?" she asks, making him jolt up
"stephanie, i didn't know you were coming back today," he says
she shrugs, not sure how to answer
"are you okay? are you safe?" he asks
"yeah, i'm fine, listen," she just wants to move past this, she sits in a front-row desk, "i have something to ask you, and it's kind of personal, but i just want you to be honest"
"okay, i'll do my best," todd says, cautiously
"how does it feel to be a father?" she asks
todd blinks, staring, he taps his desk with his fingertips, "i mean... you've heard me talk about amelia, steph... she's the greatest person i know, the fact that i'm her dad is the biggest honor i could ever have"
"well yeah, i know that, but what does it feel like?"
todd shrugs, "i guess... when i found out i was going to be a dad, i was worried that there wasn't enough space in my soul to love my child... and it isn't just that my heart swelled when amelia was born, it felt like the whole other part of my affection for the people in my life was unlocked, a part that no one except amelia would ever feel... so, being a father, or a parent, is indescribable because you just have to be one to know what i feel... the closest comparison is a wild animal approaching and trusting you with its life, you know how that feels?"
"i can imagine it," stephanie says, eyes low, "thank you, mr anderson" she stands and heads to the door
"stephanie, are you sure you're okay?" todd asks, "you know if you ever need something or you're feeling really low, you can come to me and i'll help you work it out"
steph nods, "i know, and i will" and she leaves
shortly after stephanie leaves, amelia stops by
"why aren't you at dinner?" todd asks when she enters
"why aren't you—" amelia starts
"never mind it, sit down"
amelia scrambles to her typical seat in the classroom, and todd sits at the desk beside her, stephanie's seat
"amelia, i got a call from someone recently," todd says, "mr keating"
amelia freezes, she wants to say "who's that?" but her dad isn't dumb (like mr cameron) so she can't lie to him (most of the time), "what'd he say?"
"he said you talked to him," todd says, "about the dead poets society"
amelia nods, i'm in so much fucking trouble, "um... i wanted to know more about... neil and... what happened, and i thought he'd tell me the truth"
"how'd you meet him?" todd asks
amelia decides to skip over the part where she broke into mr cameron's office to get his address, and says, "i just... snuck out to talk to him... i took whit's car, which i know i shouldn't have—"
"did he know about that?"
"no" amelia doesn't hesitate, she can't implicate whit in this
todd sits back in his chair with a sigh, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes, "i imagine he told you some... unnerving things"
amelia shrugs, "nothing that was shocking, i guess... i just needed to hear someone say it so it was real, you know?"
"i would have told you," todd says with a meek smile, "why charlie was expelled, what happened to the dead poets society, i'll tell you anything you want to know"
"dad, no," amelia says, "i'm not gonna make you recount anything from that time... i hate when people ask about mom, so i'm not gonna make you talk about neil"
todd falls silent, hearing neil's name come from his daughter's mouth
it's odd, truthfully, that he ever believed he could have shielded her away from his high school days
but in retrospect, neil's death lives with him in a truly unsettling way, that nearly every decision he makes as a teacher could be traced back to december fifteenth, 1959
"amelia, i loved neil, i still do, and his death... still hurts... the older i get, the more it hurts because neil will always be seventeen, and i'm old
"loved him like you loved mom?"
todd shrugs, "something like that"
it's quiet for a moment
"keep a close eye on stephanie for me, will you?" todd says eventually, "just... you'll let me know if something seems off, okay?"
amelia narrows her eyes, "did she say something?"
