I miss you. I miss our conversations.

Soraya

[theocseason4]

[itzbatz-deactivated20240722]

can you imagine if coronavirus happened in like 2013. this site would be like "ALRIGHT LISTEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS TODAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO A LEARN ABOUT ~SOCIAL DISTANCING~"

[kiddthemaniac]

LUCKILY FOR *YOU* HANDSOME BASTARDS, OUR LORD AND SAVIOR BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH IS E X A C T L Y SIX FEET TALL.

SO NEXT TIME YOU’RE CHILLING WITH YOUR MOIRAILS, IMAGINE A BEAUTIFUL BENDYPOO LYING ARSE NEKKID ON THE FLOOR BETWEEN YOU. CAN’T FIT A WHOLE SHERLOCK?

THEN YOU’RE T O O  F U C K I N G C L O S E GOD DAMN IT. 

[neon-nobody]

[catasters]

[thereigatesquire-deactivated202]

For science:

I’d like to see which Shakespeare plays people were required to read in high school (not that you chose to read, but ones that were actually assigned and discussed), so reblog or comment!

[showtimechamaco]

[legovasavouchi]

no matter how slowly i open the gate

[saddest-cat-hours]

Me on my way to eat your ass

[cobaltdays-deactivated20210208]

Was that caption really necessary

[whatspeaksofter]

IDK, but the music was

[nerdjpg]

if i was billie eilish i would tweet who the fuck are the beatles and turn off my phone

[aextra]

same energy

[byjove]

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

The spiritual successor to Miette

[manicgoblinnightmarewoman]

Might I also add

[shydestinybread]

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

[unyanizedcatboys]

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

[explorerrowan]

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

[dualclock]

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang

[notcaycepollard]

[callmebliss]

Can haz snackytreat

[ladyshinga]

(source)

[paininmyheart-imalive]

THERES MORE THIS POST JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER 😂😂😂

[awed-frog]

My current favourites from r/trippingthroughtime.

Bonus:

[jame7t]

1 am. im throwing rocks against gods window. she opens. I tell her “you fucked up with vampires. they should be real.” she politely reinverts every atom in my body, thusly undefining me and beginning anew with a fresh physical form. im a hamster now. my opinion does not change.

[pitchblackgoatherder-deactivate]

I just now noticed thar your icon isn’t a parakette. I am upset.

[jame7t]

how? how does it look like a parakeet?

[crowcryptid]

i made an attempt 

[jame7t]

that makes sense. im so mad that im gonna flap my little wings and go commit war crimes

[cheaphalloweencostume]

Listen milfs and cougars are fundamentally different, and a mom can be a cougar. Milfs are women who are moms (or have mom energy) who are hot and rad. Cougars are older women who actively pursue younger people. Your hot 50 yr old mom who’s going after a 30 yr old is both a cougar and a milf. The other mom she’s friends with who is searingly attractive but not romantically active with younger people is only a milf. Your mom’s childless twin Vicky who likes the same dude is only a cougar.

how i feel receiving this ask

[afrorevolution]

Those of us looking for jobs may we find jobs soon!

😩😩😩

[mbflyer]

Amen

[moodyspacebabe-deactivated20180]

✨✨

[femfatale-x]

So tired of everyone else except me getting lucky

[12juin]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾✨✨✨

[yuricema-deactivated20230814]

Reblogged this two days ago and here I am with a new job. 💃🏼

[alternativeblkgal]

pls

[undoubtedly-the-worst-username]

I just need another job. I’m so sick of working 6 days a week EVERY WEEK!

[kamonra]

This is the money pentacle. Reblog and unexpected money will come to you!

[darkcocosb-blog]

Shiiiiit. I reblogged, and I got $750 in two days for basically nothing! The first day this client/POT asked my agent to invite some girls and I to his end. We basically sipped wine and left with $500 each. He called me yesterday and we took a ride on my highway and gave me $250😂😂😂. Money blogs everyday any day!

[soflobrat]

Won’t chance it.

[br0wnsugarandspice]

Yo this shit works not even gonna front like I didn’t just get money

[tastelikehoney-sb-deactivated20]

Let me reblog this 2x then 😂

[nudiemuse]

Do the thing pls

[quickweaves]

im screaming it worked lmfao

[hunter-dahl-deactivated20161208]

Not to be a “tumblr witch” but I’ll try anything twice

[dunsparce]

Guys…. I didn’t think it would work but wtf….I just checked my email…

I have an extra $600 I didn’t have before ;____;

[jaxblade]

Lets go!

[nostalgic-idiott]

Pleaseeeeee

[babymorte]

Every time I reblog these I find 30$-60$ in random places^ ^“

[evianic]

Wheeze sorry

[ahooooooy-bitches-deactivated20]

[deepfriedjesus]

mscaptains:

STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters… S.T..R … My friend sent this to me and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. STROKE IDENTIFICATION: During a party, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. (they offered to call ambulance) They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid’s husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm , Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the party . Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don’t die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. It only takes a minute to read this… STROKE IDENTIFICATION: A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke…totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough. RECOGNIZING A STROKE Remember the ‘3’ steps, STR . Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions : S * Ask the individual to SMILE .. T * = TALK. Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (eg ‘It is sunny out today’). R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS . If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call the ambulance and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. NOTE : Another ‘sign’ of a stroke is 1. Ask the person to ‘stick’ out their tongue. 2. If the tongue is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke. A prominent cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved. And it could be your own.

[kingpippa]

Reblogging because if I hadn’t have known the signs, my mother wouldn’t be alive today.

[imtheonekeepingyoualive]

I care exactly 0% about p Chris I wanted to see my son jonas but maybe he's gonna be the last pov we see, just like he was the one who gave a start to the show

[dreamlightasafeather]

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

[t-pose-to-assert-gayness]

Reblog to literally save a life

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

I’ve done this.  I’m alive because of this. 

My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her.  She had passed out in her room and locked the door.  He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex.  He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”.  He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge.  I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking.  He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”.  Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report.  Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me.  Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison.  The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen. 

This was 14 years ago.  

Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can.  The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:

“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.”  I said I want extra mushrooms.

“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.”  I said I want onions.

She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.

They’ve heard this sort of coded call before.  They’re trained for it.  They will understand what you’re saying.  Order the pizza.