the ache in his chest is SHARP as her accusation is spat. he had spent years trying to convince himself that he was doing his own work, not what the supreme leader had quite literally f o r c e d into head. ren refused to acknowledge the possibility that he was a puppet in snoke’s scheme, being used for his power & would be tossed aside, or even killed, after the first order’s vision had been completed. his arrogance shone too brightly, with too much vigor for that likelihood to even occur to him. why would the supreme leader throw away such a stalwart PRODIGY ?
shaking the pained images from his mind —- the thought of clara lying dead before him, his o w n corpse rotting after the supreme leader had rid of him —- he stalks forward, assuming a predatory stance, upper body forward several inches further ahead of his lower. lips snarl, eyes dark with the desire to kill. it was a dangerous game, she was playing. ren was unable to control his anger, which festered inside him like a PARASITE. despite sensing the presence of others inside the chasm, the apprentice did not hesitate to take the weapon from its holster, fingers gripped tightly around the hilt of the lightsaber.
‘ don’t tempt me. you no longer hold any sentimental value to me, jedi scum. ‘
the ache does not FADE, does not hesitate to bring tears to his eyes. memories flood back as he looks over her face, still youthful but aged from years of hardship, most of which had been caused by the dark knight. he cannot resist the uncomfortable sensation that flutters in his stomach, something between regret & the shattered REMAINS of his admiration for her. no matter the lengths ren goes to ignore this emotion, he is unsuccessful. however, he does manage to throw the thought of still l o v i n g her from the front of his mind.
‘ i will find han solo, even if i have to kill you first. ‘
red light is i l l u m i n a t e d as he speaks. his blade burns bright, the buzz of the weapon too unique to describe. that sound was what inflicted fear onto his men, made the most powerful of warriors cower in fear. ren was as unstable as his saber. clara, of all people, should know this. & as well, that he would never harm her, no matter how many threats he spewed, LARGE but empty.
Even if he didn’t outwardly show a reaction, her words still hit their mark; she could feel the way it hurt him, as if she’d been hurt herself. he may have gone for his saber, yet still, clara made no move for her own. she didn’t want to fight him————the thought alone was like liquid fire in her veins, burning viciously just beneath her skin.
She shook her head, refuting the words that spilled like a poison from his lips. spoken as a truth, but clara knew them as a lie; she had nothing to prove such a thing ( other than the fact that she was still alive ), but still knew it to be a lie. a huge and monstrous lie, one that it seemed he hid behind like the mask that rested on the ground between them. ❛ tell me, whose idea was it to kill your father——was it truly yours or was it his? he’s using you, and I think you already know that... you just don’t want to believe it’s true. ❜
In her mind, clara urges the others to leave; mind tricks, ones she hoped would go unnoticed. the detonator was in her jacket; she’d do what needed to be done, regardless of what that meant for her fate. perhaps death was not something that could be cheated, that where there was death it must always be there. she revealed no fear as he stepped nearer, remaining still, though turmoil still broke through upon her features.
There was still a light inside of him, a candle that rested alone in the darkness, a flame that was ignored and buried deep where nothing else could find it through all the black. she called out for him, always, the light in her beckoning desperately to his own. her face was illuminated in red, sparks of which she offered no attention or fear, because she knew the truth.
❛ You can lie to everyone else in the galaxy, even to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. you wouldn’t hurt me... you couldn’t. however far into the darkness you’ve fallen there’s still a light in you, I can feel it. ben, I know you. ❜ the malice she’d spoken with previously had dissipated, her voice went soft as she reached up to touch his face.
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