"no... maybe i'm just... protective but i just want to make sure she's okay," todd says, "you'd tell me if you thought one of your friends was in a bad spot, right?"
amelia shrugs, "it would depend on if they wanted me to help them"
anyway
one of lacey's favorite things about the society was finally having having a group of friends she felt she could rely on
was, being the keyword there
with her being the youngest of the group, she feels a little on the outside, but she's glad to be a part of something
but with her dad getting her hands on the collection and interrogating them one by one about it, it gets her thinking
why?
like, why are they doing this?
couldn't they just... start a poetry club? they probably could
and they wouldn't have to sneak out and stuff
what a lovely idea!
but that's not the point
no no no
see lacey has an assignment
it's for her history class, about long-term effects in a post-war society, and she has a perfect idea
the kids
how the children of soldiers are affected when their dads come home
she sort of has an idea since her dad was in vietnam, but he was (how do we put this nicely?) well-adjusted after his time over there
and she knows that pittsie and steph's respective dads have had... questionable times following the war
so, that evening she wanders into the junior girls' dorms (which she technically wasn't allowed to be, but none of the girls in that hall were gonna rat her out), where stephanie stands outside her dorm
"steph!" she calls, approaching, "hey, i gotta ask you something"
she explains the idea: the interviews, the presentation, all of it
just as amelia, returning from the bathroom, walks up to them
"yeah, sure, that sounds great, i'll let pitts know," steph says, "i'm sure everyone will help out"
amelia, not entirely sure what this conversation is about, says, "are we ready to go?"
"where are you going?" lacey asks
"cave, meeting, did no one tell you?" amelia says, matter-of-factly
lacey shakes her head, "couldn't we have had one this morning?"
"stephanie wasn't here, and the rest of us were busy," amelia says, "do you not want to go?"
lacey shrugs, "i don't know, we wouldn't have been sneaking out this morning"
"look, lace, if you don't want to come with us, you don't have to," stephanie says, "no one's making you do this"
lacey just stares at them
"the way i see it," amelia says, walking down the hall, "the sneaking out is part of it, the fact that your dad doesn't want us doing this adds to it, yknow? if you don't want to, just stay home"
so, lacey doesn't go
anyway
the next school day goes accordingly
mr anderson's class is fun, mr dalton is great, and nothing egregiously horrible happens in the other classes
"all good?" todd asks just as the bell tolls, "okay, carpe diem, ladies and gentlemen, mr pitts, could i speak with you a moment?"
as all the students gather their stuff and leave, pitts stays behind, his friends eyeing him suspiciously
"mr pitts, you remember that poem you put in the collection?" todd asks, leaning against his desk, crossing his arms, "the one about your dad?"
"i—uh, yeah, i mean... how'd you know it was—sure whatever, yeah"
"well, there's a little performance thing downtown, nothing huge, but a bunch of students submit their work and if they're selected, you read it out, and such," todd says, "so, would that be something that you'd be interested in?"
pittsie chuckles, shocked, "i... yeah, i mean, if you think i should, then yes"
"i do think you should," todd nods, "i think that so much that i've already submitted for you, and you were chosen"
todd claps pittsie on the shoulder
"sir, what?" pittsie says
"and it's this weekend, so be prepared"
he walks into his office, shutting the door behind him
"sir, i..." pittsie slowly walks out of the classroom
before absolutely booking it down the hallway towards his friends
"GUYS GUYS GUYS!!!" he yells, "emergency meeting!!! i have news!!!"
"can't you just tell us now?" amelia asks
"no, i want the suspense to just kill you," he says, skipping away, "after extracurriculars, okay?"
"gotcha!" amelia calls
"just remember we're helping out lacey later!"
evan is tasked with gathering the others
he couldn't find lacey in her dorm or in the kitchen (where home etc was that day), so he figures she's either staying behind for something or is already out with the rest of them
despite his head hitting the top, pittsie stands in the cave, chest open
"ladies and gentleman, i have an announcement to make!" he shouts, his voice echoing loudly, "yours truly, gerard johnathan pitts junior, will be performing a poem in front of people"
"oh, the young poets night!" amelia says
the others erupt in a chorus of "that's awesome!" and "congratulations"
"are you doing the one from our collection?" steph asks
pittsie nods, and he digs into his pocket, retrieving a crumbled copy of the poem, he holds it up, hitting his hand on the top of the cave, "OW"
"you are Too Big for this cave, pittsie," amelia says
"come on, read it aloud," richie says, positioning himself to get comfortable
evan holds up his hand, "was anyone able to find lacey?" he asks
everyone shakes their heads
because lacey is in the library
waiting for them
alone
there's an odd feeling when your friends let you down
on one hand, things happen; things out of their control happen and they just can't help it
on the other hand, something feels deliberate about the fact that she was in the library alone
like her friends just didn't care to show up
that she was the youngest one, the kid one
she was richie's little sister, not lacey fucking cameron as she should be
it's nearing dinner time when she realizes her friends aren't coming
so, she gathers her work, puts it in her dorm, and sits outside, just to see if her friends would emerge from the forest
and they do
laughing
laughing without her
she stands to grab their attention
"oh, there's lacey!" evan cheers
"here i am!" she yells, frowning, "where were you guys?"
