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[imheretofindmyself]

Awkwardness versus coolness and sauevity

[imheretofindmyself]

What best combines arrogance and humility? Violence and tenderness? 

[imheretofindmyself]

Just kidding I grabbed the self worth and it’s mine now. 

[imheretofindmyself]

Wow, look at that over there

(looks) 

self worth underneath a tree

(crow picks it up and flies away) 

Oh

[imheretofindmyself]

I want to condense a month of change and realizations into one walk in the park. 

[imheretofindmyself]

I’m realizing I’ve internalized so many mythologies of the writer. How ideas spring to us, the whole poem about wind coming in from somewhere into the home. Cigarettes. Alcohol. To appreciate aura. Masculine Hemingway. Boxer. Lover. Life liver. Passion. Rigour. Boxing. Intellectual. Intellect. Intelligence as quickness, wit. Well that all makes me deeply disappointed in myself. It would have taken a few more thoughts. 

[imheretofindmyself]

Things are making sense right now and they usually don’t make any sense. 

[imheretofindmyself]

Mythology of the writer:

straight white dude with a pipe 

2100: half the population are writers

[imheretofindmyself]

Word of today: documentation

/ˌdäkyəmənˈtāSH(ə)n/

Learn to pronounce

noun

noun:

documentation

1.material that provides official information or evidence or that serves as a record."you will have to complete the relevant documentation"

the written specification and instructions accompanying a computer program or hardware."user documentation"

[imheretofindmyself]

sometimes I try to destroy myself. sometimes I try to fulfill myself. some may try to take the self out of the picture altogether. some are trying to make their self an advertisement for calvin klein boxers. 

[imheretofindmyself]

I guess maybe all the feelings of lacking accomplishment, success also enforces the opposite of a constant attempt to validate myself and my actions. Where there is lack I try to fill up. When I fill up I drain myself.  

[imheretofindmyself]

if you can call this a project 

[imheretofindmyself]

I didn’t realzie the inquiry was due today so that’s incredibly fitting for the awkwardness of this project 

[imheretofindmyself]

I have friends 

[imheretofindmyself]

[imheretofindmyself]

Aventures in the park

I’ve been watching 3 small type squirrles for the past half hour. 

One is slightly plump and I imagine they are a mom, or my mom, strong and beats people up. 

the other two are smaller and thinner. One of them keeps screeching and I never knew they made these horrible noises. TATATATATATA or TUHTUHTUHTUH. 

The plump one sits on a fallen log and the other two keep approaching it, to which the plump one tenses up staring at them, sensing them both, and chases them off and they go off running off into the bushes. then it goes on to return and stare at me and chew on branches. Until they come back again. For 30 jesus minutes I watch them do just this. 

I keep imagining them becoming my pets. It would be supremely easy. I feed them and I put them happily in a pouch and take them home. Make a personalized leather leash. But, the desire is only fame. Tik Tok loves cute animals. One guy I know from my high school posted videos of him rehabbing a pigeon and he got a million views. Like what? God it’s wholesome. I want that you know? And I’d get tired of them and let them go find their own path, but their broken attachment to me would leave them broken, and they would die, not able to connect with any other squirrels. ever. 

[imheretofindmyself]

Adventures in the park

my stomachs empty and I’m on caffiene so thats a recipe for a panic attack