For The Purpose of Buying A Maid Costume

Maid Dress Goal: (0/40$) | Commissions Closed

[illwriteanything-asterisk]

AMATEUR FREELANCE WRITE-ISTRY FOR SALE

illwriteanything wants to help you write your stories!*

Pitch me an idea! Tell me what you want me to write about - you can be as unspecific or as specific as you want. A description of the character's traits is greatly appreciated (because I may not have heard of them before), and a run-down on notable locations to visit would also be a great help. Payment on Paypal will only be requested after the piece is written and ready to give.

Discuss in DMs and please wait patiently for response.

Rates**: 425 words (1/2 page) - 10$ 850 words (1 page) - 20$ 1700 words (2 pages) - 30$ 2550 words (3 pages) - 40$ 3400 words (4 pages) - 50$ 4250 words (5 pages) - 60$ 5100 words (6 pages) - 70$

*this excludes academic papers, stories that are literally illegal, stories made for the purpose of hate-speech, and stories i feel uncomfortable or unfit to write (i have the right to reject a commission) **word count based on a single-spaced, 11pt arial font document made up of 4 letter words

I do hope you enjoy my services. I'm just a university student who needs 60$ for a maid dress.

[illwriteanything-asterisk]

The Tale of 1AM Spongebob

It was 11:00PM.  Spongebob found himself sitting alone in his pineapple after a long day of work, watching reruns of Clown Jokes on the Clown Joke Channel.  By now, he had sunk into his chair, staring at the television with eyes uninterested.  

“Boi-oi-oing, ee-er-ee-er”, the clown joked.

Without a doubt, the show was funny.  In fact, Spongebob laughed at this particular joke three times yesterday, yet, today, something was different.  He sighed.  

“Oh, Gary, how could today have gone any worse?”

The pink blanket thrown on top of three disgraced cooking books didn’t respond.  The gust of wind outside kinda sounded like meow, though.  Spongebob continued.

“It was supposed to be a hit - half krabby patty, half donut.  The light crunch of the frosting, melted by the heat of that beautiful, juicy patty in contrast to the addition of small cubes of frozen tomatoes - between that sesame seed bun, it was supposed to be perfect!” Spongebob moaned.  

Spongebob’s stomach growled at the thought.  If anything was going to get him out of this chair, it was going to be the fridge.  His eyes passively wandered around the room before circling back to the TV.

“Glug glug glug, gawk gawk!”, the clown joked further. 

Convinced, Spongebob funneled all his energy into his arms, slowly raising himself out of his seat, onto his feet, and back into some semblance of agency over the course of a dozen minutes. 

Entering the kitchen, he noticed the cake on the counter he had prepared for himself for when the day ended.  “Good job, me :)”, it read.  Spongebob sorrowfully averted his eyes and instead shuffled towards the “Bad job, me“ rock with icing that Squidward made him.  He calmly set the rock between his teeth and tried to chew.  

The wind howled again.  Spongebob sniffled.

“I know… such a loser like me is going to need a bigger rock than this”.

He reached into his fridge and grabbed a diverse selection of ketchup and mustard bottles.  After that, the downtrodden sponge then went on his way, setting off to find the largest rock in town.

[illwriteanything-asterisk]

A Bit On The Nose

The Heather's musical has a few added songs in newer renditions, and, while "I Say No" is quite competent, I feel like that whole three-minute song pales in comparison to just the one scene where JD accidentally pulls the gun on Veronica while he's trying to convince her to stay. Veronica doesn't need to explain anything - leave his ass!

[illwriteanything-asterisk]

Little Mysteries

One of the best things about writing a story is playing on an audience's potentially passive reading style.

Small, unexplained plot conveniences that the audience may take for granted can become deeply memorable subversions and characterizations!

Reward the engaged reader with the sweet smell of fish.