Borderline Yandere

~Just call me Jebb bc I am a mess. ~ I'm a super awkward bean. Like REALLY awkward. And kinda lame. ~Hmu with some EngSey, I'm always down for some EngSey ~Actually might be insane, not self diagnosed, kms :')

[ilvuin]

And suddenly I realize why they looked at me that way, with fear and disgust, like I am a monster. I never comprehended what made me a monster until now. It's because I tear down mentality when I'm hurt, all in efforts to protect myself. Without realizing it I had been manipulative and overbearing, stealing life. All of a sudden I realize what's wrong with me and it's hard to bear. It's not like I was always this way, overtime I learned how to protect myself using what was done to me. How could I be so blind to ignore the destruction I'd create? How did it take me this long to figure out I've become the villian of my story? I always knew something was wrong with me but couldn't quite put my finger on it, and now that I know I'm horrified. I want to die.

[ilvuin]

Ah, I remember why I isolate myself. I always bring others misery and pain without meaning to. As lonely as I may be, I can never let anyone close or else they will suffer too.

[ilvuin]

Yooo if any one of y'all wants to cosplay as APH England to my APH Seychelles that'd be hella lit, hit me up

[ilvuin]

Things that keep me up at night

[ilvuin]

So here's my first digital Hetalia fanart (of course I did England, he's my all time favorite character :3) It ain't perfect but it's not too shabby if I do say so myself

[ilvuin]

Back at it again with amateur EngSey :') There were significantly more mess ups but das alright, it existed anyways (Don't forget to give me credit, not that anybody would want to steal this garbage)

[dasletterbox]

Excerpt from: My Sugar Isle Illustrator: 丈二

[bunnie-blogging]

me: I don’t want to draw because I’m no good

my brain: you have to draw to get better though

me:

[ilvuin]

I’m contributing to this fandom for once lol. Anyways I finally posted some EngSey for the rare EngSey shipper yay

(Yo don't forget to give me credit, making art isn't easy and I spent quite a bit of time on this)

[ilvuin]

Can anyone understand. Anyone at all.

[ilvuin]

And all the lies are much clearer than they ever were. I used to only see the goodin others. Now I see when people become strangers, what ugly flaws they have that keep hurting me. Each day that little part of me that cries out for my lost loved ones grows softer. I've cried so much. I can't feel as much anymore. I can't feel love. I wish someone could understand. To mein other, I'm sorry I couldn't stay. I wanted to, but I couldn't. Not that you were really going to stay with me like you promised. I cherish our deep friendship. Maybe later we can meet again, and maybe we can really be by each other's side again.

[ilvuin]

The sickness is still there. Consuming me. I can't reach out my hand out anymore, or more like I don't want to. No one will save me from this, no one can. I've accepted it. I always watch things die when I couldn't do anything about it and felt so helpless. It's the same here. No use fighting or fretting. I'll let it take me. You didn't want to stick around to watch it consume me. So be it.

[ilvuin]

The tiniest part of me wants to reach out and touch you, you’re so close to me, but I know you’re gone. I see your face and it belongs to a stranger. It should hurt but I only feel a tiny, bitter pang that passes quickly. This face only makes me want to die now, one that used to make me want to live. There is no light shone towards me in those eyes. Only eyes of fear, disgust, discomfort.

[ilvuin]

I cannot help but grieve the things that used to be and could not be. Who knew things would end up this way, who knew how much pain would be inflicted onto me. What I wanted most was a companionship in which what I gave was returned back. For a while I thought that very thing was in my grasp, but it all faded to black. Exiled from a world that once was mine, banished from what we had shared. Nothing can cease this agony, nothing that has been broken can be repaired. After my rage has settled I find I cannot hate anyone. I cannot reverse what has been done. I am at fault but you took some of the blame. Slowly extinguishing is my burning flame. Nothing makes sense anymore. There is no more rhyme or reason. It's so cold. So alone. Alone. What I feared most. Yet somehow I've inflicted it upon myself once more. Too afraid to get attached because I know I am unintentionally destructive yet when I can no longer bear the loneliness I find myself getting too close until I end up burning everything around me and end up alone again. This is my curse for existing. But I thought I could be saved. I was wrong. There is no salvation for me. You ran while you could. I don't blame you. I would too. So pure and bright a person Should not be tainted by the monster in me

[lunchparade-deactivated20201030]

When you say something bad about your self and your friends agree

[ilvuin]

When ya being passive aggressive but also straight up aggressive

[ilvuin]

My affections aren't enough to make up for my flaws. I have a lot of love but apparently a lot more flaws that can't be overlooked.