"cave," amelia says when they finally reach her, "emergency meeting"
"an emergency meeting took," lacey looks at her watch "two hours"
"well..." amelia shrugs, "we got distracted, why didn't you come?"
"because i was waiting for you, in the library," she spits
everyone's confused for a moment
"oh..." stephanie says with a sigh, "shit! i forgot about that"
"right! your history thing!" pittsie says
"well, we still have time before dinner, we can still help you," amelia says
"wait, what's going?" evan asks
stephanie whispers to him, "i meant to tell you about this, but it just slipped my mind"
"look it doesn't matter," lacey says
"clearly it does," amelia says
"no, it doesn't matter," lacey starts walking away, "you guys clearly have other more important priorities that exclude me, and i wish you all well in those endeavors"
"no, wait, lace, this is my fault, let me fix it," stephanie begs
but lacey just keeps walking
"where are you going?" richie asks
"out" she spits
but she doesn't go out, wherever that is
she goes away to her dad's apartment
with some information he's been dying to know
~
if this gets one billion notes, i will rewrite the rest of this series so that lacey does not do what we all know what she's about to do
also, a very special thanks to tuskofthyme (in my taglist) for helping me with this post, she is the best!!!
the first fall of snow comes on time, december first, 1989
it starts while stephanie was on her way home from welton
the car ride is completely silent, save for some concerning noises from the inner workings of the meeks family car
william doesn't like having music on while he's driving, to the point where stephanie's convinced the radio might not even work
once they get home, william stops stephanie from going to her room
"can't we talk about this later?" she asks, unable to look him in the eyes, "i'd like to be alone"
"no"
so, stephanie assumes her "in-trouble" position, in a chair in the living room, eyes on the floor
"i don't understand why you insist on doing this, stephanie," william says, rubbing his forehead, "why you're engaging with these friends" he seethes
"i have great friends," stephanie says, "i enjoy their company, they're good people, am i not allowed to have friends now?"
"it's this poetry business," william says pacing around, "these ideas you're given by todd anderson, you don't actually believe in them, do you?"
"do you even know what he's teaching me? he's a fantastic teacher, you hardly know the man at all, i'm enjoying something, isn't that enough?"
"don't you find enjoyment in other classes, ones not taught by todd anderson?"
"i like mr dalton's class," stephanie answers but immediately regrets how back-talk-y it sounds
william takes a seat in the other armchair in the room, placing his head in his hands and sighing, "i remember stephen telling me about the dead poets society," he says
it takes everything in stephanie to not roll her eyes, of course that's what this is about
"how neil became obsessed with the idea of dying to be a part of something," william continues, "and i was horrified that someone only a few years older than i could have thought that death was the only answer, and i just..." he looks at stephanie, "i remember how painful it was to listen to stephen cry himself to sleep every december fourteenth and fifteenth, and i don't want you to go through that"
stephanie shakes her head, "you think one of us is going to kill ourselves? don't be absurd"
"i think that..." mrs meeks steps between them, "both of you should cool off, we can talk about this tomorrow"
so that's how stephanie ends up in her room, in the dark, with only the white from the snow illuminating the area
she can hear her parents talking, but can't make out quite what they're saying
it just feels like the world is caving in on her
being interrogated about the friends she's choosing
her favorite teachers
she can't help it if mr anderson is the best teacher she's had
she can't help it if she likes mr dalton
all the other teachers are just so... not interested
and she feels like she's being forced to toss out her opinions and her feelings about the people around her, and for what?
