Hidden Figures #3 (Wandering Rocks by Tony Smith) || III.
So, from one Black transplant to those Ally-Image-Obsessed Seattlites - or to any Ally-Image-Obsessed person anywhere: Yes, you can be a Black & BIPOC ally in words and beliefs - but the best way to be one in action is to learn from the Black individuals around you. And if you don't have any Black individuals around you....yeah you do and it's worth it to get to know us: We're pretty great, so long as you're not weird about it.
Sometimes Seattle feels like an echo chamber for a lot of social causes, pinging and bouncing the same buzz slogans and rhetoric between people that are all similar. But when it comes time to put those words into steps, they've learned the choreography but never practiced it, leaving them floundering on opening night - in conversation with an actual Black person. Because only in practice can you get the perspective from someone living in the experiences I've described, wherein they can tell you, as I'm telling you now that:
If I feel it, believe it. Offer encouragement but don't wishful thinking-wash a Black person's perception of an experience or invalidate the feeling by saying verbatim or in so many words that "You don't see the problem". It's not about you seeing the problem, it's about how I feel - "Damn, I hope that's not the case but I get what might make you feel that way. * Enter further encouragement and affirmation of badassery here*" (And tossing in a "fuck 'em" - or "screw 'em" if you will - is always a nice touch, at least for me)
Be genuine with your praise and how you choose to present it. Making comments about how beautiful we are in moments that don't feel appropriate or in conversations where - if we weren't a Black person - it may not have come up can feel contrived, which is worse than you saying nothing at all. Again - White people say dumb stuff to Black people every day, all around the world. But it's that strange flavor here in Seattle area where the dumb things White people say are delivered in a, "I'm looking out for you - I *see* you" way that's....almost worse, patronizing. In some situations it's awkwardly flattering but in others, it's a little disconcerting, uncomfortable.:
IE: The one time a Seattle man's 3rd sentence after, "Hey there" and "How's it going?" was " I don't understand why every time I tell people how much I like Black Womxn, people accused me of fetishizing them - But can I tell you why I love them so much?'"
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Sir - I just met you; can you at least ask 'Come here often' or something first?
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Or IE: A different time when a former boyfriend's Caucasian friend repeated entranced praise of my beauty like a broken record over the course of the evening at a party. (Don't get me wrong, I am beautiful and I love hearing about it...but womxn - especially Black womxn - know that certain dog whistle tone of delivery that feels more concerning than it does complimentary)...
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It gives very Steve Buscemi, "Hello, fellow kids" energy - only instead it would be like him saying, "Hello, fellow beautiful woman that I see beauty and worth in." Just "Hello" would've sufficed. It's like being around a child that was told not to mention something and - as a result - that's all they can see or think about, with that something being that I look differently than they do.
Black People are just people: You don't have to prove you like us - hell...we might need to know what you're actually like before we even decide if we like you or not. Whatever you'd say to friends that are the same color as you, whatever small talk you'd make with people the same color as you - just say that.
Don't get defensive over a Black person telling you, "Friend - that sentiment is a little outdated and odd, maybe don't say/ask that to anyone else." And if you don't know why, don't argue about it: ask. Or - more wisely - find the answer on the internet.
As conflicted as my feelings about this area have been, I do have to say that there are things about myself that I had to learn here - that I may have learned elsewhere in time or in one way or another but - I had to learn here: Further connecting with myself and being myself unapologetically were among them. Further settling into and growing comfortable in my own skin, my own values, my own tolerance of (or at times, lack thereof) certain kinds of people or certain kinds of foolishness....and as I've found myself periodically amidst those who panic internally at my appearance or vernacular, being here has even thought me how to further settle into and claim unabashedly my own Blackness.
While it takes work every day - and there are still certain aspects about myself that are hard for me to accept, times where I feel if I looked differently, things would be different for me here, Seattle is a place where - whatever color or identity you have - if you don't know who you are, it will let you know for you. The firmer you can stand in yourself, the easier it is to advocate for yourself and describe your own merit and value, using your voice as you so choose, the easier it is to remember that, though people might make their own conclusions about who you are based on how you look or move - or people might not know what to do when you walk into the room, raise a thought, or take a stance - how they react has little to do with you and says a lot more about them. And you won't know how little value certain people will add to your life until you let them show you...
My Black-Ass-In-Seattle Advice?: Take the time and effort to look for and find genuine allies and community wherever you can, of any color but don't assume it'll come from the most "obvious" or convenient of places. And as you do, be an ally to your damn self. You're going to need you to make it around here...
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