A Start
Today, my friends Ollie and Gee came over to talk over New Year food. We would usually bond over alcohol but today wasn't one of those days.
It wasn't in my plans to have them over today but when I shared my petty hurt feelings towards two of our friends, which are also my coworkers, Ollie said that we should talk about it over some drinks.
In a typical New Year manner, we cooked food for possible visitors. I also ordered a few kilos of oysters for the possible drinking session.
They came over at around 4pm and stayed until 7pm. We didn't have any alcohol since the sparkling grape juice seemed to be enough.
I shared how I felt about two friends -- Enid and Ellie who seemed to have left me out from their group chat with other coworkers which I assumed were also close to me and considered me a close friend more than a mere coworker.
Gee was thinking of the possible reason why Ellie, who we perceived to be the intisgator of the group chat, did not include me in the group for 'gossipers'.
I also shared how I felt to my mom and sister who concluded and comforted me with their feeling that Enid and Ellie are insecure and treat me as 'competition' rather than a friend.
I could honestly say that I do not harbor such feelings towards Enid and Ellie since they are my friends for almost all of my years on this planet. I have always went out of my way to be of help for almost everything they need my assistance.
Other people in the group chat were also the same people who have owed me huge favors and whose children were some of the kids I am actually fond of.
I have promised that this 2024, I will not subject myself to these people's whims and needs and become someone who is not always available to what they need. I will learn to say no and put myself first (I still think this move is quite selfish.) during the rest of my stay in this hell, also known as my workplace.