stephanie lays on her bed, pulling her knees to her chest
and maybe if she closes her eyes
it'll all be over tomorrow
or maybe
she just won't
wake up
...
plink
stephanie turns her head to the window
plink, plink
that noise is real
she stands and looks out into the front yard
and her friends stand in the snow just out of the front porch lights, bundled up, with pebbles in their gloved up hands
"what are you guys doing here?" stephanie asks, smiling
"stephie! let down your hair!" pittsie says, quiet
"we're here to rescue you!" lacey says
stephanie pulls her coat and boots on and lowers herself out of the window, with pittsie (respectfully) holding her hips to help her down
she hugs pittsie tightly around his waist
"are you okay?" pittsie asks
when stephanie's eyes land on amelia, she says, "i'm better now, how'd you guys get here?"
richie holds up his dad's car keys, "we won't be able to take you home, unless we want to leave evan to walk home"
the crew laughs
"that's fine," stephanie says, "i couldn't go back anyway, my dad would flip... where's the car?"
"at the park down the street," pittsie says with a big smile
"why?"
"to be... less conspicuous—look, don't worry, come on, society meeting"
and so the crew start their walk to the park
"hey uh," amelia says when stephanie links their arms together, "i'm sorry about earlier, right? for being weird about the poem, like, i didn't need to be a dick about it"
stephanie shakes her head and laughs, "no, it's fine, seriously, i shouldn't have been pushy about it, you know? no hard feelings from me"
"and none from me," amelia says with a smile
stephanie sets her head on amelia's shoulder for a moment, "you're really a great friend, amelia, i'm thankful for you"
"and i'm thankful for you, steph"
once the crew got to their destination, pittsie turns the car on and turns the radio up
"EVERYONE BE QUIET I LOVE THIS SONG" pittsie shouts
they all fall silent to try and hear which song he was talking about (difficult because pittsie is loudly singing over it)
but once they hear, they all start joining in, "come on eileen, oh i swear what he means, ah come on let's... take off everything!"
pittsie throws his coat off, before immediately scrambling to put it back on
"that pretty red dress, eileen tell him yes, ah come on let's, ah come on eileen, please"
the crew link their arms and swing each other around
"come on, eileen tah-loo-rye-ay! come on, eileen tah-loo-rye-ay!"
stephanie sings, "now you are grown, now you have shown, oh eileen!" she wraps her arms around amelia and leads her as they dance, "come on, eileen, these things they are real and i know how you feel"
"now i must say more than ever!" amelia sings, "things 'round here have changed, i say, too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-rye-ay!"
and they keep singing and singing
and the snow falls and falls
they hold hands
they dance
and forget the shit their school puts them through
it isn't much of a meeting, but more of a celebration
celebrating the fact that they are there
together, all of them
in the snow, dancing, and singing
with no one there to stop them, no one to tell pittsie that he's a horrible singer, or tell stephanie that she's an awful dancer
or tell richie how much trouble he's gonna be in for forcefully borrowing his dad's car
or tell them that they're wrong or bad
and it's so nice, you would never understand
and when they return stephanie to her house, it's in high spirits
they're smiling and laughing, knowing they'll see her again soon
and believing
that nothing bad
would ever happen
because they have each other
~
play come on eileen and read this again owo
i know this is short but, uh, i figured i'd end it here so we can pretend that everything's okay :):):):):):):):):)
there is an odd draft in welton after the story of todd anderson ripping richard cameron a new one gets out
some students claim it wasn't true because mr anderson has never yelled in his life
some students claim they heard the confrontation
even our crew was divided
pittsie says mr anderson was upset when he told him that mr cameron had this book
amelia says she's never heard her dad raise his voice, even when upset, so there's no chance he shouted at his boss
in any case, the students were especially nice to mr anderson
they didn't interrupt him, they didn't mess around during class
some students couldn't even look at him in the eyes
charlie sees students stiffen up when they passed by mr anderson
usually, the students would beam, "hey mr anderson!", "hey kid!"
they were acting like todd killed someone
so, charlie dalton does something he seldom ever did
he acts as the mediator
he shuffles to todd's class after school during extracurricular
"todd?" charlie calls into todd's classroom, "you in here?"
todd sits in his office, cross-legged in his chair, with schubert on in the background
"what are you doing?" charlie asks
todd shrugs, "daydreaming"
charlie sits up on todd's desk, "you've caused quite the stir in the halls"
todd rubbed his forehead, "i didn't mean to, really"
"wanna talk about it?"
todd blinked slowly, as to say do i look like i want to talk about it?
