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@iliafarr-blog
axelreed:
Oh, you heard that? Well, since your hearings working now let me just say I think you’re mean. And your face is terrifying. You look more like a baby than I do. Like a tall, angry baby at that. Yeah? Will do. I’ll tell them the cough syrup story too. They’ll love it. Thanks.
“ouch, that really stung. however will i go on now that you, the walking erkling abortion, have pointed out how young i look? i should just убийство myself.”
zachevergreen:
“Could’ve been! But it also could’ve bene Rosemary since she, too, went as Harley Quinn. But it was also my birthday so it was probably me.” Zach grinned brightly before shaking his head and scoffing lightly. “S’not much of a secret now, is it, lad? Ya blew it. Now I know and I’ll be ready.”
“…did everyone go as harley quinn and i just failed to notice or something? it seemed like such an original idea at the time… that’s the last time i pick a thot as my costume. next year i’m going as judge judy. –well, have you not met me? i’m not exactly slick, or good with secrets. which is why my entire family know about the time my sister got a light bulb—i’ll stop talking now.”
axelreed:
…So, I could say whatever I want and you’d just block it out? The other night I drank a bottle of Robitussin and threw up in the courtyard. It was very pink and I didn’t clean it up. –I really needed to get that off my chest. I’m glad we did this.
“you drank a cough bottle? do i even want to know why? actually, scratch that, i don’t care enough stand around making small talk—send your parents my love.”
scorpicn-king:
‘in a couple years? excuse me i will not be a granddaddy in a couple years. i’ll just be.. an older daddy. ilia, you’re ruining my swagger and i don’t like all this sass.’ scorpius frowned sheepishly, barely sticking to his part and narrowed his eyes at the boy. ‘i don’t remember agreeing to have sex with you anyway. money ain’t nothing.’
iliah shrugged his shoulders and averted his gaze before whispering the russian word for grandfather under his breath. “you see? i assumed sugar daddy’s expected sex before they start throwing money at their sour patch kid. i wouldn’t last five minutes in the seedy underworld that is daddy-kink-ville.”
axelreed:
I’m really tired of the “new year, new me” thing because new year resolutions only ever last the month of January. –I’ll make you a deal. If you can keep one of your resolutions for two whole months I’ll give you one of my kidneys. I have nothing else to offer and I don’t think I really need it. So, If you pull this off it’s all yours. If your kidney ever fails or something you’ll be fucking set.
“i’m sorry, but i’ve recently developed a handy little habit of turning everything you say into soothing white noise, so i didn’t catch a word of that. but judging by your face, which resembles a smacked arse in case you’re wondering, it wasn’t anything positive. shocker.”
mascnsawyer:
‘well, like. no one wants to see you in pieces all over the wall, of course not! but compared to a troll you’re tiny, eh? you’d be like a tiny backpack for him. maybe not weird, but it would look silly! we won’t let it happen, okay? we can like sync phones or something so i always know where you are. and i can call you every couple of hours to make sure you’re not having sex with any trolls. can i meet your chicken? can i have your chicken if you die?’ mason laughed excitedly, clapping his hands at the idea of a pet chicken, which sounded absolutely adorable. ‘i wish i could say this is the weirdest conversation i’ve ever had but alas, no. it’s close though. thank you for letting me borrow your clothes! i’d let you borrow mine but you’d look like a giant in them, which is fine. take whatever you want. i don’t need it right now, i really don’t know what i would do if your nipples started.. like shooting out ice or something. evil nipples taking over the world. that’s too scary for me to handle.’
“or how about we take it a step further? you can put a gps on my phone that alerts you every time i get close to a forest and/or mountain range, and you can come and save me from myself. that way i can never let curiosity get the best of me and start looking for magical creature’s trade in the dead of night.” like a doting father showing off his new born son, iliah smiled and pulled his phone from his pocket and quickly navigated to a folder simply named chicken. he never was good with names, or nicknames. “you can meet him when you come over and raid my clothes,” he said handing over his phone. “just come over soon… wicks has a habit of purging my wardrobe, and burning ‘the ugly shit’… and shaving off you emo fringe that took over a year to grow… but i’m not holding a grudge… bastard… i mean, if i ever need a crop top doing the summer, i’ll take up your offer. until then it’s just impracticable and i’ll risk mega evolving my nipples.”
scorpicn-king:
‘once a daddy, always a daddy. anyway, i look cute all of the time, you totally have a daddy kink, just come to terms with it. like. look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want me to be sugar daddy.’
