literally just

a place for me to complain without anyone being concerned

[imsaaaaaad]

Idk an intro of whatever

This Tumblr. A grand shrine of my attachment issues and mental health. The kind of things a curious person could find after I kill myself. Sorry if you see this, but if I didn't want it to happen I would've just deleted this before killing myself so. If you're reading this I acted like a selfish idiot for the billionth time in my life.

30. Non binary. BPD. Trauma. Ana. Cvtting. So many mental disorders. Looking for a friend but I promise you wont enjoy any time you waste on me. Minors DNI.

June 19th is exit day

[imsaaaaaad]

How to shut the fuck up oh my god

[imsaaaaaad]

You are a weird self centered person. You genuinely spend all day thinking about yourself like a selfish little fucking idiot. I don't want to exist anymore.

[imsaaaaaad]

Stop talking about this. Stop.

No one cares.

It just makes them feel fucking weird and gross that you're crying in the corner about not being included like you are 5 years old again.

Everyone is ready to get together. Enjoy being together and you are ruining it by continuing to bitch and whine that you can't be included. No one cares.

Is it weird that objectively you would still be at family vacation if you simply just stayed with Brett and didn't cause all of this strife to happen? Yes. But as you can see this is all your fault.

You left an abuser and you acted irrationally and you caused this by being angry at Grace for no good reason.

[imsaaaaaad]

Maybe I'll do what that one girl on social media is doing and just start a bender and then keep it going until I die or whatever

[imsaaaaaad]

I'm going to kill myself one day and it will be so beautiful to be able to get rid of such an awful person

[imsaaaaaad]

I think it's a little funny when my old bets friend was like "you're not annoying me"

Ok.

Then

Why

Did

You

Stop

Responding

To

My

Messages

And

Stop

Reaching

Out?

[imsaaaaaad]

The way I wish I could unsend.

[imsaaaaaad]

I deserve to be raped like a dumb slut

[imsaaaaaad]

I escaped him but I will never be able to grow past it. Maybe just close out the school year. How do I make it not look like a suicide? Or idk. How do I just get over this

[imsaaaaaad]

Don't be sad when I return to sender your shit.

Rn you're enjoying being that matriarch who decides who can and cannot attend family vacation.

Live if up. This life without me. I know you have. I know you will.

I am nothing to you. You have always been able to just kick me to the side. I am nothing. I am no one.

[imsaaaaaad]

They all took turns going inside me. It wasn't really fucking until the last and oldest boy did it. He humpeed my small frame until he came inside me. He said something about me bring the perfect age. That there was no risk of me getting pregnant. They all would take turns fucking me again. A few of them unable to cum until they beat their small dicks in their hands, spilling over onto their knuckled and onto my open mouth.

Was it traumatizing? The day they came men raping me?

[imsaaaaaad]

Pathetic that you let your rapist fucking touch you. Fucking pathetic that you married him. That you took him into your life..that you let him rape you again and again

[imsaaaaaad]

Really is just like I'm 10 again:

I hate boys

My older sister is my biggest opp

Everyone thinks I'm annoying

[imsaaaaaad]

I'm too emotionally damaged to be a good person or a functional friend

[imsaaaaaad]

How grotesque and twisted my body will be after falling from such a tall height. The final performance of my body will be to make it as ugly as I am inside, outside.

[imsaaaaaad]

Gasping. Blood pooling in my organs. I know it will feel like a purge when I go.

[imsaaaaaad]

I know exactly where it's gonna happen.

I know exactly what I'm going to do in the moments leading up to it.

I know the prayers I will say.

The final messages I will send out.

It will feel like the most beautiful exorcism.

Take me home lord.

Hold me accountable.