On monda I will talk with my therapist because she does emdr and I honestly need to talk about what is happening to me in the present and i need help to control all this emotions and actions cuz I want to get better and I need to learn how to deal with my brain. Sure i have a lot of trauma but I don't think it is the right time to get into it since I recently left my job, my bf left me and I'm losing my 3 friends. Because I can't control my behaviors and I don't know how to deal with all this sadness and anger and anxiety I suffer everyday. I need to have a normal life.
But I know what she will tell me, something like: "all that is rooted on trauma!" Maybe so but for the moment I need healthy coping mechanism other than drugs, alcohol or starving myself. Just for now. I just need help to get through this months because it's getting really bad but she won't understand that and she will keep saying blah blah trauma. I'm so sick of my brain. It is impossible to live like this and she is my last chance since I've been searching for a therapist that is actually willing to help me since 9 yo and I'm just so tired and hopeless.
Also on Tuesday I've an appointment with a new psychiatrist and I'm honestly scared of taking meds again because all of the health issues that come with them and the weight gain. But I will talk with him about that.
Then on Thursday I have another cardiologist appointment because of my syncope and she will give the result of the previous test.
And that's all for now, I will keep you updated if I don't die.
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