you came to the wrong neighborhood motherfucker

dont be rude, send a nude

[heyumdonttalktome-deactivated20]

My mom just told me you’re not a woman until you get blood on nearly every pair of pants you love. I was like, “what if you don’t have periods?” And she said “I didn’t say it had to be your own.”

[gluetun]

thirsty

[santanist]

flirting w/ you via reblogging all your posts 

[meorientai]

I won’t be impressed by technology until the day I can close the YouTube app but the music continues playing

[tuvvipsremade]

I love how tumblr doesn’t even tell you its updated its just like spot the difference you little fuckers 

[renloras]

[saydolly]

Aziz Ansari is like the king of callouts.

[hi]

don’t offer me the rest of your fries or I might fall in love with you

[iguanamouth]

this is the best photo that will ever be taken of me because my brother is very obviously howling in pain while i crush his little finger to a pulp in my chubby vise-like hands and im not even trying to cover it up. like this was just an unavoidable thing that had to be done. my eyes are empty black pits and i enjoy the screams

[nyooms-deactivated20150102]

CATCHING FIRE IN LIKE 3 MONTHS

[speedshare]

u may want to consider an extinguisher

[love-break-burn-end-deactivated]

[2000ish]

remember when 15 cent wanted to fuck Penny but Oscar was all up on his ass.

[agreatunkindness-deactivated201]

their baby would be 16 cent

[tbhtumblah-blog]

it took me a second

[humortrain]

[easyvirgin-deactivated20160413]

congratulations u kept me away from going trick or treating at ur house

[slowspinningredemption]

do you ever just “what the fuck is the point” so hard that you stop everything you’re doing and stare and pretty much wonder why you don’t vanish from existence because the level of done you are should pretty much deconstruct your biological makeup

[hotsenator]

i cant believe that is literally beyoncé’s face as she is plummeting off a building

i am laying down in bed with a double chin

[inbox-deactivated20131029]

in Canada they don’t pronounce Z as "zee"

they pronounce it as "zed" and that is crazy to me

[inbox-deactivated20131029]

it sounds like they made a typo when they invented it

[imbackandbutcherthanever-deacti]

They do that everywhere in the world that’s not America. We do that here in the UK too. America is weird man.

[kingohats]

#i love it when america’s like lol canada amiright??#and the rest of the worlds like nah bro its literally only you that does it different

[lauramercierbodyscrub]

i clicked a wrong link and yelled ABORT ABORT and my mom whispered i thought the same thing right before u were born

[lauramercierbodyscrub]

[qlexie]

i may not be the best person in the world but at least i’ve never been the asshole who sticks gum to the undersides of tables and chairs

[niknak79]

[lifes-acunt]

our president is a sarcastic motherfucker