"look, i'm sure whatever it was, it can be smoothed over, right?" charlie said, "i can't stand you when you're moody, you remind me of my ex wife"
the joke does not make todd laugh
instead, todd leans toward his desk and pulls the societal poetry collection out of a drawer
he holds it in his hands, tracing his thumb over the title
"i've been here for over a decade, charlie," he says in a small voice, "and i've never had a student make me something, i've had students buy me things, i've had students' parents buy me things, but i've never had a student make something for me"
todd flips through the book
"i mean, these kids do so much for school, and they used their free time to create something for me... and cameron took it from me," todd looks at charlie, "i can't get over it, he just took it"
"and it was wrong," charlie says, "but... i don't know, you know how cameron was about the dead poets society at the time, i'm sure he's just... concerned"
"he didn't have to commit theft"
"i know, i know"
damn, being the mediator is hard when one party is clearly in the wrong
"did you tell them?" todd asks
"what do you mean?" charlie asks with narrowed eyes
"did you tell the kids about the dead poets society?" todd asks, "i'm not mad, i just need to know"
an uncomfortable silence stews for a moment
"i told them about it," charlie admits, "i let them look at my braden annual and i had it in there, like keating did, and i just told them it was a poetry club i had with my friends, i didn't tell them that they should sneak out, i was just being honest"
todd crosses his arms over his chest and sighs, "i did... i gave amelia that book, mr keating's book, i don't know if they're doing what we did, but i think it's safe to assume they are"
"so what do we do?"
todd looks up at charlie, "protect them from the wrath of the welton school board"
charlie leaves soon after and shuffles to mr cameron's office
the door's shut, which means no one can come in unannounced
but he can hear
he hears cameron and richie and lacey
it sounds tense
and in the office, it definitely is
"so you've never heard of the dead poets society?" cameron asks the two of them
both shook their heads
"so, the title of this book, just a coincidence?" cameron says
"it's only a coincidence to you," richie mutters, "our book commentates on modern society, we don't know anything about what you're saying"
lacey looks intently at the ground, afraid to look her father in the eyes with these lies
"okay," cameron says with a sigh, "i trust that you wouldn't lie to me... if you two find out anything, come to me first"
"uh-huh," richie and lacey mutter before awkwardly shuffling out of the room
they make eye contact with mr dalton on the way out
once they're far enough away, lacey pulls richie off to the side
"why don't we just stop?" she asks, "dad wants us to stop the group, and i don't know why, but it's freaking me out"
"well, lace, his friend did die, and instead of thinking rationally, they blamed the teacher and the group," richie reminds her, "in any case, we're regularly sneaking out which is a fat no-no in the welton rule book, and we're learning to think for ourselves, no wonder dad's trying to catch us in a lie"
lacey sighs, "so wouldn't it fucking ruin him if he found out we were in that?"
"dad knows better than anyone that this is harmless rule-breaking, the worst thing that can happen is demerits"
"or suspension! or expulsion, like mr dalton!"
"that's only for repeated offenses, caught repeated offenses... look, if you don't like, you can stay home" and richie walks off, leaving his sister behind
in the meantime, amelia and steph dawdle in their dorm room
stephanie's got her nose in a pre-calc book and amelia's trying to find a word that rhymes with starry
"man, fuck poetry," amelia mutters to herself, falling back onto her bed, "dad could've been an accountant, and he just didn't, and why?"
