Let your smile show your strength. @ille-gal - Tumblr Blog

Perfect jobs

Amazing friends

Cutie pie apartment

Owning my own business in progress

I fear life is going pretty well

This is just a reminder that life actually does feel like i want to live to see what happens, your brain is lying to you when it says you have nothing else to accomplish. You’re so so happy and loved.

I hate feeling like I don’t want to be alone, but I am soaking up this quiet time with myself and my candles, and not an overhead light to be seen knowing that I’m meal prepping, surrounded by love of two little boys who won’t leave me alone, the cold and the warm coming from my apartment knowing that I’m fortunate enough to have both grateful to have a bed that I can sleep diagonal in covered in pillows and blankets in an apartment surrounded by my most beautiful possessions, wondering why I even am worried about somebody else trying to be here

Hehehe life is okay 🤍

I so desperately wish there was a way to explain the way my depression is all consuming. It feels like the inside of my soul is being smothered by darkness when it wants to be bright yellow and shiny. The way that i can be having the time of my life with my favorite friends, eating my favorite foods and nothing feels like i can retain the positivity of it because the darkness pushes it out. It’s like I’m full of black smoke and cannot breathe. I hate living this way. I don’t want to keep living this way.

I just feel so irrelevant and want so badly to feel wanted or needed or something so so desperately

7/9/25: this place feels weird to leave after three long crazy years

I need to know it’s okay for me to feel the way i do if tomorrow is Father’s Day and two weeks after is his birthday and why my soul has been so sad and heavy

It’s been 14 years and only feels like it’s been days. Hours. I’m still standing over your body before i had to tell every single person that my dad was dead. And i will have to tell every person i meet for the rest of my life. Every new person in my life.

I never got to see how much fun we could have had together. You’ll never meet the man i hope to marry.

I know that it always works out

But why does it have to seem so hard

During the in between

I know I’m so close to having everything I’ve ever wanted and it’s scaring the shit out of me

But the lease is ended

The job transfer is in

The apartments are being scouted

And i will be fine

I

Tried really hard but Justin did

Not