“that’s no technically true though, is it? in a couple of years you’ll be a granddaddy, or if you happen to put on a few pounds—more than a few actually, you’d be a chub daddy or a bear… i could go on, but i believe i have made my point.” iliah let a smug smile cross his features, before taking a step closer to the blonde. “don’t want no sex, that shit’s ugly. just want your money.”
zachevergreen:
“If you bought that costume without knowing those consequences then I am frankly pretty embarrassed for you, lad. I do think the only thing someone said to me when I wore that for Halloween was ‘I want that shirt when you’re done with it’, which was probably not what happened to you, I’m guessing.”
“oh. OH! that was you? a few people said someone else was wearing the same costume, but they were pulling it off better. they just didn’t say who it was. was it you? i’ve been secretly plotting my revenge against you this whole time. tad awkward.”
wick-edwicks:
“kuh… – hipsters. hipsters and creeps. only you. of course. is that – ” they squint at him and his jacket and sigh again. “you still have it on. of course you do. please tell me you’ve never heard of grindr?” it’s kind of funny in a way where it’s like he’s never sure whether or not he’s gonna find iliah on a random corner at four am. that just seems like something that would happen to him. every time they see him it ends up with more questions than answers. “how are you still alive? no offense, but also, how?”
“did you expect me to strip down in public? that would only make the situation go from zero to one hundred, although, it was already around twenty seven and a half—but that would have less of a ring, don’t you think? uuuh…” iliah trailed of, suddenly lost in thought. he had heard of grindr before, but it was a long time ago and the boy was now drawing a total blank. chances are he brain had to kick out the information to make room for something more important, like how to walk and control your gangly limbs at the same time. “nope!” he exclaimed (finally), choosing to gloss over what wicks had said while he was still zoned out. “i’ve no idea. is it an asian thing?”
mascnsawyer:
‘i just pictured you trying to hook up with a troll… and um, not a pretty picture at all. because you’re tall, yeah… but they’re really tall. and wide too so if he tops, you’re crushed and if you top well that looks like even weirder. ANYWAY, point of the matter, duh?? that only makes it more desirable to me. who in the right mind would refuse large clothing?’
“do you honestly think it would be weirder to see me top the troll? if i were to bottom for it, i wouldn’t just be crushed, i would explode like a piece of fruit in a microwave. you’d have to scrap pieces of me off the wall, it would take weeks… oh god, i just had a thought, which is never good—or so i’m told. if that ever did happen to me, no one would know because trolls are non verbal, and because no one would know, my chicken would starve… i just gave myself a sad… what were we talking about again? i went off on one there… CLOTHES! right, good. much less gruesome… you can borrow it whenever you like, so… except for right now, because I’m obviously still wearing it, and my nipples could already cut glass—imagine their capabilities if i got any colder.”
scorpicn-king:
‘how SILLY to not wear such a shirt with pride, ilia. you are daddy’s little monster, darling. stop being so embarrassed about your daddy kink.’
“scorpius i still can’t pronounce your middle name malfoy, i called you daddy ONCE by mistake… i was half asleep, and you looked kind of cute at the time—I don’t have a daddy kink is the main point i’m trying to make here…”
priyakapoor:
“What? Are you telling me you’re not into that whole daddy kink thing? I feel like my entire life is a lie now. You’ve really done it now, homie.”
“wait, fuck—you too?! why does everyone think that i’m a total sugarbaby? guys just look like harrison ford when they’re around me because i have the face of a small child. i swear!”
mercer-fairchild:
“Didn’t you know better to avoid him? Or was it a wrong place, wrong time thing? Merlin, I’m glad you made it away alive.”
“it was a bit of both actually. i normally try to avoid him on a daily biases, only because i’m pretty sure he’s going to snap one of these days and try to eat someone’s face—but he came out of nowhere, and he was all smiles—i didn’t know what to do… the rest is history. i think i’ll start bringing my chicken out with me from now on; no one tries to defile the weird kid with livestock. i hope? will you still love me though, that’s the real question.”