"because numbers are hard," stephanie falls over her desk, "words are easy, and you're good at words"
"uh-huh, whatever"
"no, you are! that poem for mr anderson's class a couple weeks ago, the one he forced you to read, that was great!"
amelia laughed, "thanks, i guess"
stephanie turns her head to look at amelia, admiring from her chin down her neck
"'never forget the bronzy and jaundiced blaze, that sizzles away her desire,'" stephanie whispers, "was it your mom?"
"huh?"
"the she in the poem, was it about your mom?"
"no!" amelia laughed, "it's not about anyone, it's just a poem"
stephanie frowns, "really? you were pretty nervous about reading it, if it's personal you don't have to say"
"it's not personal, it's not anything, i just wrote it for class"
"amelia—"
a very frantic knock comes to their door, but before either of them can answer it, pittsie bursts in
he's out of breath
"stephie," he says leaning over himself, "your parents are here"
~
damn, it's just one thing after another for these kids
anyway taglist! let me know if you want to be added or removed <3
im almost done w a school semester and man am i SLEEPY. i am tired all the time.but its Okay bcus. its given me inspiration for: silly little anderson & perry sleepy tired exhausted fatigued etc head canons
not strictly romantic they r just. the only characters i write for Lol
"yeah i wanna go to the meeting tonight. yes i swear. I'll be fine i promise" promptly nods off thru most of it nd leans against the other. who's like. yeah okay. What did i say.
as the year goes on the meetings start to get more casual, sometimes just being enjoying hanging out together somewhere off campus when theyre not busy on a wednesday afternoon -- whenever its clear someone is tired the meetings always get toned down n they sorta just chat quietly for a while until they get bored or whatever & the guy the sleeping one is leaning against is like hey its time to go
"u were right i shouldve just stayed behind and caught up on sleep. are u sure i cant just sleep here tonight? if i have to walk all the way back to campus in the cold and dark i will Cry" -- todd at some point probably. neil just teases him & keeps bugging him to get up and wraps an arm around him and practically drags him back to their dorm
neil will Not admit he's wrong as quickly. wdym? i wasnt sleeping. i am healthy and well rested
but the entire walk back he is very spaced out and staying very close to todd. maybe holding hands. maybe shoulders pressed together. maybe just keeps bumping into him
anyway
sometimes neil will come back from rehearsal and have a ton of energy and talk to todd about it for aprox fifteen minutes before being drained completely and maybe asking todd about his day before saying he is going 2 rest for a while good bye
in the evenings, when everyone is sorta (hopefully) slowing down and staying in their rooms but todd & neil dont think they're tired yet, they'll stay up sitting on one or the others bed, chatting or reading or studying, until one moves to lie on his back ""just for a minute"" and ends up falling asleep. sometimes the other will be like...........the other bed is all the way across the room.............i am already here.................and puts away their books and turns off the light and also falls asleep next 2 him
other times he'll put their stuff away and turn off the light and fall asleep in the other bed, even if it's not his own, but not before throwing a blanket over his friend. which makes his heart absolutely melt the next morning. Not that he admits it
making the mistake of wearing a comfy sweater 2 class or study hall or whatever..........the sun streaming in thru the window and he is just so Cosy. he does NOT fall asleep on the table and one of their friends throws paper at him he would NEVER. no. but if he were to his roommate would come up 2 him and talk to him quietly and ask if he's ok. he says mhyeah just tired.
Hey bestie I'm not gonna write out a polite thingy here because you asked me to do this. Angel/devil anderperry au thingy they could both be angels idk <33
SORRY I HAVENT DONE THIS IN FOREVER?? and sorry for the notif bestie oof
I already forgot the full AU? but if I remember correctly:
Neil is an angel who's in heavy water for not being a good guardian angel recently while Todd is a demon/devil who sucks at being evil skajdlasj
Neil tries to be a good pal and be nice to this demon but ends up falling in love with him?? And Todd's also like?? maybe angels arent that bad a;sdalksdj
turnnoffyourmind
dailybridgerton
romaincrisis
gummygunk
vaporwave
kianamaiart
jbbartram-illu
